Resistance
J/L
Chapter 1
Prologue
All that I can focus on is his palm against mine, our sweat mingling together as both hands tremble. His eyes, meeting mine. Hazel on green. And suddenly, I see in the hazel depths that he is just as terrified as I am. Our harsh breathing is suddenly all I can hear, and I take a deep shuddering gasp as I register just how afraid I am to die.
I don't know what's real anymore. There's fire, but no smoke. There's blood, but no bodies to support it. All I can feel, all that I know to be real, is the hand pressed against mine, the warm body barely two feet from me. In some sense, he is all that is keeping me from going insane.
In a way, partial insanity seems a small price to pay for being able to die beside someone that I love as much as him. In a way, there could be worse ways to go.
For a moment, it feels as if we're actually winning the games.
For a moment, death doesn't seem so bad.
...
2029
I awake with a start, immediately aware that something is wrong. Something is very, very wrong, and as I take a deep breath to calm the bewildering rapid pace of my heartbeat, the air smells wrong too. Smoke. I scramble out from under my covers, sitting up and taking in the sight of my bedroom.
Clothes thrown all over the floor...the pale pink, peeling wallpaper...the scarce amount of toys. Everything seems completely ordinary, which throws me for a minute, until my eyes follow the path of orange light dancing along the wooden floorboards, and eventually land on the fire dancing outside my bedroom window.
A scream catches in my throat as I sit immobile for a minute, too shocked to register that I should be up, moving. Because this has happened before, the attacks. In these difficult times especially, they're becoming more common.
And tonight, apparently, it's the Evans household's turn.
Grabbing a torch and making my way out of bed, I run across to her door, praying to God that I'll open it to find the hall free of fire. Thankfully I does, and my movements towards my sister's bedroom quicken when I hear the distinct sound of a window, probably my bedroom's, smashing with the force of the flames.
'Tuney!' I yell, before coughing as a wave of smoke suddenly fills the hallway. My head whips around to the source, and I can see smoke leaking out of the bathroom. I pull my thin nightgown up to my mouth, my voice muffled as I yell again. 'Tuney! Mum, dad-'
'Lily!' My father suddenly comes hurtling around the corner, smoke tickling the walls around him. Squinting through the thickening smoke, I can see that one of his shirt sleeves is slightly blackened, and I hurry to him and cling as he grabs my shoulders roughly. From the look on his face, he's just woken up and is as shocked as I am, if not a little more controlled.
'Lily, we're getting out of this house, now, go on-'
'But Tuney-'
'I'm waking her now-'
Suddenly my mother's there, her hand grabbing mine as she pulls me towards the staircase. My head constantly turns between looking where I'm going and looking back to see where my father has disappeared into Tuney's room. My eyes are stinging with the force of the smoke as roaring fills my ears, my lungs screaming in protest as try to keep my mouth covered. I can vaguely hear my mother call for my father to hurry up before a beam to our left collapses, fire going with it. I scream out, a piercing sound that forces my mother to lift me into her arms, and we run towards the front door.
Then two things happen at once. The door suddenly bursts open, causing us both to jump out of the way in shock as two of our neighbours appear behind it. Over their shoulder I can friends calling out to us.
The second thing that occurs is Petunia appearing at the doorway behind them, horror and slight guilt on her face as she stares at me with tears in her eyes.
'Tuney.' My mum breathes out, and Petunia bursts into tears as the realisation hits me like a knife, almost as painful as the heat of the smoke feels on my skin.
It's happened before, Petunia sneaking out to see her boyfriend. And now she's done it again.
Which explains why my father still hasn't emerged from upstairs, clearly searching for his fifteen year old daughter.
I gasp in shock as my mother suddenly staggers forward, and look to my right just in time to see her eyes rolling into the back of her head before she collapses to the floor, taking me with her as the two neighbours lunge forward to try and catch both my mother and the ten year old in her arms.
They barely have time to grab me, however, when I leap up, turning around and running towards the burning staircase with all the energy I can muster as shouts erupt behind me.
'No!'
'Lily!'
My body is screaming with protest, as is my throat as I call out to my father.
'Daddy!'
The ceiling appears to be collapsing around me but I carry on, too naive and full of fear to even notice how hopeless my rescue mission is. All I can focus on, all that is in my brain is the determination to find my father, to get him to safety and hug him until I can breathe again.
