Title: WHY! WHY HIM?
Pairing: JAESU
Length: One-shot
Genre: ROMANCE
Words: 1827
Summary: 'Whenever I see you, you are with him and today, I'm sitting here wondering, Why! Why him?'
....
Ever since Jae decided to come to the Starbucks to meet Junsu, his heart hasn't stopped beating like crazy.
He would gladly give anything without thinking twice for the other to be able to see into his heart. That way Jae wouldn't have to say a word.
A word he, himself, doesn't know whether he can express.
It has already been three years that he had been in love with the other. Whether it be bad luck or bad timing, his feelings had been such a well-kept secret from everyone, especially Junsu, that when Jae finally had the courage to confess his feelings to the other, clueless Junsu decided to introduce him with his soon-to-be official boyfriend.
Ever since then, Jae has been secretly hurting and bleeding inside and out, just from seeing the other two love birds, which is almost every day,
Junsu is too blinded by his boyfriend to even notice the love Jae has been hiding inside for so long.
Now Jae has finally decides that it is time, time to go ahead and do something about it. He is tired of waiting and waiting.
If needed, he would be willing to wait for years, but his heart has become so weak and sick that he cannot wait another hour if he wants to live.
"Jae Hyung!"
Junsu, who has been sitting across from Jae drinking his coffee, calls out Jae's name repeatedly with an annoyed tone. Obviously, he notice that Jae is lost in his own world and Junsu wonders what the hell is going on with his best friend.
Junsu, himself, has been dying from the curiosity of why his best friend, who has been ignoring him for reasons unknown to Junsu, has urged him to come to meet him an hour ago.
"Yes?"
"Are you okay?"
"Why? I'm fine."
"Why? Because you seem to be out of this world."
"Sorry, I was just thinking about something."
"Okay. Anyway, what was the urgent call for?"
"Nothing, I just want to give you this letter personally. But promise me, you won't open it until we are apart."
Junsu knows he can't promise because he isn't sure he would keep it. So, he distracts him by asking questions.
"Who is it from? Why are you acting weird? Is something wrong? Oh my, did something happen at work?"
Being amused, Jae can't help it but laugh at the other's reaction. Oh God, he is going to miss this. The angelic face, the unique voice and laugh, silly acts, and, especially, his killer eyes.
Little does Junsu knows that every minute that is passing is killing Jae inside and it is driving Jae insane.
He knows this could be the last time he will be seeing the other, let alone sitting together in their favorite cafe and having a drink. He let himself relax for a moment before speaking.
"Don't worry, nothing happened. Anyway, it's time for me to go now. Once I'm out of that door, you can open the letter if you want."
It is a lie. Unlike the other, Jae knows he doesn't have to go anywhere if he doesn't want to. He is leaving because he can't bear Junsu's present anymore. He needs to make a move or he will lose his remaining strength that he'll spill the beans in any second.
He feels like crying but he prevents himself. Holding back the tears and breathing in slow motion, he says his farewell to the other. He notices that the other is giving him a questioned look, so decides the letter will do the talking and the other will find the answer to his every question eventually.
He turns and walks away before the other has a chance to ask the question that is on the tip of his tongue.
Once Jae leaves and the door closes behind him, Junsu quickly turns back to the letter he is holding. He looks at it curiously.
Today has been very strange and weird day for him, and thousand of questions pop up in his head.
He wants to go home first, however, his impatient and curiosity won't let him wait another minute.
It is killing him and there is no turning back now. So he finally agrees with himself and unfolds the letter. He smiled when he sees the beautiful handwriting with black ink.
And then he starts reading:
-
Dear Junsu,
Oh Junsu, how I wish someone could tell me that the one day would eventually come. The day, when special someone like you would come into my life like blown air and turn my life 360 degree.
It hurts like hell...
Whenever I see you, you are with him and today, I'm sitting here wondering, 'Why?! Why him?'
He takes advantage of your love and kindness. He plays you like a toy, lying to you right before your eyes. Even a blind man can tell that he is one hell of liar and deceiver, but you still hang around.
