Hearing Fiona's voice, Phoebe quickly growled and hid behind the trees of Coop's backyard, spying on her with contempt. She was surprised to find out that Coop was in a fight with Fiona. She was even more surprised at finding out exactly what they were fighting about.
" It was just a practice kiss! It didn't mean anything! " Fiona said desperately, pleading with Coop to stop being upset. " OF COURSE IT DID! You kissed someone ELSE! How am I supposed to be okay with this?! You BETRAYED me! " Desperate for his forgiveness, Fiona reminded him frantically,
" But Jessie and I are just FRIENDS! T-T-There's no WAY we could ever end up together! We're BOTH GIRLS! It doesn't MATTER! " Coop shot back at her, " Then why didn't you ever do that with ME? If it's so normal for you and your friends to practice kissing together, why don't you ever practice with ME? " " Because then it would be WEIRD! " " Why? Because you don't love me?! "
" NO! Because when two girls kiss, there's no pressure! Because two girls can't get into a relationship, a kiss between them is completely devoid of romantic implications! But when a girl and a boy kiss, it's serious! There's this huge pressure to get it right! With two girls, it's not real, and it's purely just a ' friend ' thing because that's all it could ever be, but between a boy and a girl, it's ALWAYS real and it's NEVER just a friend thing! THAT'S why I can't do it with YOU! "
" I don't know why, but for some reason I don't believe you, " Coop said skeptically with his arms crossed. " Well, it's TRUE! " she lied. She explained frantically, " If we start kissing, it can't possibly be just a friend thing, and so we won't still be friends! And I'm not ready to be more than friends with you! "
" Right, because why do that when you have Jessica? " Coop said jealously with his arms crossed, saying Jessica's name in a mocking tone. " NO, that's not it! I-I-It's because my Auntie Munson's making it way too hard for us to even hang out as friends, to the point where every time I try to kiss you she stops me from doing it, so being more than friends would be practically impossible! It's hard enough just being FRIENDS! How many times do I have to TELL you, you have nothing to be jealous of! I'm not going to get into a relationship with Jessie any time soon, I PROMISE. "
Coop still seemed skeptical and jealous. Fiona said sadly, " Will you just relax? " not wanting Coop to start hating her. " How CAN I? How would YOU feel if I kissed someone else? I don't CARE that Jessie's just a friend and I don't CARE that it's another girl, you still betrayed me. " He sounded much less angry than he was before, but he was still speaking to her with contempt.
" How is it ' betraying ' you? I can't cheat on you if we're not dating! " Fiona said in exasperation, just wanting the argument to end. " Yeah, but I thought we were operating on the assumption that you'd be my girlfriend some day and I was the only one you wanted! And then all of a sudden I find out you've been kissing someone else for the last FIVE YEARS! How do you think that made me feel?! "
" So what, am I supposed to just put my life on hold until it becomes worth it to try to date you? Am I not allowed to be with anybody else who's a little more available? Am I your property? Coop, I'm not your girlfriend. You don't OWN me. You can't tell me what to do. Honestly, you should be grateful that I'm even giving you a chance, since you live in a completely different town and I barely ever get to see you. You should be proud of me for not getting a boyfriend who I can actually see every day instead of once in a blue moon. You should be thanking me. The very fact that I've never kissed or been kissed by any boy other than you is PROOF of my loyalty and we shouldn't even be HAVING this conversation because you have nothing to WORRY about! You should be thankful that I haven't completely written you off! "
Coop gasped, and she continued in annoyance, " And even if we do start dating, then what? For the 50th time, I DON'T LIVE IN BOOTSVILLE. It would be a long-distance relationship where on the rare occasion that you actually get to SEE me, my Auntie Munson would be constantly coming between us, as usual! Complain all you want, but right now, a relationship between us is completely unfeasible, and unless you ever move to my town, you're just gonna have to stop telling me what to do and accept it. Because until we're dating, YEARS from now, you have no right to tell me who I can and cannot kiss and what I can and cannot do and act like you already HAVE me, because if you keep up an attitude like THAT, you can just give up right now on me EVER settling for you! "
There was a shocked silence. Fiona didn't notice until that point in time just how loud she had been yelling. After waiting for a response from Coop and not getting it, she finally noticed that she hurt his feelings. Not wanting to lose his friendship, Fiona gasped, became panicked and said, " I'm SO SORRY! It's just... you just got me so upset... I still... I don't wanna lose your friendship! "
There was a silence. " What friendship? " She gasped. " You said that if we barely ever see each other, a relationship can't work. Well, maybe a friendship can't work, either, " he said in contempt, turning her argument against her.
