BOXED IN
A Super Smash Bros. Brawl fanfiction written by KnightMysterio
Smash Mansion…
Women's Locker Room…
It was a quiet day at the Smash Mansion, the luxurious pocket dimension where the various heroines, heroes, and villains of the Super Smash Bros. roster stayed during the fights.
Or at least, as quiet as it could get during auditions for the new game.
More characters than usual were staying in the mansion, resulting in occasional chaos. And with the addition of third-party characters, things were wilder than usual.
Today, however, was rather sedate. Samus was in the shower, calmly scrubbing herself clean. Her armor kept her from getting overly dirty in the fights, but she tended to sweat in that walking tank of a battlesuit that was her trademark. And sometimes, like today during her training fight with Ike, a recently hired newcomer, a blade would strike through.
She absently scratched the scarred over wound on her shoulder, grateful that Master Hand's squeamishness about blood healed penetrating wounds quickly. The scar would be gone by the evening.
She calmly resumed her showering, whistling an old Chozo lullaby to herself.
Then she noticed the box.
A plain brown cardboard box was slowly sneaking across the floor.
Samus sighed. She had thought Solid Snake was above this sort of thing, but apparently men were men no matter what.
She opened the shower door, still nude and dripping wet. Not concerned with modesty in the least, she stormed forward and kicked the box, feeling the figure underneath it wince.
"Stand up, smiley. You and me are going to have some words about this…"
The box hesitated, and then raised up slightly, a small, silvery ball rolling out.
Samus recognized it immediately. It was one of the new items Master Hand had added to the weirdness: a Smoke Bomb.
"Oh hell," she muttered. Before she could react, the box had backed up into the smoke. "Where are you?!" she snapped, looking around the cloud of mist. She was so going to kick Snake's ass once she found him…
Then she felt someone's hand smack her on the butt.
She blushed, and whirled in the direction of the slap, ready to kill.
"Super Box Man away!" said Snake as he shuffled out of the room, moving surprisingly quick for a guy under a box.
"You're a DEAD MAN!" Samus roared, opening the locker her armor was in, "Do you hear me?! A DEAD MAN!!"
Executive Office…
Later on…
Peach, looking utterly gorgeous in her new dress, sat nervously on the plush chairs of the office as Master Hand typed on the computer. She bit her lip, trying to calm down, as she waited for him to finish checking on the status of her application.
Then Master Hand gave her a thumbs up. "Good news, Peach. Your contract has been renewed. Welcome to Super Smash Bros. Brawl."
Peach sighed in relief. "Thank you sir," she said.
"No problem. Now go on, have some fun. It's a lovely day out," Master Hand said.
Peach nodded, and popped her parasol, heading out through the side door near Master Hand's office and into the garden area. She sighed, more relaxed now than she had been in weeks.
"Sorry Bowser, but looks like I get a chance to kick your oversized posterior again. Hee hee!" Peach said, giggling.
So content was she to simply walk around the beautiful flowers, letting the sun shine down on her, that she didn't notice the box shuffling towards her.
Peach leaned forward to sniff at one of the rose bushes, savoring the fragrance. As she did, though, a pair of black-gloved hands reached around and squeezed her breasts.
"Whu…!" she started to turn, but before she could, those same hands squeezed her butt.
"Mmm, peachy!" Snake said, giggling and dropping back down into his box, shuffling away with surprising speed.
"GET BACK HERE YOU LITTLE…!!!" Peach snarled, slamming her fist into the ground and producing a rather large carrot.
A smoke bomb hit her in the face in response. "Super Box Man away!" Snake said as Peach coughed and sputtered from the smoke.
As the smoke cleared, Peach looked around angrily for Solid Snake and his stupid little box. But he was long gone.
"This isn't over," Peach said in a very unladylike voice, her parasol held like a sword. She slammed her hand into the ground and pulled out a Bob-Omb. "Not over by a long shot…"
Training Center…
Later on…
The goddess Palutena watched proudly as her agent, the angel Pit, trained hard for the upcoming battles. He dueled with her Centurions, deflecting arrows with his swords and counting them with arrows of his own, deftly flying around the field of battle with heavenly grace and speed.
She chuckled softly. She had even worked in a cameo appearance for herself, allowing Pit to summon her and the Centurions with a spell after he got a 'Smash Ball.'
Things were looking up for the denizens of Heaven.
Then someone from behind lifted up her dress, a scruffy bearded face rubbing up against her butt.
"Mmm, heavenly," a voice she recognized as belonging to Solid Snake said. Angry, she whirled around, firing an energy blast. But Snake had already run off, wearing the box over his head instead of fully over his body. He dropped several smoke bombs and ran off as fast as he could, not bothering with his 'Super Box Man' cry.
Palutena scowled. Pit and the Centurions, concerned for their mistress, flew over to her.
"Is there anything we can do?" Pit asked.
"Yes. I have a new mission for you," Palutena said, "SMITE SOLID SNAKE."
Swimming pool…
Later on…
Zelda, after finishing thirty laps in the mansion's pool, relaxed in the shallow end. She was grateful that she was being given a second chance at fighting. Unlike Peach, who had grown used to being the damsel-in-distress, Zelda hated the feeling of weakness that came from being kidnapped. She relished the feel of her fists on Ganondorf's face, and hoped that the Gerudo warlord's contract would be renewed.
But for now, none of that mattered. She had once concern, and that was relaxing after a hard workout.
She heard a shuffling noise, and turned her head. She saw an upturned cardboard box with the words 'NOT SOLID SNAKE' written on the side.
The Hylian princess sighed. "What do you want, Snake?" she asked.
"I'm not Snake," said the voice, "I'm Super Box Man."
Zelda rubbed her temples. This reminded her too much of the games Young Link insisted on playing during the Melee. She stood up, and kicked the box. "Stand up. I'm not in the mood," she snapped.
Reluctantly, the figure in the box stood up, revealing Snake's slender but muscular frame in its gray sneaking suit. Snake didn't take the box off his head, however.
"I repeat," Zelda said, "What do you want?"
"Well…" Snake said, "…I want BOOBIES!"
Before Zelda could react, Snake pulled the front of her swimsuit down and grabbed her bare breasts, squeezing them three times and going "Wakka wakka wakka!"
"You… You… RRRAGHHH!!!!" Zelda roared, Triforce energy flaring up around her and knocking Snake backwards, sending him flying into a wall.
"Super Box Man feels he may have made an error," Snake said, "Super Box Man feels he must retreat now."
Snake pulled a Warp Star out of his pocket and flew away on it. Zelda snarled.
"You can't hide from me, Snake! I'll find you! And then I'll make you PAY!!"
The roof…
Much later…
Solid Snake calmly lay on the roof, smoking a cigarette. He knew that he wasn't allowed, but rules be damned, he needed his nicotine from time to time. Besides, it was a peaceful day. He intended to enjoy it.
However, that peace was soon disturbed by an exact look-alike of himself with a box on his head crashing into the roof. Snake frowned, and went over to investigate the look-alike, pulling the box off of his head.
The look-a-like opened his eyes and grinned. "Bowser was right. This WAS fun," the look-alike said, before turning back into Ganondorf.
The hulking warlord handed Snake the box, and chuckled. "You are in SOOO much trouble," he said, leaping off of the roof.
Just then, the door to the roof stairway slammed open, a VERY pissed off Samus, Peach, and Zelda storming through, along with a stern-looking Pit and an army of Centurions.
Solid Snake suddenly realized what had happened.
"Oh hell…" he muttered as his look-alike's pursuers closed in on him.
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THE END!!
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