DISCLAIMER: I don't own Fushigi Yuugi: The Mysterious Play, the characters in it, or Savage Garden. I also don't own any bullet-proof glass, but who cares. Disclaimers are stupid.
WARNING: There is a bit of FY character bashing going on in this fic, and I would just like to make it known that I like Fushigi Yuugi a lot, and I wouldn't feel comfortable writing this if I didn't. So if you love these characters please don't take offense and if you think you will then don't read it.
Chapter 1: Spoons
The bet was sealed, and the two contenders sat down at the table. The steaks were high…yes I would say hanging from the ceiling is pretty high. Oh ya, and the fact that the loser would have to die…well that wasn't too big deal. These things seemed to happen often in the Universe of the five gods. …Four Gods, excuse me. [Narrator sips his "drink"]
Anyway, Hotohori's face revealed no nervousness. He wore the same placid expression he always did. ALWAYS! However, his insides were turning to Jell-O (For anyone who cares it was Watermelon flavored Jell-O) at the thought of having to face his arch-nemesis in a battle of such high class that required such elegant precision. It was the art of eating. [at the word eating, an ominous drum solo plays in background]
"Wait a minute!" Miaka yelled out breaking the tense silence, "The narrator is right [narrator flashes a peace sign], it should be the Universe of the Five Gods. I nominate Tama-neko to be a god!" as Miaka made her proposal she lifted her hand to point towards the East and the Japanese flag waved behind her obscuring the rest of the room.
That weird little short boy who looks like a girl walked over with his head stuck down in a book, utterly destroying Miaka's moment, "All those in favor?"
"Aye," everyone said in unison. [they were also all thinking in unison that Miaka was a drunk]
Suddenly, for no apparent reason other than the fact that he had just been democratically voted to be a god in what was supposedly ancient China {Has anyone else notice that they make a big deal of the Universe of the Four Gods being ancient China in like the first three episodes and then its never mentioned again?}, Tama floated up to the ceiling and started glowing yellow. He disappeared and entered the realm of the gods, but not before bumping his head on a steak.
"Blaaaaaaah!" Nakago yelled out. He was tired of waiting to start the contest. Finally he had a quality opportunity to rid himself of the king of Kohnan and claim what was rightfully his.
"Keep your pants on…for all our sakes…we're about to start, no da," Chichiri said in his happy "not a care in the world" (a.k.a. "I'm on LSD and I see flying pink sushi") voice.
Hotohori and Nakago sat down at opposite sides of a table [Wait isn't that how the story started?]. They picked up their silverware and stared each other down…like victims in the grind. {The creators of this story would like to apologize for the narrator's Savage Garden tangent}
"I need to go to the baaaaaaathroom," said a small voice from the kindergarten audience.
"OK, take five, guys" the narrator said as the actors went offstage to chat amongst themselves.
NEXT TIME ON DRAGON BALL Z (oops): The kindergarten returns from the bathroom and the eating battle ensues!