Fiona was shocked into silence as Coop looked at her coldly and walked away from her, and went into his house. Devastated, she said, " What have I done?! " and sat down on the grass, feeling terrible. " I should've just kept my mouth shut... Now my friendship is over! " Her voice cracked at the last word, and she buried her face in her hands, ashamed.
Phoebe had many reactions to Coop and Fiona's fight; being shocked, angry and disappointed in Fiona for kissing someone other than Coop, burning jealousy from hearing Coop react to Fiona kissing someone else like his girlfriend had cheated on him, shocked bewilderment at hearing that Fiona had kissed another girl and never kissed any boy other than Coop, and pity for Coop.
But towards the end of the fight, she had begun to feel conflicted. On the one hand, Fiona was clearly putting severe strains on her friendship with Coop by spelling out to him why a relationship between them wouldn't work, when their friendship was almost built on the expectation that they'd get together some day. The part of Phoebe that was jealous wanted Fiona to mess everything up so that her competition for Coop would be eliminated, by causing Coop to give up on her altogether.
But on the other hand, it was impossible not to feel extremely sorry for Coop, since his crush was telling him in an angry rant why she didn't want to be his girlfriend, and Phoebe knew that if Coop had done that to her, she wouldn't have handled it nearly as well. But most surprisingly of all, she was finding it hard not to feel sorry for Fiona, because of how devastated she was at losing Coop's friendship, and how desperate she was to keep it, which was something she could definitely understand. If she was Coop's friend, she'd want to do anything to keep him from hating her.
Phoebe was feeling more conflicted than ever; Fiona had broken down crying in front of her after ruining her friendship with Coop, and she didn't know whether to be satisfied or feel sorry for her. Satisfaction and pity were fighting a battle in her mind, and it was hard to tell which one of them was winning. All she knew for sure was that she could empathize with Fiona's sadness, and just looking at her made her feel almost just as upset as her. She couldn't stand it anymore. She looked away awkwardly and started walking in the other direction.
But that just made her feel worse. The further she walked, the worse she felt. It was almost as if it was getting harder for her to resist the temptation to run over to Fiona and comfort her. It was almost as if she felt guilty for leaving her all alone. Her thoughts, filled with guilt and shame, started calling her out on walking away and insisting that she do the right thing.
" Phoebe, what are you doing?! The poor thing is crying her eyes out and you're just gonna walk away?! You should be ashamed of yourself! Stop being self-absorbed and get over there and hug her! " Eventually, she felt absolutely miserable, and couldn't stand it anymore. She turned back around, looked back at Fiona, and rushed to her side.
Fiona jumped at hearing someone run up to her from behind, and started drying her tears as fast as she could to try to hide the fact that she was crying, not knowing that she had already been caught. Phoebe thought, " Well, Phoebe, you already got the ball rolling. Now you've got no choice but to finish what you started, " knowing that she couldn't leave now that she's already run up to her.
She cautiously sat down in front of Fiona, who quickly became ashamed of looking weak and hid her tears with her hands again and started breathing in sharp gasps. Being caught in the act of crying by someone had actually made her feel worse, which made Phoebe feel worse. " Okay, now you've GOT to comfort her. Quit stalling, Phoebe. It's now or never. "
She quickly placed her hands on Fiona's shoulders, surprising her again. She wasn't comfortable with making Fiona know for sure that it was her, being shy about it and not looking forward to her reaction. Would Fiona get angry with her? Would she stop taking her seriously because she showed her soft side? Would she refuse to be pitied and run away?
