Always and Forever

It was… there were no words to accurately describe it. It was like… no it was exactly all the work they did was getting undone. Crowley was right. They rolled into town on a job and left nothing but destruction behind. Their best intentions were crap in the toilet. He was living proof of that.

Sam ran a hand through his hair and his body shook from the spasms and the cough that threatened. He could feel his lungs rattle and inwardly cursed at that. Just thinking about what happened to Sara caused the cough train to roar to life.

Crowley had been killing the people he and Dean had saved ever since Dean picked him up from Stanford. Sarah didn't deserve that. Yet it seemed that everyone they met and touched had suffered unnecessarily. Winchester luck wasn't a gift. It was a curse.

Sitting in the chair that he felt comfortable in, Sam thought some more. He couldn't remember all of them unless something triggered the memory. Yet there was one he could remember and just thinking about it now started his breath to become wheezy. He felt the familiar tightness and started coughing hard and it was difficult to breath.

He was sure that it was loud enough to send Dean running over. That would have started the mother henning and other things. Right now he just needed to calm down but it was hard. His lungs felt tight until he felt a familiar pair of arms assume a position he knew very well since he did the same for someone else. The arms' owner started massaging his chest and the tightness started to go down and his breathing started returning to normal.

It took some time but when Sam felt he could breathe on his own, he gently grasped the helping hands. "Thanks Angie."

Angela gave a tired smile as she rested her head next to his. "I really should thank the man who invented this. Works like a charm. We should patent it."

Sam gave a chuckle in reply. "I don't think that's a good thing."

Angela knew that there was more behind that reply than Sam let on. It was all related to what had happened over the last few days. The last one had even her cursing Crowley and she even contemplated doing it for real and having a real battle with tricks. She abandoned it but not completely since it weighed heavily on both Sam and Dean since Crowley gave them the choice of dropping the trials completely or he would kill everyone they ever saved. It was in the realm of 'you hurt mine so you will suffer and die' and it never failed to get her dander up. It was being stuck between a rock and a hard place.

One thing Angela did know was that Sam wouldn't have gotten this bad unless it was something that really, really bothered him like her Purgatory problem they hadn't fixed yet. She had been bringing him some of the tea that was slowly losing its potency but still helped in a small way when she noticed his equivalent of a panic attack. She helped in the only way she could and it was how he helped her during those times.

Deciding to find out what caused it, she asked, "And what are you thinking about that has you sounding like me on my near worst day? Is it about Sarah?"

"A little," Sam admitted. The time for trying to play it tough was long gone. It was a two way street between them on this.

"I understand that you were interested in her. I can understand that."

"You're not jealous are you?" Sam twisted to look up at her. It hardly sounded appropriate but he was too tired to evade or deny.

"No. I would have been happy. Happy that I wasn't meddling and that you were happy," Angela replied honestly. She removed her arms and went to get the cup of tea she had brought him. She handed it over with a smile and sat in the chair across from Sam. She studied him as he took a sip. "What's wrong Sam?"

Sam finished his sip and held the cup in his hands and looked down. "Just that… Are we bad people, Angie?"

"You know I don't think that. I hardly think about it and probably not the best judge considering…" Angela shrugged her shoulders slowly. She took a look at Sam's expression. "But if you must know, I never thought you two were or are bad people and I have met quite a list of people."

Sam knew that. He and Dean valued her opinion and in the end they got through a lot. He just needed to hear it and he knew she didn't bullshit. She had always been straight with them no matter what. "Thanks."

"Sam."

Sam looked at Angela. He could see concern etched on her face. If he didn't say anything, he could induce a similar situation he had just been in. He knew she wasn't stupid and while she could read minds, she didn't do that as a rule but she could tell when something was bothering either him or Dean. "Just thinking about Crowley's threat," he finally said.

"About quitting the trials," Angela affirmed. "The bloody bastard…" She started growling and it sounded animal like, more like the rumbling of a dog.

"I'm thinking of quitting," Sam let out.

Angela looked at him, "Why? You know what playing Crowley's game ends up being." She searched his face for the reason why.

"I know but…" Sam wasn't sure how to put it. He knew that she was determined to stick it to Crowley and he didn't blame her. She did regret dealing with him and she probably could figure out something but…

"Sam, there is a way. You know I don't really believe in no-win scenarios and I still have friends…"

"He said that he would kill the people me and Dean saved."

"I know."

"Angie, one of the people we saved was you," Sam finally managed to spit out. He knew that he had her attention. He couldn't say anything since he had to take a moment.

"And I can take care of that British pompous ass."

"Angie… stop… please." Sam grasped her hands and held them. His breathing hitched and he could see her features visibly change from indignation to concern. The sick shadows under her eyes became more pronounced. Finally he caught his breath and continued, "If Crowley can get to Sarah, he can get to you. If I were to lose you like that… I couldn't… I wouldn't be able to forgive myself. I thought you were gone when you were in Purgatory and you know what happened. It would kill me."

"You aren't going to lose me."

"Don't make a promise you can't keep."

Angela looked into Sam's sick and tired mossy greens. He was being serious about this. She repeated, "You won't lose me, Sam. If you want to stop the trials then that is fine. If you want to stick it to Crowley, then I'm with you. Remember?" She shifted her hand for him to see.

Sam looked down at her ring. "Yeah."

Angela smiled slightly. "There is always a way."

Sam's breathing hitched slightly and he put a hand to his face. He never liked it when the tears came in front of her. Call it a manly pride thing on the surface but it ran deeper than that. He felt his upper body being pulled into a hug. He wrapped his arms around her waist and held on. He wasn't going to let her go, just like he wasn't going to let Dean go if he could help it.

Gently Angela carded his hair with her fingers. One hand held him and the other just stroked his locks. "Do you want to stop?"

"I want this to be over."

"Then we say fuck you to Crowley."

"But…"

"And we do it together like we always have."

Sam said nothing for a moment but gave a squeeze to her middle. They had always done things together when the job called for it. It sounded like they were suicidal but the underlying message was that she would never leave him and he would never leave her. "Always and forever?"

Angela hummed in response as she soothed the agitated Winchester. "Always and forever," she replied.

A/N: Just a scene following after Sarah dying and Crowley's ultimatum. Sometimes Sam thinks a little too much but with good reason. Enjoy.