He sat still while the nurse examined him, the pain in his head greater than the pain in his hand. He wished he felt numb but pain washed over him in waves, he kept seeing her face angry, distressed and shouting. He couldn't believe it was over; he'd needed to punch something to let out the hurt and anger. He was angry with her, and hurting he'd lashed out at the wall. Now he was sat in casualty with a possible broken hand, Liz had whisked him here when it swelled up and he couldn't move it. It matched his heart, broken and in pieces. The nurse had finished and told him what he already knew "It's broken; we'll get you down to X-Ray then back here to be plastered ok?" Liz tutted in both concern and exasperation "Really Jay you are going to have to be more careful on those steps!" She followed the nurse out of the cubicle asking how long they'd be. The lies had tripped off his tongue as they had done for the last few months, blaming the hand on a fall. The afternoon was endless, waiting to be x-rayed then waiting to be plastered. He was exhausted by the effort of it all. He just wanted sleep and never to wake to this nightmare. Here it was, his world without her in it; when she was his waking thought, the compass to his day, his last thought as his eyes closed, what was there for him now, no reason to be here. He shook his head of defeatist thoughts; there had to be a way, he'd meant it about waiting for her. He knew she wanted him, he just had to work out a way for her to see that again. Plans raced round his head and he abandoned them one after another as impractical or impossible.
Depression set in as he realised that this time maybe it was finished, tears rolled from the corners of his eyes and soaked into the pillow. A knock at the bedroom door made him roll over with his back to it and answer a muffled "Come in" He heard footsteps then Mel's voice full of concern "Are you OK Jay? I thought I heard you cry?" Damn he thought he couldn't even have privacy in his misery, "Is it really painful, shall I get the painkillers?" He rolled back over and faced her, his eyes swollen from tears. She looked shocked; her reaction confirmed he couldn't get past Mum, get out of the house, without a whole bunch of awkward questions. On impulse he blurted it out "I've been seeing someone and she's finished it, that's why I hurt my hand" She gasped "You didn't hit her?" "Of course not, what do you take me for? I thumped the wall!" "Sorry!" He could see her turning it over in her head looking for a suitable candidate and plumped immediately for the most likely "Was it Nicole?" He sighed, exasperated "No, why does everyone assume I'm interested in her, we're friends, were friends" he corrected himself. He couldn't see them resuming any kind of friendship after this. "Who is she then?" Mel's curiosity was overtaking her concern. He could see he'd made a mistake saying anything "Someone at school, you don't know them" "Oh right, well I know it's a cliché Jay but plenty more fish in the sea." She made to leave and he stopped her, grabbing her hand "Don't tell Mum the truth, she thinks I fell and I'd like to keep it that way or she'll want to know all the gory details" Mel looked at him, she'd been on the receiving end of their mother's probing questions so smiled and nodded. She ruffled his hair "OK but cheer up or she'll figure out it's more than the hand!" He nodded and as she left he fell back onto the bed and closed his eyes. All he could see was her face, not as it had been angry and spitting venom at him, but as she'd looked at him at Christmas with hunger and with longing. He groaned and buried his head under the pillow but he couldn't shake her. It wasn't going to be easy, putting her out of his life.
He stood outside the door, he didn't know how he was going to do this, the rest of the class was pushing past him, the bell was about to ring and no-one wanted to be last. A few gave him curious looks, usually he was already there chatting with Mrs Dean, but the rest just bustled past and grabbed favoured seats. He finally made his feet move and walked in. She wasn't there; he heaved an inward sigh of relief. Some other woman was writing stuff on the blackboard. He took his seat and emptied the books out of his bag, he sorted through them with his good hand and was about to put back the ones he didn't need when a voice asked "Do you want some help with that?" He looked up Nicole stood in front of him looking at his hand concerned. His reply was cold with contempt "I think I've had all the help from you I can stomach in one lifetime" He carried on putting the redundant books back in his bag, aware that she'd moved away. The lesson began, the replacement giving little away as to why Becca was missing but handed out the instructions she'd left and pointed out the extract she'd copied to the board. She sat down and let them to get on with it so he put his head down and worked solidly for the whole hour. The morning dragged on and the usual excitement he felt as lunchtime came round was replaced by a deep depression. He had no reason to check his phone, there would be no more messages, no more trysts in the afternoons. He hadn't realised till now how much she occupied his thoughts, to the exclusion of everything and everyone else. He had no idea what happened in school at this time of day, he was usually too busy thinking about her and working out when they could next be together to notice. As if to emphasise her occupation she came to him again as she had on Christmas Eve, he could almost smell her perfume. "Justin?" He turned around it was no dream; she stood there uncertain of his reaction. She noticed the hand "What did you do?" She reached out automatically to touch it but thought better of it and let it drop back to her side. "I had an accident Mrs Dean, a fall" He carried on the lie, "Excuse me I've got to be somewhere" he muttered and fled. Well done he thought, that was cool and prepared. She'd realise he was in bits instead of the whole nonchalant thing he wanted to have going when they next met. Instead he'd stuttered some schoolboy inanity and run away. He leaned against the wall and banged his head against it, this was too hard. After this morning he'd counted on her being absent the whole day, he was shocked at her appearing just like that. He decided the best place to be for the rest of the day was not here and he set off down the drive. He didn't get far before she caught up with him "Justin! Justin wait!" He stopped and she walked round in front of him "I wanted to apologize for the way things ended, I've felt so bad all weekend about it" "Never mind, I'm sure you'll get over it" he replied savagely She was obviously taken aback by his words, "Now if you don't mind I do have to be somewhere" She stood aside and he walked on, it took every ounce of willpower for him not to turn round and look back but he managed to keep on walking so she didn't see the tears as they fell.