Because now I can't breathe. The nightgown proves useless in covering my mouth, even though it's soaked in sweat from the overwhelming heat that makes me feel as if my skin is blistering.
'Dad-' My foot catches on a loose piece of floorboard and I slam into the floor, an entirely new pain engulfing my ankle as I struggle to think coherently and regain my feet.
This is where I will die I think to myself.
I turn over onto my back, resisting the urge to scream for fear of my throat. The flames lick at the ceiling, and for a moment, that's all I can see.
That is, however, until I register that a small hand has grabbed mine, and I'm hit by the sudden rush of hope that my father has found me. For a minute, I allow myself to believe that everything is going to be okay.
I look to the side, and it isn't my father's blue eyes that meet mine. It's a pair of wide and alert hazel ones that are startlingly bright, even in a room that is full of flames. It's not my father holding my hand, I register. It's a boy around my age, someone I recognise to be a neighbour- possibly the son of one of the men that arrived at my door barely minutes ago. I definitely recognise him, despite my increasingly bleary mind and the fact that he's covered in soot.
Why he's here though, I have no idea. Until I realise that he's trying to get me to sit up, and I blink at the boy with hazel eyes.
'You're saving me.' I tell him, or at least I try to. My throat feels raw, so it comes out as a croak.
'Trying to.' He tells me, his voice slightly shaky as he suddenly pulls me towards him, placing a jacket over my head to try and keep the smoke and flames away. I find myself leaning on him as he hauls me to my feet- or at least, foot. The other seems incompetent of movement right now, and I wince.
I'm getting out of here. He's saving me.
For a moment, I feel relief. But in my shock at this boy appearing I had forgotten the reason why I had run back to the flames, run back to the fiery hell.
'My dad!' I tell him, struggling slightly despite how weak I'm growing. It's a miracle I can still hobble on one leg though, and the boy's arm is tight around me as he takes me, I hope, towards safety. I can barely see where we are now. Everything is smoke and flames and I'm growing dizzy.
He doesn't reply to that, and I pray harder to god that my father is safe.
'Stay awake.' The boy's voice suddenly demands as my eyes flutter shut, and I force them apart.
After what feels like hours, we've suddenly reached open air, and I feel both of us collapse, his arms still around me as I gasp in the fresh air, squinting at the night sky above me. My lungs burn as I inhale as much as I can, and I can hear people rushing towards us, cries coming from my mother.
But where's dad?
I realise that my hand is still entwined with the boy's, and I turn to look at him in slight confusion. He's looking back at me, also taking deep breaths and blinking rapidly, as if he's surprised that we're both here.
For some reason, all I can think of to say is- 'I'm Lily.'
He doesn't even find it strange. He just nods and replies- 'I know. I'm James.'
I can feel hands on my face now, doctors checking that I'm okay and my mother fawning over me as she sobs. My gaze doesn't stray from James, who looks back at me amidst his parents' own hugs.
I tell him, slightly breathless- 'Thank you' before collapsing into unconsciousness.
...
2036
7:47pm.
Approximately 16 hours and 13 minutes to go.
973 minutes- 58380 seconds away.
I go over it until it becomes a sort of mantra in my head, and the numbers began to fade into one. After a while my head begins to hurt with the concentration, and I take another sip of the cider in my hand and go back to counting. Because even though tonight District 4 has received a new shipping of food and drink to make sure that for the next week or two, we're fairly comfortable with our meals, all I can think of is that at noon tomorrow, I'll be at the reaping, preparing myself to...
16 hours and 13 minutes. 9-
'James, what's gotten into you tonight?' I'm caught off guard by the sudden appearance of my aunt's fingers clicking in front of my face, trying to gain my attention as I jump slightly before fidgeting in my chair.
'Mm?' I look at her questioningly, and she sits back while glancing at my uncle, who continues spearing a fork into his roast potatoes as if nothing's wrong.
'Why'd you keep looking at the clock?' She asks, her voice slightly stern as she dabs a napkin at her lips, leaving fuschia stains on the cloth. 'You don't even seem to be paying attention to tomorrow's plans.'
My uncle's head snaps up at this, his grey eyes meeting mine with sudden alarm and slight ferocity, forcing me to think quick. His wrath isn't something I want to face tonight.
