Kate lay on her back in the orange afternoon light of Caroline's living room, stretched out across the sofa with a red pen in one hand and a year 13 essay on romantic poetry in the other. Her feet were crossed at the ankles, and rested in Caroline's lap. Caroline also held an essay in one hand, and her legs extended in front of her along the edge of the walnut coffee table. Her other hand absently stroked circles along Kate's calf. They had been lying contentedly like this for hours, but as she continued to work, Kate gradually got the feeling that she was being watched. She fought the desire to look up, knowing that if she saw the glint in her girlfriend's eyes, there would be no more marking for the rest of the evening. "You're doing it again," she gently accused, eyes still firmly on the essay before her.
"How did you know?" Caroline asked, surprised.
Kate shrugged, "I can just tell," she replied absently.
Caroline smiled, "I can't help it. I like looking at you."
At this simple statement Kate smiled too, raising her eyebrows slightly. "Don't get any ideas. We've got too much marking to do." She dug a heel gently into Caroline's thigh to reinforce the point, "Keep your mind on the job."
Caroline let out a sigh but Kate refused to be distracted, desperately trying to focus on the words in front of her, and pointedly ignoring the hand that was travelling further up her leg. "I mean it, Caroline," she added forcefully, as the caresses reached her knee. The headmistress stopped in her tracks at the sound of Kate's best 9F classroom voice. Although she fell a long way short of being scary, the languages professor could take on a tone that all natural teachers possess - commanding authority without the need to shout.
Although Caroline's hand was stayed by Kate's warning, she couldn't help but continue to watch the woman stretched out before her, taking in her serene face, and the small wrinkle of concentration on her forehead. Caroline thought how lovely the younger woman looked, the summer light falling across her face, her dark hair swept up in a casual but neat bun, and most distractingly, a simple, white blouse that pulled tight across the swell of her chest, and moved gently up and down as she breathed. Finally, Caroline's eyes drifted over Kate's caramel coloured neck, and came to rest on the pulse beating at her collar.
The headmistress' mind started to drift from the, frankly awful, essay that she was reading, and began to consider instead the much more appealing subject of Kate. Caroline imagined, in great detail, some of the things she would like to be doing with this beautiful woman. Not one of them involved marking homework.
When she finally admitted to herself that her daydreaming had gone on for a slightly indecent amount of time, she dragged her gaze away from Kate and back to the books. Nevertheless, her mind continued to dwell on the younger teacher, and it struck her how little she still knew about the person with whom she had chosen to share her life.
"How many women have you been with?" the blonde asked suddenly, the words out of her mouth before she even knew she had wanted to ask the question. This time Kate's eyes left her work in spite of herself, flickering up to Caroline's face in surprise.
"You don't really expect me to answer that one do you?" she responded, a small smile on her lips.
Caroline peered at the brunette over the top of her spectacles. "Why not?" she asked curiously.
"Because there is no good way to answer that question," came the serious reply.
The headteacher laughed incredulously, "Oh I don't care!" she smiled.
"Ok," said Kate fixing her with solemn brown eyes. "Thirty," she answered, quietly.
"Seriously?!" Caroline exclaimed, shock evident both in her voice and in her slightly widening blue eyes.
"Mmm-hmm" confirmed Kate, lowering her gaze back to the page she was marking.
Caroline sat in a state of shock. She had always known that Kate was more experienced with women than she was, and she was certainly more comfortable with her sexuality than Caroline. Kate had always taken the lead when the older woman became nervous or unsure of things, which, the headmistress admitted grudgingly to herself, was probably more frequently than she would like. But Caroline had always believed that there was a pureness about Kate, something calm and ethereal, and that did not sit with the idea of thirty women and however many men crammed in around a six year marriage.
Meanwhile, on the other side of the sofa, Kate was enjoying herself. It was not often that she had anything over Caroline. In fact, the cool and collected headteacher always held all the cards, relishing complete control over all aspects of her own life, and by extension, Kate's. Caroline called and Kate came running. It was an arrangement that the younger woman had come to accept, although it still troubled her at times – the strange hold this gorgeous blonde held over her. Kate suspected it was because she alone seemed to notice the cracks in Caroline's tough façade. It was always blindingly obvious to Kate that the headmistress wasn't just a ball buster, but that she was often vulnerable and perilously close to falling apart. It amazed Kate that no one else could see it, and without even realising it, she had begun to see herself as some sort of protector, wanting with every fibre of her being to be close to Caroline, so that at least this magnificent woman wouldn't have to fight her battles alone.