Liz was home when he arrived back, "What you doing here?" she asked suspicious of his sudden return in the middle of the day. "Lessons were cancelled for this afternoon so they made it a study one" he lied effortlessly; he'd had so much practice recently. She had been on her way out, "Well there's plenty of things in the fridge for lunch, I'll be home late so can you get something later?" He nodded and she looked at him searchingly, he'd been in a strange mood all weekend hardly coming out of his bedroom. She hoped he wasn't sickening for something, "Get yourself to bed, you look like you could do with some sleep" "Yeah Mum" He dropped his schoolbag and headed into the kitchen, she shook her head and left, teenagers! He took her at her word, after looking in the fridge and rejecting everything. He lay on the bed and drifted off. He was woken by knocking at the door; he pulled himself from sleep and wandered down, opening it to find her standing on the doorstep. He went to close it again but she put her hand on the door "Please Justin, I need to talk to you"
He wasn't sure how they got from the doorstep to his bed, but he wasn't going to ask any awkward questions yet. She lay against him eyes closed, mouth curved in a smile. He wondered if she was dreaming; this seemed like a dream after the last few days. He really felt like pinching himself to check he was awake. He shuffled to get more comfortable and she stirred. "Mmmm I could stay here all day" she whispered. He overcame the impulse to say stay and instead looked at her and asked "What's going on Becca? Until an hour ago we were finished, now you're here, back in my bed and believe me I'm confused" She looked at him, "If I'm honest, so am I. I just know these last few days I've never felt more miserable and alone. I need you more than I've ever needed anyone...more than my family, more than..." "Jake?" he finished. She nodded and reached a hand up around his neck to pull him down for a kiss, but he pulled away. She looked hurt and he relented dropping his head for a brief meeting of lips. "It isn't enough Becca; we've got to talk about where we go from here. You were terrified last week about how many people knew and now more are going to find out. Are we going to spend the next few weeks frightened of who's going to tell who? We've just got to come clean and face them" He could see that this was the only plan if they were to survive, emerge as a couple and not be picked apart as it slowly became common knowledge. He could see the reluctance in her face and part of him agreed, it would be easy to carry on like this, hiding but that really wasn't an option anymore. Courage he thought, they needed that now by the bucket load. "You've got to tell Jake and I'll tell my family. It can't be worse than waiting for the bomb to fall when Nicole tells Nancy or worse Jake. This way we get to do it our way and not dodging the fallout from someone else telling them." She nodded, it made sense but it was such a massive step they were being pushed into and there was one piece of information she had yet to share. That could keep she thought, just one more afternoon with no thought to the future, she reached up again and this time there was no resistance...
He watched her as she dressed just as he had on many other afternoons like this, but this time it was different. By this time tomorrow everybody that mattered would know, their lives would be changed irrevocably and the thought was daunting. If he was truthful he didn't envy Becca facing Jake, he'd offered to be there but when she declined he'd felt a pang of relief. He'd been up close and personal with Jake once before and was happy to pass on a second round. He followed her out of the bedroom and downstairs, "Are you sure about this?" he asked again, he must have asked her a dozen times already but rather than being exasperated she recognised his need to be reassured. After her earlier behaviour he needed to know that she was going to go through with it this time. He put his hands on her shoulders and looked at her, "Absolutely?" "Absolutely!" she replied and for the first time that day he let himself believe he had a future and it was going to be with this woman. He kissed her and poured into it everything he felt, love, need and happiness. He closed the door behind her and sighed, it was all coming together now, what could possibly go wrong...
He sat in the back of the ambulance and held her hand, her face was a bloody mess and her breathing was laboured. The ambulance braked violently and she was swung around making her squeal in pain and he grabbed her other hand and tried to steady her. The paramedic looked apologetic and explained getting through rush hour traffic was not always easy and people still tried to cut them up on the fight to get home. He sat back with her and tried to take her mind off the pain by talking inanities, Nancy's latest joke, the obscene lack of time she'd given them to finish the Othello essay and Nicole's annoying habit of finishing your sentence. He tried everything he could think of to keep her conscious and aware. The paramedic asked him to move while he administered pain relief but she moaned as he made to move so they compromised by him standing but keeping firm hold of her hand. The frantic call to his mobile had galvanised him into action, he could hear her screams still in his head. When he arrived at the flat there was no sign of Jake, just Becca's battered body lying still on the bathroom floor blood pouring from her face. He was frozen for a second then grabbed his mobile and made the call. By the time they arrived he was covered in blood in his attempts to staunch the flow and both paramedics treated him with suspicion. It was all he could do to stop himself shouting at them, do you think I could do this! He was shocked to the core by what Jake had done, beaten her to unconsciousness and left her for dead. It didn't bear thinking about how terrified she must've been here on her own. His hand tightened on hers unconsciously and her eyelids fluttered. Her face was swollen and the bruises were beginning to appear, she tried to speak but he hushed her, stroking her face, she'd have plenty of time to talk later when the police arrived. She was transferred quickly on arrival and he lost sight of her while the woman at the desk probed with questions. He didn't know half the answers and she tutted at him. In the end when she asked if he was a relative he lied and said yes. He'd say anything to get back to her bedside and protect her from Jake. He tracked her down in a cubicle being assessed; he lied to the doctor about his status and got the medical report. It wasn't good, suspected concussion, a broken cheekbone and nose, two broken ribs and a fractured forearm, "It's too early to tell if the pregnancy is still intact, we'll know more in a couple of hours " he concluded. He assumed Justin's pallor was from the recital of her injuries but the news of her pregnancy had made the floor heave under his feet.