'That's why I'm looking at it.' I improvise, giving a smile that they probably won't note is sarcastic. 'Counting down the hours.' I add for good effect, and take a lively swig of my drink to emphasise my point. My aunt visibly relaxes, giving me a sudden warm smile as her shaky hands reach for her wine. I vaguely wonder what medication she's using tonight.
'That's the spirit.' My uncle congratulates me, before putting down his knife and fork with a clatter. 'Now remember James, it's all about getting tactics tomorrow, the reapings are broadcast live on TV-'
'I know-' I answer, baffled that he still talks about the reapings as if I've never experienced one before, never watched the repeats on TV as my aunt and uncle complain about how I should have been the one volunteering that year.
'Which means that there can be no hesitancy, no faltering. The moment that the opportunity to volunteer arises, you shout as loud as you can to make sure they hear you-'
'Uh-huh.'
'You step forward and take swift steps towards the stage-'
'Got it.' I turn over a piece of cabbage on my plate, noticing how bored my voice sounds.
'Do not let anyone else distract you, you know how vicious a lot of people get about these reapings-'
Including you, I tell him in my head.
'And throughout the whole thing, do not let your face betray any emotion other than bravery and elation, have you got that?'
'As always.'
There's a slight pause as my uncle stares at me, and exchanges a glance with my aunt, who's expression looks faraway.
'What has gotten into you James?' He questions sharply, and I swallow slightly while trying to come up with the right words to say.
'Maybe...maybe someone else would be better at volunteering.' My uncle's fork clatters onto the plate. 'You know Jason Embry's hoping to volunteer, he's better built then me-'
'James, what exactly are you saying?'
I pause again, my eyes looking anywhere but my uncle's face. 'I'm saying that maybe District 4 can find a better tribute than me.' I finish, trying to make it sound like I'm just being modest and nervous. Which I am, in a way. But that's not the reason why I'm trying to avoid being reaped.
'Nonsense.' My uncle states boldly, finally finishing his dinner and taking the napkin out of his shirt. My aunt reaches across the table suddenly, her bony fingers wrapping around mine in a firm grip. She looks at me imploringly, in what I'm assuming is meant to be a comforting expression.
'James, sweetheart, I'm sure it's just the nerves talking. You'll be absolutely fine.' Her voice shakes slightly like it always does, her teeth yellow below her cracked lips. It's now that I see the desperation in her eyes, and it makes me falter slightly.
I nod, giving her a small smile, but I can't help but think to myself-
If fine means that I'm being forced to volunteer for a bloodbath that I have a 1 in 24 chance of coming out of alive, then yeah, I'm absolutely fine.
...
2029
'What happened next?'
I scoot closer to him, my knees hugged to my chest and my long hair whipping me in the face as the wind blows across the tree we're sitting under. I stare at him avidly, listening intently to his story.
James uses his hands to tell the story, gesturing wildly to make his point. 'Well Mrs Beckett said that they kept running, didn't stop until they reached our house.'
'But that's miles!'
'Didn't stop them.' He replies gravely, his hand movements stopping as he begins to pick at the grass, the old shirt he's wearing long enough that he has to keep shrugging the elbows up. In the dark days of the rebellion, food is rationed, let alone nice clothes to change into for play dates.
'But why would they bother? Would they really get in that much trouble? I mean, everywhere is rebelling-'
James pauses for a moment, glancing at me and then looking at the sky. It's a lovely summers day, but the threat that constantly lingers over us makes me feel nervous all of a sudden. And yet, here under the tree in the field behind our houses with James, I feel safe.
Memories of that night are still fuzzy, and I'm still not quite sure how and why James appeared so suddenly at my side and risked his life to save me. All I know is that his parents were completely furious at him for leaving them, and that I find myself too nervous to ask James why he did it.
I also don't like to remember that night. Thinking about the aftermath, and what I lost tears me apart to the point where I don't feel able to breathe.
And yet, since then, James has become a constant factor in my life. We've met by the tree every day since. It's become our special tree.
'Everyone is rebelling.' He answers carefully, running a hand through his messy hair. I notice that it's a sort of habit of his. 'But in different ways. People with families, like ours, they don't say nothing because they have a lot to lose. But then there are people that aren't afraid to be...they aren't afraid to say what they're thinking. They aren't afraid to complain.'
Looking around carefully for fear of being overheard, I move even closer to James until we're barely a foot apart. He looks confused for a moment and stiffens slightly.
