Growing Weary
Isabela hadn't known when she had fallen in love with Hawke, it had just happened without her knowing anything about it and then once it had happened she hadn't known what to do but go with her instincts.
It was how she had ended up at the Blooming Rose, with an elven wench on one arm and what looked like a dwarf male on the other as she drank herself to a staggering stupor that made the lights of the brothel glow different colours every single time she blinked or looked at them long enough.
The elven wench was trying to get her up to one of the private rooms but Isabela just wasn't interested whatsoever and maybe that was what scared her the most; how she couldn't find one inch of arousal or excitement striking through her blood like the adrenaline rush that usually happened whenever it came to the Blooming Rose.
A tap on her shoulder and a click of a tongue made Isabela groan into the wood of the table she sat at. Oh for everything sweet and virginal please don't let it be who she thought it was…
"My girls have been here for over an hour trying to grab you up into that room Isabela!" Madame Luisine informed her in that voice that meant she was getting severely close to throwing her out. "What in Maker's name is wrong with you? Have you been at the wine barrels again? If I've told you once I've told you a THOUSAND times don't touch those wine barrels!"
Isabela coughed dryly and rubbed at the back of her neck with a blink of her bleary eyes; to be frank she couldn't remember a thing since getting here apart from that Hawke had looked nice and angry at the same time, Big Girl had looked strangely worried and Sebastian had looked highly amused at her - that idiotic prince and his idiotic smile and wow, maybe she was drunk.
Isabela finally brought her head up to gaze at the brothel's mistress with a smirk that made her jaw ache and her eyes to sting as a shot of pain travelled up from her neck to settle just below her eyes, now she knew that she was definitely on the way from collapsing sooner or later and if she had anything to say about it then she would collapse somewhere near Hawke's estate.
"I sidn't touch the wine barrelss…" Isabela slurred with a shake of her head to try and stop the elven wench's face from transforming into Hawke's nonchalant glance that the mage had shot at her the moment they had passed the Blooming Rose. "I'm just here cause s'nobody is at the Man's s'Hanged and cause…Bah! Balls! I don't know!"
It was rather miraculous how she had managed to sober up in less than ten seconds just because she remembered why she was here in the first place.
It had been rather eventful:
Herself, Hawke, Big Girl and Sebastian had just arrived back from taking out some of the bandits near Sundermount that Marethari had said was tormenting the little live-stock they had left when they had passed by the Blooming Rose. That unfortunately wasn't the eventful bit.
"Doesn't it bother you Hawke?" Sebastian had asked the mage as they had walked past the brothel (Isabela at a snails pace for a very good, medicinal reason of course) with his head held high with a smile stretched across his face; it reminded Isabela of the days where she was nothing more than a mere whelp.
Hawke had took one glance at him, then at the brothel door and then at herself, Isabela, before answering with a firm "no."
Aveline snorted and carried on glancing around nervously as she usually did whenever they came near the place; an amusing sight to behold in Isabela's opinion.
Pleased that he had got an answer that didn't sound intimidating from the usually aggressive Hawke, Sebastian then turned his attention onto Isabela instead.
"Have you still not grown weary Isabela?" Sebastian asked her with a smile that did not match the dreary day of the harsh rain soaking through armour and fabric alike to soak their skin. "It has been three years since I've asked you; surely you must have grown a little tired of it?"
Isabela smirked and pretended to wipe a tear away from her eye. "Oh yes, the horrible burdens I have encountered of my own guilty conscience at how I have wasted my life away!"
Sebastian didn't say anything much after that but smiled with a sad little nod of his head; it was almost as if he was pitying her and well…That didn't make Isabela feel so good.
Hawke had looked at her then, stopped the group and had gestured towards the Blooming Rose with a look in her eye that clearly said that Hawke hadn't forgotten about the night three years ago when they had stumbled into Hawke's bed in passion and lust and hate and ferocity and affection that was so deeply hidden between the two of them that it was nigh touchable.
Isabela had stared back, dumbfounded at the look and the feelings it brought at the bottom of her stomach.
"Have fun." Hawke said in answer before walking away from the brothel with a stagger that caused Isabela to feel something that felt incredibly like concern spring up from herself - it was bizarre considering the amount of arguing the two of them had been doing on the way down from Sundermount.
Reeling back from the memory Isabela stumbled up from her chair with her concern suddenly transforming into what felt like red hot anger that coursed through her like the fire-whisky Corff sold at the Hanged Man.
"I'm just not interested!" Isabela muttered incredulously to herself and to the women and men surrounding her, stumbling out of the room and breathing in the night air of Kirkwall with deep breaths that sent shudders of oxygen through her lungs.
What in Andraste's name was wrong with her?
Isabela mentally cursed at herself in her Rivaini tongue before she let herself slip and stagger up the stairs that would lead her to one of the comfiest ditches ever; mostly because in that one, narrow corridor slept hunters that didn't wish to fight against the rain and so slept in a little passageway that the brothel hid.
Plus she wanted nothing more but to run away from the memories of what had happened at the Blooming Rose and how Hawke could touch her with her mere soul and really she was going to need some help with all these stupid, fluffy thoughts that kept wafting through her head.
Her feet ached and her head felt as if it was going to explode with how drunk and tired she felt; maybe it was because it was a Tuesday? Everything horrible happened on Tuesdays or was that Wednesdays? Bah.
"Stupid Hawke and her stupid face," Isabela murmured as she turned a corner to crawl her way to find her usual lying down place in the corridor. "Of all the days to make me feel weird it has to be a Tuesday."
A voice from beside her made her jump in the darkness of the corridor. "It's Friday my lady."
Isabela whipped her head around so fast that for a paralyzing moment she felt like she was going to collapse in a dizzy heap, but how could she not when that voice was just so damn familiar?
