What am I doing? I have two other stories that I should be writing right now. Late night lemonade and where my demons hide..

I can't get this story out of my head and I just HAVE to write it. English isn't mother tongue so There is some errors. Sorry about that.

Hope you'll love my story and I know this is a cliche but I don't care.

Oh and Paul will be possessive in this story.

Welcome to my life.

Do you ever feel like breaking down?
Do you ever feel out of place?
Like somehow you just don't belong
And no one understands you
Do you ever wanna runaway?
Do you lock yourself in your room?
With the radio on turned up so loud
That no one hears you screaming

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

One year.

365 days.

8760 hours.

525 600 minutes.

31 536 000 seconds.

Till I move from this shit hole they call Forks. School starts today and it's my final year. My senior year. Now I can rule the school and walk like I own the place as if it would be my god given right to do that. I should have bunch of friends but I don't. I should go there and be with my best friend and laugh until I couldn't breathe. I should mock the teachers and make fun of the younger students'.

Some say that I'm invisible but I'm not. I would like to be invisible so I could hide and no one would pay attention to me. I go to school at the reservation but I'm white. My mother married a Native American three years ago and I had to move from Seattle to here. I loved Seattle. I loved the feeling that I could walk along the streets and no one would know me. But when I moved here everybody knew me already. They had already judged me before school even started. I know I'm an outsider and everyone around me keep reminding me of that.

I'm like snow white but I'm in the wrong movie.

Sorry Pocahontas.

I miss my dwarfs.

I've put up with this shit for two years now and this is the last year. Then I won't even speak about Forks anymore. I'd use phrases like hell hole or the devil's fork.

I'm so funny that I make myself laugh sometimes.

I killed my car's engine and rested my forehead against the cool, black steering wheel. I took a deep breath. Then again.

Just breathe. I ordered myself.

Calm down there's nothing you haven't seen before. Just overly hormonal teenagers. Only thing you have to do is ignore them and pretend they don't exist. It's easy. You've done it before. My hands were shaking and my heart was going crazy.

La push high is a small school and everybody knows everyone. Where you live, who's your brother or sister or your parents and they know everything about you. A typical small town I suppose. When I came here I thought it would be easy to find friends and everyone would come to talk to me.

No one did.

I opened my car's door and grabbed my black bag from the backseat. It was raining like always in forks and I didn't bother with the umbrella. I don't care if my hair gets wet. It's a mess anyway. I just hope that the rain doesn't ruin my makeup.

La push high is completely white concrete building. It has dark brown doors and above them is the school's name.

The gates of hell.

Told ya I'm funny.

I opened the door and stepped in. I brushed my dark brown hair away from my face and went to my locker. A bunch of girls came to my direction and they giggled and whispered something. They all had black, perfectly curled hair. Their lips were glossy and they were wearing short skirts.

I hate lip gloss.

I shrunk back and grabbed my phone from my bag and put headphones on. I turned the music so loud that I couldn't hear what they said.

I rested my head against the locker and breathed. I can't do this. There's always a moment in one's life that it's not if you want to do it but you just can't do it. I opened my locker and threw my books there. Only thing that keeps me going is hope that when this year is over I'm going to leave.

Maybe I'll marry someone rich with a Lamborghini and a private jet. I could totally be a trophy wife or a wag.

The bell rang and I walked through the crowded hallway. I kept my gaze firmly on the ground and then I ran into a wall. The wall was warm and muscular but very hard. I looked up. The wall was wearing black jeans and a white t-shirt. The wall had long black hair and the wall was handsome. With high cheek bones and defined jaw.

Oh shit.

Why me?

It was Paul Lahote. He looked livid like he wanted to kill me. His almost black eyes looked angry. They consumed me for a moment. I was pressed against him for a while and then he looked at me like I was nothing and then he pushed me away and I lost my balance and almost fell down and then he walked away with long steps. He's taller. Much taller than everyone else. He towered everyone and he was muscular. He used to be this skinny boyish guy but now he looked like a college student.

What the hell happened to him?

And the song ended and I heard what Jared, his best friend said to him.

''Dude you don't have a thing for the pale face, do you?'' I didn't move from the wall. I heard his cruel, deep laughter.

''Do you think I'm that pathetic?'' He said loudly. I didn't hear what Jared answered.

I didn't want to. I walked away quickly.

My first class was math. Oh great. I went to class and sat down. I opened my math book and took a pen. The teacher came in and everyone sat down.

''Page six.'' Mrs. Meraz said.

I hate math. I never understand it or maybe I don't study enough.

I always sit alone because no one wants to sit next to me. Group works are my worst nightmare. There's nothing worse than when no one wants you in their group and you walk around like a lost puppy.

I looked forward and almost puked. Paul was sucking his girlfriend's earlobe. Sara giggled and pushed him away. I quickly looked away. Fantastic. Now I have to look at them dry-fucking each other the whole fucking year. Just my luck. I saw his hand caressing her leg. Up and down. I saw his muscles in his arm and it was hypnotizing. Then he whispered something to her and she giggled again.

''Paul Lahote, anything you want to share?'' Paul leaned back and crossed his legs. His whole posture screamed of arrogance. I didn't see his face but I'm sure he was smirking. It's his thing.