'But why are they complaining?' My heart beats slightly faster, the question I've always wanted to ask, one that has never gained any answer (usually with the excuse, 'You're too young, you're only 10 years old'), finally being spoken. But I know James will tell me. We tell each other everything. 'Why are we in this war?'
His voice sounds slightly shaky when he replies, and I wonder if he's nervous about being overheard to. 'Think of the last time you wanted to learn about something in school and you were told that you couldn't. The last time that you had to go a night without eating because all the grain was being given to 'the richer citizens of Panem'. Think about how we're not allowed to play with, or even talk to some kids just because of the colour of their skin.' His eyes are blazing now, and turn to look at me intently.
'That's what the government do. The Capitol. The government are supposed to be people that help us, help everyone in Panem, and yet they favour the ones with the most money.' He flicks a piece of mud off of his knee, a small scowl on his face.
Something about seeing James so angry makes me immediately want to calm him, so I link my arm with his, clasping his hand in mine and leaning my head on his shoulder. I can feel him gulp, and I sigh as I look at our houses in the distance.
'Do you think it'll ever end?'
'The rebellion?'
I nod, and James sighs. 'Eventually. It's just whether it's a good or bad ending.'
There's silence for a minute or so, when James clears his throat.
'How's things with you and Petunia?'
My heart drops at that, the terrible but familiar feeling of misery, grief, guilt and longing washing over me once again as my grip on his hand tightens. He squeezes back, turning to look at me.
'I'm sorry. Just say if you don't wanna talk about it.' He tells me sheepishly, and I'm still for a long time.
'I wanna go see my dad.' I tell him in a thick voice, and he nods slowly before we both rise to our feet. We walk until we reach a patch of grass nearer my house, below a willow tree. It's nice here. I'm sure dad likes it, beneath the sun and the gentle breeze.
As we reach our destination and both stare at the gravestone, James takes my hand and holds it tight.
...
2036
I make my way home with my thick jacket wrapped tight around me, trying to avoid getting too cold so that I become ill. At this time of the year, I really can't afford it. With the reaping in just over 24 hours and with the winter getting increasingly freezing, it's not in my, or anyone else's, best interest that I become bed-ridden now.
It's a rarity of some sort to have a jacket like mine, something that I'm thankful for every day. Seeing as my mother doesn't leave the house anymore, she's given it to me. It's about 10 years old, but it keeps the cold out, which is good enough for me. It's not like we can afford woollen coats anymore. The only reason why we have this one is that it was one of the only things we could keep after the end of the war 7 years ago. Most of our other possessions, we've had to sell.
For being able to feed ourselves and keep a house over our head, it's a small price to pay. Many of the other residents of District 12 struggle to gain even that. With this thought in the back of my mind, I glance across the dusty, cobbled street at one of the gnarled trees that sits there, where just last week I'd encountered Mrs Kirbell on my local bread-run.
I hadn't needed to feel her pulse to know that she was gone, just like so many others in our district. The paleness of her skin that hung thinly on her protruding skeleton, and the emptiness of her open eyes said it all. I shove the thought aside as I continue walking.
The bread that I have bundled in my arms keeps my hands warm, and I think about how happy my mother will be that I've gotten it. It's a fresh import from District 4, and I'm lucky that I got it at all tonight. Then again, everyone's too tense to be picky about who they sell to tonight, what with the reaping tomorrow.
A few men pass me as I turn the corner, and nod to me in what I'm assuming is a sympathetic manner.
Of course, I think to myself, because this time tomorrow, I could be on my way to the Capitol.
Pushing these thoughts away aswell, I see that their faces are black and dusty from the coal that they've been mining all day, and I give a small smile back.
Our house is on the very edge of the Merchant section, and I approach it hurriedly in my haste to eat the bread in my arms. While I've now spent a day looking after 3 young children while their parents worked when I could have been looking after my mother, the bakers were grateful enough to give me bread and some grain in return.
We'll eat like kings tonight, I think to myself bitterly, and make my way inside.
'Lily?' A voice calls quietly from the small living room beyond the hall. 'Is that you?'
I don't answer, but walk in there straight away. My mother's hollow face lights up, and I instinctively reach forward to hug her. From where she sits in her chair, she looks vulnerable under the mass of thick blankets that me and Tuney have sacrificed to keep her warm.
District 12 has neither the technology nor the decent doctors to diagnose what's wrong with her, but whatever it is has been sucking the life out of here for years. It's a slow progression that makes her weaker, unable to work as much as she used to be able to. Sometimes, she's able to help out with making materials and clothes for us to trade, but it's mostly me that does it. And sometimes Tuney.
