hey guys! Its my first ever fan fiction! I apologise in advance for any mistakes or typos, I have to start somewhere. I'll try to upload quite regularly about 1-2 chapters each time( don't worry they're not that long) but don't pin me to that. hope you enjoy it (:

chapter one

Crystal clear raindrops falling down, down, down, splashing into collective pools on the earthy, autumnal ground. An ironic weather choice, mirroring Merlins salty tears. The clear droplets slid down his face, plummeting towards the floor.

The lake was slowly building up waves, lapping the cool water over Merlins legs and submerging her pale face under the water. Letting go is always hard, but in this case Merlin would find it hard to forgive and forget. Arthur. Fire, destruction and visions of his face stirred up in Merlins mind like a whirlpool in a black sea, poisoning his reputation like a plague.

"I will avenge you Freya," whispered the mournful sorcerer, "I will do whatever it takes."

He turned his back on Avalon and crumpled like a piece of paper on the bank, The sound of the lake gently lapping in his ears. The Rain still poured, printing patterns on the waves...

" I promise"

Chapter two

The journey back to Camelot from Avalon took half a day at Merlins wandering rate, but it still not long enough for him to decide what his motivations were going to be on homecoming. After all, he was still Arthurs servant and loyal subject to Uther. As he trudged through the gates, and through the lower town, the place was buzzing with the mid-day bustle.

Stationed at a slightly opulent and classy stall cluttered with cups and plates stood Gwenivere, long, chocolate hair down, wearing a nice, pale-pink dress. She was holding a glossy, wooden cup in one hand and a small stack of patterned clay plates in the other and seemed to be weighing them up with an indecisive look on her face. Despite Merlin's best effort not to be noticed by anyone, she caught His eye, ushering him over.

Merlin sighed softly and plodded over to the stall. Luckily, He had never met the stall owner, who was a young blonde woman, occupied with stitching together a simple, purple purse, however he did work out that she cant have been that bright as the pricing on the crockery was like buying silver for the price of dirt.

"classy." he remarked, looking at the immaculately patterned plates. He was desperately trying to avoid Gwen's gaze with fear of cracking into floods of tears. Freya was still all he could think of.

"oh I don't know what I'm thinking. what would a serving girl want with these?"

Merlin grunted, half a world away.

"Are you all right?" inquired Gwen, starting to notice something about her friends enthusiasm. Subconsciously, Merlins eyes had drifted over to a hand drawn poster of a fierce and blood thirsty bastet... Freya. Gwen, unfortunately, followed his gaze and said...

"That beast has gone now, Arthur has defeated it like everyone knew he would. The town is rejoicing... I see nothing to be upset about!"

Beast? The word shot though his mind like a spear. So that's all she was now...a great, evil BEAST! Freya had learnt to be unloved and alone. the way people treated her was sick! An anger like burning oil flooded Merlin's face.

"How do you know that!" shouted Merlin, sharp and out of the blue. Gwen gazed up at Merlin, who staring at her with fire in his eyes. His pupils were like an eclipse, large and intimidating while his cheeks were a boiling scarlet. "How can we be sure!" the cork was off the bottle now and Merlin was as good as steaming. Beast! "Stop making assumptions Gwenivere, you don't know anything about her!" His voice had slowed to a snarling, stabbing whisper. As he tried not to cry, he bit the inside of his cheeks till the were swollen and a sickly, bloody taste intoxicated his mouth.

"Merlin...?A strangled voice coughed out of Gwen's throat as she stood there shocked and stitched to the ground. The blonde girl behind the stall stared in disbelief at the drama going on in her face. Her mouth even dropped open at the sight of the offbeat scene in front of her.

Merlin Paid no attention and glared at Gwen for a few seconds with a panting breath like foxhound on a hunt. His eyes still burned through Gwen's innocent face which was struck with total incredulity.

Suddenly, he whipped round and stormed up the street, weaving in and out of the towns people with such agility he was out of Gwen's sight in a flash, violently wiping his eyes with his sleeve.

He could not bear to go back to Giaus or Arthur now, so he found a small, lowly backstreet where he collected himself into a tight ball, crying and crying until the sun hung low over the citadel.

That's all for now! really hope you liked it (;

will try to upload again soon. BTW I'd rather you don't review this but I don't mind a little bit of feedback.

Before I forget I just need to give a shout out to Samantha2611 who got me going with fan fiction so you owe it all to her ==D

see you soon Xxx