Author's Note: I wrote this for Round 2 of the Fanfic Competition I'm in. The rules were it had to be a humor fic. I actually love how it came out it was really fun to write. This is just a one shot there will not be anything added to this. Enjoy :D
I'm a vicious vampire! Not a cuddly toy!
Angel gripped the sword tightly in his hands as he stared down his opponents. Even backed into a corner he still looked confident he would win. Three cloaked figures moved in on him, the air vibrated with each chant they spoke. Flashes of blue sparked from the tips of their fingers.
"Sorry guys, story time is over." Angel raised the sword over his head to attack but a blinding flash of light stopped him in his tracks. A white-blue light covered everything and sucked away all the sound except for Angel's screams. A sharp pain ripped through his body as he felt his limbs pull in every direction. The pain finally stopped and everything went black.
When he awoke he was laying in the middle of a strange room. He looked around; his eyes darted over to the window where the sun was shining in on him. Angel jumped up in a panic and pulled his coat over his head trying to protect his skin from the sun. That was when he realized he had no skin to protect.
"Not again!" He cried looking down at his plush hands. Standing only two feet tall in his little leather coat, puppet Angel screamed at the top of his lungs. "Hasn't this been done before?" His head turned upward as though speaking to someone.
Angel balled his tiny little hands into fists and furrowed his brow as he glared around the room. Looking around he realized he had to be in a little girl's room. The walls were covered in posters of pretty boys in tight leather pants and the fluffy pink carpet was littered with dolls and plastic ponies.
The door opened and a little girl no older than eight or nine walked in, her long brown hair pulled up in to pigtails on either side of her head. She was wearing a pink jumper and sneakers that colorfully lit up as she rushed over to Angel.
"I got the ballerina outfit mister muppet!" She cried sitting down in front of Angel.
"Dawn?" Angel said looking at her in shock; he had memories of this little girl following Buffy around, only problem was Dawn was ten years older than the child before him.
"Mister muppet you can talk?" She gasped her eyes widening. Angel was worried she was going to freak out and run away but she did something worse, she let out a squeal of delight and her high-pitched scream made Angel happy his ears could come off.
"Oh my god this is so cool!" she shrieked grabbing Angel and squeezing him tightly in her arms. "A magical doll!"
"Dawn! Put me down!" His yells muffled by her crushing hug.
She put him down and dashed around her room picking up toys and tossing them over at Angel. "We're going to have the best time ever!"
"Dawn, where's Buffy? It's Angel. I need your sister's help" He dodged the toys she was tossing at him until a rubber duck smacked him in the face.
"You're my toy. Buffy can't have you! She gets everything!" Dawn whined. "Miss I'm so cool, look at me I'm a slayer. Well she can't have you Mister Muppet."
"Would you stop calling me that!" Angel snapped. "My name is Angel not mister muppet."
"You're not Angel. That's Buffy's stupid boyfriend." Dawn folded her arms across her chest and looked at him. "But you do look like him, all broody and grr. Well I can fix that, time to put on your tutu!"
"Tutu? Dawn, no! Go get your sister" Dawn grabbed Angel and began undressing him; being only a toy Angel couldn't do much to stop her. "Dawn! I am not wearing a—"
Angel was cut off as she shoved the ballerina outfit over his head. He looked down at himself and sighed, "Oh great I'm a sparkling vampire."
"Vampire? You're too cute to be a vampire." Dawn giggled throwing a purple boa around her neck and twirling around like a ballerina.
"Dawn, please go get Buffy. Something very bad has happened," Angel pleaded with Dawn.
"Buffy this, Buffy that! Enough with Buffy! We're playing ballerina!" Dawn snapped.
"No," Angel said raising his hand and pointing at Dawn, "You take me out of this damn outfit now. I am not a doll and I need your sister's help."
"You are a doll! You're my doll," Dawn shrieked stomping her foot.
"I'm a vicious vampire not a cuddly toy!" Angel screamed.
"Living on the Hellmouth rocks, magical talking toys are way cool," Dawn giggled and ignored Angel's angry ranting as she put on music to drown him out. She grabbed his hand and started dancing with him.
"This can't be happening," he muttered.
"You're doing it wrong," Dawn snapped pushing him aside to show him how to do it correctly. "You have to bend at the knees." Angel took the opportunity while dawn was showing him how, to make a break for the door. He ran down the hall to Buffy's room but it was empty. Panicking he hid under the bed.
"Mister muppet?" Dawn called after him. She came running into Buffy's room looking for him. "I know you're in here! All you care about is Buffy." Her voice died out and her feet stepped out of sight.
Thinking she was gone, Angel began to crawl out when he felt something grab his feet and pull. Dawn pulled him out and held him up by his foot. "Dawn put me down! I'm going to tell Buffy on you!"
"Not if I lock you in the closet!" Dawn said sticking her tongue out at him.
Angel bit Dawn on the arm, but being a puppet his lack of teeth wasn't very effective. She swung her arm around to shake him loose, he landed on his feet and ran down the hall.
"Bad puppet!" Dawn chased after him, she grabbed hold of his hair and threw him down the stairs. "You're not a magical toy! You're an evil puppet! BUFFY!" She shrieked.
Angel rolled down the stairs dazed, just as he stood up sixteen year old Buffy appeared at the bottom of the stairs.
"Dawn, what it is it…" Her voice trailed off when she saw Puppet Angel standing there.
"Buffy, I can explain!" He held up his plush hands to stop her.
"Oh my god, Angel?" She looked at him wide-eyed.
"Yes Buffy, it's me—"
"A demon puppet is impersonating my boyfriend!" She shrieked. Buffy grabbed Angel and ripped his head off sending stuffing flying everywhere.
Angel jerked up awaking form his nightmare. He ran his hands over his chest and face checking for button eyes and plush skin, two eyes, one nose, ten fingers, check. He even put on his vamp face to check for his teeth; two fangs, both pointy and sharp, check.
"Oh thank god," He sighed in relief. "That is the last time I take one of Lorne's mystical sleeping potions."