NEVER SEEN BLUE
Part 1: A Not So Random Visit
Toph was finished for the day. Her metalbending students had all plodded off home to Yu Dao for the night and she could finally put her feet up, literally. With hands folded behind her head, she leaned back in her seat and rested those perpetually bare feet on the table. Wiggling her toes she released a contented sigh. The master earthbender didn't care about the dust and dirt that dropped onto the wood. She couldn't see it and besides that, her housekeeper wiped it down every day whether the table required it or not.
"This is the life," she exclaimed. "Now all I need is something decent to eat." But she was exhausted and cooking was out of the question for her. She depended on restaurant food and the more than occasional meal brought by a student or a student's parent. The sucking up was tiresome but nothing beat home cooking. Toph really needed to hire a cook but simply hadn't gotten around to it yet. It was a miracle that she had a housekeeper.
"Did I hear you mention food?" a familiar voice asked. A blue clad young man waved a package around, letting its enticing odors permeate the room. "Because I brought all your favorites."
Toph's heart seemed to freeze for a moment inside her chest before then deciding to beat extra hard and extra loud. "Sokka," she mouthed, and willed herself to calm down.
The war was more than two years gone and still she got excited whenever the Water Tribesman was near. At one point, about a year earlier, she had believed that her romantic feelings for Sokka were over or at least buried deep enough so that they didn't bother her any longer. But it was more the separations from the young man, months without seeing him, that had pushed those emotions into the background. Every time he showed up, usually unannounced and always without Suki, Toph's usually stable emotions were buffeted about like dead leaves in an autumn storm. She covered up her turmoil with the brash and loud talk, crude jokes and toughness that everyone had come to expect from her.
"Hmmph," she huffed and crossed her arms across her chest while sitting up straighter. "Suki kick you out on your ass again?" She turned her head to face Sokka and listened closely. His heart was calm and steady, a perfect machine beating out a perfect rhythm. "Bring that food over here." She sensed the young man move towards the kitchen. "Don't worry about dishes. Who needs them anyway?"
"A woman after my own heart," Sokka quipped.
Bitterness and hurt flooded the earthbender immediately. 'And what good does that do me?' Part of her wanted to force him out, tell him to leave her alone. But the more insistent part wanted Sokka there, the sound and the smell of him, despite knowing his feelings ran no deeper than friendship. It was pitiful and it was pathetic. But she would gladly take any time alone with Sokka.
"So?" she said aloud.
The Water Tribesman knew what she referred to. His relationship with Suki had turned out to be a more turbulent one than he had expected. They could spend weeks together in relative harmony, then have a blow up and part for another few weeks. Marriage was on hold until they could stabilize their partnership. He loved Suki more than anything or anyone, but conflicts about where home would be and whether being a Kyoshi Warrior outweighed being the next Chief of the Southern Water Tribe always reared their nasty heads. Love simply wasn't enough right now. Perhaps they both had some growing up to do.
Their friends and family didn't get it. They all offered reasonable solutions. But stubbornness and willfulness and downright stupidity had set in. Neither wanted to give an inch and somehow their relationship had transformed into a constant, sometimes ugly, tug-of-war. Yes, they really did need to grow up.
"Yeah, we had another fight, a big one. I didn't want to go down south to the air temple and have Katara look at me…you know the way she looks, all judgmental and disappointed." He nabbed a few pieces of meat and stuffed them into his mouth. Meat juice dripped down his chin. He wiped it off with a finger and then ran his tongue along the digit. "Oh," he groaned. "I'll never get over how great this stuff is."
"Blind, remember…" It was an old line, one she had used countless times with her friends and students. For whatever reason, Toph never got tired of it. She grinned and waved a hand in front of her cloudy green eyes. "I don't know anything about Sugar Queen's looks. But I've sure gotten the disapproving vibe from her."
"Whatever; I just didn't want it. And my father, he takes me on 'fishing trips' and gives me all kinds of advice about women that I don't really want. You're great, though, Toph. You just kind of accept me." He stood up from his seat and puttered into the kitchen for some water. "I'm getting something to drink," he called over his shoulder. "Want some?"
"Yep," she called back cheerfully. "I'm 'great', am I?" she then muttered under her breath.
Sokka set the cups on the table and proceeded to eat more. As far as he was concerned the subject of he and Suki was now closed.
"Wanna go into town later?" Yu Dao wasn't exactly Ba Sing Se, but it would do in a pinch. Sokka felt restless and full of energy. He tapped his feet on the wood floor and drummed a beat out on his thigh over and over again with one hand.
"Why not? But I have classes tomorrow, so we can't stay out too late….well, you can, but I can't. And I'm tired."
"Ooooh, little Miss Responsible," Sokka jibed. "Isn't that cute?"