"Sebastian? Andraste's granny…What are you doing here?" Isabela whispered into the darkness with her hands reaching out to brush against the shiny armour her and Merrill so adored to confirm that it was indeed the Starkhaven archer.
"Hawke told me to watch out for you." Sebastian answered with a tone that told the pirate he was very proud at being asked to do such a thing; well, good for him! Because being Lady Hawke's messenger boy was such an honour Isabela was sure.
"She was sure you would go on walk about sooner or later so told me to wait for you here, a very good idea I have to say."
Isabela snorted and waved her hand in a mocking gesture (not that Sebastian could see) with her face flushed in anger and want; the two main components that had driven herself and Hawke together in the first place.
"Oh I'm sure Hawke's just going to be SO pleased once you report back; I'm surprised you haven't already!" Isabela growled underneath her breath, the drink that she had consumed at the brothel doing nothing but fuelling her anger even more. "Andraste's tits I'm sure she'll even crack a bloody smile just to laugh at how right she…"
A hand touched her shoulder, halting her to a stand-still and allowing her tongue to curl back in bitter distaste at herself and the words that it had formed.
"You have grown tired have you not?" Sebastian whispered to her in the quiet that was only interrupted with drunken hunters snoring; the combination of the sounds caused Isabela to withdraw back further until her back hit one of the corridor's narrow walls. "Weary of it all Isabela?"
Isabela's cheeks flushed as her mind propelled forward with yet another memory that had always made her uncomfortable whenever she thought back on it now; a memory that made her breathing become laboured as her thoughts spiralled everywhere in an attempt to make herself forget the memory altogether.
"I grew weary of the strings of nameless lovers and the nights full of mindless pleasure. You will too." Sebastian had assured her on a night-time walk through Hightown with Fenris and Hawke.
Isabela had chuckled a little to herself before allowing her mouth to form into an 'O' shape, a gasp escaping that made both the 'broody' crew stare around to see what the commotion was.
"That is the cruellest thing anyone's EVER said to me!" Isabela had blinked hard twice then to spout tears from the corner of her eyes. "I think I'm going to cry."
Hawke had rolled her eyes, plucked something from her armoured robes and had tossed it at her; Isabela's reaction being to immediately attempt to catch the clumsy fabric that threatened to spill from her fingers.
A tissue? Isabela brought her head upwards to stare Hawke directly in the eye, shocked to see that Hawke looked amused with herself in a rather smug sense.
"Dry your eyes Isabela, we're heading to the Hanged Man, something you'd be happy about for sure." Hawke told her with a little gesture of her head before continuing down the steps with Fenris and Sebastian in toll.
"Oh so you do care about me little Hawkling!" Isabela called after Hawke's retreating back with a vicious grin on her lips, pouncing forward to catch up with the group.
"Hmph, sometimes I wish I didn't."
"-Isabela are you alright?" Sebastian's voice interrupted the memory and with a gasp she titled her head backwards to stare up at the low ceiling with her heart beating rapidly in her chest.
Isabela cupped her forehead and groaned in despair, sinking lower and lower until she sat on a spare fur pelt that had been left near the opening of the corridor herself and Sebastian stood in. "Shit, shit, shit! Shitting Andraste's bloody knickers!"
Sebastian coughed then and Isabela flinched at feeling the chantry brother's outline of fur brush against her bare arm, not wishing to be touched by the prince in case she found herself falling into the abyss of that Maker forsaken memory once again and feeling the same sordid emotions as she had then too as well!
"Please refrain from talking about Andraste in the same sentence you spit those words out," Sebastian chided her gently and despite the dark Isabela could tell he was smiling once more at her.
An awkward silence passed between them at that point - Isabela refused to talk and instead let her heavy breathing fill the uncomfortable silence to accompany Sebastian's humming of a lullaby that the pirate suspected came from the Chant of Light; what a surprise…
"Do you wish to talk about what is bothering you?" Sebastian finally broke the silence with his question that sounded far more like a statement when Isabela really thought about it. "You're not as sly as you look my lady; even our valuable Guard-Captain has taken notice of your different behaviour!"
Isabela shook her head at the prince in the darkness and stood up with such haste that she was pretty sure she had managed to kick Sebastian in the shin, but at the moment she didn't care about anything but leaving straight away - because…because…She didn't need this!
"As pleasant as this conversation has been 'oh holy prince'," Isabela drawled with her anger twisting her sarcasm into a much darker tone than she had intended. "Both you, Big Girl and Hawke can bugger off! I'm perfectly fine! Fine as I can be!"
And with that she practically ran down the corridor with a cackle of a laugh that sounded hollow even to her.
She refused to listen to Sebastian's yell of 'you know where you can find me!' because she didn't need him. She didn't need anyone or anything but herself and a few mugs of ale to satisfy her thirst for adventure and freedom; hell she most certainly didn't need Hawke otherwise she would never obtain that sense of freedom!
The anger that still stirred and coiled deep inside herself was one of the pesky reasons why she didn't notice that Hawke was waiting for her just beside one of the gateways to Lowtown until she felt thin fingers grab at her wrist and holding her still.
Isabela breathed in deeply and roughly through her nose, nostrils flaring in rage that she had not experienced for a very long time and now she couldn't understand why it was happening in the first place; what was bloody wrong with her?
Why couldn't she concentrate in battles anymore? Why couldn't she stop herself from finding her way at Hawke's door every time she walked past the estate? Why did nothing seem to excite her more than being by Hawke's side? This was not her, not by a long shot.
"Don't worry Bird-brains," Isabela murmured wickedly under her breath, eyes glinting in the moonlight that seemed to caress itself over her dusky skin that contrasted greatly against Hawke's pale hide. "Your little messenger boy has done his job! Wow how time flies right? You used to be the little messenger girl going around and helping everyone! Oh is your cat stuck up a tree messere? Don't worry Hawke will stick in her nose and save you! Oh your daughter desperately longs for a man? Don't worry I'll just get my 'saviour of Kirkwall' sign up and Hawke will dash towards us as quickly as possible!"