Speaking of which, as I look up from hugging my beaming mother I'm shocked to see her standing in the doorway, her blonde hair long and straggly over her shoulders. As soon as I make eye contact with her, she looks down.
'Hi Tuney. I didn't think I'd see you here.' My voice isn't friendly, and my mother looks between us anxiously and replies before Tuney can.
'Petunia was just here to drop off some more material Lily, and look, she even brought some stuff for you two to wear tomorrow-' She tells me eagerly, pulling Tuney towards her so that we're both stood on either side, staring at each other while each having an arm around the woman between us. I glance at the table on the other side of the room, and see two dresses laid out on it. Admittedly, they're some of the best clothes we own, and for the reaping, we need it.
'Thank you.' I tell her stiffly, and she looks at me warily. While she obviously hates what's happened to our relationship, she isn't exactly easy-going on me either.
'You can choose which one you like, I don't mind.'
'See, isn't that kind of her Lily?' My mother interjects imploringly, beaming at me as Petunia forces a comforting smile at her. In some ways, our mother is the only reason that me and Petunia can stay in the same room with eachother without screaming at one another. 'I was thinking you should wear the navy one, it would compliment your hair beautifully-'
'Sounds great, mum, it really does, but I've got some bread and it's getting cold.' I force smile to match Petunias- I'm grateful, I really am, but that doesn't mean I'm willing to pretend to be all sappy with my sister just because of a couple of dresses.
My mum pauses for a moment before squeezing my hand slightly and smiling gratefully. 'That sounds lovely.'
Despite the fact that her eyes are downcast on the floor, I walk past Tuney and towards the oven without another word.
...
2029
'Come on, just try a bit!'
'I've had it before, it tastes disgusting-'
'You can't find it disgusting James, it's Christmas pudding-'
'It just tastes like cinnam- oi!'
I laugh loudly at the look on James face as I lunge forward with a piece of the pudding in my gloved hand, aiming for his mouth. He scrambles away, almost losing his footing in the deep snow as he avoids the 'poison', as he calls it. We're in light spirits after our families spent Christmas dinner together, and we've retreated out into the fields to spend some time in the snow. His brother hates the snow, and as for Tuney...I'd much honestly rather spend time with James.
He smiles despite himself eventually, looking at me as I laugh and shaking his head slightly. 'Just keep it away from me and I'll let you keep your hands.' He tells me sternly, and we keep walking. We're much further away from our houses than usual, but what our parents don't know won't hurt them.
We fall into a comfortable silence, and somewhere along the way, we take each other's hands, almost instinctively. For the 8 months or so that we've been friends, it's become a sort of habit of ours. I glance up at him, and he seems deep in thought, his brow furrowed as his hazel eyes trace the snow in front of his feet.
'What are you thinking about?' I question, swinging his hand slightly. There's a pause before he replies.
'I got you a present.' He tells me suddenly, and turns to me as we both pause in the snow. I grin, thinking excitedly about the one I've already gotten for him.
He fumbles in his coat pocket's, searching with determination on his face before he pulls out a small paper bag and holds it towards me cautiously. He's chewing his lip nervously, and when I take the bag with a grateful smile he runs a hand through his hair.
I reach into it, and my hand lands on something small and smooth. Pulling it out reveals a thin golden chain, with a delicately small, seemingly hand-carved oval of wood on the end. A necklace.
'James, it's-' I breathe out, holding it in front of my face as I smile. It's perfect, beautiful. He looks slightly relieved, but runs his hand through his hair yet again.
'I know it's nothing special, but the golden chain was the best we could afford, and I tried my best with the wood-'
'It's perfect.' I tell him honestly, before squinting as I notice something engraved on the oval. He sees me looking.
'It's an apple blossom.' He murmurs, and I'm surprised at how bashful he suddenly sounds. 'It symbolises better things to come.'
I'm speechless for a moment, because suddenly my presents seems pretty insignificant compared to this. Because it's so James, and yet so me that it's perfect in every way. His face is brighter now that he can see how much I adore it, and I suddenly lean forward, wrapping my arms around him tightly. He's just looped his arms around me in return when I lean up, planting a kiss on his cold cheek.