''Nope.'' He chuckled. I saw him ran his fingers through his long, shiny hair.

The teacher wrinkled her forehead and looked at him behind her red glasses.

''Go and take a seat next to Arya.'' Oh shit please, please don't be so cruel to me. If you don't want me to die then don't do this to me.

I looked at her with puppy eyes. No one can resist my puppy eyes.

Can you see them?

''What?'' Paul almost shouted. '' You can't be serious. I won't sit next to that fucking goth.'' Ouch that hurt. I looked at my hands. It's not the first time someone says stuff like that but it hurts like hell.

''Language!'' Mrs. Meraz was livid. ''If you don't then you will fail this class.'' She turned around and started writing.

Are you even human? Probably not or you just hate me like everyone else.

Paul groaned and grabbed his stuff from his desk and then he sat next to me. I stiffened immediately. I didn't look at him or acknowledged him in anyway. I knew better than that. He'd probably kill me if I would say hi to him. Or worse.

''Fucking freak.'' He muttered under his breath and I shrunk back. My heart was pounding like crazy and it was because of him.

I don't want to hear his cruel words.

I don't want to hear his laughter.

I don't want to see his black eyes.

I ignored what the teacher said. I'm not going to understand what she's saying anyway. Teachers' never ask me anything because I don't like answering and usually I just mutter something and they don't hear anything. I'm shy. Like painfully shy. Not the cute kind of way but I'm socially awkward. I always envy those temperamental people who are funny and witty. But I'm not blessed with that gift.I should be a top student but I'm only average. Painfully average. I'm the queen of average. Painfully shy and average. My mom must be so proud.

I brushed my dark hair on my right shoulder and hid my face. This is why I like sitting alone. When I'm alone I don't have to listen to other students comments about my hair, my clothes or just how much of a freak I am.

I felt someone kick my leg and I jumped. I looked and Paul was looking at me.

''W-What?'' I stuttered.

He rolled his black eyes.

''I asked what page.'' Oh right. I looked down.

''Um, six.' I said quietly. He almost didn't hear me. He opened his book and I looked forward and started writing. I couldn't relax at all because I was waiting what he is going to say next. I tried to concentrate but it was impossible. My hands were shaking and I couldn't stop it.

The class ended and Paul left without looking back. He grabbed his girlfriend's hand and pulled her up and kissed her passionately. I took a shaky breath and grabbed my stuff and moved past them.

One year. Only one year.

One year too much.

365 days too much.

Mu next class started and I sat alone. Lunch would be next.

I hate lunch.

I really do.

I can almost feel the looks I get when I sit alone. I used to eat in the library but then the teachers' forbid it and now I'm stuck. I sat down on an empty table. The ''popular'' gang sat other side of the cafeteria near the window.

Sometimes I hate my mom for marrying John but then I see how happy she is and I want her to be happy. I grabbed my phone and texted to my best friend. Mary lives I Seattle and I've known her since I was five. I hate the fact that I can't be near her.

Wonder if hell is actually in Forks. I texted. I ate my sandwich and waited her to answer.

Lol who is the devil then?

I smiled a little.

Everyone.

I stood up and went to my class. La Push high is one long hallway and it's impossible to avoid someone- Sometimes I hide in the bathroom until the bell rings. Bathroom is my safe.

I wonder if my mom would let me finish my year in Forks high. I could go home and beg and cry my mom to let me go to Forks high but I know she would just shrug and say that it wouldn't make a difference. I would still get bullied.

Thanks mom love ya too.

''Eww look who is coming.'' I heard Paul's girlfriend say. Everyone around her laughed. I hate going through hallways and crowds give me an anxiety attack. My stomach dropped.

They always laugh. I resisted the urge to cry and run to the bathroom. I pulled my black hoodie tighter around me and walked faster. One who says that running doesn't help anything doesn't know anything.

It does. And after this school year I'm going to leave. Though I could go university of mars and it still wouldn't be far enough. Maybe I should apply to Europe. England or Germany would be nice.

''Fucking goths. They are everywhere nowadays.'' I heard Jared Cameron mutter under his breath. I looked down at my big black hoodie and black ripped jeans and sighed. If this makes me a goth then so be it.

I opened the front door and threw my bag to the furthest corner.

''Hi Mom.'' I shouted and walked to the kitchen.

''Oh hi honey. How was school?'' I grimaced. My mother was cooking and her blonde hair was pulled up. She was wearing a pink apron and red heels. I almost rolled my eyes at her.

''It was okay.'' I grabbed an apple and ran to upstairs. I took my red diary under my bed and started writing. It's like therapy to me. The pages are stained with tears because usually I write when I feel like crying. I don't like saying most stuff out loud because saying it makes it real.

I know it doesn't make sense.

Dear diary:

One year.

365 days.

8760 hours.

525 600 minutes.

31 536 000 seconds.

Do you wanna be somebody else?
Are you sick of feeling so left out?
Are you desperate to find something more?
Before your life is over
Are you stuck inside a world you hate?
Are you sick of everyone around?
With their big fake smiles and stupid lies
While deep inside you're bleeding

No you don't know what it's like
When nothing feels all right
You don't know what it's like
To be like me

Review.

Yours

Lunar deity