Isabela stopped then with a pant, out of breath from her rant and still not allowing herself to look anywhere at the Champion of Kirkwall who the pirate assumed was staring dumbly down at her.
"Well now that you've got that out of your system," Hawke started and Isabela couldn't believe she got worked up enough that she actually growled in frustration at the mage. "Do you want to talk about it?"
Isabela wrenched her wrist from out of Hawke's grip then, snapping her head upwards to glare directly into the ever-cool cerulean hues that remained cold and calm whilst her amber eyes blazed in angry fire. "Hawke when do we ever talk about things? We shout, we fuck, we fight but we never talk! Why's that? Hm?"
Not willing to wait around for an answer Isabela pushed past the mage and descended the steps to Lowtown where she would retreat to her room in the Hanged Man and drink herself into a stupor with Varric and hope he didn't ask as many questions as Hawke or Sebastian had about her mood.
"When you're not running away from me." Hawke's voice was something Isabela had always liked about the dark-haired mage; she liked how it pronounced her name in a groan and how Hawke's tongue curled and prodded to form words and syllables that let Isabela almost feel sickly in awe.
"What?"
"We talk when you're not running away from me." Hawke answered her as if what she had just said was the most obvious thing in the world.
Isabela 'hmphed' in indignition and folded her arms over her chest, staring ahead at the bleak entranceway down to Lowtown and rolling her eyes at the ridiculous dedication of the chantry priests that always stood near the gate - did they want to get mugged? - Anything to keep her from looking at Hawke.
"But the thing is Isabela is that I don't care if you run away from me because despite what you say…"
"I'm not running away from you Hawke." Isabela interrupted the mage with a cough, covering her face with her hand to focus on the past events she had shared with Sebastian a few minutes ago before staring back at the Chantry sisters with her mind made up. She needed to speak to him because he was right and she hated not knowing what to do, not knowing what to say, not acting like herself anymore until even Hawke grew concerned. "I'm running towards something else. And if you don't want both your eyes bruised then do me a favour - Get your bloody nose out of my business."
"And as for you lot!" Isabela raised her voice accusingly at the bustling group of priests that looked up at her in fear for half a moment before realizing it was Isabela (the one who had hesitantly given them coin once before rushing off mumbling about Hawke and decency) and smiling at her. "Tell Sebastian I expect him to be awake by 9! And make sure he brings ale! I'm tired of trying to make excuses up to Corff on how his ale keeps going missing and Norah will only cover me for so many times!"
Isabela turned round then to give Hawke the smuggest grin she could muster however was sorely surprised to see that the mage wasn't there.
"Well fine," the pirate grumbled with a glare at the spot that Hawke had been standing. "I don't need you anyway, you git. Good riddance."
It annoyed her more than anything to find out that she hadn't actually meant a word that had come out of her mouth.
Bloody Hawke.
"Brother?"
Sebastian looked up from his duties of tending the Chantry gardens to see that Sister Margareta was carrying him a tray of what looked like two bottles of mead, which while rather pleasant was not something he really expected to be having at nine in the morning.
"Sister Margareta? What do you have there?" Sebastian asked out of polite courtesy as his eyes roamed to something that had caught his eye just behind the sister. Or someone if the large daggers told him anything.
Sister Margareta did not look the tiniest bit pleased. "I'll tell you what I've got Sebastian, a roaring headache! This is a gift off…"
"-Me!" Isabela declared behind Margareta with a grin on her face that surprised Sebastian at how genuine it was considering past events though he assumed Isabela took pleasure from the smaller things. "You see? I really didn't forget your Solstice present!"
Sebastian chuckled and stood up from where he had been kneeling near the rose shrubs, giving the Rivaini pirate a grin. "Ah yes, does this count for the last three as well?"
"I was in Antiva so it doesn't count!" Isabela shot back with a devilish smirk, taking the two bottles of mead off the tray Margareta held and waving the sister off with her eyes gleaming like diamonds in a greedy man's palm - and Sebastian found himself falling into the happiness of it straight away. "Now about that little thing you said last night…"
Sebastian held up a hand to stop her before turning to face the now departing Margareta. "Thank you for bringing Isabela here sister! Could you please tell my Grace that we'll have to postpone the prayers for the orphans to twelve?"
Margareta sighed and nodded. "Fine Sebastian but this is the last time I do one of your errands! Think your something just because you know the Champion of Kirkwall…"
Sebastian flushed at hearing Isabela's chuckle and rubbed at the nape of his neck as he turned to face the pirate.
"New initiate of the Chantry," he explained with a playful roll of his eyes. "Reminds me of Lady Hawke's brother Carver actually, from what I've heard of him anyhow. Anyway, onto business. Growing wear…"
Isabela interrupted him with the butt of one of the bottle of meads being pressed into his stomach, leaving him winded and breathless when he looked up to see that Isabela was glaring down at him with that expression on her face that had made himself and Lady Hawke grow concerned in the first place.
"You say that 'growing weary' shit again and I'm afraid Skarkhaven will have to find a new prince to rely on," Isabela warned with her lips curled into a smile that was both bitter and amused; it certainly made Sebastian shudder inside at the contrast of the imagery and the meaning. "But anyway yeah, uh…How can I put this Prince of Everything Virginal?"
Sebastian watched the pirate with awe as she practically collapsed to lie down on the grass that he had only just cut a few moments ago, her whole body spread out until she resembled a starfish and her eyes closed as her skin lapped up the sun - the sight was breathtaking and it surprised him at how much it reminded him of another individual that he would love to see in such a calm, tranquil state.