He sat with her, holding her hand all through into the night. Although sedated she dreamed and a couple of times he was roused from dozing by her screams. Occasionally she muttered and he caught Jake's name amongst the gibberish, along with his own. She seemed to be reliving the fight over and over and he could only imagine how terrifying it was. He clasped her hand tightly, trying to let her know she wasn't alone any more, he was there. The nurse came in at seven and he took the opportunity to go outside and make some calls, Mum would be frantic he hadn't come home; Nancy must be wondering where the hell her family was, the police needed to be told. He was brief with Mum explained he was at the hospital with a friend who'd had an accident and couldn't really leave till the family arrived. She was annoyed with him for scaring her, had been moments from ringing the police, if only she knew he thought. Nancy was a harder call, he rang the flat first and she picked up immediately. He kept it brief, he'd found Becca at the flat and she was in hospital. He didn't mention Jake, one shock at once seemed the way to go, there were bigger shocks in store for her. He hesitated when it came to reporting the assault, he needed to speak to Becca first he reasoned, he couldn't go bringing everything down around their ears unless she agreed. By the time he returned she was wakeful, her face still swollen and her eyes puffy and black but she attempted a smile. He kissed her gently and squeezed her hand; she returned the pressure and slowly drifted off to sleep. The nurse smiled at him, "Best she sleeps now, can I get you anything?" He shook his head; he didn't dare leave her alone, what if Jake turned up here looking for her?
Nancy arrived at the same time as the doctor so they both waited outside while she examined Becca. Nancy pumped him for information but he managed to fob her off with a tale about visiting Becca to pick up books and finding her collapsed. She wanted to know if he'd contacted Jake so he lied and told her he hadn't a clue how to get hold of him, he thought it more important to get help for Becca. "Well its ok now I'm here I'll find him and tell him and I can tell Mum too. Did you call the police?" At that moment the doctor emerged and he dodged answering her question. Nancy looked at him expectantly, indicating his part in the proceedings was over, but he was going nowhere, he had questions of his own. Oblivious to the tension the doctor explained now the swelling had subsided a little, they were more able to assess the condition of her face. The nose although broken would very likely heal on its own and her cheekbone was badly bruised but fortunately unbroken. Her ribs would heal with time and care so they would keep her overnight again for observation but she should then be able to return home to rest. Nancy glared at him as the doctor left "I don't know why you thought you needed to hang around and listen to private stuff. I'm sure Becca wouldn't mind if you left now" He ignored Nancy and went back in to Becca, she followed him, annoyed at being ignored and preparing to start on him again she was stunned to silence by her sister's face. "Oh, Becca" she breathed, she walked around the bed and held her hand. "Who did this?" she asked as tears slid down her cheeks. She noticed Justin was holding Becca's other hand, "You can go now, Jake and Mum will be here soon" Becca reacted violently to the mention of Jake's name and the possibility of Justin leaving. She clung to his hand and shook her head, tears squeezing out of her swollen eyes. She looked at him panic-stricken, he stroked her face and made soothing noises, "I'm not going anywhere, I'm not leaving, Ssshhh" Nancy stared at them both, as if they'd taken leave of their senses. "What's going on? And don't go giving me some tale about books, there's something more going on here and I want to know what?" Justin looked across at her then down at Becca, she nodded slowly. Nancy took this all in, "Tell me!" she demanded. "Becca and me, we've been together since..." he looked down at her and he felt her squeeze his hand. He looked across at Nancy "Since Valentine's. Becca was going to tell Jake about us yesterday." He let Nancy dot the Is and cross the Ts, realisation spreading across her face. "Jake did this?" She was incredulous, "You can't be serious, he loves her to bits" But even as she said it she acknowledged that in loving her he was also likely not to take it well she was in love with someone else "Are you?" she asked voicing her thoughts "in love with him I mean?" Becca looked at him and then back to Nancy and nodded. He held her hand tightly; he knew what this was costing her. Nancy looked at them both, her face unreadable, then spun on her heel and left. He shouted after her but she was gone. "We handled that really well!" he said ruefully and glanced down at Becca but she had closed her eyes. He didn't know if she was feigning sleep or had drifted off again so he sat down and took her hand again. He could wait for his answers, however long it took.
