Disclaimer: I do not own these characters, I just make them do stuff. I do not profit from this in any way shape or form.
Author's Note: This is just a little "I'm bored and needed a break from a fluffy multi-chapter I've been working on" story. It is based on a writing prompt I found randomly online of "His voice had never sounded so cold". I liked it, so I just kind of ran with the idea and this is just my take on how Han/Leia would deal with the situation at hand.
He noticed a certain change in her that came about slowly as the days past. She was quieter at first, often sitting near him on the couch in their apartment, tapping at her data pad as he watched a smashball match. She would share the evening with him, sipping at a glass of wine, occasional words spoken to him, dismissing her silence to the fact she was probably engrossed in work, the never ending task of rebuilding the galaxy more interesting than if the Corellian team would make the playoffs again or not. Over time, he found himself on the couch alone, Leia holed up in her office, the tapping of her data pad hardly noticeable in the distance. She never came to join him on the couch anymore, more engrossed in whatever she was doing in the other room. She would emerge from her office on occasion, slipping past him quietly without more then a quick glance before disappearing into the kitchen to refill her wine glass, silently making her way past him before returning where she had came from. In her passing, he wanted to reach over the back of the couch for her hand, missing even the slightest touch from her. He would doze off in the living area on most nights, waking late, the apartment dark around him, Leia already in bed fast asleep, her back turned away from him as he lay next to her. He didn't like this change in her.
She surprised him the next night. She sat at the far end of the couch, eyes focused on her data pad as per usual at this point, silence around them. Han couldn't take it anymore, something was eating away at her, something inside of her was causing her to pull away from him.
"Leia". He spoke quietly, his voice low.
Her eyes barely moved from the screen at his voice. Han sat up slightly and looked at her.
"Leia, sweetheart" he tried again, his voice louder than his original hushed whisper.
Nothing. Not even the slightest movement from her.
"Will you put that damn thing down for a second and look at me?". His pent up frustration was apparent in his tone, causing her to pick her head up and focus her attention on him.
"What?" She snapped, her eyes narrowed at him.
"What? That's the question I should be asking you. What is going on lately with you?" He pressed his frustrations down inside of him, trying not to completely explode at her, knowing it would only lead to a heated fight, unwilling to risk any further distance between them. Can she not see she's been so distant? He felt like he had lost her, a part of him being taken with her. He couldn't comprehend the change in her, unable to understand why.
The first few weeks after Endor were a flurry of activity, a new Republic emerging, everything she had worked so hard for and lost so much for finally becoming a reality. She seemed happy at first, despite the amount of things to be done. For the first time in a long time, they had a home, no war to fight, nothing to run from. Is that what scared her? The fact she couldn't remember what peace was like? His mind swirled trying to make sense of her. He thought he understood her, but the Leia he knew was not the withdrawn sullen Leia that sat before him now.
"Something's the matter and I wish you would just tell me" he stated, hoping to get any clue from her.
She looked at him. She didn't know how to put everything into words. She wanted to explain it all to him, knowing that she was hurting him by withholding from him. She was terrified. She had retreated to the only way she once knew how to deal with anything: to build up a protective wall around her and keep everyone, including the man she loved, at a distance.
"Nothing's wrong" she lied. She didn't want a fight, any energy she once had to easily throw words at him now an empty void.
"That's a load of bantha crap, Leia. Why won't you just talk to me?"
"Because I don't want to" she huffed as she stood and walked into her office, palming the door closed behind her.
His anger had returned. He had waged in many battles of words with her before, screaming matches and arguments that had echoed thru base walls and in corridors of the Falcon and he never found himself unnerved at them. But her unwillingness to even face him now tore at him, shaking him in a way he didn't know how to comprehend. He rose from the couch, unwilling to quit just yet and stood outside of the office door.
"Leia, just talk to me, will ya?" He asked the durasteel door in front of him, hoping the princess behind it would change her mind, give him something, anything to understand her in this moment.
"Leave me alone, Han" she warned.
"Leia, please".