With a sigh he suppressed his desires down and sat down next to the pirate with his hand reaching for the bottle of mead that Isabela had laid to rest beside her hip when she had lay down to seemingly 'meditate' on what she wanted to tell him; Sebastian didn't mind that much but alcohol was not allowed in the Chantry and whilst he appreciated the gift…
With a yell (that he deemed manly enough not to be embarrassed about) Sebastian moved his hand away from Isabela's prompt slap. "Stop disturbing the mead! It's helping me think!"
With a murmur Sebastian nodded in slight awkwardness, not truly knowing what to do now that Isabela was taking the liberty to open one of the mead bottles (that had formerly been his present) and was sipping it quietly to herself, occasionally offering it to Sebastian which he kept declining until Isabela actually got frustrated enough to sit up and press the half-empty bottle into his chest once more.
"I can't talk to you if we're not both sodding drunk!" Isabela complained with a hiccup that made him sigh at how ridiculously easy it was for the pirate to fall into a drunken stupor nowadays. "I just don't feel…Right. Andraste's teats why is this so hard to explain? Just take a drink Sebastian! It'll make me feel better!"
Sebastian eyed the Rivaini cautiously to see if he could find another way to get out of this situation of drinking in a holy place of worship - Elthina would be ashamed of him if she ever found out - until he realized that no matter what it didn't look like Isabela was going to let this go.
"Only a little bit of a drink…" He murmured with a shake of his head, more to himself than to the dazed Isabela who looked like she was struggling to try a decent thought in her head, never mind words she so desperately wanted to say to him. "The Maker nor Elthina will think less of me for helping a friend in need will they? No, no I don't think so…"
Isabela shot him a pointed look. "Sebastian it's mead not poison, it won't get you drunk straight away! Unless you're a bit of a lightweight…Oh well! It'll freshen you up!"
Sebastian smiled weakly before taking a mild sip that was pleasant enough - as was the taste of it sidling its way down his throat - however his eyes widened when the pirate sighed and lifted the bottle higher, making the mead dart down his throat at a faster pace and causing him to choke and splutter once he managed to rid the bottle away from his mouth.
"Isabela! Maker!" Sebastian coughed with his head rolling forward to connect with his knees, using it as a rest to keep himself from staggering over on his side and landing directly in Isabela's lap. "What in Maker's name possessed you to do that?"
Isabela took one glance at him before she sighed in sympathy and patted his back, helping him get the rush of oxygen that made his eyes water and for cheeks to become more puffed out; it made Sebastian swell with uncertainty at the kindness but it also made him feel more concerned than ever before.
"Sorry it's just that, well I don't really like talking to people about this sort of stuff because they get it into their head that I'm some sort of vulnerable idiot and I need caring for all the time when I bloody well don't and so…"
"Isabela…" Sebastian whispered with a gentle shake of his head and a smile that he genuinely meant despite the slight irritation that had started to develop inside his chest at nearly choking to death on mead. "I am a brother of the Chantry, I would never think such things of you even if I hadn't already fought at your side. Understand me when I say you can tell me anything you wish to and I would not judge."
The Rivaini pirate glared at him for a moment (frustrated and confused) before her eyes softened and it surprised him that Isabela's head actually ended up in his lap with her amber eyes staring straight ahead at the white ringlets of clouds; a perfect day for a perfect daydream.
"You were right you know," Isabela whispered in the most smallest voice Sebastian had ever heard, the sound of it making him look down in discomfort to see that the pirate's eyes shone in the sunlight - a both uncomfortable and heart-wrenching sight to behold in his eyes. "I've grown so tired of everything, the late night affairs, the whole pretending not to care when Hawke goes out to those ridiculous pomp and ceremony parties and, balls, even the way men and women look at me! It's awful! I can't even enjoy a strip-tease without feeling guilty!"
Sebastian couldn't help himself and chuckled at Isabela's words, reaching casually for the almost empty mead bottle and bringing it to his lips for one quick swig before he too fell back into the bed of grass; letting it tickle his face and the top of his ears until he was sighing in contentment.
"I know how you feel Isabela," he started with his eyes tracing the outline of every cloud he could see. "I didn't like how I felt at first either when I came to the Chantry. Did you know that my first day there was promptly spent looking under every sister's skirts?"
Isabela snorted and slapped at his armoured thigh in amusement. "Get out of here Tight-Pants!"
"It's true!" Sebastian exclaimed with a giddy laugh that made his chest thrum in tension and excitement. "I wanted nothing more but to do what I did best and damn the consequences! But you know…I found peace within the Chantry walls, a peace like no other."
"Oh sod it all if you think Hawke and me will find peace and tranquillity!" Isabela retorted with her head moving off his thigh for a second just to collapse back on it a moment later. "I just…How do I even say this sort of stuff to people? I mean…Hawke's got tons of other people she could pick from right? Why am I even getting my hopes up about this thing when it's me who is always pushing Hawke away? Me and Hawke? It wouldn't last anyhow."
Sebastian blinked hard then and brought his hand down to grasp at the pirate's shoulder, holding her there even when Isabela tried to wriggle away from his grasp. "You give up too easy my friend," he let go then to see if Isabela would move away and was pleasantly surprised to find out that instead Isabela simply craned her neck around to stare at her reflection in his armour. "I've never seen you this uncertain before; what's really brought this on?"
"Who else do you think has brought this on? Hawke! It's horrible because all she has to say is 'jump' and I know I'll ask how 'flaming high?" Isabela cried out in despair with her hands moving to cover her face away from the Starkhaven prince. "What do I do Tight-Pants? I can't believe how rubbish I am at this, absolutely rubbish!"
"Tell her how you…"
Isabela slapped his thigh again. "That's stupid. Nobody does that anymore! Oh and pass me that other bottle will you? I am really, really thirsty…"
Sebastian sighed and passed over the spare bottle to the pirate until he felt the weight of it sag in her hands which he had cupped to stop from drunkenly slouching.
