"Don't be a wuss Enjolras." Grantaire and Coufeyrac drunkenly stumbled down the street, while their slightly less drunk friend Enjolras refused to step any further.

"I'm not going in that cafe, not on a full moon!"

"It's just a cafe."

"A haunted cafe!"

"Enjolras," Courfeyac put his hand on Enjolras' shoulder. "I'm hungry."

Enjolras shuddered, remembering the last time Cofureyac was hungry. "No. I'm sorry just like, people say it's haunted, so I don't wanna go. I'll cook you guys dinner, okay?"

"Your cooking sucks."

"It does not! Grantaire are you hearing this?!"

Grantaire was dancing weirdly. "Yeah it's pretty bad."

"Grantaire, you're supposed to be on my side! Do you wanna sleep with me or not?!"

"Well yeah but-"

"Hey." A grumbly voice seeped out of the shadows.

Enjolras squinted into the dark abyss. "Uh. Hey?"

"I heard you boys wanted to visit the haunted cafe."

"Well I didn't but-"

"First off, it's a restaurant. Not a cafe."

"Okay... but my friends wanted to go."

"Don't." The voice growled. "Don't go near that restaurant, ya hear?"

"Well why?"

"...Reasons."

"Is it because it's haunted?"

"...Maybe."

Enjolras turned in to huddle with his buds. "Well team. What's the verdict?"

"I'm hungry."

Grantaire pointed to himself sloppily. "I'm drunk."

Hesitantly, Enjolras turned back into the vague darkness. "Sorry, I think we're still gonna go."

"I see..."

"Is that okay with you?"

"Perhaps... this will convince you."

The figure slowly emerged, his features becoming more discernible as he approached the boys. They noticed something odd about the man, something slightly recognizeable and something slightly...sinister.

"Oh." The boys' eyes widened.

"My." They clutched each other tightly.

"G-"

Three high pitched screams faded into the night sky.

***CHEZ JAVERT***

Marius clutched the paper in his hand, reading the address scrawled on the front. 417 Rue de L'Homme Arme. Reading the corresponding sign, Marius stood outside of a quaint, single-story restaurant with a green and brown color scheme. Ugly, bread-themed paintings lined the walls as many elderly people inside ate various soups.

"Well." He folded up the paper. "This is it."

Upon opening the door, Marius caught sight of a scraggly girl surrounded by a perpetual cloud of dust and mopping the floor. Her eyes lit up instantly.

"W-welcome!"

"Um... hi."

"C-can I interest you in some soup-"

"No I-"

"We have bread bowls! Salads, sandwiches, even smoothies now-"

"I need to speak with your manager."

"Oh." The girl pulled him into a close whisper. "I didn't do it."

"What?"

"Keep your voice down!" She inhaled deeply. "You know, you smell nice."

"Okay could I-"

Across the room, the green double doors to the kitchen area swung open, revealing a bulky, strong-looking gentleman with long hair and even longer side-burns. "Eponine!" He stomped towards the scraggly girl. "What did I say about harassing the customers?!"

"Who says I was harassing him?"

"To tell you the truth, I saw an attractive young man walk in so I had a bit of a feeling."

"That's not proof!"

"Eponine you harass any able-bodied hot piece of ass that walks in this establishment!"

Marius gulped. "Piece of ass?"

"All I'm saying is just because you got the goods, doesn't mean the market's in town!"

Eponine gasped. "That's not nice!"

"This is Paris and this is the 19th century, the hot piece of ass population is rising exponentially and we can't have you destroying this restaurant with your antics!"

"Well what about you, Javert?" Eponine gestured to side-burns man, who had his hands on Marius' shoulders for the past five minutes.

The man looked down to Marius' comparatively small frame. "And just who are you, causing all this ruckus?"

"Uh. I'm Marius."

"Okay."

"I was hoping I could speak with your manager please?"

"I am he."

"Could I uh-" Marius' voice cracked. "Could I speak with you privately?"

Javert removed his hands from Marius' shoulders and squinted. "I have an office. Follow me." Javert made the 'I'm watching you' gesture to Eponine and she flipped him off.

"So."

"So..."

"What brings you here, Mario?"

"It's Marius and-" Javert looked like he didn't enjoy being corrected. Marius' voice cracked again. "A-actually a few of my friends suddenly disappeared a few days ago, and I can't help but feel like I need to get a job here."

Javert blinked. "Why...?"

"Well the last thing they left behind was a note with this address on it."

"You don't think I abducted your friends, do you?"

Marius gasped. "No, I hadn't even thought of that! Did you?"

The side-burned man roared with slow, rumbling laughter. "Okay! What experience do you have?"

"...Experience?"

"As in what were your past jobs, your references, do you have a resume, et cetera..."

"Oh, sorry. I'll be going now."

"Well hold your horses son, sit back down."

"But I don't have an et cetera!"

Javert sighed. "You see, we're deeply committed to hiring young people with little to no work experience."

"Well aren't I lucky, I've never worked a day in my life!"

"In fact, we turn you away if you're too experienced. We'd rather you have absolutely no idea what you're doing and be unfit for basic human survival!"

"That's great! So I'm hired, then?"

Javert had another fit of overenthusiastic laughter. Marius joined in. "Getting a job is so easy! My grandfather will be so impressed!"

"You bet he will!" Javert suddenly got deathly serious. "You're on register." Handing Marius a green apron and baseball cap decorated with baguettes, he grinned maliciously.

"Welcome to Panera Bread... Mariah."