"Go away!" She hissed, a surge of annoyance and anger coming forth with her words, much harsher than she had intended as they escaped her.
"Fine. You want me to leave you alone? So long, princess". His voice had never sounded so cold as the words floated thru the door, hitting her like a blaster stun.
Leia shuttered as she listened to his boot steps fade away from the door. She expected him to just go back to the couch or the bedroom and sulk in his typical fashion as he would after an argument between them but as she heard the front door shut, she realized he had left the apartment, a rush of fear pulsing thru her. She took a long drink of her wine,draining the glass before setting it back onto her desk. She stared out the window wondering if she somehow had pushed him too far, if he had finally decided enough was enough and he was done. All because I didn't want to talk? After everything over the years, that is what finally pushed him to walk away from me? She sank back into her desk chair and pulled her knees to her chest, struggling not to cry. She felt stupid, wondering why now she couldn't open up to him. He knew her better than anyone in her life had ever known her, he had held her as she cried into his chest about the losses in her life, listened to her as she shared her hopes and dreams for them and the galaxy, calmed her in the middle of the night when she would wake in a cold sweat of memories that tormented her dreams. He loved her, would do anything for her, give his own life for hers, yet she was pushing him away. She felt the tears break from her eyes, soon pouring down her cheeks as her chest heaved. She cried into her knees, wanting to scream. The empty silence of the apartment tore at her, hating herself for putting a wall up against him once again.
She picked her head up and took a deep breath having cried all the tears she possibly could. She unfolded her knees from her chest and stood from the chair, palming the door open and stepping into the living room. The apartment was dim and quiet, only the sound of passing speeder traffic outside cutting the silence. His coat and blaster belt were gone, the normal spot near the door in which they usually resided now empty. She felt lost and unsure, her mind still heavy.
Han walked thru the streets of Coruscant, the night air cool around him. He didn't know where to go or what to do, just letting his feet carry him in whatever direction they decided to go in. For a fleeting moment, his old ways crept thru his mind, the way he had solved problems so long ago. Go to the Falcon, disappear into the stars. His old ways were a stupid way he thought would solve things that never yielded a result other than another problem to run from. He loved her with all his being, had fought too hard for her, couldn't imagine life without her. He just needed some space, to try and level his head.
He made his way down thru the levels of the city, finding himself in a nondescript cantina that looked like any of the other thousands of hole in the wall bars he had sat in before over the years. He took a long draw of his whiskey, the amber liquid leaving a dull burn in the back of his throat as he swallowed. His mind was still turning over and over as he stared into his glass trying to place exactly what and where things had changed between them. He knew it couldn't be anything he had said or done, words hardly had been exchanged between them in recent days. Had she realized this wasn't the life she wanted? After years of war and finally having a moment of together, nothing to tear them apart, she had finally come to her senses? A princess and a guy like him, it went against all odds. Doubt crept up inside of him. Now that the Empire had fallen, her life creeping back to normalcy, had she figured out that he couldn't provide the life she really wanted for herself? The life she was accustomed to before the war? No, he thought to himself as he took another long drag at his whiskey, dismissing his own self doubts. The Leia he knew and loved didn't wish to return to her life before the war, never longing the for fancy clothes or proper dinners she once knew. She would lay in his arms in the Falcon's bunk, lumpy mattress under them, mismatched sheets and threadbare blankets covering them and she would tell him that at those moments, she felt at home, that nowhere else in the galaxy could make her as happy as she was there with him. Han loved that about her, one of the many things on a list of thousands of why. He couldn't sit there any longer, lost in his own thoughts. He needed her and she needed him, especially now. He tossed a few credits onto the bar top before making his from the cantina.
Leia sat in bed, her back against the pillows and her knees pulled to her chest under the heavy blankets. The city lights of Coruscant pierced thru the slats in the blinds, casting long shadows against the bedroom floor. It had grown late with no sign of Han, wondering if and when he would actually return. So long, princess echoed in her mind, the words causing her heart to ache.
