Author's Note: A joke born of what I think some people get up to in their free time. Forcing their fantasies to take shape in the virtual world, so they may bask in it's conception. Influenced by what I have seen in the LoL community.
In the middle of a massive expanse of bright green grassland, there was a neighbourhood. It was a small neighbourhood and a very quiet one as well. The two houses that comprised it were almost 200 metres down the street from each other, one only having one inhabitant and the other two, Making it a very quiet place to live, secluded from the rest of civilization and the judging eyes of others.
One of these houses was the focus of this world, the very centre of all happenings and events, a place forged by the Overmind in the hopes of their dreams coming to pass.
Lux and Ezreal resided in this very houses, having moved here quite recently, torn from their past reality and injected into this one, where nothing existed to distract them from their urpose and what the Overmind schemed.
Ezreal was at that moment drinking orange juice straight out of the carton in front of the refrigerator. His bored Eyes locked with those of Lux, chugging Orange juice and hardly tasting it. Lux sat on the toilet directly to the right of Ezreal, staring straight ahead at Ezreal's booty. Her eyes empty and cold, finding no joy in living this life any more. The short distance between the toilet and refrigerator stood as testament to how well planned out the house really was.
Ezreal returned the carton to the refridgerator and stood there a second, as a black paw descended through the ceiling. Warwick, their pet cat, descended from the bathroom and into the kitchen.
Warwick purred and strutted before becoming wedged on top of the refrigerator and half in the ceiling.
With a feeble meow and its legs moving like an electronic pet stuck on an obstacle, it soon became one with the orange juice carton that Ezreal had replaced. Ezreal closed the door on Warwick's distraught face. Ezreal turned to his right to see that Lux was gone.
Lux had arisen from her perch and for lack of a working sink in the house, ground her heels to mince on the tiled floor as she slid out of the kitchen and managed to start walking as she slid sideways out of the house and began rummaging through the Garbage. She was wearing a white skirt and pink corset and nothing else...A shadow of her former self before she moved into the house with Ezreal, not of her own choice of course.
Ezreal himself wore a bright red varsity jacket and khaki shorts, his sense of style having obviously suffered along with his mental state.
From down the street came the local mail-man who passed by Lux and went to the mailbox to deposit his letters. However, his polygons soon became entangled with those of the mailbox, and Garen was trapped. In the face of this predicament he attempted a war cry:
"Dema-" he shouted, his voice cutting out half way, the Overmind not caring to correct this error as he was only a small piece of the brilliant picture the were constructing.
Lux gave the entrapped Demacian a neighbourly wave before returning to the house. If she recognized her passed fellow Hero she did not show it, her eyes as empty as always. The Overmind had strived to capture as much of her beauty and enthusiasm as possible, but only achieved a perpetually creepy smile, and eyes lacking all spirit.
Going upstairs to the shower, she entered the bathroom only to find Ezreal already inside, his entire upper body obscured by a mosaic pattern whilst his lower half resembled a plastic action figure, lacking all human features. Certainly, this was the Overmind's doing, bending the laws of the world.
Lux approached the shower undeterred by the mess of colours, perhaps allured by the not at all enticing body of her house-mate. Despite the Overmind's attempts, their relationship remained for all intents and purposes platonic, and the god of the world could not be bothered to go back and redefine their relationship, nor put in the effort and make them actually fall in love.
Lux proceeded to spin in a whirlwind in order to discard her clothes, though instead of stopping she did not and instead continued to rotate as she became parallel to the ground. She wiggles her legs as if walking and entered the walk-in-shower via floatation. With both of them inside the shower, there bodies clipped and bent around each other, much to the Overmind's approval.
Meanwhile downstairs, Warwick was walking around the kitchen, her head adorned with a cactus model, somehow turned into an accessory and applied to the poor creature by some wicked twist of fate. A
s Warwick's carers mashed polygons with each other whilst lathering themselves in suds, she lay in the living room, containing four chairs in the centre, facing outwards at the three televisions on each of the rooms walls and the door, providing optimum view-age of each screen, according to the Overmind's logic at least.
Warwick then decided, after curling up on one of the chairs, that the "Theory" of Gravity just didn't stand up to scrutiny, and thus, ascended from the living room and through the still empty baby room until she was lounging on the roof of the house, not at all enjoying the feeling of Roof-tiles lodged in her abdomen.
The Overmind spared the creature no thought, intstead shifting their view to the second floor of the house once more.
The baby room contained almost a dozen cots, and the room took up half the second floor of the house, according to the Overmind's specifications, hoping that the singularity of limbs and blonde hair assets that was Lux x Ezreal would produce much spawn, and thus appease their head-canon for the two. The lack of anything in the cots was evidence to how little chemistry Lux and Ezreal had, which was a disappointment.
In all honesty, calling them 'Lux' and 'Ezreal' was somewhat disingenuous. Beyond some basic features the pair hardly resembled their past selves at all. Their past selves a distant memory since they were brought from their home universe to this...plane of existence, a realm of low-quality textures and jerky movements, the Overminds doing.
