For you Barbara/Jason shippers, I made a video for them :) the link is on my profile, feel free to check it out!

Disclaimer: I do not own Gotham or its characters.

Author's note:

Setting is AU in which Gordon was never able to track down Jason with a crappy drawing *eye roll*

This story is not connected to my other Barbara/Jason story Willing Captivity. This story is rated M for mature contents…

1

She let out a weak laugh. "You think that me making you murder someone will make me like you? That's insane."

She'd been close to her breaking point, but her head had been clear as far as love was concerned. She'd clung to him unreasonably close, but she'd known that she didn't love him (she'd probably hated him). At all.

One – Some Time After Her Parents' Murder

Barbara couldn't sleep.

Odd thing was: she was not bothered by the murder itself. The blood, the violence, the horrified looks that her parents had given her, it'd all given her a rush of vengeful satisfaction.

There was no guilt, or grief, but she could not fall asleep.

She would have the wildest sex with Jason and be completely worn out, yet still stared at the infinite darkness in the dim room for the entire night, acutely awake.

Then one night she could take the insomnia no more.

"Jason," she whispered in the dark, "can I have a sleeping pill?" Then she added, "Please?"

Jason propped himself up on an elbow and turned on the lamp. "Still can't sleep?" He murmured.

Barbara nodded, her eyes red-shot and rimmed with dark circles.

"Poor thing," he said softly and kissed her forehead, treating her like she was his girlfriend. Just a normal, willing, girlfriend. "I'll get you one."

When Jason came back and handed her a tablet, she popped it into her mouth and ran it down with a glass of water, her shackles clanging around her wrists.

"Thank you."

"You're welcome." Jason turned out the light and pulled her against him. Barbara was eternally grateful when sleep finally claimed her, and a striking thought occurred to her as she teetered between wakefulness and sleep.

Maybe…just maybe the sleeping pills had even better use than that.

.
.

Jason had promised her that he'd set her free, but he'd failed.

Since the murder of her parents she felt more trapped than ever. She did not regret killing them, but she was angry, so angry that she felt almost claustrophobic.

"Dinner looks nice. Thank you," Jason commented.

The corners of Barbara's mouth lifted up into a compliant smile, the smile fake and practiced. "Try the soup. It's the one you like."

Jason brought a spoonful of soup towards his mouth, and Barbara held her breath, her eyes wide and expectant.

Then abruptly he paused and looked up at her. Barbara started, her heart hammering loudly in the unnerving silence.

Jason put down his spoon and slowly pushed his soup towards her, and pulled her soup towards himself. He gave her a charming smile. "Yours looks better."

Stunned by the turn of events, she forced her smile to stay on her face. "That's silly, they're the same."

Jason shrugged mischievously and tasted the soup. "Hmm. The soup does taste good."

Barbara gave an uncomfortable laugh. "Well, I'm glad you like it."

She proceeded to eat her mashed potato.

"Eat your soup. It's going to be nasty when it gets cold."

"Oh…" Barbara pulled the soup in front of her, a small frown creasing her brow.

"What's wrong?" Jason asked, his head tilted.

Barbara cleared her throat. "Nothing. I'm just not really hungry."

"Well, have some soup. Or are you going to make me eat alone?" Jason put down his spoon with a clank, his face displeased.

Barbara swallowed the tight knot in her throat nervously. "I'll have some." She reluctantly brought spoonfuls of soup into her mouth, one after one, her heart progressively sinking into a never ending depth of fear.

She knew that she was very sleep deprived and tired, and the kind of sleeping pills that Jason gave her was strong, one single tablet would work wonders on her.

She hadn't put just one.

The rest was darkness.

.
.

Barbara screamed and gasped, coming awake as she felt a sharp pain between her legs. Oh God what the fuck is happening? Her head was groggy and painful, like she was having a hangover. There was a body on top of her, and she shrieked again when the pain between her legs didn't stop. She finally registered that she was naked and having sex, and the body on top of her was not gentle at all.

"Jason, it hurts, it hurts…" she pushed at his chest weakly. Her body could not prepare itself for his invasion while she was in a slumber.

And it surprised her when Jason ignored her and kept slamming into her, ripping her apart. He'd never hurt her like that. What the hell did she do? Still disorientated, she clutched his shoulders as painful tears escaped her eyes. "Please…stop, you're hurting me, please…please, did I do something wrong?"

Jason stopped and looked down at her in enraged disbelief, his cock still buried deep inside her. "Did. You. Do. Something. Wrong?"

Barbara took the chance to catch her breath, panting, and her eyes widened as memories rushed back to her. She'd tried to spike his soup, and had unfortunately eaten the soup herself.

He saw the fright in her eyes and knew she remembered. "Did you think I wouldn't notice that you've been asking for sleeping pills for the past three days but you never fell asleep? I gave you sleeping pills because I saw you struggling to rest. I've done nothing but love you, and this is how you repay me." His eyes were cold, furious.

Barbara bit her lip and breathed hard, her chest heaving. But how did he know it was the soup? How did he know she would do it tonight? Can he really read her that well?

Jason looked thoughtful for a second. He took a deep breath, then his expression turned from angry to calm. "Perhaps I've made a mistake." He moved to withdraw himself from her.

Barbara shuddered in alarm. Mistake. She knew the moment he pulled away from her would be the finality. He would be convinced that she was not the one, then there would be only one outcome for her.

She jumped up quickly to wrap her arms around Jason's neck, and they both moaned as he was pushed deeper inside her. He grabbed her arms to try to push her away.

"Please, listen, let me explain. I know I was wrong…I know that now. I was, I was just scared because…" Barbara's mind turned quickly, she had to think fast, "because no one has ever loved me before."

Jason stopped pulling at her arms, so she knew he was listening.

She hugged him closer. "I…even my parents could not love me, everyone in my life either abandoned me or didn't want me. So I thought…how could anyone ever love me?"

To her own surprise, tears started rolling down her cheeks. Either she was a very good actress, or she actually meant her words.

She thought she was a pretty good actress.

"When you told me you loved me, I didn't know what to do. I didn't believe you, so I tried to spike your food and run away…I'm sorry," she blinked her tears away and said quietly.

Jason wrapped his arms around her, soothingly brushing his thumb over her shoulder.

Barbara exhaled in relief. God, that was close. "I'm sorry, I'm sorry, I'm sorry." With each apology she kissed his cheek, his jaw, and finally his lips.

Jason cupped the nape of her neck and murmured against her lips, "And you believe me now?"

"Yes, I do. I believe you," she said, her face repentant, "Will you forgive me?"

"No more sleeping pills for you, that's for sure." He stroked her hair away from her face, then he whispered huskily in her ear, "Does it still hurt?" He thrust his hips up experimentally.

Barbara whimpered. She nodded truthfully. Her head was still pounding dully from the sleeping pills, but she knew better than to deny a serial killer sex when he was already inside her anyway. She kissed his earlobe. "Make me feel good, please."

Before she melted in his tenderness she told herself next time, she'd have a better plan.