Disclaimer : I own NOTHING!!! Trust me, if I did, Fuji amd Shiriashi would be shirtless and there would be yaoi all over the place.
Sanada glanced around the room. It was 4:01 and the regulars were officially 60 seconds late for the meeting. Now 61 seconds. Now 62. This tardiness can not be accepted, thought Sanada. And he's going to do something about it.
"Where the freak are my Oompa-Loompas?" screeched Sanada one morning. He went on a rampage, overturning benches, slamming locker doors and scaring a poor first year girl. The other classmates stared at him in disbelief. The rampage went on for 10 minutes when Yagyuu finally spoke up.
"Sanda-fukobucho? Are you looking for something?"
Sanada stopped abruptly in his rampage and stared at Yagyuu. And stared. And stared so more. Yagyuu sweat dropped. Behind his freakishly opaque glasses, his eyeballs darted back and forth, desperately looking for an exit. Sanada leaning in closer and grasped Yagyuu's shoulders.
"How could you not know what I'm looking for? My beloved babies have gone missing. Can you help me Yagyuu? Can you relieve my pain and suffering that dwells deep in my heart?" wailed Sanada, sobbing on his shoulder.
At that exact moment, Niou chose to walk in. His freakishly small eyes took in the scene before him.
"What's this, Yagyuu? With Sanada? And behind my back too? I though we had something special. I wasted the last 2 years of my life with you and this is the thanks I get? I taught you everything and you repay me with betrayal…" Niou went on to have an emotional breakdown that could rival Britney Spear's.
Yagyuu was in a panic. Has everyone gone insane today? He tried to run over to comfort Niou, but, damn, Sanada was heavy. He toppled backward and Sanada fell on top of him, still sobbing. To make things worse, or in the reader's case, more entertaining, Bunta walked in. With one glance at his sempais' faces, he burst out laughing.
"Ah, Sanada-fukobucho, I wanted to ask you something, but I can see that you are busy. I never knew that you had a thing for purple hair and freakishly white glasses."
At that comment, Niou gave a long wail.
"Oh, yeah, that must suck for you Niou. Weren't you planning to nail Yagyuu this week? Oh, well, tough luck. Hey, why don't you try Renji? Oh, wait, I think he's with that weird albino stalker from Seigaku. The guy that sounds like he has something stuck up his nose. Don't worry there's plenty for fish in the sea. Just don't hit on Jackal, he's mine."
"Bunta, you dumbshit, can you get you're sugar-high ass over here and get Sanada off of me?!? I think he's PMS-ing," yelled Yagyuu.
"What? It's not like you to take advantage of someone at their 'time of the month'. Tsk, tsk, I think we have to change your nickname. That is certainly not gentleman-ly of you." Bunta wagged his finger at Yagyuu, who was turning purple because Sanada was so FREAKIN' heavy.
"For the last, fucking time, you sugar-addict dumbtard, get over here and help me. Sanada isn't himself," hissed Yagyuu, gasping for air.
Finally seeing that his classmate was almost unconscious (geez, Bunta, you are a dumbtard) he went over and dragged Sanada, who was still crying, off of Yagyuu.
"What do I do with him?" asked Bunta. "Omigosh, he is so heavy. He, like, weighs a ton. Like one of those big animals in, like, Africa. Those things that, like, needs Botox really badly. Because, they are, like, so freakin' wrinkly…"
"Don't mind, Yagyuu, Bunta's sugar rush is just kicking in and OMIGOSH, what the hell did you do to Sanada?" Jackal stared at his fukobucho's limp body. Don't ask me how the H-E-double hockey sticks he got here.
"HELP!!!! HELP!!! YAGYUU KILLED SANADA AND IS PLANING TO DO WEIRD THINGS TO HIS BODY AND BURY HIM AND STUFF LIKE THAT," Jackal yelled. His yelling attracted Yukimura and Kirihara to the classroom.
"What's going on… WHAT THE SHIT IS SANADA DOING ON THE FUCKING DESK AND WHY DOES HE LOOK LIKE SOMEONE TOOK ADVANTAGE OF HIM?" screeched Yukimura. He took a few deep breaths and began to tremble. Sanada snapped up immediately and yelled "YUKIMURA!!!!" in his psychopath way of his.
"… and they have huge freaking ears. I mean, seriously, the ears are huge. They could be, like, you know, blankets, man! How do they, you know, do it, if they are so big? I mean, it anally or, like, the regular way? Wait, …" Apparently, Bunta's sugar-high hasn't worn off yet.
"Why is Niou crying? Why does Yagyu have a weird look on his face? SOMEBODY BETTER FREAKIN' TELL ME NOW OR ELSE I'LL GET REALLY PISSED OFF AND MAKE ALL OF YOU STRIP DANCE FOR THOSE GAY GUYS IN SHITENHOJI AND POST IT ON FREAKIN YOUTUBE!" shrieked Yukimura.
"NO, NOT STRIP DANCE!" cried Jackal.
"NO, NOT THOSE GAY GUYS FROM SHITENHOJI. One of them looks like a 60 uear old accountant and the other looks stoned. How about those gay guys from Hyoutei instead? You know, the one that's, like, Christian and the other one that wears the hat. I think they're kinda cute. I'll strip dance for them," said Kirihara.
"That's not the point, Kirihara," Yukimura whispered weakly. "Can somebody please tell me what happened? Niou?"
"I saw Sanada and Yagyuu together and I didn't know what to do. I just broke down, because *sniffles* so many things have been going on and I didn't know how to handle it and…" Niou broke off into a sob.
"Ne, Yagyuu, I think it was Niou who was PMS-ing" muttered Bunta. Oh look, his sugar high wore off.
"Who knew that the prude of Rikkadai would have it in him?" chuckled Kirihara. "Good job Sanada-fukobucho." His smirk was instantly wiped off when he saw that both Sanada and Yukimura were giving him death looks.
"As the bucho, I think that you, Kirihara, should stop talking now."
"Why should you be bucho? You don't even look Japanese. I mean, who the freak has the same color hair and eyes? That just defies DNA!" snapped Kirihara.
"Well, look whose talking. You turn red and white when you play tennis. If you just wear a blue uniform, you'll be the FREAKIN' flag of AMERICA," retorted Yukimura,
Sanada saw that his plan was getting extremely out of control. He needed to explain and fast.
"Look, everyone, this was just a big misunderstanding. I just wanted everyone to get on time for the tennis meetings," said Sanada.
6 pairs of eyes stared at him. There was a loooooooooong pause of silence.
"All this drama to make it on time for a gay-ass meeting?" Yagyuu was first to break the silence.
Sanada nodded weakly. Dark aura began to emit from everyone of the Rikkidai regulars. Sanada gave a very estrogen-filled scream and began to run for dear life.
xXFuji'sEspeonXx: I was reading another fanfiction and I was inspired to write my own crack. I know that I got all of the characters' personalities wrong, but it was very fun to write. I hope you guys liked it too and thanks for reading!!! Please comment and tell me whether you think I should do else something like this, but only with a different school. Thanks!!!! And as always, constructive crit is appreciated!
P.S. To all the Yukimura fans out there, I'm so sorry for making him so out of character. I was bored and Yukimura seemed like a good object to transfer all my creative-ness into.