"So, father, let's talk about this Wheeler creep."
"You mean Johnny Justice? Great bloke, Audrey – you know, if you play your cards right…"
"He's slime, father. This picture he's got of me – when I was 10, no less – where and when did he get it?"
"Oh, he asked for that last year, at his Brazilian ranch celebration, his assets had just passed 8 figures!"
"Screw the damn figures, the figure he's fixated on is mine, when I was 10! I was a drop-dead-gorgeous 17 at the time, and he'd rather have one of me when I was 10? And you actually gave him one? A picture, I mean."
"That's gross, Audrey. I'll admit he's got a major obsession about "Heidi," and his annual pilgrimage to the grave of Johanna Spyri in Zurich is genuinely disturbing, but he's absolutely fucking loaded! His jet is down at the airfield now. Imagine getting laid in a private jet!"
"Father! Why would I want to give myself to that sleazy perv? I bet he has to wear a flying helmet just to get it up. And I'm not talking about his fucking plane! Have you seen his jumpers? Does he even have his own hair? Anyway, I'm saving myself for Agent Cooper."
"Yeah, right! Like Lara's going to allow that."
"Who's Lara? Don't you mean Laura?"
"Oh keep up, Audrey – Laura's dead. That's why your beloved Agent Cooper is here in the first place, wiping out half the damn town in the process."
"They were bad, and they deserved what they got. Agent Cooper fights for justice, he doesn't need it as part of his fucking name!"
"Very droll. I'll have you know he'll be dating an ex-nun next week."
"You can't build a convincing romance in 6 episodes, no one would buy it!"