Certainly, Lux did indeed have blonde hair, was a female, and had two arms and two legs. But beyond these things the similarities became few and far between. She was far too thin for starters, the Overmind having messed with the physics of the world to allow such a sharp and pointy figure, Her waist being thinner than her own Ezreal was far too muscular, his wrists so swole they clipped through his hips, and his chest that of a Silver-Backed Gorilla.
Though their proportions were absurd, for the purpose of the Overmind's satisfaction they would do, as they were doing now and as they would be made to do in the future, willingly or no.
Once Ezreal was finished in the shower, he removed himself and dressed without much incidence. However, when he attempted to leave the bathroom by passing the two sinks, both broken, he was schlorped into the gap between the entities, much like Warwick before him. With his legs now resting on one of the kitchen cabinets, he struggled and attempted to prevent his fall into the refrigerated hell below, but to no avail.
Lux also finished her shower cycle, getting dressed within the shower and left the room via the relative safety of the nearby wall, only to emerge still horizontal in the baby room. Here she stared at the many empty cots, lamenting first over the fact she existed, and second that she had no offspring to share this horrific existence with, only Ezreal, Warwick, Mail-man, and their neighbour down the street.
However, finally after so much time, the powers that be decided that today was the day that her dreams be realized, and she had the sudden urge to find Ezreal and "Try for baby". Obviously, the Overmind was delighted by this prospect, jumping up and down slightly in their Office chair.
Lux rose from where her feet rested on the floor and allowed her head to fall back, her arms rising from her sides as she was showered in the light of the sun, which repeatedly glitches so it appeared from within the room. In T-pose formation she bumped down the stairs on her heels and then orbited around the now relaxing Ezreal.
Ezreal rose from his sitting position and faced Lux, only to have her go through him and come out the other side, her mouth and body making it look like she had tried talking, but not even the usual gibberish was heard, instead the undulating mess of blonde and polygons ascended through the ceiling to the master bedroom to do what must be done. Ezreal followed, successfully navigating the stairs, only to be pulled through the wall into Lux's enbrace, much to the Overmind's amusement.
The two became one in another sense in that moment, not only clipping through each other and having their limbs fold into each other, but also coiling into a mass of skin textures in the act of producing a hell spawn. The Overmind was pleased with this, especially as they had altered the world values so that the act was committed above the bedsheets, Lux and Ezreal however still half submerged in the bed.
Their jaws mashed together, their teeth making an unsettling clacking sound as they smacked against each other. Ezreal's hand slid down the small of Lux's back and he wrapped his fist around her spine in order to gain purchase on her semi-physical form. Lux stared, unfeeling in this moment, not knowing things such as love or passion. All the same, she was compelled to shout out.
All sound cut out suddenly and a distorted whisper, the volume increased to ear-splitting volume, sounded:
"I'm Charging My Laser!" Lux Howled directly into Ezreals mouth, as her leg rested across his shoulder and her arms encircled his bull-like neck.
Other various quotes were shouted, much to the approval of the Overmind, as Ezreal's head emerged from the mess of muscle that was his shoulders. His eyes rolled back, taking his jaw with them to create the face of nightmares the Overmind had hoped would be arousing, showing much passion. Despite it not being so, the Overmind's hands wondered as they gazed upon their work, the masterpiece that was their Head-canon brought to life through the melding of two worlds.
Rainbow textures appeared and sudden cries of Lux saying "Hyah!" began to fill the air as Ezreal's...hips? finished thrusting up into the air behind Lux's knee.
Suddenly, their figures froze in the peak of the act, shocked still by the pain and torment of their existence, and then their bodies unravelled from each other and they left the bedroom quite normally, their faces emotionless.
Confused, The Overmind selected Lux and saw that she was not pregnant, the world having shuddered so violently in that instance that the two partners had failed to copulate successfully. Disappointed, yet not at all deterred, the Overmind hit a short-cut key they had bound specifically for this purpose and Lux was instantly 8 months pregnant. This pleased the world's god immensely, their plans still unhindered by the fabric of reality attempting to defy their evil actions.
The seemingly malnourished and skeletal form of Lux now supporting a distended and bulbous stomach indicating the later stages of pregnancy, The goal of her existence nearing with each pulsation of her Baby-box. The hit the same key and then selected Ezreal, grinning ear-to-ear with their face dangerously close to their view-screen, and their hands dangerously close to their crotch.
For Ezreal, by the will of his malicious god, was now pregnant also, with his and Lux' baby. Truly, it was only a matter of time before the baby room was fully populated, and the Overmind planning the pairs wedding. It would take much work to make such a thing happen, but it would be worth it.
There was much work to be done, but first, Ezreal and Lux shall birth their children, and the Overmind shall craft them in whichever way they see fit. He looked at the expecting couple once more, and then, much to their surprise:
Warwick was also, her stomach bulging out sideways to accommodate the overly large fetus, much like the stomach of the Mail-man also, still lodged in the Mail-box.
Seeing all this, the Overmind couldn't do anything but laugh, and think it all glorious.
Author's Note: I'll end it there, I don't want to give this any more time than it warrants or any more effort either. Continue on your way, happy reading
I hope this is somehow a stroke of brilliance on my part, though that is unlikely.
Well...
-NathanEryk