"How will you know what the future brings for you and Hawke if you don't do anything about it?" He found himself asking with a yawn that shocked him considering he had only woken up a few hours ago.
"I have a better idea!" Isabela announced after slugging more mead down her throat. "Why don't YOU help me by asking Hawke yourself?"
"Pardon?" Sebastian couldn't have heard that right or maybe it was the alcohol that made his ears buzz in confusion.
"Thanks Tight-Pants, you're a real friend! I think with your help I'll be back to my old self soon enough!"
Sebastian groaned and rubbed his hand over his face, not sure if found this drunken Isabela endearing or annoying.
"Do you wish to count the number of clouds that look like Hawke's face?" He offered, knowing he wouldn't get much more out of Isabela when she was in this sort of mood.
"Yeah…" Isabela replied back with a hiccup. "Why not?"
Sebastian sat down in his chair at the Hanged Man with a sigh that sent a bolt of thunder up his spine to settle in the depths of his forehead, making him curse lowly and rub at his pained head.
"Remind me to never drink with you again Isabela," he groaned to himself with his blue eyes blinking blearily at the equally sullen-looking pirate. "Elthina has never been so shocked at me in all my life at the Chantry."
His words only made Isabela grin slyly and sink lower into her chair, tipping another bottle of mead back so that the golden liquid spilled down her throat and across her lips.
"It could be a lot worse Tight Pants, try having my problems!" Isabela gurgled into the rim of the bottle, closing her eyes and sighing at the unfairness of everything Hawke.
Sebastian rolled his eyes and slumped against the table. "Indeed. However I have to say I have a plan that will help you!"
He didn't know how loud he had been until Isabela hissed and clamped her hands over her ears, eyes screwed tightly shut. "Speak to me when I'm not half-dead to the world Sebastian!"
Sebastian however had enough for today and banged his fist on the table; the result being that Isabela curled even more into her chair with a little whimper escaping her lips.
"Either do something about your Hawke problem or I'll have to resign myself from singing and placing about a fair bit of rumours!"
The Maker would not be pleased at blackmail he realized, but he would promise not to find a corner of the Chantry to jack himself off anymore if that's what it took for the Maker's forgiveness! He was just inexplicitly tired and half-drunk and Isabela was looking far more endearing than she had been before.
Isabela didn't really listen to him and instead let her fingers trail down his face with a whisper of, "Yes. Hawke problems. Tomorrow. So tired." Before quickly departing up the Hanged Man's stairs, leaving him alone.
"Maker's breath…" Sebastian mumbled into his hands before descending into the land of nod where elves taunted him in his dreams.
"It's been three days."
"Hawke I'm sure there is a perfectly reasonable explanation for why Isabela and Choir Boy have been up in her room in the Hanged Man for three days now."
Hawke snorted and glared into the dying embers of the fire next to her, not willing to show anything other than anger and suspicion because she had messed up again when it came to Isabela; she had messed up by being too soft, too concerned and instead of driving Isabela towards her it had instead drove her away.
"Helping her with what? Training? Like I believe that," Hawke growled with her teeth biting at her gums to try and restrain herself from lashing out at the cheerful dwarf that was now sat opposite to her over the dinner table. "All I asked of him was to look out for her and now they can't seem to get away from one another!"
Varric snorted in his mug at her, causing her eyes to flicker upwards in annoyance. "Yes Varric? I'm glad you find the situation amusing!"
"Oh Hawke, my delicate little singing bird…" Varric whispered sultrily with a smirk on his lips that made Hawke flush in embarrassment at how stupid she felt all of a sudden in her friend's presence. "You think Choir Boy and the Rivaini? Together? Pft! Good one Hawke! Always knew you had a bit of comedy in you somewhere!"
Hawke was not amused. "I'm trying to understand what I did wrong here Varric, not laugh at your jokes."
Varric placed his mug down with a crash that made Hawke's insides flutter and for her eyes to cloud with the animalistic anger that she usually saved for Isabela however found herself staring down at her lap at seeing the seriousness in the dwarf's eyes.
"Why don't you go talk to her?" Varric asked her with his thumbs crisscrossing together so that he could rest his chin in the little crook his hands made. "It wouldn't hurt to let her know you care Hawke, it's not one of your best qualities I know but you COULD give it a try for Isabela's sake."
"Why doesn't she come talk to me instead of Sebastian?" Hawke retorted with a look of displeasure on her face that made Varric sigh and flop back in his chair. "I know we aren't…Well you know…But it doesn't mean I wouldn't help her with anything if she asked me to!"
"By my Ancestors Hawke…" Varric muttered with an amused shake of his head, getting up from his chair to stalk up to the Champion of Kirkwall and giving her his best helpful expression. "If it means so much to you then I'll go get her myself! Anything to stop you from moping all day! You make Broody and Blondie look like comedians!"
"I don't mope." Hawke countered with a pout with her eyes staring straight ahead. "I'm merely contemplating on what I did wrong and why it always seems to happen to me."
Varric rolled his eyes at that and patted the brooding Champion on the cheek. "Yeah, not moping at all. You coming or am I going to have to drag her to the estate?"
Hawke stared into the embers of her fire for a moment more before she sighed and got up from her chair, fastening her stave tightly over her shoulder and patting Varric on the shoulder in a gesture to lead on.
"Come on then dwarf, time to prove myself wrong." And then realizing what she said Hawke narrowed her eyes at the sniggering Varric and said, "Not that it happens very often. Most of the times I'm always right."
"Sure Hawke, sure."
"I don't want to talk to Hawke," Isabela groaned into her hands once more, ignoring the thudding in her head that told her she really needed to lay off the mead if she wanted to listen to Sebastian's advice. "She'll just glare at me and demand where I've been and all that other stuff Hawke mumbles about…"
Sebastian watched the pirate in sympathy before patting her gingerly on the shoulder before glancing around the sleazy area that Isabela had not let him escape for three days straight and as much as he liked Hawke and Isabela he really, really wanted to get out of here as fast as possible.
