NOTHING EVEN MATTERS
"You never realized I was there. I was just Logan's nerdy friend. I believed there was something there, but I was wrong."
The blank stare continued, I think he wanted me to say more.
"I knew how you played the other girls. But I also knew the real you. Those secret times we would hang out, not tell anyone. They all meant something."
I started remembering the times we spent together. Before him, my best friend, and their friends went on to be famous.
I remembered the first time we ever talked.
"Logan's cleaning up a lab... he'll be right out." I said to him.
He looked at me like he didn't care. His hair shimmered in the light. I could stare at him all day. But, he didn't even know who I was.
"That's okay, I'll wait with you. I'm not in a rush." He said sitting down next to me.
I started feeling weird but, it was good.
"Are you sure you're not gonna get teased about sitting next to me?" I asked.
"Liz, you're really nice."
Nice. The first thing he ever really said to me.
They boys of Big Time Rush were here for the week. Doing a big concert at school, talk shows, all that jazz. I ran into them in the main office at school. We exchanged hello's, and how you been's, then I continued on with my day. It wasn't until someone showed up at my door, did it really bother me.
"James, what are you doing here."
I was in awe, as he stood in my doorway.
"Aren't you going to let me in?" he said flashing that famous smile.
I let him in and we sat on the couch. Pretty much in silence for a few minutes.
He was the last person I wanted to see.
"I won't accept an apology for what you did. So, why are you here?"
"I wish you would. I really am sorry, for everything. It's just, it's complicated."
He was a jerk. I saw that. But, something tells me he's changed.
"I'm sure you're going to say Hollywood has changed you, right? This is Minnesota. Not Hollywood."
"Will you let me explain?"
No.
"You never realized I was there. I was just Logan's nerdy friend. I believed there was something there, but I was wrong," I began.
The blank stare continued, I think he wanted me to say more.
"I knew how you played the other girls. But I also knew the real you. Those secret times we would hang out, not tell anyone. They all meant something."
"They meant something to me too. I was just too scared of real life to care." He said.
James was a really nice guy; he just lets his reputation get in the way of everything.
"I think you should go…" I said standing up.
"I understand, I'll see you tomorrow." He said making his way to my door.
I opened it and he started to walk out then he turned around.
"It was really nice to see you. Really nice." He said.
"Goodnight James."
I laid awake that night thinking about him. And everything I could have said to him, but didn't. I know he was trying to make everything right. But I didn't want him to.
I was in charge of the band while they were at the school. I was their, escort. The band was performing at the senior prom. Which, I had to go to. Only because I was student council president; that was always Logan's dream.
"Just think, one day, we'll rule this school." Logan said.
"How so? We're both nerds. The only thing that separates us is your, playing hockey thing and your friends."
"When I'm student council president, no one will bother you." He said and then walked away.
This is my first dance. Prom. I never went to one throughout high school. I never even had a boyfriend. Well, an official one. I snuck around with James. Then, he just, he hurt me. And I never told anyone.
They were rehearsing before the dance and I just watched. I'm not going to lie and say I don't listen to their music. In fact, it just makes me reminisce on everything. Especially, that cold October day, in 2009, before they all left. That day James broke my heart.
October 8th. Homecoming, sophomore year. Pppsshht, I wasn't going. Logan and I always sat at home during that stuff. This year was different though.
"Go to Homecoming with me." James said.
I couldn't help but laugh. It was too good to be true.
"You're serious?"
He looked completely serious. I just didn't believe it.
"Yes, I'm tired of hiding." He said.
He touched my face and pressed his lips to mine. He had a point. I was tired of hiding too.
"Yes. Sure, I'd love to go with you."
I was so deep in thought I didn't hear anyone talking to me.
"Liz, earth to Liz!" Logan joked around.
"Sorry…"
"Are you gonna be here tonight?" Logan asked.
I shrugged my shoulders.
"I have to, unfortunately."
"I'll be here this time, nothing bad will happen." Logan said nudging me.
James looked nervous. I think he thought I told Logan. But I didn't.
It was time for the dance. I was at home getting ready. Logan was coming to pick me up. My best friend, taking me to prom, I wouldn't have it any other way. When I heard the knock on the door, I took a deep breath, and flipped through another memory.
I zipped up my dress and my mom moved to fix up my hair.
She placed the flower in the back and put the last sprays of glitter in.
My parents went out.
I sat on the stairs waiting.
And waiting.
And waiting.
Once 9:30 hit, I knew he wasn't coming.
I hopped in my car and drove over to Logan's.
He opened the door and I just started crying.
He sat there comforting me, he didn't even need to ask what happened. He knew I was asked to the dance, I just never told him who. Maybe I should have, I might have felt better.
I opened the door, and it was James. In a nice tuxedo, hair slicked back. No Logan, no one else. Just him.
"What are you doing here?" I asked, not pleased.
"I'm doing what I should have done 2 years ago." He said.
He came in and shut the door behind him.
I finished my hair, franticly and turned to him.
He grabbed my wrist. I tried to pull away but he pulled out a corsage.
He tied it around my wrist and pulled me closer.
"I'm sorry." He said kissing my forehead.
He let me go and I gave him the flower meant for Logan. I guess I was just going with it.
"How did you convince Logan not to come?" I asked.
"I told him the truth."
"And what's the truth?"
He touched my face like before,
"Liz, I was walking out my door come get you and my other friends showed up."
I knew he wasn't talking about the other boys in the band, but the bad influences.
I still didn't understand.
"I was immature and went with them. And I'm sorry."
I stood there looking at him.
"What?" he asked.
"I'll actually, meet you there." I said grabbing my keys.
I ran out the door and went to the school. I talked to the rest of BTR about a surprise.
The dance started. I got so many compliments on everything, especially that I got Big Time Rush home for prom.
Then the real fun started.
"We want to call Liz, your student council president up here." Kendall said.
I walked on stage and grabbed a mic.
"We want to thank you for calling us, we wouldn't want to be anywhere else." Carlos said.
"We're really glad we could be here." Logan said hugging me.
"We want to dedicate this next song to you…and James." Carlos said.
James looked really confused.
I walked over to James,
"Are you really sorry?" I asked him
He didn't answer right away.
"If you are, take my hand. Dance with me." I said holding my hand out to him.
He took my hand and we walked down to the dance floor.
We danced, in front of everyone.
BTR sang 'Nothing Even Matters'
It took me back to a day, in the tutor center. I was tutoring and James was meeting me afterwards.
"James… I'm so sorry, I have a council meeting."
He took my hand, not letting go.
"Stay." He said smiling at me.
He walked over to the radio and turned on a random channel.
I stood looking at him, wondering what he was doing.
"I really have to go. It's important."
He pulled me close to him and said,
"Dance with me."
I laid my head on his chest as we swayed in the classroom.
I didn't want to leave.
"What if someone sees us?"
I looked up at him. Staring, a little too much, probably.
"So"
"But…"
"None of that matters"
"Nothing?"
"Yes, Nothing matters."
I put my head back down and we continued dancing.
"See, nothing even matters," I told him.