I don't own Cold Case, so don't sue me.

A story about Lilly and Ray's relationship first time round. This is part 1 of a 2 part story. In this part Lilly is reflecting on her relationship with Ray so far. Feedback is appreciated and I hope you enjoy.

Lilly's Story.

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I remember the first time I saw Ray. I collected the glasses from the table he was sat at with a bunch of his friends. I noticed he looked at me and smiled and I think after that he came in more often, sometimes spending the whole afternoon and evening there. He drank a lot but seemed the most sensible one. I'd notice his buddies often came in nursing black eyes and other facial wounds, obviously gained in fights. I could tell he was different though.

Every time he caught my eye he would smile at me, and then look me up and down. I liked it, and always smiled back. He was so hot, with the most amazing eyes. I don't think I'd ever felt like that before.

I don't exactly remember how long these exchanges of looks went on for but it got to the stage when I'd look forward to going to work just so we could look at each other.

He'd always go to the bar and buy the drinks, making sure he'd walk right by me on the way and way back. Never saying anything; just looking. I remember the day I literally bumped into him. My heart was pounding and I could barely catch my breath. I know he noticed this because he whispered in my ear. He asked me if he could give me a ride home. I was lost for words. All I could do was smile and nod yes. He said he'd wait for me.

I was quite nervous when I walked outside and he indicated for me to get on his bike. He asked me where I lived and then just nodded. It was within easy walking distance of the bar, so I predicted that we'd go for a ride round for a while.

The rush was amazing and it felt so good to finally touch him. I probably held on a lot tighter than I needed to but figured he'd assume it was because this was my first time on a bike.

I don't know how long we rode around but I didn't want it to end. I hated going home.

As we pulled up outside my home I thanked him and said goodnight. He said he'd see me tomorrow at the bar, and all I could do was smile. He touched my face and winked at me. My heart almost melted and I knew I had fallen in love with him.

For the next couple of weeks Ray came into the bar everyday. He'd arrived around 5.30 and not leave till closing. He'd speak to me every time he passed me on the way and way back from the bar. He'd ask how I was or tell me I looked pretty.

Most nights he'd give me a ride home and was never pushy; a perfect gentleman.

Finally one night the moment I'd been waiting for finally arrived. Ray asked me out on a proper date. I said yes instantly, completely failing to hide my excitement. The next evening, straight after a day shift we rode to Atlantic City. I was so nervous, but he did everything to reassure me and make me feel relaxed. We had such a great time. All the worrying I did about not having anything to talk about totally went away. I felt comfortable telling him about myself; something I'd never been able to do before, not even to my closest friends.

I knew I was in love with him and had realised that I was ready to give myself to him but I'd never done it before and hoped I was what he wanted. I hoped I was good enough for him as he lead me to a quiet spot on the beach and started to kiss me. He was very gentle and tender, sensing I was nervous. He made me feel things I never had before as he took my virginity. And I remember his exact words after; telling me that I was beautiful and completely amazed him. I think this was the happiest I had ever felt.

We sat there on the beach for hours afterwards just talking. I told him about my childhood; about my mother being an alcoholic; about having to look after my younger sister and about being attacked. I trusted him completely, and Ray just listened without passing judgement, holding me close to him, kissing my temple, my cheek, and my neck.

We talked about our dreams for the future. I told him how I'd always liked the idea of being a cop; catching criminals who hurt and killed others. This surprised him, but I felt instantly that he respected my ambitions. He told me he lived for bikes; Harley's. Wanted his own bike shop, working on and selling custom bikes that would really bring in the big bucks.

The cold broke up that wonderful evening. Although Ray had wrapped his coat around my shoulders I had begun to shiver. He rode slowly back to Philly and I held onto him like I had that first night I went on his bike; real tight, sheltering from the wind and getting every bit of warmth I could from his body.

We pulled up outside my home and as I looked at the door, I couldn't bring myself to get off his bike so I asked Ray if I could stay with him.

His apartment was small and a little untidy, but felt comfortable and welcoming. We went straight to bed when we got there, kissing and exploring each other before falling asleep; Ray holding me in his arms. He was so sexy I could barely fall asleep for looking at him.

We made love again in the morning and it was more passionate that time; we just couldn't get enough of each other.

Ray took me home before going onto work. Mom was fuming when I got in, and Chris was pissed that I had left her with Mom alone. Mom screamed at me for not bringing her bottle back from the bar after my shift and for not picking up her meds from the pharmacy. Any happiness that I was feeling quickly disappeared as yet again I'd walked into the war zone. I didn't know why I still put up with it. I had saved enough to afford a deposit on my own place, but I guess it was for Chris's sake I stuck around. She was only 13 and I knew if I wasn't around Mom would have had her doing all the things I'd had to do.

I stayed long enough to find a skirt of Chris's to wear that was way to tight but the only clean thing in the house and a blouse of my own before shipping out and going to work to wait until 5.30 when Ray would come in.

The day went on forever and I remember wanting to go to his work place so much to see him. But I didn't want him to get in any trouble so I just stayed at the bar and started work a few hours earlier as the place was pretty busy.

Ray came in early and it amazed me how he had instantly known something was wrong with me. He did an amazing job of cheering me up. Kept commenting on how great my ass looked in the skirt that was way too tight. And on my break he took me out back and fucked me up against the wall. Not romantic at all, but god, it had made me feel better.

