No i nuruhuinën

'Daddy, will I ever see my friends again?' I asked, trying to make sense of the situation. As I have mentioned, I was very young.

'Look, here's the truth of it. You probably won't, and if you do you'll wish you didn't.' His answer puzzled me at the time, but I understand it now. They were dead, and to see them would've scared me witless. 'Just try to get some sleep, okay?'

I was not long asleep before I heard noises, so I got up to check what it was. Usually it would've been mice scurrying, or a predator hunting in the valley below. When I got up there however, it was a very different type of predator than expected. My father was being attacked by three grey skinned creatures, wearing some form of mail. The one in the centre wore dull steel mail, rusted in places. They were shaped like men, but had a fierce look to them. He screamed out in pain, and I ran forwards. I could not bear him in pain, such the fool I was. They tore his arm off and let it fall to the ground with the blood going everywhere, and left him writhing in pain on the ground. Then they ran towards me, and I froze. Memories came of the murder of my mother by these creatures, not long before this. She had suffered the same cruel fate as my father, being torn limb from limb and then they proceeded to eat large chunks of her. Father killed those creatures, and we recovered what we could of my mother's body. It was a grisly sight, lumps of bone sticking out everywhere and flesh flapping off in places. We cremated what we could, and ran. But there were more of the creatures, more than we could ever imagine. We had been running through field and forest; marsh and hill alike. This had been going on for days, until we began to tire and slow. It was then that we got caught.

My father looked at me, and even then I couldn't move. I will never forget the look of anguish in his eyes, and the terror. He had not looked so scared before, not even when he thought he was going to die. It was the thought that I was to die that scared him the most. 'Run.' He croaked, but still I could not move. The creatures grabbed me, and made me watch him being torn to pieces. First they tore his other arm off at the elbow, and tried to feed it to me raw. I had no choice. The blood was thick and metallic, and almost made me throw up. But I swallowed, every mouthful bringing more pain as I was forced to devour the last person on this earth I loved, alive. Next came his leg, and he began to scream shrilly, and I can forget neither the look on his eyes from moments before or that sound. It was almost as if his own life force was tearing its way out of him, and moments later he went limp. It was at that very moment I felt the grip from those creatures on my arm loosen, and my grief had turned to anger. I fled, as fast as I possibly could. Into the dense mass of trees, from one place to another. Always running, always hiding. I have changed very little since then, but I have become more adept at running. There are too many though, and whenever I try to exact my revenge I am reminded of the horrors of that day, and now I am here, once more in their grasp. There are worse fates than death, slavery is among them. But to be forced to perform sexual acts is the worst thing that any human could do. It seems that is to be my fate, and perhaps I deserve it. After all, how have I helped the world? Many years have passed, but now I hear rumours.

Rumours of a power to the west, one that still holds a slight foothold in this barren waste. Whatever the cost, I have made it my quest to pursue this rumour and I can only hope against hope that it is true; that there is still good in this world. I am on the move again now, soon to be put in the centre of the camp under guard. It appears I am valuable to them. All the more for them to lose. Once more their grip loosens, and I see my chance. I try to run, but I am off by a fraction of a second. I hit one of the creatures, and spin away. Nevertheless, I am still out of their grasp. I am running into the trees now, fleeing for my life. Perhaps I will be lucky enough to see the sun rise. It has not risen for many a day now, and darkness has taken its grip over all. It seeps into our very life force and corrupts. There is no hope of life for us here, so we must leave. If only I can get to the last outpost in the west, that is my name for it. I have not seen light but by torch for six days now, and it is two months at most to the last outpost. I can reach it, I will reach it. It is only a matter of time, and willpower. But is it really worth it? Am I really worth saving, after all of this?

I went to sleep that night cold, and hungry. Such are these dark times. The night was uneventful thankfully, and the stars shone brightly. The morning was not, however, as I came across someone like me, someone fleeing. They rushed past, their hair streaking behind them and contrasting with the green of the leaves about me. I felt the urge to follow. The forest floor was soft, and I was in a good mood so I trusted my impulses, and raced after them. It was not long before I was gaining, but they were still quite far away. I daren't call out, for fear of being heard. But then suddenly all sight of my quarry had gone. I searched and searched through the undergrowth, until at last I found them. They had tripped on a rotten log, a fairly simple mistake. I looked at the figure sprawled out on the mossy ground in front of me, it was a girl. No older than me, perhaps 16 or so.