She woke later and found him, head down on the bed, finally sleeping. He roused at her movement and smiled. She tried to speak but the movement caused her pain and she abandoned the attempt. He shook his head at her "Don't, we'll have plenty of time for talking later, just rest" She smiled and indicated writing so he searched the locker at the side of her without success "I'll go ask the nurse, I'll only be a minute" He went in search of writing materials and it took a while for them to find any at the nurses station. He'd been gone longer than he intended and was full of apologies when he pushed his way back through the curtain, coming to a sudden halt when he saw Jake standing by the side of her bed. He wasn't sure what to do and looked to Becca for a cue. She looked petrified, handicapped by her inability to talk, shout or even scream. Justin spoke first "I think you better leave" Jake didn't seem to have heard and carried on standing there mesmerized by her face; Justin glanced down at Jake's knuckles, scabbed and still bloodstained. "Jake!" he repeated louder, this time he turned his head and looked over at Justin, as if in a trance. "You've got to get out of here, the police are coming!" he lied. "Becca told them everything last night; they're coming to take a statement this morning, go, now!" "I'm...sorry" he stuttered, Justin looked at him in disbelief, the damage he'd inflicted and he'd come here to apologise. He was about to launch into a tirade when he caught Becca's eye and saw her eyes pleading with him. He changed tack, "C'mon Jake we've got to get you away from here before the police arrive, follow me" He glanced back at Becca to make sure she understood what he was doing, keeping her safe. Jake took one last look at her, "I didn't mean it babe, you know that, I'd do anything to take it back, make it right" Becca nodded and looked at Justin, he could see that whatever she was agreeing to with Jake, what she wanted was him gone. Justin led him past the nurses station and out onto the landing, watched him walk away slowly staying until he was sure he'd really left. He returned to her bedside to find her in floods of tears, he climbed on beside her and held her tight while she sobbed "What the hell...!" he sat up at this to be met by a strange woman's angry face. Nancy appeared close behind "Justin!" she grinned "Meet Mum!"
He didn't see her for over a week, Margaret made it plain he was no longer required and Nancy couldn't hide her delight at his discomfiture. When he rang the hospital all they would tell him was that she had been discharged. He tried texting but there was no answer, he wondered if she was even at the flat or had gone home with Margaret and Nancy. He passed it everyday but there was no sign of occupation. He returned to school, life returned to a sort of normality which included for him freezing Nicole out. He still couldn't believe how much her interference had cost them all and he cut short her apologies with a curt "Get lost!" He couldn't be bothered with wrapping it up; he'd lost her all over again and was in no mood to be conciliatory. He was returning home from a last minute request from Mum to pick up some things from Drive n' Buy when he spotted a light on in the flat. He stood outside the door wavering, it could be Nancy or her mum inside, both of them there to pick up her things. He turned to leave but a flashback in his head of her face in the ambulance made him turn and knock before he could change his mind. Expecting either of them to open it and chase him away he was stunned to see Becca. She smiled shyly "Come in" He followed her into the flat. Now he was here and so was she he was at a loss what to do or say, he hadn't thought beyond knocking at the door. It was strange, to be here knowing Jake was never likely to come through the door and catch them, or Nancy suddenly appear from the bedroom and ask why he was visiting. They were no longer a secret and suddenly that had raised a barrier they had never encountered before. Where did they go from here?
She made them coffee and they sat on the sofa a gulf between them. He asked how she was and she replied in kind. A silence descended while they both sat and sipped. In desperation to kick start some kind of conversation while he worked out how to broach the fact of her pregnancy, he asked about Jake. She looked up startled as if he'd said something inappropriate, "As far as I know he's living with the Osbourne's at the Dog" She didn't volunteer any further information making it plain it would be bad mannered to press it any further, He felt as far away from her now as that day he'd pounded the wall. She was quiet and distant; life seemed to have been pummelled out of her. He looked at her, the swelling on her face had disappeared and the bruises had faded; only the occasional gasp when she moved reminded him of the broken ribs. The only tangible memento of that day was the plaster cast on her arm that matched his own. She stood up and took the empty cup from him, a hint that his time was up? He watched her walk over to the sink, he had two choices here he could slink away without her ever knowing he knew about the baby or he could stand and fight, but how? This new passive, remote Becca could be harder to reach than at any time in their shared past.
He walked up behind her at the sink, indecisive, afraid to say anything that would destroy whatever chance they might have of a future. "Becca?" he asked softly, she turned and looked at him directly for the first time since he'd crossed the threshold, "Do you love me?" He hadn't intended to say that but it was fundamental to their future. She considered the question "I, I, I don't know what I feel anymore..." she stuttered. She was about to say more but instead he gambled and reached across and kissed her just as he had that day in school, brief but full of promise. He stood back and waited for her response, it seemed like an eternity, he had to remember to breathe. For a moment he thought she would lean in and return his kiss but then the spell was broken by the phone. "I'd better get that" she murmured pushing past him, "It'll be Mum checking I'm Ok" He could have cried with frustration, he was in a kind of limbo now not knowing if he should stay or leave gracefully and give her the space to think about that kiss and all it held. He was about to go, heard himself saying the words goodbye, but something took over. This wasn't how it was supposed to end with him slinking away into the night. He grabbed the phone from her hand and switched it off "Justin!" He grabbed her by the shoulders and she winced. He immediately let go, but carried on "Becca, wake up! Jake's gone, the whole world knows about us and I know!" "Know?" she said blankly "Know what?" "I know about the baby. I found out by accident at the hospital. I never got chance to tell you till now" She looked stunned. "How?" "Does it matter now? When were you going to tell me?" "I don't know" she said softly "I was going to make a go of things with Jake, but then I couldn't get you out of my head. I just needed to see you one last time, it was going to be just one last time..." "What changed your mind?" "You stood there in the doorway and all I could think about was how much I loved you, how much I needed you and how much I wanted you" She blushed as she remembered that afternoon, passion filled and fraught. "And now?" he asked brushing aside the intervening trauma "I know I never want to see Jake again, but" she hesitated, "there's a possibility that he's the father" They stood silently, both contemplating what it meant for them both. Justin broke the silence "Does he know?" "Oh yes" she replied bitterly "Why do you think he did this?" and she gestured to the fading bruises with her plastered arm. "He was quick to work out the possibility he wasn't the father amongst other things" He looked at her quizzically, "late night's at school, non-existent PTA meetings,...weekends away..." her voice trailed off. He could see the guilt returning and in an effort to keep it at bay, he kept her talking figuring it was better it was all out in the open now, no more secrets. "What else did he say?" "I don't remember it all, he was angry, angrier than I've ever seen him, he kept on hitting and hitting..." He went to her then as she crumpled at the memory and held her tight whilst she sobbed. He pulled her away from him and held her face "He is never, never going to hurt you again, understand, I'll never let him do this to you again" She nodded; now at the hiccupping stage it broke the tension and she laughed. He wiped the tears from her cheeks, she looked shattered. "Why don't you have a bath and go to bed? I'll come back in the morning and we can talk some more?" He made as if to move away but she clutched his wrist, he looked down at it "Do you want me to stay Becca? I need you to tell me" He looked back up at her face, and found all he was looking for in it. He pulled her close again, they had a long way to go but they were surely on the right path now.