I told him what went down with my Mom and he told me that I didn't have to go back; that I could stay with him or even better we could just take off together for a while; go road tripping.

The very next afternoon we were gone. A friend of Ray's who was fed of living with his folks took on his apartment and rent and we just told the other necessary people. I'd just announced it to Mom and Chris. I'd decided that I'd have to think of myself for once so didn't even feel guilty about going. Chris said she never talk to me again if I left and I did feel bad, but the thought of Ray and I alone away from Philly was too tempting.

Our savings started to get used up pretty quick, so with it being summer and the weather being great we spent as many nights as we could just sleeping under the stars. Everything was just so relaxed. By day, we'd ride and take in the sights; by night we'd talk and make love. The sex had gotten more and more adventurous as Ray taught me everything he knew. We didn't care where we'd sleep so long as we were together.

The night I remember most clearly was when we had just left Knoxville. We found a quiet spot and had settled for the night. Just me and Ray wrapped up in our one sleeping bag, with the bike and our few other possessions we were carrying. That day we had pulled up outside a court house all ready to get married, but it never happened. Neither of us would get off the bike. I didn't feel sad that we hadn't gone through with it but at the same time I knew Ray was the man I wanted to spend my life with. As we looked up at the stars I asked him why he thought we didn't do it. That's when he first said it; that he loved me and wanted to spend his whole life with me. I was speechless and he joked that he never thought he would love anything more than he loved his bike. He'd said that he knew we'd be together forever so rushing down the isle wouldn't change anything. He said that he wanted it to be special for me; to buy a beautiful white dress for me and pay for a honeymoon. I told him that as long as it was just us two I'd be happy.

I wanted the trip to never end and each day we'd ride further and further away from Philly.

We'd been gone around 8 weeks when I started to get ill. Every day that past I felt weaker and unable to hold any food down. Ray was worried but I told him it was just a bug and would pass. He made sure we had a decent place to stay each night and tried to encourage me to keep eating.

It was getting on for a week and I showed no signs of getting better so Ray told me that he was taking me back home to Philly; that I needed to see a doctor. I argued that I didn't want to go home and that it would pass. He told me how worried he was and that I was getting thinner and thinner from not being able to keep any food down and that we wouldn't have enough money to pay for any medical treatment if we kept going. I gave in, so we began the journey back to Philly.

Ray rode for hours and hours at a time, most of the time with one hand on the handle bars and the other securely holding my arms up around his waist. I was so weak I could barely hold onto him and got good at sleeping on the back of the bike.

It took us two days of almost solid riding to get back, and when we did he took me straight to my doctor. Of course the doctor's schedule for that day was full so an appointment was made for the following morning.

We went back to Ray's apartment that night and he sent his friend packing back to his folks. I didn't want to go home yet. I knew the speech I would have gotten from Mom about not being able to take care of myself and what kind of man would let you get like this.

The following morning Ray came to the doctor with me. The doctor asked what my symptoms were and then asked me when my last period was. I told him it was a few weeks ago and he instantly said that despite that he suspected I was pregnant. I remember our jaws practically dropped to the floor and we just looked at each other stunned. I gave the doctor a urine sample which he said would be tested, with the results available in approximately 48 hours. He suggested in the meantime purchasing a home tester kit, as they are pretty accurate, so at least we would have the chance to discuss our options by the time we went back. He was adamant that I had to take in a much fluid as I could and eat simple, plain food like rice, that I would have a better chance of keeping down.

I remember Ray just pulling me into his arms the moment we got outside and telling me that he loved me and everything would work out fine. He took me home so I could rest while he went out and got the home tester kit and some rice just as the doctor had advised.

We sat on the sofa together, Ray's hands protectively stroking my stomach as we waited for the test to reveal our future. I couldn't look when the time was up so as I closed my eyes and took a deep breath as Ray simply asked what colour I wanted the Nursery. He held me in his arms for what seemed like hours before we spoke.

We both said we knew we wanted to be together forever and that one day we would have wanted kids anyway so even though it had happened a bit quick we would be able to provide a child with a safe, loving home. Ray had said that there was no way he would want me to consider abortion. The baby was a part of us and what we have together and that was precious. He said as long as we had each other everything would be fine.

The first task was to think about how to save money for when the baby arrived and thankfully we were both able to get our jobs back, at the bar and the bike shop.

When the time came to tell Mom about the pregnancy, I was nervous. She hadn't met Ray yet and I'm sure from the reaction she had when I said I was taking off with him that she already disliked him. As expected she flipped out. Screamed that I was abandoning her and Christina, and that I was so selfish. She screamed at Ray for not being more responsible and threatened to call the police and say he'd raped me. She claimed at 19 and 24 we were incapable of raising a child. How could she be so hypocritical? She was so unreasonable and not worth talking to when she was drunk. We didn't stick around for long. Ray helped me to gather my things, I gave my address to Christina and we left without looking back.

Things settled down quickly and when Ray had got over the fact that that having sex wasn't going to hurt me or the baby everything was great. I worked mostly in the day now so Ray and I could spend the evenings together at home. He had changed so much since we had first met. He was wonderful then, but now he was just so perfect. He didn't drink anymore, and when he wasn't working he wanted to spend every second with me. I couldn't have wished for anything better.

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