Not to mention the fact that she's beautiful, funny, and clever, Kate confessed to herself. Still, it was nice to be the one in control for once. All the brunette had to do now was to sit back and wait for the other woman to crack. Out of the corner of her eye she could already see it happening – Caroline wriggling in her seat, trying to force herself to concentrate on her work. After a few minutes the blonde couldn't take the continued silence any longer, and she snapped shut the workbook she was marking. "Ok, I give in, how come thirty?"
"Ah-ha!" exclaimed Kate triumphantly, also snapping shut her book. She drew her legs out of Caroline's lap and sat up straight, looking directly at the woman curled up on the other end of the sofa, "I told you nothing good ever comes of this conversation."
"It just sounds like quite a lot," Caroline responded, trying to keep any jealousy, or worse, judgement, out of her voice. Although the headmistress thought bitterly to herself, I'm doing her a favour not replacing 'quite a lot' with 'bloody loads!'
Kate let out a weary sigh, "Caroline, I was winding you up to make a point!" The younger woman flopped back on the sofa in frustration and picked her workbook back up. "It's five alright?" she offered, striking her red pen through something on the essay before her.
"Five?! Then why say thirty?" Caroline asked indignantly.
Kate shrugged, "I was showing you that nobody likes the answer to that question." She took a deep breath, "I know how this goes Caroline. Even if it's only five you are going to want to know if I loved them, and nobody ever likes that answer either."
Caroline lied before she could stop herself, "I don't want to know that!"
Kate fixed the other woman with her beautiful dark eyes, and the headmistress got the uncomfortable feeling that her mind was being read. After what seemed like an eternity the brunette nodded cautiously, "Good," she replied, removing her gaze from Caroline's face, back to her marking.
The room fell quiet again, and Caroline tried as hard as she could to continue reading. It was on the sixth attempt to process the same sentence that she finally gave up, grudgingly asking the question that had been nagging at her since Kate had raised it. She broke the silence, inwardly hating herself as she did so, "Ok, so how did you feel about them?"
Kate shot Caroline an exasperated look, "Are we really doing this?" she shook her head in disbelief and sat up straighter, obviously losing patience. "Ok, the first one started with a drunken kiss during my A-Levels, it was only a brief fling but it made me realise that I liked girls." Kate ticked the women off on her hands. "The second girl I completely fell in love with, and the third girl fell in love with me…which was terrible actually – it's almost as bad to break a heart as it is to have one broken." She stopped to tuck a stray strand of hair absently behind her ear. It was an action that Caroline found infuriatingly lovely and completely distracting, in spite of the serious conversation.
"The other two came after I got divorced. The first wasn't serious, and we both knew that from the beginning, but next one changed everything." Kate shrugged, "I was completely head over heels, and I got my heart broken so badly I thought I would never get over it." She fixed Caroline with a steady gaze and took a deep breath, "She was gorgeous, funny, and interesting."
Caroline tried to remain expressionless in spite of the irrational jealously that suddenly flared inside her. Kate continued, apparently oblivious to the blonde's reaction, "Of course she could be sarcastic, self-absorbed and infuriatingly stubborn too." She shook her head absently, "She drove me completely up the wall. She ran this posh school and she was my boss so..."
Caroline let out a shout of disbelieving laughter and slapped Kate across the feet with her book. "I can't believe you were talking about me the whole time!" she exclaimed incredulously.
The brunette threw her head back and laughed, "I'm sorry Caroline!" she said, affectionately poking the headmistress with her toe.
The blonde smiled and stroked the legs draped over her lap, but suddenly the smile faded and she looked the other woman full in the face, "No, it's me that should be sorry, Kate. I'm sorry that I messed everything up, and I'm sorry that you got hurt."
The younger woman sat upright, "I'm sorry we both got hurt," she replied simply, "but all things considered, I wouldn't change it for anything."