Disclaimer: Nothing. That is just about all I've got, nothing.
Author's Note: One parter, song fic, stand alone, one shot whatever you want to call it. No plans of updating. This is my first attempt at a Lit, so yeah. By the way, Jess might be very OOC. Please, try to live with it. Oooh, and Jess never came back in Nag Hammadi. Get it? Got it? Good.
This is probably the worst piece I've ever written, but I'm going to take a leap of faith and put it here, because I feel bad reading all of these amazing fics, when I know I should be writing myself.
"It's been so long
Since I've seen her face
You say she's doin' fine
I still recall
A sad café,"
Here I sit, in front of my father's hot dog stand trying to read Oliver's Twist, but was failing miserably. 'Just another thing I've failed at in life.' I thought, running a hand over the cover, thinking of the girl that called me Dodger. "What is much?" I had asked. I was stupid. I knew that, but for some reason, I couldn't go back. I couldn't stand to see the pain in Luke's eyes every time the guy looked at me. I pretend that I don't care, but I do. And she went to Luke's every day that she was in Stars Hollow. 'Geez, how long has it been?'I ask myself, bitterly. 'Only a year, two months, twelve days, and five hours, but who's counting?' Luke said she looked good the last time she was there. 'Well, it's good to know she's okay.'
"How it hurt so bad to see her cry
I didn't want to say good-bye,"
I didn't want to say goodbye, so that is why I didn't. I look up as a girl with brown hair and blue eyes passed me by. It seems like every girl that passes me by I look to see if it is her. And then I realize, she's not coming. I didn't want to see her cry, so I took the cowardly way out – I ran.
"Send her my love, memories remain
Send her my love, roses never fade
Send her my love,"
Memories. God, she haunts me day and night. I stayed awake last night until two am. I was thinking of her. And the disappointed last look she gave me as she got off that stupid bus. There are a million thoughts of her running through my brain throughout the entire twenty-four hours of the day, and it's ironic because she hates running. "Gilmore's don't exercise," she told me once. I want to tell Luke, when he calls, to say hi to her for me. And then I think of Lorelai. She would be there, alongside her, listening to Luke tell her that I said hi. Well, he probably wouldn't tell her at all, he'd just tell me that I am a screw up, and that he warned me to stay away from her.
"The same hotel, the same old room
I'm on the road again
She needed so much more
Than I could give,"
My mom once told me that one day I would find a woman who accepted me for me; all my faults, all of my shortcomings. Well, I found that woman, and once again, I have messed that up, too. I'm in my pseudo room now, and look at the bare walls, and the bookshelf stacked high. It's a long way from Luke's, he had nice wood walls, and it looked homey, even though the only thing in his closet was flannel. She really deserved much better for me, I honestly don't know why she settled for me. Luke, my mom, Lorelai, even I knew that I couldn't give what she needed. I guess I was just pretending to myself while it lasted.
"We knew our love could not pretend
Broken hearts can always mend,"
She got her acceptance letter to Yale, and I knew that 22.8 miles was what was going to break us. That, and the fact that I didn't even get to graduate high school. Sure, the 22.8 miles didn't look that long on the Yahoo! Maps screen, but from my point of view, it was an eternity. They say that broken hearts can always mend, but dammit, no one ever said how long the process took.
"Send her my love, memories remain
Send her my love, roses never fade
Send her my love,"
"Tell her…" I said to Luke a couple days ago. He had asked me to repeat what I had said there was some static. "Never mind," I had said. I thought to myself, rather sadly, 'I wonder if she's moved on. Probably has, I wouldn't blame her.' I catch my reflection in the mirror. My hair is long, my face is scruffier, and my eyes are pathetically sadder. But, whenever I close my eyes, I'm clean shaven, semi-clean cut, and have a smile on my face – it's because I'm with her.
"Callin' out her name I'm dreamin'
Reflections of a face I'm seein'
It's her voice
That keeps on haunting me,"
Most nights I wake up in a sweat. I hear her laugh; I hear her yelling, "COFFEE!" I see her face when she was reading a novel, when she was having a movie night with Lorelai, when she was begging for coffee, and I feel an unusual feeling in my chest. Jimmy told me that it's a tug of my heart. I smirk, thinking about how Luke would have a stroke if he ever heard that phrase come out of my mouth. "A tug on my heart." I whisper, as I lay back down on the uncomfortable mattress. Jimmy told me that he hears me at night. Apparently I talk in my sleep, and there is only one name mentioned – Rory.
"Send her, send her my love
Roses never fade
Memories remain
Send her, send her, my love,"