'Err, hello.' I whispered, trying to make as little noise as possible. The girl looked at me, in shock. 'I am real, yes. I was almost as surprised as you are.'

'So, I'm not the last?' The girl croaked back, her voice a mixture of dismay and hope.

'No, as I am not. I have reason to believe that there are even more than us, but those monsters follow us. We move quickly now, for we are being followed.'

'But… my leg.'

'If need be, I will carry you. We need to stick together to have the faintest hope of getting through this.'

'I think… I can stand.' The girl rose to her feet. 'My name's Celairil, by the way.'

'Mine's Dernwyn,' I replied. It was false, of course. My real name's a secret, one very close to me. 'And we'd best be off.' We hurried on, and started to make progress. However, when we reached the edge of the forest we found a dilemma facing us, a very fast flowing river which seemed to have no crossing, and no ford.

'You see that tree?' I pointed up at a large tree which seemed easy to climb which reached out over the other side of the river. The gnarled branches offered easy footholds, and even the higher branches looked stable despite its age. 'I bet we could jump across and not hurt ourselves at all.' We did as I suggested, and suffered only a few bruises. It would set our pursuers back by days, as we would be able to race ahead while they were forced to stop.

'That was quick thinking, I'm glad I'm with you. I'd never make this on my own.' Celairil praised me. It felt good to hear another human, and her voice reminded me of that of my mother but it does not do to dwell on such thoughts, as they soon turn to the circumstances of her demise.

'I have an idea, a way through this hell. If we could pass through somewhere that even those monsters could not follow us, which would be some respite at least. Perhaps we could stay there awhile.'

'There could be such a way, but I know not its name. It is lost to the centuries, but I do remember one thing about it – something about the water, but I can remember no more.'

'Excellent, lead the way.' And it was so that that very night we left for the place, which I am still unknowing of its true name. We travelled by night and day, scared of our enemy as we were. We made good time, but living off of acorn paste and beetles is hard, especially when travelling so far each day so we weakened, and sickened. At one point, just before we reached our location, Celairil fell ill. The illness was unknown to us, and still is but she was coughing up blood, so I feared the worst. Just as we arrived, she was starting to become delirious. I now see that it should have been I in her place. She had done nothing wrong, but I had stood by and watched people die. Good people, true people. People who deserved life.

We settled down that night in a shelter made of tightly packed twigs and leaves. Twice it collapsed on us that night, and twice Celairil whimpered in pain. She seemed in complete agony, and I felt her pain. Every bit of it. She still functioned as a guide, but we were doubling back far more often now, and I was often suggesting we rest. But at one point we came across a patrol of the creatures, dragging a few human slaves with them. I left Celairil in the shelter we made the night before, and distracted the creatures. Once the slaves had broken free, and I had lost the creatures, I doubled back. I was careful not to be seen, but when I reached the place where the slaves had been, where I presumed they ran, they just stood there staring at me.

'What did you do that for? They'll kill us when they find us now.'

'You are free now, run!' I told them, quite bemused at their attitude. One of them ran at me, and shoved me to the floor. I awoke a while later, bound to a tree with the rest of the former slaves looking at me. The area was heavily wooded, and there was no sign of light or the stars in the sky. The darkness was so bad that I could barely see anything infront of me.

'If we are to die, so is the one who made it so.' Said a woman with bright orange hair, as she saw me looking at her. She seemed foreign. I tried to get free, but the bonds were tight and nothing could get me out of this. Then, when all were sleeping, I heard something approach us. From the first moment, I feared the worst. I feared the creatures had found us, and that my fate was sealed. It was only then that I heard a voice in my ear.

'Hold your hands close to the bark so I don't cut them.' The voice was weary, and hoarse. But I knew it at once. Celairil!

'You shouldn't have come.' I told her.