" Quit stalling, Phoebe, and SAY SOMETHING! " Phoebe thought, still nervously staring at Fiona and trying not to cry herself. " If you don't say something now, you won't be able to later. Because
I know that you're gonna be unable to speak pretty soon. So get on with it and SAY something! "
" Fiona? " she whispered nervously, making Fiona jump. Hearing Phoebe's voice seemed to startle her the most of all. " Of course she's startled, she's SCARED! Scared of YOU! " Phoebe's thoughts insulted her, as usual. She had whispered to her because she knew how important it was to speak to her in a tone that she wouldn't find offensive, condescending, or intimidating. Right now, getting her trust was crucial. She had to make sure Fiona knew that she wasn't in danger.
" Don't just STARE at her, she'll think you're judging her! Say something else! "
" I'm not judging you, " Phoebe quickly said quietly. " You idiot! What was THAT?! Suspiciously specific denial, that's what that sounded like! Do you have any idea how condescending that sounded- " " You aren't? " Fiona asked with a catch in her throat. She sounded confused, but not suspicious. She took her hands away from her eyes for a brief moment to look at Phoebe.
After a second's hesitation, Phoebe sadly repeated, " I'm not judging you, " in a tone that made it more clear that she felt sorry for her, and came a little closer to her with a look of concern. " Saying the same thing again?! That makes it sound even more condescending! And what makes you think she's gonna believe you?! Sounds too good to be true, I bet! She's probably gonna get all mad and doubtful and suspicious of you and tell you to- "
" Thank you, " Fiona replied at last with her voice breaking. Phoebe was surprised at the insecurity in her thoughts being proven wrong twice in a row. " Okay, fine, so you were right this time, rich girl. But don't take this for granted like you do everything else! And sure, she believes you right now, but if you wait too long she'll stop believing you, so quit staring at her like an idiot and do something! BESIDES STARING AT HER! Say something - oh, wait, you probably can't think of anything comforting to say. Typical. All you care about is yourself. You can't muster up the courage to swallow your pride and show Fiona some compassion on the worst day of her life! You should be ashamed of yourself! If you can't say anything to comfort her- "
" I saw what happened, " she confessed quickly. " WHAT?! What are you DOING?! You told her you were SPYING on her?! " Fiona stopped wiping away her tears and looked at her, still with sadness in her eyes, and said quietly, " You did? "
Seeing no angry response yet, Phoebe continued cautiously, " Yes... So... I understand what you're going through. " She didn't want to remind her of any specific part of the fight and make her feel worse, but she felt like she had no choice at this point.
" How could you understand if you've never lost a friend? " Fiona replied, clearly heartbroken. Not letting this discourage her, Phoebe said sadly, " I know how it feels to be rejected. " There was a silence as Fiona stared at her with understanding sadness in her eyes. Phoebe added even more sadly, " And heartbroken. " Fiona stared at her unhappily, almost as if she had started feeling sorry for her.
Meanwhile, Phoebe's thoughts once again told her off. " Don't make this all about YOU. She's the one who needs comforting, the poor thing. Don't use this as an excuse to start moping and whining about how much worse your life is to anyone who will listen. Especially since she's just going to lose all respect for you for it. Well, what little respect she HAD for you, anyways. The respect that she got from FEAR. OF YOU! Which you STILL haven't apologized for, because you're too afraid to swallow your pride and admit your guilt because you'll start to cry, and you're so obsessed with how other people think of you that you put it above all else, including being a DECENT HUMAN BEING! "
Suddenly, Phoebe put her arms around Fiona in a hug, surprising her. Phoebe got even more surprised when she was immediately hugged back. Fiona thought she was hugged just because Phoebe felt so sorry for her, but Phoebe knew the other reason. She didn't want Fiona to see the tears coming from her eyes.