She heard the front door whoosh open and Han's heavy boot steps enter the apartment. She listened to the familiar noises of Han coming home, the rustle of his jacket as he pulled it off, the clink his blaster belt made against the glass tabletop near the entryway as he set it down. She quickly lay down on her side, pulling the blankets over her and closed her eyes, pretending she was asleep. His presence had startled her, suddenly unsure if she would be able to face him. She listened as he kicked his boots off as he entered the bedroom, the thump they made as they hit the floor she had become so accustomed to stirring in her that she could no longer run from him, the wall she had put up needed to come down. He was part of her life, their life, a life they had worked so hard to have together for so long.
She felt him sit on the bed next to her, her body tense as faked being asleep as best as she could. She could smell the scent of a cantina on him, the hint of whiskey, the spiciness of a smokey room lingering on the fabric of his clothing.
He looked her, her body nothing more than a lump in the darkness, nestled in the blankets. Was she ignoring him? He could tell that she wasn't asleep, as best as she was trying to convince him otherwise. He scooted himself closer to her, his hand running down across her shape, unsure of the reaction of his touch might bring.
"Hey sweetheart" he gently whispered towards her.
You can't fight this anymore, you can't run from this. Face him. He loves you her mind screamed at her.
She rolled onto her back and looked up at him.
"Hi" she replied quietly, her voice barely audible.
Let her talk if she wants to. Don't push her Han reminded himself.
"You came back" she added, a hint of relief in her voice.
"Of course I did. I just needed some time alone" he admitted, a pang of guilt for hurdling the words he had at her earlier.
"I'm sorry" she mumbled, the wall she had put up starting to crumble around her. "There's something I have to tell you. It's why I've been so strange lately. I guess I've just been trying to process it all myself".
Han's eyes widened slightly. He took a deep breath and prepared himself, not sure what she was about to say. Leia sat up, her back pressing into the pillows, focusing on Han as she reached for his hand, her fingers curling thru his.
"Luke told me who our father is". She choked back a lump rising in her throat, the words hardly coming to her. "And I was afraid that you would never forgive me if I told you about it".
"Sweetheart, I could never blame you for anything".
"You don't understand". She paused, looking deep into his hazel eyes, attempting to gauge his reaction before the words even fell from her lips. "Our father is the man who became Darth Vader".
Han stared at her, not quite sure how to react. Emotions swirled thru him, hatred rising in him at just the mention of the name Vader. Everything he had done to her, to him, to them...and he was her father? Sadness overtook him, the fact that she had suffered so much because of her own blood, how haunted she would live the rest of her life because of the things he had done.
They sat in silence, the admission from her hanging around them.
"I've forgiven him" her voice breaking thru the silence, her words cracking slightly.
"How could you forgive him, Leia? That man took everything from you. He destroyed your home, killed your family and everything you had ever known. He tortured you, placed a termination order on you. You are just going to let that go?" Han shook his head, trying to understand how she could forgive such a monster, suppressing his own memories of what Vader had done to him: scars, while no longer fresh, were ones that would never fade.
"No, but in the end, there was still light in him, still part of Anakin Skywalker. He sacrificed himself to save Luke from the path he had taken". A tear rolled down from her eye, sniffing her nose as her palm crossed her cheek to wipe the tear away.
Han let go of her hand and pulled her close into his arms. Her face buried into him, her body limp. He could feel her tears now freely falling against his shirt as he kissed the top of her head in an attempt of reassurance.
"Do you hate me?" She sobbed into his chest, her words muffled in the fabric of his shirt.
"Leia, I could never hate you".
"Yes you could" she muttered, another round of tears overtaking her, her chest rising and falling quickly as she wept, pressing herself further into his chest.
"Sweetheart, look at me". He lessened his embrace from around her, placing his hands against her shoulders, pulling her from him. She looked at him, her deep brown eyes puffy and ringed in red, her cheeks stained with tears. "I love you unconditionally. No matter what you've been thru or who your family is, I love you. Nothing could ever change that".