You've found hope
You've found faith,
Found how fast she could take it away.
Found true love,
Lost your heart.
Now you don't know who you are.
You don't know me. Nobody knows me. Well, not anymore anyway. I don't even know what's happened to my life. It's all falling apart just when I need it to come together. It's almost graduation and what do I have? I have my legacy but at the same time I have nothing. I don't really have a best friend and I for sure don't have love.
So what do I want?
I'll tell you what I want. I want my best friend back. The one I used to go to summer camp with. The one that I would stay up late talking about girls and play video games with. Cappie and I we were buddies for life we said once. Now every time we see each other it's a smart-ass remark and a scowl.
"What about Cappie?"
I knew I should have said something when she asked me. I should have said, "Cappie's my best friend no matter what a jerk he could be." But the fact of the matter is I didn't say it. Running the words through my head but I didn't ay anything. And that's that day I truly lost my best friend. I could always say he punched me first.
But you were at the dance with his girlfriend.
Yea but only as a friend. He never let me explain.
Yea and you had this huge thing for her.
Well, I saw her first.
And he made the first move. Typical Cappie.
The voices inside my head having another argument. It was never going to stop. But neither of us was willing to surrender. Admit we were wrong. Crap. Here he comes.
"Chambers fantasizing about the many girls you'll never get." I'll admit, Cappie wasn't totally dumb; he just never applied himself in academics.
"No Crappie. I'm just doing a little something called studying. Ever heard of it?" I replied tossing a book in his direction.
"Yes, but, I have a hot blond waiting for me back at the house." He said winking and with that, he was gone. Great. There goes my chance for an apology. But really we let something that we promised wouldn't come between us come between us. Yea, there was a girl involved. Her name is Casey Cartwright.
She was beautiful. In both our eyes. Sandy blond hair, and these light brown eyes that I could melt in. When I met her, I knew I felt something special.
Every laugh, every touch sent electricity through my veins and I could feel my heart beating faster and faster until I swear I thought would burst through my chest. No matter what she was wearing though, basketball shorts and a baggy shirt or a pretty blue strapless dress, she will always be the most beautiful girl I had ever seen.
So we dated for a while. Some cheating here, some cheating there. But when I slept with Rebecca, I was sure as hell not making love. But when she slept with Cappie, I could never be too sure. I knew she would always care about him, but I thought she stopped having these massive romantic feelings for him.
She was with me. Big deal, so what's the words, "I picked you" mean anymore? She picked me but she would always love him more. So I dumped her. It just killed me, Every time their eyes connected, every friendly word spoken was some kind of secret unspoken language between them and it just killed me.
And what made it worse was what Frannie told me. She only dated me at the end for what I could give her. My legacy, my money, my status?
Sometimes I wish I never had any one that. That I didn't have any family standards, expectations before anyone has ever met me. For chrissake I just wanted to be treated like every one else.
But as much as I would like to deny it, I loved my parents I wouldn't do any thing to hurt them. And destroying everything that they worked my towards would hurt them so much. Worse than 100 swords going through there bodies. I was their one and only son. They put everything in me.
So what am I going to give back to them? Everything. Every dollar and penny they put into sending me to the best schools I could possibly go to. But that doesn't mean I'm going to be happy. God, I'm not sure I'll ever be as happy as freshman year again.
But that doesn't matter. I always said friends and love were over rated anyway.
She made it easy,
Made it free,
Made you hurt til you couldn't see.
Sometimes it stops,
Sometimes it flows,
But baby that is how love goes.