"Isabela please," he pleaded with his bright blue eyes looking down at her in a mixture of sympathy and infuriation. "This drinking is not helping you think properly, if you just talked to Hawke then this problem can go away. You won't even have to address this problem ever again if you get up. Talk to Hawke. And then move on with your life."
Isabela brought her head up then to give him a disgruntled look, poking him in the arm with a bottle of mead that pressed against the already swollen lump Isabela had given him in hitting his arm multiple times. "You suck at advice choir boy, nobody does that anymore remember? No what I have to do is…" She trailed off, her eyes lighting up.
Sebastian could only take that as a bad thing and with a sigh, rested his chin in the palm of his hand.
He straightened up immediately with a shrill screech escaping him when Isabela grabbed his wrist in a grip so tight that he was sure he was actually losing the feeling in his hand, staring up at her with eyes that widened comically at the sight of the Rivaini pirate practically panting down at him.
"That's it Tight-Pants! That's it!" She sat back down then, releasing his wrist and ignoring his pitiful whimper by instead kissing him rapidly on both cheeks. "You're a genius! Move on! I need to move on with my life. Maker that's the best thing I've heard all day!"
Sebastian watched in never-ending horror as the pirate raised her arms up high and yelled for more mead with a shit-eating grin on her face, this was of course not the reaction he had expected or wanted off Isabela considering a few moments ago she had been mumbling about how much she would like to take Hawke quick, fast and hard in Aveline's office.
"You know something Tight-Pants I think I've realized my problem," Isabela told him then with another grin, poking at his arm that was not as bruised but still fairly felt like someone had scalped him – looking as delighted as ever. "You know how Hawke is right? She's really aggressive and intimidating – for a small person anyway – and well she's not at all bad-looking but what makes her really stand out hm? C'mon Tight-Pants, have a guess!"
"Her personality?" Sebastian offered with another miserable sip from his plain water that really shouldn't be called plain water because honestly it tasted like complete, utter bile.
Isabela made an impressed sound from the back of her throat and crossed her arms across her chest, leaning back in her chair with her eyes glinting brightly. "You know Tight Pants that's closer than you realize, but what I mean is her personality in bed!"
"Maker's breath…" Sebastian groaned inwardly and shook his head at the pirate, his gaze silently pleading her to politely shut her trap before she put an image of Hawke in his head that he would not be able to will away. "For my sake Isabela please don't share any details."
The pirate 'pfted' in annoyance, "don't be such a bloody girl Sebastian. I'm curing myself from this Hawke disease I managed to catch and I think I've found out. All I need is a long, hard, quick shag with someone who is as aggressive as Hawke and then I'll be sorted! Thank the virginal chantry sisters for small mercies eh? I feel back to my old self now! How time…"
Isabela cut herself off when Varric jumped in the chair next to Sebastian with his eyes roaming everywhere from Isabela's eyes to Sebastian's tanned cheekbones that flushed incredibly in the acrid heat of the Hanged Man. She grinned at the sight of her favourite dwarf.
"Why hello love-birds," Varric drawled at the both of them with a smirk that hinted at secrets that Isabela would have to worm out of the dwarf later once she was finished staring in confusion at her friend. "Nice day isn't it? Shame that you're spending it here, together, in such a sweaty establishment with no other good-looking company but yourselves…"
Sebastian laughed. "Surely you jest my friend? I would never even look at the lady Isabela in such a way!"
Despite being just a little bit offended at the implication that Sebastian would never touch her in a million years (not that she would want him too, he would probably break down in tears if she told him to do the things that Hawke put her under – because hate-sex was the best) Isabela nodded her head in agreement and wished that the ringing in her ears would leave her alone so she wouldn't fixate herself on the spell Hawke knew to cure hangovers.
Yet before she herself can protest Isabela watched in wonder as Sebastian's eyes widened once more in that comical fashion and a devilish smile appeared on Varric's face; this was of course not the best of sign to receive off anyone so really when her chair started to move slowly so that she ended up facing the opposite direction it really didn't come as a surprise to see why Varric seemed so smug and Sebastian looked like he wanted to crawl into a massive hole and stay there.
"Where in Andraste's flaming underthings have you been?" Hawke greeted her with that usual growl that brought desire to rest inside the pit of Isabela's stomach.
"Smooth Hawke, real smooth." Varric muttered from behind Isabela's shoulder, causing her to stifle a giggle that made Hawke's brow crease in frustration.
"Shut your mouth dwarf," Hawke hissed before she returned her attention back onto Isabela. "Answer the question before I strangle (shag) you so masterfully (senselessly) that you won't ever get up (walk again)."
Times like this are where Isabela truly appreciated the way her mind worked when she was just a tiny bit drunk, so she smiled and let a hiccup escape her before she slurred out her reply of: "Bird-brains, all I got from that sentence was how much you want to shag me so senselessly that I won't ever walk again. If so, please get under the table because honestly I have missed you like crazy and Tight Pants over there keeps ignoring my advances."
Hawke actually looked lost for words for a brief moment before coming down on Isabela like a sack of bricks. "Please help me Maker I will actually wrap (fist) my fingers around your neck (your cunt) and squeeze until…"
"You had me at fist and your cunt, take me now." Isabela declared with another hiccup, opening her arms to wrap them around Hawke's shoulders in a hug that made the other woman tense up at the affection she didn't expect to receive off Isabela of all people.
Varric is actually laughing behind her which meant that all was good right? It had to be, or so Isabela thought until Hawke snarled and wrapped an arm around the pirate's thighs, lifting her up to hoist over her shoulder.
