Disclaimer: I own nothing, I just love to see the development of these characters that defined much of my childhood in a bit of a darker way. Right now I'm loving Bughead, so there will be quite a bit of them, but also Betty, Veronica, and Kevin's friendship as well as an Archie/Veronica pairing in future chapters.
When I first thought of giving Jughead a birthday party, I pictured a grateful smile, maybe some innocent kisses showing he appreciated the effort put in to the party. What I didn't expect was for him to begin yelling about how different we are and how different we are. How our relationship is doomed for failure. Then he called me the 'perfect girl next door'. I couldn't hide the hurt on my face. Here he is yelling at me that I don't understand him at all while refusing to acknowledge that I'm more than the perfect daughter that my mother forces me to show the world. Well, by the end of the night that image of me will be long gone. After our fight, I couldn't deal with Jughead anymore and walked back into the house to join the party once more. If Jughead didn't appreciate the work that went into it, someone else would.
Minutes later, the momentary relief I felt upon entering the party and seeing my classmates enjoying themselves faded into anxiety yet again as Cheryl and Chuck blocked Jughead from leaving the house and start playing a game called Secrets and Sins. In a town with as many mysteries popping up within a few months as Riverdale, there was only one way that this game could end – with even deeper feelings of betrayal between numerous people in the room that just came to have fun. I suddenly realized that Chuck and Cheryl were not part of the crowd that came to have fun; they were here to stir the pot, get revenge, and make everybody but themselves look bad. I shared a nervous look with Veronica, knowing that with Chuck at the center of the chaos, the events of that night that were a closely guarded secret up until now were going to be aired out in front of everyone, including Jughead.
By the time the game ended, all of our classmates knew of Archie's romance with Ms. Grundy, Veronica's father's dealings within prison, Doily playing with guns (not necessarily a revelation), and Chuck's version of the events of the night where I lost the control that I am constantly fighting to keep. They know that I dressed up as a prostitute, used drugs to subdue Chuck, and almost boiled him to death if Veronica hadn't stopped me. The whole time these revelations were being made, I couldn't, wouldn't, look at Jughead. Less than half an hour ago he saw me as the perfect girl next door, well Chuck did a great job of completely negating that one-dimensional stereotype that has followed me my entire life. Now I know that the boy that has been a constant for me since I was six years old would never look at me the same. Who wants to be with someone that is that fucked up? No one, that's who. Not even the boy from the wrong side of the tracks wants to deal with that many issues.
While I'm slowly slipping deeper into my dark thoughts of the future, I don't notice Jughead throwing a punch at Chuck in my defense. I don't notice FP and Archie forcing Chuck away from Jughead and out of the house before more damage could be done. I didn't notice my boyfriend (ex-boyfriend?) leave the house with the rest of our class after FP announced that the party was over. All I wanted was to show my boyfriend how much we care for him. I just tried to make him happy, keep it low key but still a celebration because I don't know where I would be if he hadn't been by my side these last few months especially. How did it all go wrong? How did it turn from celebrating one of the most important people in my life to that same person possibly breaking up with me and having what could arguably be the biggest train wreck to be called a party that Riverdale has ever seen?
I don't know how long I sat there lost in my thoughts, but when I took notice of the world around me again Jughead was kneeling in front of me with his hands on my knees and looking into my eyes so that he knew when I had come out of my thoughts. Just this once, I didn't want to put on the façade of the perfect girl next door. Suddenly I despised the fake smiles, the slightly curled high pony, the prim and proper sweaters. All I knew at that moment was that I needed the boy in front of me to stick around. I needed him to hold me together while the life that I have lived up until now, the way that I have presented myself to the people around me, my family that grows more dysfunctional each day, crumbled all around me. I needed my constant to regain the strength that I needed to face the judgment that will inevitably come on Monday when my classmates have a weekend to think about just how far I am from the perfect girl next door they always thought they knew well. It was time that I let him know what I was thinking. "I don't know what to do, Juggie. It feels like in one night, the way that everyone sees me has changed so drastically because of one lapse in control. I'm far from the perfect girl next door." I sobbed. "I don't know why you would ever think that you were a 'project' for me while you've been spending the last few months actively trying to hold me together, then I try to show you how much I appreciate everything you've done for me, as a friend and as a boyfriend, and I fuck it all up." The tears were fell even harder after I tried to explain my thoughts. They fell in a steady stream until I felt Jughead's hands on my face wiping them away. Once I had calmed down, Jughead kissed both of my cheeks under my eyes and stood up.
Holding out his hand, Jughead beckoned me to stand as well and grasped my hand once I did. "Even though we've been best friends since we were six, if this night has taught me anything it's that we still have a lot to learn about each other. I should have been more appreciative and I'm sorry for that. We need to talk everything over, the sooner the better, but I feel like this is a good time for a milkshake and a burger, so we're going to Pop's." At this, I had to smile. Even in the serious moments, food was always the answer in Jughead's mind. This was enough for me to let out a small laugh, loop my arm through his, and follow him wherever he wanted to lead me.
Song inspiration: Cowded Places – Bank, Someone to Stay – Vancouver Sleep Clinic