The Hazards of Sake

The summer evening was drawing in quickly over the soul society, while an unusual event was occurring. Once every year a party was held in the Head Captain's meeting room. Right now the rather strongly spiked Sake punch was doing the rounds, most of the Captains weren't used to drinking so the effects hit quickly and the results were rather interesting.

Kisuke Urahara was hiding his rather smug grin behind his usual fan even though he was wearing different clothes he never left his fan behind. It was of course him who spiked the punch with another one of his inventions. Only this time he had added a home made truth serum to add a little bit of fun to the proceedings. After all he wasn't a genius for nothing.

While no one was paying attention he slipped over to the other side of the room and came to rest next to Unohana Retsu, before crossing his arms all the while keeping his face half hidden by his trusty fan.

"Kisuke how nice to see you back in your rightful position."

"Why thank you Retsu its good to be back."

The two shared a smile, Retsu wasn't daft she knew that Kisuke had spiked the punch but she was rather interested in the outcome some she didn't think she would stop anyone from drinking it, not this time anyway.

Ichigo was one of the first fall prey to the punch as he had never really drunk and alcohol before. By the time he was on his second cup full he couldn't see straight and was finding Captain Komamura strangley attractive in the low lighting. He kept closer and closer until he could reach the wolf like Captain. With a shyness that wasn't helped by the special truth serum in Kisuke's spiked punch, Ichigo placed a small hand on the warm, fur covered arm. Sajin looked down although he had already recognised the strong but spicy scent that held traces of orange, it was a scent he knew well to be Ichigo's. Bright gold eyes locked with deep chocolate as a silent conversation took place and Sajin picked up the orange head. They weren't seen again unless you looked very hard in the darkest corner of the room.

A certain black haired Captain was stood away from the crowds as his cold eyes scanned the room for just one person. The deep red hair gave away the position of his Lieutenant. Those cold eyes thawed as he looked at his gorgeous redhead, although he couldn't quite stamp on the little bit of jealousy that wormed its way into his heart when he watched as Rangiku laid a hand on a tattooed arm. He was rather possessive by nature and he was tested during thing like this when others went for his redhead. Byakuya's control lasted all of 10 minutes when a rather drunk Kira began to snuggle up to Renji in a very suggestive manor that a sober Kira would never manage. Byakuya slowly lost control during those few minutes he was stalking around the edge of the building till he reached Renji. The redhead knew his mate had finally reached the end of his rope he smirked and turned to meet him.

"You coming Byakuya?"

"Don't be stupid you know the answer."

The two were quickly absent from the rest of the party and there were some very strange noises coming from the Kuchiki Mansion that night. In the morning Captain Kuchiki got a few strange looks as he sat at his desk writing his reports, as every time his wrists were exposed there was a set of dark bruises around the bone.

Kenpachi was scowling in the corner. Even he didn't want to pick a fight with the wolf to spar with Ichigo, which was the only reason he had come to this stupid party on the first place. He stared around with his dark eye until a small teen with tight jeans and a black top on caught his eye. He was small and slightly curvy just how he like 'em. He grapped the teen and disappeared back to his rooms, he then proceed to ravish the boy until he couldn't move. (Not that it was difficult) He had no intentions of letting this one go, he was far too cute and Kenny didn't share and he didn't do jealousy very well at all, it usually ended in bloodshed.

Rangiku was plastered rather quickly as the evening started. Unknown to her she had upset the squad six Captain by flirting with his mate and the two had vanished, not that she would remember in the morning. As the large breasted woman began to loose her balance Izuru and Shūhei assisted her to one of the settees where Rangiku registered the fact she was plastered against a hot male and very cute one. Being the fact she drunk and her few morals were gone she grapped the pair of them and ripped away their shirts.

"I guess your not bothered there are two of us."

"Nope just get your clothes off."

In the morning the three awoke with no clothes and banging headaches, Rangiku seemed to have a sticky alcohol all over her and Izuru had ropes laying over his wrists and ankles as if he had been tied up at some point.

Yoruichi leaned back against the wall with a cup of sake in her long nailed hand. Her almond shaped eyes scanned the crowd as she watched the pairings spilt off and laughed when she realised what Kisuke had done for his entertainment. A slightly evil grin crossed her face as she noticed Soifon was headed in her direction with a blushed scattered across her pale skin. Yoruichi smiled and beckoned with her fingers as she slowly flashed stepped away to a clearing. Soifon followed and soon passed out because of all the alcohol she had drunk, Yoruichi gave a cattish grin and stole all her clothes, and she couldn't wait to see her face in the morning.

The morning after was one of the funniest things Kisuke had ever seen, the Sake he had spiked had done its job well as there were several pairings that would have never been considered if it were for the effects of the special ingredient. He had seen Ichigo having a shouting match with Sajin over the fact Ichigo wasn't happy about the wolf growling at every male that came with 2 foot of the berry, it turned out Ichigo didn't like being owned and the result was the large Captain walking round with a thick leather collar reading, 'Property of one Ichigo Kurosaki, do not touch'.

Renji was walking around the smuggest grin on his face Kisuke had ever seen and the reason for that became all together clear when he saw a rather tired looking Byakuya being held against the wall by Yoruichi who was laughing over some dark bruising caused by handcuffs around his wrists. The redhead would later be punished by sleeping on the floor for a week when Byakuya banned him from their bed for the episode.

Rangiku woke up entangled with Izuru and Shūhei in the corner of the room the party was held in. The three were a lot worse for the wear and headed to Rangiku's home to clean up. The result of that was another round and a rather strange relationship that seemed to work in the end as both Rangiku and Shūhei had tempers on them and Izuru was a very good peace maker which stopped them from saying things they shouldn't.

Soifon was the funniest of the lot. Yoruichi was there standing over her in the morning when she awoke, she then proceeded to tell the Captain that she would stand by her during the pregnancy and to expect one of them to be born as a cat. Then Soifon realised she was naked and after Yoruichi had cracked and told her laughing all the while she had made it up and stolen her clothes the two of them proceeded to flash step chase each other all over the soul society till the clothes were returned and Yoruichi went back to teasing Byakuya about the handcuff makes and being submissive to his Lieutenant.

Hanatarō woke to the heavy wieght of Kenny's arm over his waist, he sighed but snuggled down into the warmth after all he was useless at fighting he might as well have a protector who could do it for him but he would need to find a way to heal afterwards, he was in a lot of pain after all Kenny was big.

Retsu appeared at Kisuke side once he had found out everyone's reactions to the events of the night before. The look on her face would have scared most men including the Captains but after all Kisuke wasn't normal so he just raised an eyebrow.

"You wanted something?" The fan came out as he spoke.

"Glad to see you are enjoying your little prank from last night, I do hope you aren't going to meddle again for a while. There were some things I would rather not deal with again thank you."

"May I enquire what they were?"

"I had to heal the worst of Byakuya's bruises that were not just on his wrists, it seems that liquid opened up the Captains fetish for a bit of roughness that Renji was only to willing to provide. And I would rather not have Ichigo giving birth to wolf cubs thank you that would just get far too many question asked. As to the damage done to poor Hanatarō I would not like that to become regular as I doubt he will be in one piece for long."

"Of course Retsu I will restrain myself from now on"

"Good."

With that the 4th Captain strolled out, she didn't notice the grin on the handsome blonde's face as he plotted a way to help little Hanatarō as he was sure that was not going to be the last Kenny got his hands on the boy… until next time they should have all learned hazards of sake.

This is a oneshot that came into my head a while again, it has been written for my best friend (you know who you are Zoe *hug*) but reviews are welcome :) hope you enjoyed.