"Thank you ever so much Sebastian," Hawke muttered angrily, rolling her eyes in annoyance when Sebastian tried to answer back with an intelligent answer he couldn't quite seem to grasp. "I now have the bloody Blooming Rose special on my back due to your help; letting her drink so much….Call yourself a flaming brother!"
And before Sebastian can actually try and defend himself from Hawke's backlash the mage has already carried a drunken Isabela out of the Hanged Man, leaving Sebastian looking like the biggest fool in the whole damn tavern.
Varric chuckled wryly beside him, scribbling down a sentence in his book. "Believe me choir boy, she's just happy you didn't sleep with Isabela. When Hawke comes round she'll probably thank you for keeping an eye out for her."
Sebastian got up from his chair with a stagger that made the dwarf arch his brow in surprise.
"I'm going home. To pray." And think dirty, sinful thoughts of getting fisted. That part he didn't think it would be wise to add.
Varric smiled knowingly anyhow.
Isabela's head ached. It was as simple as that really, her head ached and her feet felt sore and numb and when had she got that bump on her head? Everything seemed a blur to her now.
Her eyes seemed to work at least because Isabela recognized the bed she slept in to belong to Hawke and the lump that was sleeping next to her to be Hawke's mabari Alistair and so she sighed in relief.
"Don't get too happy," came a voice from the doorway and Isabela glanced up to see that Hawke had been just about to come into the room with a tray of what looked like food and a funny-colored poultice. "You haven't actually tried my cooking yet and I'm still not sure if I made poison for you or the hangover cure I promised that poor urchin in Lowtown."
Isabela actually found herself laughing, surprising when taking into consideration that she's actually laughing at Hawke and Hawke is smiling in a way that isn't smug – when she's right and Isabela's wrong – but genuinely pleased to see her.
"Either way someone isn't going to be happy tonight," Isabela responded back with a yawn that sunk a pleasurable shiver down from her spine right to her toes. "How very you Hawke."
Hawke's smiled wavered then but still the mage walked over to place the tray on Isabela's lap, tapping lightly on Alistair's hind leg to get the mabari off the bed so that she could sit at Isabela's side with eyes of azure that Isabela met with eyes of gold.
It's a contrast that is about as recognizable as their constantly clashing personalities.
Hawke looked uncomfortable and Isabela knew from seeing it (and feeling it herself) on the other woman's face before that what felt at the moment was how she felt when she just didn't quite know what to say, or even worse, that she did know what to say and was just too scared to say anything.
"What's going on between you and Sebastian?" Hawke asked her then with such hastiness that Isabela almost didn't catch what the mage said until Hawke growled in annoyance and repeated her question in a much angrier voice. "I mean if you really care about him then please…"
Before Hawke can actually continue Isabela found herself tilting her head back and laughing, eyes creased in disbelief that stayed that way even when Hawke glared at her from over her shoulder – all spikes and transparent; a diamond that refused to break.
"Bird-brains not you too!" The laughter won't stop and neither will Isabela because this is delicious, catching Hawke off-guard like this when she, herself, felt so unsure. "Why do you think I would have any interest in Tight Pants back there? Andraste's granny pants Hawke he doesn't even have sex!"
Hawke, for her credit, managed to grant Isabela a look that is mixed between outrage and happiness. "So you're telling me that those three nights in your room there was nothing sexual going on in there?"
"Well I did tell him about that time when I had you over the Viscounts desk once, oh the way he turned scarlet!" And Isabela couldn't actually help herself any longer and continued laughing, pleased that all of a sudden she felt like her old self and how really maybe it was just a whole…
Her expression must have changed dramatically from her laughter because soon enough Hawke's eyes are narrowed in anxiety. "What is it?"
Isabela groaned into her hands however willed herself not to flinch away from the mage's hand that had rested on top of her knee under the duvet.
Yet once the mage's hand moved upwards to circle her waist Isabela's head immediately snapped up, her hands moving upwards to grab Hawke's own before she dropped them and shoved hard at the mage's shoulder.
"Sod off Hawke you flaming nuisance!" Isabela grunted though she wasn't sure if it was at her own frustration or at the feeling of concern that grew in her stomach at seeing Hawke's shocked expression. "You're so bloody pleased that I haven't been with anyone apart from you for the past two months aren't you? Well you can kiss that…"
"You haven't?" And Hawke is actually surprised which made Isabela halt mid-sentence and give the mage a look that was mixed between shock and that familiar sensation named frustration. "Why? How?"
At that last part Isabela actually straightened up to glare (what? Why was she glaring? Why did it affect her so much anyhow?) at the raven-haired mage. "What's that supposed to mean? What, you think I'm shagging you senseless every night that I can because I'm bored? I've had offers you know!"
Hawke narrowed her eyes at the pirate in suspicion. "Why didn't you take them then?"
"Because I didn't want to take them," Isabela answered with her head held up high whilst her eyes flickered to the side in an attempt to feign disinterest. "Why? Would you rather I had taken them or something Birdy?"
Hawke's pale, lithe little fingers curled up into fists that Isabela can just about see at the very corner of her eye; a sight that is both welcoming (as in it meant that Hawke had been just affected as she herself had been) and frustrating at the same time.
"Of course I wouldn't have wanted that!" Hawke finally snapped after a moment of silence with cold azure eyes sending a shiver up and down Isabela's spine as it always did when it came to Hawke and their contrast of ebony and ivory, blue and amber, cheerful and aggressive, free and chained; the list went on.
Isabela rubbed at the sleep in the corner of her eyes in an attempt to try and pull the situation away from her, or at the very least put it on hold before Hawke swallowed her up by just breathing.
She wasn't used to silence, not between them anyway, no the silence was usually filled with either them yelling at one another (cursing each other to oblivion and back) or the sound of their groans and hisses as they devoured one another; a deadly combination that led to them both lingering on the edge of each other's tolerance until that too was broken by sloppy morning kisses Isabela refused to get used to.