Morning light seeped through the gaps in the blind, but it made no difference, he'd been awake for hours. He felt Becca shift slightly against him and then settle back to sleep. Last night had been tough, today looked no better. While Becca had a bath, he'd made them some food from the meagre supplies in the kitchen. His culinary skills being less than basic it was a wonder it was edible but she'd eaten it unresisting. He pushed her into going to bed and had to sit with her with the light on till she drifted off to sleep. He settled in the living room with the TV on low but felt uncomfortable being there. He texted Liz he was at a friend's for the night but he couldn't keep up that pretence for long. He was about to settle down to sleep on the sofa when he heard her cry out and by the time he reached her she was screaming. That was the pattern for the rest of the night, her drifting in and out of the nightmare, screaming at Jake, screaming for him, he couldn't seem to reassure her she was safe. She clung to him and so he stayed, sleeping with her in their bed, his discomfiture palpable. She stirred again and opened her eyes, turning suddenly to see who was next her in the bed and relaxing when she saw him. He smiled down at her and reassured she closed her eyes and moved closer. He glanced at the clock, it was seven thirty, he tried closing his eyes and finally sleep came. When he finally woke he was alone and panicking he jumped up and headed for the living room to be met by the smell of something delicious wafting through from the kitchen. Becca stood at the hob, in some distress. He dashed over, "What is it? Is it Jake? Has he rung?" He couldn't think of any other possibilities for her state, she shook her head wrenched herself from his grasp and ran to the bathroom, retching into the sink. He followed her in and held her hair out of the way until she felt well enough again to stand up. She smiled weakly at him, "I wanted to make breakfast but the smell..." He smiled and finally understood "You didn't need to cook" he murmured and hugged her. "I wanted to do something for you, you took care of me last night" He held her tight, it was at this moment the key turned in the lock and Jake walked through the door. They pulled apart and Justin knew they both looked guilty. Jake threw his keys down on the table, "You better take these and give them to lover boy here, now he's a fixture and fitting" Justin stood frozen, waiting Jake's next move. Becca was safely behind the table and could dash back to the bathroom and safety if only he could distract Jake in the meantime. He tried to indicate to her to move but she was frozen to the spot. "What are you doing here?" It was trite but it had the desired effect, Jake focused on him. "Who the hell are you to ask me what I'm doing here?" he yelled. Justin moved forwards towards him hoping that this would encourage Becca to retreat. If anything it had the opposite effect, she moved towards Jake and desperate to prevent him laying hands on Becca again, he jumped in front of her. Jake stood and took stock, he'd have to go through Justin to get to her and although this didn't trouble him it would slow things down. His rage had been building again for days since the hospital where he'd been fooled into leaving. He'd waited for the police to visit him at the Dog until he'd realised it was a bluff by Burton and it'd worked. He'd waited for the pair of them to resurface and when Jack mentioned glimpsing Becca in Drive'n'Buy this morning he'd taken a chance on her being at the flat. He just wanted to talk but walking in on her with him, in his arms, here in their place, the red mist had descended. He swung his fist and felt it connect, swung again and this time she screamed before he hit anything and caused him to swerve, hitting his fist on the drawer and howling in pain. Justin pushed her bodily into the bathroom and yelled at her to lock it. Jake was looking up now and holding his bleeding hand, came at Justin again. They tussled but it was half hearted both of them handicapped by injured hands. They pulled apart, heaving for breath, Justin holding his side where Jake's fist had landed. "Better go Jake or this time I will call the Police" "Yeah and who do you think will end up in jail me or her!" he sneered. "Go ahead Jake and have it all over the papers, be the laughing stock of the Sunday's if you want, it won't change anything, just leave" Jake stood there undecided, he wanted to leave but he wasn't going anywhere because this snotty nosed schoolboy told him to, this bastard who'd slept with his wife, probably now in their bed too. He wanted the last word before he left, "I could still get you, you bitch hiding in there" he yelled, "I could still get you both" he threatened. He turned then and stormed out, slamming the door behind him. Shaking and holding onto his side, Justin sat down heavily and breathed out. He called to Becca "S'ok you can come out now, he's gone" He heard the lock turn and she peered round the door and seeing he was alone she came out. She'd been crying and her eyes were swollen. "Oh your hurt, here let me take a look" He lifted his shirt obediently but there was nothing to see, he guessed it would just be bruised and nothing more. He'd got off lightly considering what Jake had inflicted on Becca earlier. They sat at the table, Becca had consigned the food she'd made earlier to the bin and had replaced it with cups of tea in front of them both 'Good for shock' she heard her mother say, God knows Jake barging in like that after a week of silence was shock enough but the violence accompanying it had frightened her. "We can't stay here" she said decidedly trying to sound stronger than she felt. "What are you saying" he asked "I mean we can't stay here, Jake's going to make my, our, lives a misery as long as we're here, I think we should leave and I think we should go right now" "Do you mean it, you mean go away together, as a couple?" He wanted to be certain he understood her right. "Yes" she looked at him, "I can't think of anything I want more" "Where will we go?" He felt himself smiling idiotically although his side hurt like hell. It felt like all his Christmas's had arrived at once. "First we'll go to Mum's, we'll be safe there, then we can think about what to do next, what to do about the baby" she added. He didn't care about that, she wanted him, she wanted to leave with him and she wanted to do it now. He didn't notice her look of apprehension; he leapt up "C'mon" he grinned "I'll help you pack!"
