At the Loud house living room, Lincoln walked downstairs and the instant he touched the floor, he was called in by Lori, who was sitting on the couch with Lynn, Luan, Luna, and Leni. So Lincoln walked to them and sat next to Lori. "What do you need?" the boy asked.
"Well, Lincoln, I'm gonna be literally honest with you," Lori wrapped her arm around her brother and pulled him closer to her. "With how you used to have a thing for a redhead, your potential, we've been curious: What, exactly, do you like in a girl?"
Lincoln glanced at his other sisters, who eagerly awaited his answer. "Well, girls, to be perfectly honest-"
"It's the butt, isn't it?" Lynn guessed with a proud tone. "I wouldn't really blame you, Polly Pain and I have some very good butts."
"Kinda hard to miss when you're a big butt in general," Luan quipped.
Lynn crossed her arms as Luan and Luna went "oooh!" on her, and Lincoln and Lori laughed. Leni, meanwhile, held her laughter and shook her head. "I know, maybe he likes a good sense of humor?" the comedian promptly suggested with a shrug.
"That's a bit too subjective for my taste," Lincoln answered, with Lori and the other sisters nodding in agreement. "And besides, that's not right either. What I like about a girl is something that anybody can generally like."
"You mean the breasts, dude?" Luna guessed, pointing at Leni's chest. "I mean, that can't be subjective, right? Everybody likes a good pair of big, soft, squishy, balls filled with warm milk..."
Luna took out her tongue and drooled as she looked at the ceiling, lost in her thoughts. "Okay, she lost me when she started drooling," Lincoln said.
Lori promptly slapped Luna back to reality. "Thanks, I needed that."
"Anyway, Luna, you're also wrong," Lincoln admitted. "I mean, how would I like something most girls close to my age don't even have? No, what I like about a girl is-"
"Fertility?" Leni innocently suggested.
The suggestion made everybody silent... Until Luna blurted, "That actually makes sense."
"He's a Loud, after all," Lori added.
And as the older sisters nodded in agreement, Lincoln pinched the bridge of his nose in frustration. "Guys, you got it all wrong!" Lincoln exclaimed, catching his sisters' attention. "The one thing I like in a girl is not the butt, the breasts, the sense of humor, or even the fertility. No, what I like about a girl, is for her to be supportive and loyal."
After a couple seconds in silence, Lori retorted. "Yeah, no, it definitely has to literally be fertility."
Lincoln lowered his head and said, "Forget it, believe whatever you want."