" See! That's exactly what I'm talking about! You only hugged her because you didn't want her to see you cry! That's how selfish you are! You can see someone break down in front of you for reasons you empathize with, and just STARE at her instead of comforting her, and the only thing that motivates you to do something decent is your own selfish desire to not look weak! You're a slave to your reputation! You're a typical rich girl, completely self-absorbed, and you refuse to change! Maybe Coop would like you if you stopped obsessing over getting people to respect you and oh who am I kidding, he'd never like you, he has TASTE! He's not shallow like you want him to be! "
" You are so sweet... " Fiona said with a smile, with her voice still slightly cracking. The sudden compliment snapped Phoebe out of it and shocked her. She had a hard time believing that there was anything good about her personality. " I can't thank you enough for this! I had no idea you were capable of such compassion... " Fiona told her. It was clear that her efforts to cheer her up had not been wasted.
" Don't say anything. Since you can't control your emotions, you can't say anything without sounding choked up and whiny right now. " Ignoring it, Phoebe whispered, " My pleasure, " and Fiona sighed happily, still appreciating the hug. " Well, at least you whispered it. Nobody can hear your voice crack if you whisper just right. I hate to admit it, but so far, so good, Phoebe. It seems like you're actually making her feel better. Looks like your selfishness-induced-breakdown paid off. It got her to think that you care. "
" I DO care! " Phoebe said sadly with her voice breaking. " WHAT ARE YOU DOING?! You just revealed to her how sad you were! Now she thinks you're pathetic! " Finding it heartwarming, Fiona replied happily, " I knew it! Oh, thank you so much for comforting me! I was wrong about you! You really are a nice person! "
" I am?! " Phoebe thought, feeling sad and insecure. Could she really be a nice person? " No you're not, Phoebe, she's just saying that because she's grateful for your basic human decency, which, AS YOUR CONSCIENCE, I had to FORCE you to do. Just be thankful things turned out so great for you. You won't be so lucky the next time you cry in front of someone you respect. Now for Pete's sake, end the hug already, she's gonna think you're too clingy and get weirded out! You'll ruin the moment, you'll ruin everything! " Phoebe ended the hug nervously, and succeeded in drying her tears before Fiona could see them.
Fiona was smiling in front of her. There was no longer any hint that she had been completely miserable just minutes ago. She said cheerfully, " It's nice to see that I can count on you... Maybe we can hang out some time! It would be nice to get to know you and spend some quality time with you! "
" Don't say, ' How about now? ' Don't say, ' How about now? ' Don't say, ' How about now? ' " Phoebe exclaimed happily, " How about NOW?! " spitefully ignoring the voice in her head that said, " You IDIOT! " Fiona said with excitement, " GREAT! I was hoping you'd say that! Come on, we'll go to your place! We can have some ice cream and watch TV and get to know each other! It'll be just what we always needed! " and she started following her as she walked out of Coop's backyard, having been successfully distracted from Coop.
" You're lucky she didn't call you clingy and desperate. You know why she didn't? You know why she's so grateful? Yeah, Phoebe, you do, it's because you were a COMPLETE JERK to her and made her AFRAID of you! That's why she's so happy to be your friend, because she's desperate to not be the victim of your jealous rage for once! She's only wanting to be your friend because Coop just ended his friendship with her and she's essentially on the rebound with you! She's settling for you! So don't screw this up! Be nice to her this time! Treat her like a queen! Treat her like the best friend you're ever gonna get, because she DESERVES it after being enough of a saint to befriend a girl who doesn't even have the decency to apologize for something she feels extremely guilty about! "
" I'm sorry, Fiona, " she apologized reluctantly and quietly in a tone full of shame, as she walked into her house. " For what?... Oh! Right!... No problem! You did everything possible to make up for it! I'm really proud of you. " She put her hand on her shoulder after saying the last sentence with a smile. " Now come on, let's watch TV! As friends! " Phoebe smiled and sat beside her on the couch. Her conscience's insults were getting harder and harder to hear, as Fiona drowned them out as they started getting to know each other.