Becca dozed on the train, leaning against him as he stared out of the window. They had packed little, he'd dashed back home with an over-rehearsed tale about a friend in need wanting him to stay the week-end but to his relief the house was empty. He'd flung some clothes in a bag and left a hastily scribbled note on the kitchen counter. He left without a backward glance, Becca was waiting. It didn't feel like it had done on that stolen weekend, giggling as they bought train tickets, racing along the train and finding an empty carriage, being caught by the guard and nearly being thrown off. Today it was a sombre, serious business and no longer a crazy game. God knows what Becca's mother had said, he'd only heard Becca's side of the conversation, but it appeared Jake turning up and threatening them had swung it in their favour. He was past feeling anything, the whole day had been unreal and he wasn't sure what was waiting for them at the end of it. They took a taxi from the station; Becca was exhausted and spoke little. He was anxious about their reception but Margaret made a fuss of Becca and ushered them in. She pushed food at them both whilst she fired questions at Becca about what had happened earlier, pushing for her to report Jake. Neither of them was hungry but Justin made the attempt as Margaret seemed to have gone to some trouble to make them feel welcome. They spent an awkward evening skirting around what might happen next then Becca went upstairs to bed leaving him with Margaret and the vexed question of where he was meant to sleep. It was tricky, he didn't want to presume he could sleep with Becca in her room, but how did he broach the subject without incurring Margaret's disapproval? The problem was solved when she presented him with a duvet and indicated the sofa; she wasn't expecting him to stay more than one night then. She left him to it and he settled down to sleep, his mind turning over the days events and trying to make sense of it. He drifted off to sleep and was woken by someone whispering his name. He sat up suddenly to find Becca stood over him, "What's wrong?" he stuttered trying to shake himself awake, "I can't sleep on my own" she muttered. He moved over and made space for her on the sofa as she crawled under the duvet and clung to him. He stroked her hair and held her close, "He's not coming back" he reassured, "It's not that" she answered "I ... I miss you" she said simply. He kissed her gently and she surprised him with her response. It was her turn to ask him "Come upstairs?" He hesitated momentarily and then followed her, it was his turn.
Justin opened his eyes at the tapping on the door, Margaret appeared in the doorway and stopped suddenly when she met his eyes, Becca laid against him, spoon-like in sleep. She deposited the cup she was carrying on the bedside locker and made a hasty exit. He sighed; it was going to be hard work over the breakfast table. He contemplated sending Becca down for breakfast and pretending he wasn't hungry to avoid the inevitable inquest but abandoned that as cowardly, however appealing it appeared. He had no idea where they went from here; for once he was prepared to just drift if it meant he could stay here with her in this refuge, although the resident dragon appeared to be on the warpath already. This thought made him smile, he could imagine the Clash of the Grandmothers when Margaret met Liz. That was a sobering thought, if Liz was a grandmother. He pushed it away, time to deal with that later for now he was just going to enjoy being with Becca and keep a wary eye out for dragons.
Breakfast was as dire as he imagined with little conversation, Becca, heedless of their earlier meeting, shooting puzzled glances at the pair of them. He made his excuses and went out into the garden to ring Liz. He wasn't looking forward to it and it was as bad as it could be. He ended the call abruptly with her anger ringing in his ears. It wasn't the best way for her to find out but at least he could switch the tirade off and let her cool down a bit before he was face to face with her again. He sat down on the swing and sighed. Footsteps made him look up and Becca sat down next to him. "How did she take it?" "How do you think?" He saw her anxious face and hastily edited the conversation "She's just disappointed with me, as usual" He could see she wasn't fooled but she didn't press him to tell her more either. She leaned against him and they sat in comfortable silence for a while. "Seems we can't please either of them... mothers" she added. He turned to look at her "Why? What's up with her?" Becca remained silent for a moment "She wants me to have a test done" "Test?" he asked. She looked directly at him "To find out who the father is" "And?" "I don't, it's invasive... I could lose it" She leaned back against him again "It's still a mess" she whispered. He held her hand and they stayed like that for a long time.
He waited for her outside the hospital, the grey day reflecting his mood. Margaret had worn her down over the weekend so here they were, finding out. All Becca's arguments about how risky it was were countered by Margaret on a mission to find out who had sired the child. It had raged back and forth endlessly, until exhausted Becca agreed. His part in it, the blood test was over and done with painlessly in minutes but Becca walking into the consulting room with her frightened face haunted him. He tried to analyse his feelings, did he want to know? How would he feel if he wasn't, if the baby was Jake's? How did he feel about the baby anyway, he hadn't had the luxury yet of working that one out.