Apart from the fact that Isabela had been a fool. Oh she already knew she was a fool, there was no denying that but this time her foolishness had caused her to go to Sebastian to answer a question she had already known the answer to in the first place.
"Hawke…" Isabela found herself murmuring with an unusual husky tone that was just another reminder that she had somehow found herself in a situation she couldn't flee from like before. "Andraste's tits, can you just…I don't know! Shit Hawke. I… I can't get my words out alright? But you know don't you? Right?"
From the way Hawke's eyes softened all of a sudden it looked like she knew what Isabela was trying to say, but if she understood was a whole different matter because despite how observant Hawke usually was it didn't mean she wouldn't make a mistake and think an entirely different thing.
"You're not usually up for flattery when it comes to my observation skills Isabela," Hawke commented dryly though Isabela would be lying to herself if she had said she hadn't detected any affection deep within the mage's voice.
That drew a laugh from the pirate's mouth, amber hues moving upwards to clash with the vicious storm of blue. "No kidding, I usually just hop into bed naked and be done with it."
"Not with everyone." Hawke whispered and there was something about how Hawke's eyes flashed with warmth that made Isabela feel as though she was being pulled into the mage's aura with a strength that was undeniably supernatural.
The beat of her heart isn't lost on Isabela either, for how could it be when she can hear the sodding rhythm in her ears by just breathing? If that was what she was doing right now because right at this moment, in Hawke's presence, she wasn't that sure.
Still Isabela found herself shaking her head with her hands brushing against the nape of Hawke's neck, kneading the skin with her knuckles to draw a high-pitched sigh from the mage that didn't fit Hawke's mouth whatsoever and yet Isabela still found herself drowning in the echo of said sigh with no hope of ever being rescued.
"No, guess you're right about that too Birdy," Isabela muttered with a roll of her eyes that suited the sarcastic twang that still held that same husky tone even when Isabela tried to swallow it down. "Not with everyone."
Hawke smirked (that smug, stupid bird-brained git sort of smirk Isabela hated and loved) then, raising a hand to curve a thumb up and over the Rivaini pirate's lips until they opened under her touch and Isabela graced the mage with a small peck to the very tip of one of those porcelain digits.
"You don't have to say anything Isabela," Hawke told her with that smirk still sketched picture perfect on her face. "I know."
Relief flooded through Isabela like a river, causing her to feel as though she was floating and that nothing else mattered because she was floating and Hawke was there and did she mention she was floating?
She sighed, willing to let her relief show. "Thank the Maker's sodding smallclothes for that, you know I'm not really good with words but if you know then, then…"
Hawke tilted her head to the side then, her face that had been so amused earlier on was now the picture of seriousness, "what do I know again?"
Isabela knew not to let herself become worked up when it came to Hawke, she knew that and had to remind herself of that one rule each time she found herself in Hawke's presence but by Maker she was going to have to forget it just this once.
"Birdy you can't be bloody serious," she growled with her legs slipping from under the duvet so she could rest on her knees, allowing herself to be in a higher position than the mage. "Are you actually joking? Because it honestly doesn't suit you."
"I have no idea what you're talking about," Hawke continued with that stupid false act of innocence that drove Isabela so high up the flaming wall she lunged at the mage, trapping her wrists against the covers of the bed with a fierce intent that travelled deep from the ache in between her legs to settle in her amber hues that sparkled with something Isabela knew to be animalistic.
"You don't know what I'm talking about?" Isabela didn't actually believe one word that was coming out of the little shit's mouth, but the anger and frustration (and love, for crying out loud, why did it have to be that of all things?) was enough to drive her forward with words even harsher than before. "What do you think you're playing at Hawke? Do you think it's funny that I don't know what to do or say? You think you're so much…"
"Isabela you twit!" Hawke interrupted with a chuckle that did nothing but fuel Isabela's frustration even further.
"I'm the twit? You're the flaming twit you lousy girl of a…"
Hawke interrupted her again, though this time with a lot more tongue and lip; said tongue and lip causing her to shudder in delight at the unexpected intrusion from Hawke's mouth swallowing each small groan that the mage coaxed out of her with each wicked scratch of nails against the fabric that hid the beautiful skin of Isabela's back.
"I know Isabela," Hawke moaned into Isabela's open mouth, tilting her head up and to the side to allow the Rivaini pirate access to nibble and lick at the hollow of her neck so that the mage writhed under her lover. "Maker's breath I knew the moment you threw that Rivaini talisman back at me and told me to give it to someone who was…Worthy of it."
Isabela visibly deflated at the mention of that pesky thing she had thrown back at Hawke a few weeks back, stopping her ministrations on Hawke's neck to kiss her way back up to the mage's mouth so that once more their gazes were joined in such a way that made Isabela feel as though her heart was going to jump out of her throat.
"I still have it," Hawke answered Isabela's unasked question, a hand coming upwards to caress a flustered ebony-coloured cheek that only became more hot underneath the mage's touch. "Maybe tonight isn't the best time to ask, but I'd like to present it to you later if that's…"
"Give it here right now," Isabela said with a devilish smirk appearing on her face, unable to believe how stupid she had been with going to Sebastian with her Hawke problems when she could have solved them all by herself. "If we're going to be…making love… – ugh, don't make me say that again Hawke - tonight then I want to wear it. For you."
Phoenix Hawke arched an amused brow, leaning up to rest on her elbows until their breaths mingled into one sudden whoosh of air that made Isabela shudder in want against Hawke's body.
"For someone who's grown weary of the topic of love," Hawke told her softly, her own cheeks flushed in embarrassment at the unexpected declaration she had received from the pirate. "You make me feel it, all the time."
Isabela grinned, pushing Hawke back down against the sheets with a victorious expression. "I can make you feel much more than that sweet thing."
And with that she claimed Hawke's mouth once more.