Even worse, you forgive him easily.
His mind and heart are empty and has nothing at all but lust for you. You are nothing but an entertainment to him.
It is easy to see that he doesn't give a damn. You know it is true and yet you keep denying it.
Sometimes I want to throw him into the ocean, but I have to control myself because it is not my place.
Besides, I know you won't believe anything I have to say about your love and I might-as-well not risk my relationship with you.
It still hurts...
You are alone and lonely. Hiding in your room, you cry your heart out to no one but yourself until your eyes turn as red as blood. You put on a fake smile to hide your sadness from everyone, including me, but I can see through it.
You could fool others, but not me. I can see through your eyes. You are hurting inside and yet you keep it hidden.
I'm not dumb. I know, I know who you are protecting. Trust me that bastard isn't worth it.
He has changed you completely and because of him, I'm forced to wait...wait...wait...and wait.
Yes, that is why and the only reason why I'm waiting....
Until you realize that he is not the one for you.
Until you see that I'm better than him because I love you more than life itself.
Until then, I'm just a bystander, watching you fade away because you refuse to see what is right in front of you.
And because of him you won't be able to see the love I have for you.
You may not know but because of your little innocent actions, my heart is suffering.
Every minute, second, hour, and day I spend with you, I can feel losing my breath bit by bit because I know I'm just an invisible person before you your eye.
How can I blame you when ... you look into my eyes and don't seem to read anything that is written in it?
You touch me and yet you don't seem to feel the pain my heart and soul is feeling.
My tongue speaks in a way what my heart wants it to and yet you don't seem to hear anything at all.
Despite you being someone else's, you are like sugar to my taste, soul to my heart, and the apple in my eyes.
I know what you need, want, and wish, so trust me: I can give you more than that. If there is ever a chance for me, I wouldn't hesitate to give you all the love in this world.
I wouldn't forget to tell you how much I love you and mean to me every day. I wouldn't ever get tired of saying I love you every second, minute, and hour. I will give you all that you have been missing.
Damn this, I can just snitch you away from him if I want to, but I don't want to be the one to come between you and your boyfriend.
Even though I know I can treat and love you better than he can, I know my place and won't want to come between you two.
However...
If you ever run back to me, I'll be waiting for you with open arms and give you the biggest and warmest hug you have ever gotten.
Whenever you look at me, you won't miss a smile on my face just to let you know that I'm grateful to have you.
Until then...
I'm just a bystander, waiting for you to open your eyes and see that I am the one.
Now, I need space so that I can gather all my broken pieces of my heart that has been breaking since the moment I fell in love with you.
I'll just have to deal with the healing process that will remain hurt until I'm able to have you beside me once again.
But, don't worry, I'm not far away. I'm always beside you and have you in my heart any and everywhere I go.
Don't forget: I'll always love you and no one could ever take your place in my heart.
Take care!
Love,
Jae
-
While Junsu is reading, his eyes fill with tears and start running down on his check like a river, falling down on the letter he is holding.
He doesn't care what people think of him crying like a little boy in the coffee shop. At this moment, nothing matters.
He realizes he had been blind all this time. If possible, he wants to punish himself mentally, physically, and emotionally.
Only if he has been brave enough to ask Jae or tell him what happened, both wouldn't have been hurt.
Only if Jae has known about his break up, then he wouldn't have to lose him today.
He may not know Jae's secret love, but he has been thinking about expressing his feelings. His soon to be ex-boyfriend, the one who has been holding him back, making him unable to think right.
Now all that doesn't matter...
Junsu looks at the end of the letter again: Jae is leaving him for good ... or worse he doesn't care or want to know.
All he can think about is finding Jae and holding him in his arms and never letting him go. And so he goes after Jae running like a crazy person.
For Junsu, it is like a matter of life and death. If he doesn't catch up to him, he won't know what he could do.
For sure, he would never forgive himself for losing someone who loves him dearly and he hadn't done anything about it.
On the way, he prays to God that he would find him in time, in time to tell him that he loves him, too.
"Jae, I love you, too!"
THE END