He spotted her walking slowly towards him, she looked grey and exhausted. He took her hand and squeezed it, "You ok?" "No" she answered "I just want to go home" He hugged her and they headed off to find Margaret and the car. Becca had given in about the test but had been adamant it was something she and Justin did together. He could see from Margaret's face she was chalking another one up against him. "How long before we know?" "A couple of days, they'll ring me with the results" The drive back was uncomfortable, Margaret asking impossible questions and making tactless remarks. Fortunately she decided to visit a friend in the afternoon so they had the house to themselves for the first time since arriving. Becca was listless and went to bed, leaving him with only his thoughts for company. It was weird being here, this time last week he'd been in school wondering if he'd ever see her again and now they were as good as living together, it was a huge leap. Jolting him out of his thoughts, the phone rang. He wondered whether to answer it but then he worried its shrill tone would wake Becca and she needed the rest. He picked it up and spoke "Hello?" "You!" the angry voice was Jake. "So that's where you've slunk off to, get Becca on here now!" He wavered, should he tell Jake to get lost or should he get her and let her be subjected to another torrent of abuse. He chose the first "Get lost Jake, she doesn't want to talk to you now or ever" He replaced the phone, his hands shaking; she didn't need to know about the call. He turned around and she was stood there, an angry look on her face, "What right have you to make decisions like that for me?" she demanded "I'm sorry" he stuttered, anxious not to upset her further "I was just trying to stop him from upsetting you" "I'm upset people round here think they can make all my decisions for me, that I'm incapable of rational thought!" He realised she sounding off more about the trip to the hospital than his intercepting of Jake. He pulled her to him and reluctantly she let him hold her "It'll be alright" he whispered She pulled her head back "Will it? No matter who's the father of this baby it's going to have two parents who are completely estranged or..." "Two parents who love each other and will spoil her to death, regardless" "Do you realise what you're saying, what you're taking on? How can I ask you to raise your own child at sixteen, let alone Jake's" She pulled away then and paced back and forth. "I told Mum I didn't want to do this now, I didn't want this pressure but would she listen, oh no, she knew best. You've got to find out she kept saying, it's not fair on either of them" Justin was amazed she'd even considered his feelings in the matter. "And now we've got two whole days to sit and worry..." Finally she ground to halt and slumped on the sofa. He was concerned, she shouldn't be getting worked up like this. He knelt down in front of her and took her hands, their casts clunked together making her smile, "Look let's get away from here, away from everything for a couple of days, it'll all be here when we come back but let's just have some time on our own" He had spoken impulsively but it touched a chord with Becca and the smile became a grin. She dropped his hand and disappeared into the study, Dad's place she called it. He heard her rummaging around and she reappeared in the doorway waving keys at him. "Dad had this place a few miles away, down by the river, his thinking spot. He used it to escape when Mum got a bit much I think." Her eyes filled with tears at the memory but he seized on her change of mood "I'll pack, you write a note for her" He was never sure what to call the dragon, he was sure there was something in Harry Potter that was appropriate.
He looked back on those two days as perfect. Charles's place turned out to be a very basic cottage, close to the river but secluded from the road by trees. It was obvious it hadn't been occupied in a while but they flung open the windows and doors, letting the mustiness escape. Becca picked up a box of groceries from the village shop, while he attempted for the first time in his life to clear up and make it habitable. The weather was perfect; they picnicked on the river bank, rolling around on the grass while Becca tried to teach him the finer points of fly fishing, a subject it soon became apparent, on which she was rusty. "I wish I'd listened to him more, he was always trying to get me and Nancy to come here with him for weekends" her nose wrinkling at the remembered reluctance. He laughed, he couldn't imagine fastidious Becca up to her knees in river water, casting a rod let alone dispatching a cold wet river fish. She pushed him over "What's so funny?" "You" he whooped "In.., in ... waders" He rolled around on the grass laughing till tears ran while Becca turned her back on him in a mock sulk. As the sun sank they packed up and carried the remains back inside. They sat on the doorstep, Becca leaning back against him and watched it set. He stroked her hair as she relaxed against him, why couldn't it always be like this, no stress, just the two of them totally in tune. It grew cooler and they moved indoors, Justin lit a fire impressing Becca no end. He was embarrassed "I learned at boot-camp, survival training" It was her turn to laugh but this time he joined in. They sat and watched the flames for what seemed like hours, "Dad loved this place" she said "He'd disappear for hours, used to drive Mum mad!" she laughed. "She could never understand the attraction, that shed she used to call it!" "What about your Dad?" she asked "You never talk about him" He looked into the flames, "I was really young when he died, one day he was there, next day he was gone. It all happened when I was at school, it's a bit of blur after that but I do remember things from before he died, playing football in the back garden and one time at the beach..." his voice trailed away as he remembered and she reached across and held his hand, both bereft. He looked across at her in the firelight "I know we said we wouldn't talk about it here, but I meant what I said Becca, I'm here regardless" He thought he saw her smile but then she leaned across and kissed him and all other thoughts vanished as he kissed her back and slowly they sank down in front of the dying flames.