'I had little choice but to look for you, didn't I?' I left the question unanswered, and after cutting me free we crept out of the camp. We were now not far, she informed me the next morning, and it would take but a few days to reach the place we were going. Those days passed with ease, and Celairil seemed to improve. I realise now just how stoical she was, to have endured so much. I was too harsh to her, and too selfish. I should have never left her in such a state as she was.

'We are almost there. Hang on tight, and you'll be fine. Trust me.' I told her as we stepped foot there. It was cold, and bleak. There was a narrow path snaking between pools of water filled with bodies.

'I'm alright, I fail to see what the problem is. Oh look, there are lights.' Celairil started to walk a bit faster, and stepped into the water. As soon as she did, she started to scream and thrash about. Not seeing what the problem was, I dragged her back, and lay her down against the ground. But when I checked to see what was wrong just moments later, she was cold to the touch, but still breathing, albeit raggedly. I held her close to me, to give her some of my warmth, but she grew limper and limper. Eventually she fell back against the ground, dead. Fate had been unkind to me, after all these years. I now question whether it would have been kinder to just die here, as it would have made it all so much simpler. That can be changed, though.

I threw Celairil's body into the water. I could hardly just leave it there, and solemnly proceeded along the marshy ground being careful of the pools of water. I had to turn back many a time, but eventually I passed through. I could not shake the memory of Celairil from my mind, so I added her to my list of people to avenge. Now I was passing over scorched earth, and I could be spotted from almost anywhere. I sped up, going through ruins and other landmarks when I could so I wasn't too open. But then what I saw made me quite sick. There were some people, who looked almost like children. There was a makeshift stage, and the 'children' were in cages. There where the creatures doing what seemed to be bidding on them, it was a grim sight. Behind the platform was the ruins of quite a large town, on rolling hills on which grass still grew. I felt compelled to do something, but I could not and quickly passed on. I still had no idea how far I had gone, but I knew I had to keep going. Even if life wasn't worth living, I would do it for Celairil. She deserved as much, yet I did not.

It was a long trek through this sparse area, and there were signs of war everywhere. However, it seemed the people did not put up any fight. Bodies rotted on the roads, and in the burnt out houses. But they were children - all of them. I hurried on once more, disgusted by the sight. I left that behind me, and passed onto ground where the land seemed more fertile. Twice I came across battlegrounds, where thousands of the creatures had been slain by very tall men with pointy ears, having killed at least twice their number. I carried off one of their blades, which seemed well forged indeed. It was embedded in one of those creatures, and made a horrible sound as it came out, but it was a weapon nonetheless. I wiped the blood and flesh off of it, which stuck to my hand. It was warm, and once again reminded me of my father's demise. It was a terrible thought.

The second battleground was much more fresh, and I could see a river nearby. So fresh, infact, that I could hear the groaning of one of the men. I went over to comfort him, and when I neared him he spoke out. He was in a terrible state, his left leg was shattered, and the bone was sticking out. His right arm was also shredded.

'Child, tell me your name.'

'Celairil.' revealing my name would not be appropriate under the circumstances, and the name was the first that came to mind. An honourable tribute to one whom deserved life, when I deserved death.

'If you wish to hide under shadow, so be it. I know your thoughts, and they are dark. We should have hid in the same way, but alas we bought time for the last ship to sail.'

'So, if the last ship has gone... there is no hope?' I asked, tears brimming in my eyes.

'I am afraid it is so. I only wish that we could've lived in better times. Let me be, child. I am beyond saving.' He spoke the truth, for when I came back to him he was dead.

That was about half an hour ago. Now I stand alone in such a dark world. Maybe this note will be read by someone, but I doubt it. This world is broken, and to remove the bad part would rend it in two. I fear my time on this earth will be one of misery, but that need not be the way. I could see a river in the distance, so that is where I went. Do not look for me, do not cry for me. I shall leave this here, before I take this final step. And now I am falling, like a leaf on the wind. Life was far too cruel, let us hope this is not so. Yet perhaps it was for some reason, and I deserved it. Perhaps I should never have been here. Who knows? Who will ever know?