"Yeah, I'm all kinds of cute, Sokka." Toph shoveled in the remainder of her food, belched loudly, swallowed down some water and stood up. "I'm ready if you are."
"Yeah, give me a minute. This stuff is no good when it's cold. And you know me, I hate to waste food." Sokka finished up what was left in the cartons, making sure to capture every crumb, and exclaiming more about the sheer deliciousness of the meal.
Toph bounced on her feet impatiently while she waited. "Come on; the town pretty well goes to sleep at midnight. If we want to do anything, we need to go now."
"All right, all right, I'm coming." Sokka gave his belly a rub and grimaced before standing. It wouldn't be the first time he ate and ran. He could handle it.
Together they walked swiftly down the steep set of stairs that led to Beifong Metalbending Academy. Toph's school seemed to grow right out of the rocks. Huge cliffs dwarfed the simple building from the back, while shorter rock walls bordered the steps. The city gates were just beyond the entrance to the academy and once inside, many people greeted Toph with enthusiastic shouts or punches in the arm, much like the ones she loved to give people. She seemed to relish the attention and for a few minutes Sokka and her feelings for him were forgotten.
"So, pretty popular, huh?" the Water Tribe man asked with a grin.
Toph bumped her hip into Sokka and flashed her own grin. "I do all right."
He bumped back, all in good humor, and suddenly heat, intense and pulsing, made its way through the young woman's body. Gulping, she fought to regain that insouciance she was known for.
"Hey," Sokka sounded concerned now, "is everything okay? You look kind of funny."
"I'm fine; and since when are you observant, like at all?" Toph snapped her reply and felt bad immediately. She could feel Sokka stiffen up beside her.
"Well, you know, girls have moods and I've gotten pretty good at reading Suki's…" he shrugged, not sure what else to say about the matter.
A snide comment came out before she could bite it back. "Apparently not good enough."
Her companion seemed to shrink then, curl in on himself and his hurt. "Not good enough," he mimicked the earthbender. "Maybe that is my problem."
"I didn't mean it like that and you know it, Sokka. Stop being a damn drama queen. You're plenty good enough, plenty good enough for me."
"I'm touched, Toph." And he was, genuinely. The earthbender had always been his steadfast supporter.
Scratching the stubble on his chin, Sokka stared thoughtfully off into the night. The sun had set completely now and there was a definite chill in the early spring air. Cheerful lamps, glowing warm and yellow, lit their way along the streets. Shopkeepers, tavern owners and restaurateurs welcomed people inside.
"How about a drink?" Sokka suggested. He enjoyed the occasional glass of whiskey or beer or whatever alcohol was popular in the region he was visiting. Often after one of his fights with Suki he downed a few more than was healthy and suffered the following day. He hadn't this time, but found himself craving a bit of that oblivion alcohol provided.
"Are you sure you want to do that?" Toph was all too aware of her friend's predilection for drowning his sorrows. She'd witnessed it a few times and while she was hardly averse to drinking (in fact, she could drink just about anyone under the table, despite her tender years) the after affects of Sokka's binges were not pretty. He said too much about too much, things that Toph did not want to hear. She hurt as much as he did, though the man was oblivious to that fact. And Toph had no intention of ever telling him. She suffered in silence and would continue to do so until she finally got over Sokka. That day could not come soon enough.
Sokka's reply was brief and firm. "Yes."
Blowing a blast of air out of her mouth, Toph shook her head and allowed Sokka to guide her to the nearest tavern. A few minutes later, he was already on his fifth drink and his words were beginning to slur.
"Feeling better now?" Toph inquired dryly. She took the occasional sip of her own but refused when the tavern keeper offered her more.
"Yess, without a doubt; Sssuki can, well she can go…" It was too much hard work to finish the thought, so Sokka gave up and let his head drop down to the table instead. There was a loud cracking sound and the young man groaned.
"Yeah, sure Suki can go somewhere." Sokka wasn't listening. He was snoring instead. "You're a sucker for her and you know it. Give it a few days; you'll be running back to her." It was fact, a fact that Toph knew with certainty and with sorrow.
She managed to get him back to her place with earthbending and once inside dragged him to the sofa and let go of his body, letting it flop down with a muffled thump. Immediately he pressed his face into the pillow, continued to snore and began to drool as well.
Pulling a blanket over his shoulders, Toph briefly touched his cheek. It was warm and rough with a day's growth of beard and felt too wonderful. She jerked her hand back as if she had been bitten. "Good night," she whispered.
Her voice cracked and she swiped savagely at the eyes that betrayed her.
A/N: This fic was inspired by the song 'Here in my Head' by Tori Amos, particularly the line 'maybe I'm just the horizon you run to when she has left you there...'
The title, 'Never Seen Blue' is also the title of another Tori song...seemed fitting.