They spent the next morning, holed up indoors as outside it teemed with rain. Disinclined to get out of bed, they huddled together and talked, both of them avoiding any mention of the baby. By lunchtime it had petered out and as the sun kept trying to break through they decided on a walk along the river. Justin was surprised that neither of them, Becca or Nancy, had wanted to spend time here. "It's amazing!" Becca laughed at his enthusiasm "Not when it's going fishing with your dad and all your friends are into boys, bands and clubs!" He grinned at her, "That was last week, what's top of your list now?" "Oi!" She pushed him and he fell backwards, onto the grass. Laughing she flopped down next to him, "You" Suddenly serious he asked "D'you mean that?" She held his face in her hands considering him. He didn't move, waiting for his answer "Yes, I do. I really do"
As they packed for the journey back, he kept glancing at her and smiling. Finally she asked him "What is it?" "What's what?" he answered being deliberately obtuse "With all the little looks?" "Oh, those?" "Yep C'mon spill!" He laughed "I can't believe this is happening, you and I are together, everybody knows and you don't mind, and we can go back" She pulled a face at this but he added "Not right now! We've got to let things settle but eventually..." "We've got tomorrow to face" she said quietly, "This was lovely but this isn't real life" "I know..." he broke in "But even so...me and you Becca, who'd have thought?"
Becca stood outside the Dog, the wind whipping her hair across her face, the squally weather suiting her mood. She'd been there a good five minutes summoning up the nerve to enter. Customers had passed her, curious but uninvolved, a few holding the door open in anticipation of her entering but she shook her head and stayed resolutely outside. She had no idea how she was going to do this but she was going to have to cross the threshold, she winced at that, to talk to him. Taking a deep breath, she pushed open the door and walked to the bar; it was half full, too early yet for the Friday crowd but she was notorious enough to draw whispers and sniggers from the small band of customers. Jack was working and he shook his head "You're not welcome here Becca, I think you'd better go" "I'm sorry Jack but I need to speak to Jake" "And I'm sure he doesn't want to speak to you!" answered Frankie before Jack could reply. She came through the doorway from upstairs and around the bar, keeping her voice raised. "He doesn't want to set eyes on his one-time slut of a wife in this life or the next ...I think those were his exact words" Becca winced as those at the bar tittered and waited, anxious not to miss any of the entertainment this confrontation was sure to provide. Keeping her voice level, she replied "Tell him I've had the results of the DNA test and I need to speak to him" It wiped the grin from Frankie's face, she turned to the bar "What are you looking at?" she yelled, Jack winced this was surely not good for business washing their dirty linen in public "For God's sake Frankie take the girl upstairs!" Frankie turned on her heel and Becca took this to mean she was included too; she followed her through the bar and up the stairs. In the living room Jake was stretched out on the sofa idly flicking channels on the TV. He looked up as his mother appeared in the doorway "Can you tell her to stop moaning about the T..." he broke off abruptly as he saw Becca trailing in her wake. "What's she doing here?" he said through gritted teeth "I want her gone! Tell her to get lost and don't come back" He turned his attention back to the TV and carried on changing channels, Steph now oblivious staring unbelievingly at Becca. "She's come about the baby, love, she's had the results" Frankie explained quietly sensing this was going to be traumatic whatever the outcome. Jake sat up and switched the TV off, she had his attention now. Becca felt the envelope in her pocket; she didn't know whether she should do this in private or with the Dean clan looking on. For the moment she had their co-operation and she had a feeling this was best done without Frankie & co being privy to it. "I'd like to tell Jake in private if you don't mind?" she explained. Frankie snorted "We're not going anywhere, this concerns us all "No, it doesn't Mum" Jake for once standing up to his mother, shooing her and Steph from the room. They were alone for the first time in weeks, "How are you?" she ventured, "How do you think?" he replied bitterly, "Get to the point Becca, who's the dad?" She reached into her pocket, "I had a test done and Jus..." He glared as she was about to mention his name "...tin had a blood sample taken, for elimination" The science was burned in her brain, "They compared the two samples and the results are here" She handed him the letter and waited in silence while he read it.
The silence carried for some minutes as the truth sank in, "So, they match" he said slowly. She knew from his expression there had been a faint hope and that had now flickered and died. She watched as he sat down on the sofa "So, what happens now?" he asked. "I don't know, I haven't told Jus... him yet. I wanted to tell you first." He looked at her, "Why?" "Because I thought I owed it to you to..." "No" he interrupted "Why Becca? Why him?" She looked at him, she owed him the truth. "He's everything I want" she answered "A schoolboy?" he snorted derogatorily. She turned to go, "No Becca wait! Really, I want to know" "I love him, how can you analyse that? How can I break him down into parts and explain him as a whole" she smiled at the thought. She looked at Jake and saw he was still uncomprehending, he probably never would understand. It was no longer her problem, today had been the final piece.
"If we could explain why we loved someone, perhaps it isn't love at all" He looked perplexed, "Jake I'm sorry, I thought I loved you but you never understood me, Justin...he just knows...I don't have to explain how I'm feeling, what I need...he just" "Knows" Jake finished sarcastically. "You see" she smiled "I can't explain" "Just go" he replied exasperated now, "I give it months" he said bitterly "and don't expect to come crawling back here either, you and the brat, when he does a runner" He flicked the switch on the remote and TV blared out with the latest game show. "Bye Jake" she whispered and left. He watched her leave and threw the remote squarely as she closed the door. She navigated her way out of the bar without comment, and leaning on the wall outside, she sighed. It had been better and worse than she could have imagined; she wrapped her coat around her tightly and set off, struggling against the wind. She hurried as best she could, she had to tell him about the letter and Jake and then...who knew what might happen next...
THE END
23