"Snivellus. I have a new mission for you." The evil overlord drawled. Snape shot him a slightly peeved look. "What is it, your highness?" He asked in response. Voldemort had taken to ordering only Snape to call him empirical terms lately. "It will require much self-discipline on your part. It will test not only your faith in me but your strength and wit as well. It may be the most draining journey I have ever set you upon yet. Are you absolutely sure you are up to it?" Voldemort proclaimed. Snape rolled his eyes. "Or perhaps I'll present this honor to... What's his name? Wormrat, was it?" Voldemort continued, tapping a long, spindly finger on his chin.
"Of course, your majesty! Right away!" Snape blurted. "But first, I inquire: is it really harder than that time you sent me to seduce James Potter?" Snape squinted at his master in suspicion. He shivered inwardly. He still remembered when he tried to sneak some love potion into the awful boy's drink, only to have Pettigrew drink it instead. It took him one week to get the taste of the man out of his mouth. "Yes." The pale man replied.
"Even harder than that time you ordered me to present you with either a dementor's penis or my decapitated head?" Snape's voice broke at the memory of the bony rod he had gift-wrapped for Voldemort on Christmas.
It had taken him all the seducing he could handle. Once he had convinced the chosen dementor (his name was Bob) to skive off his shift, the two headed to the nearest bar, where Bob got drunk after just three drinks Snape had paid for himself. Snape then teased him out of the Askaban Aclove and into a nearby convenient Askaban cell... Where Snape sucked the bony one's soul, then produced a knife.
A short silence was met. "It really depends on your opinion." Voldemort replied vaguely. "It... requires the dexterity of your cognitive and physical abilities... How do you feel about this?" With a wave of his wand, long red hair sprouted from the scalp of the noseless man. Snape lifted his nose into the air, unimpressed. Another wave, and the dark eyes of Voldemort melted into green. The corners of Snape's face started to twitch. The letter "L" danced on the tip of his tongue. One more swish, and a sign reading "MUDBLOOD" hung off Voldemort's neck. That did it for the black-haired man. Snape flung himself at Voldemort. "Tell me, what is my dastardly task?" Snape whispered, his lips only centimetres away from Voldemort's. "Kiss me."