He seems to startle slightly, and I pull back to see blood rushing to his already rosy cheeks, and he's blinking at me rapidly. He's dumbstruck, and something about the way he's looking at me makes me feel all giddy inside.
We're still in each other's arms, and suddenly, I want to kiss him again.
'I-'
The first syllable has barely left my mouth when there's a sudden bang in the distance, and we both jump and look away from eachother in shock. I release myself from his arms but my hand stays in his, and we both stare at the source of the noise on the far side of the field. My breathing is loud in my ears, because suddenly, I'm aware of another faint noise in the distance, something that would've been hard enough to hear out here in the fields, let alone embracing James at the same time.
The siren that signals an attack on our village.
'Lily-'
The spot we're both staring at unexpectedly explodes with such a tremendous racket and force that I let out a scream, and we're both suddenly running for our lives in the opposite direction. It's too late and too dangerous to return home, so we're running towards the nearest patch of forest we can see, the snow slowing us down considerably. There's another bang behind us, signalling another explosion and I dare to look back quickly. My gaze catches a bright patch of fire and smoke eating away at the pure snow before I feel James yank at my arm.
'Lily come on!'
We don't stop running until we can no longer hear the siren.
...
2036
I blink out of my reverie as I stare out of the window at the snow, the threadbare curtains not blocking much of the view of District 12. Even those that work in the mines late on most days have already gone home hours beforehand, spending time with any family they have as much as possible before the reaping tomorrow. I'm not sure about those living in the seam though. I'm constantly told how fortunate I am to live in the Merchant's section rather than the seam, where starvation is not just cruelly common but the cause of so many deaths.
Not that the Merchant's side is much better. More job availability, I suppose, but there are still those that barely scrape a living.
As I look at the falling snow with a sombre expression on my face, I notice a few peacekeepers in white uniforms heading out towards the square, barely noticeable in the snow apart from there protective helmets. I'm assuming it's last minute stuff for the reaping tomorrow, so I watch them go disdainfully.
Peacekeepers. An ironic name, considering there isn't much for them to control around here. People in District 12 are too starving, too desperate to even consider causing a stir, some sort of rebellion that could kill us all. One hint of a rebellion from our district, and all the Capitol will have to do is press a button to stop any supplies being sent our way.
And then we're all screwed.
I suddenly remember something that an old friend once said to me. District 12, where you can starve to death in safety. Remus, I think his name was.
'Lily?'
I look in the reflection of the window to see Tuney hovering by the door of our shared bedroom, her hands wrung together but her face slightly hard.
'Yes?'
She hesitates, before stepping towards me. 'I've put mum to bed, and the fire's going again. Thanks for collecting the wood.'
'No problem.' I answer. Under normal circumstances, I could add something to the effect of- 'Some of us actually try to make a living while you're off with your oaf of a boyfriend', but I'm too tired and too nervous about the reaping to retaliate.
'It'll be okay.' She suddenly blurts out after a few moments of silence, and I turn to look at her finally. Her hair's been pulled back into a loose bun, and she has a ratty old apron on over a shirt that is far too small for her. Her face looks gaunt in the candlelight. Then again, so does mine.
I barely even remember the feeling of being genuinely well-fed now, 7 years after the rebellion.
'The reaping, I mean.' Tuney clarifies. 'The odds-'
'Are in my favour, right?' I say sarcastically, a bitter smile on my face. 'You sound like Effie Trinket. I'm the one with the Tessarae, Tuney.'
There's a pause, before- 'You didn't have to-'
'We were starving, Tuney, of course I did.' I snap back. She goes silent at that, and I turn back to the window. 'Thanks for the dress.' I say in a hollow voice, signalling the end of the conversation as I stare out at the snow miserably.
'Right.' She answers, not even shocked anymore. Out of the corner of my eye, I watch her walk towards the door in the reflection of the window. Once she arrives there, she pauses, staring back at me as if she wants to say something.
I shut the drapes in one sharp movement, blocking my view of her as she walks away.
...
2029
Bracing myself for the cold, I lift my hand out of the jacket draped over me and James and reach towards a small chunk of bread, my hand visibly shaking and startlingly white as I strain towards it. Saying nothing, I feel James reach towards it instead, his arms longer than mine. Seeing as we're both huddled together under the large leather coat we'd luckily found in the woods, as he moves I do aswell, and I realise how painful the action is.
'Here.' He croaks to me, not unkindly as he passes me the stale bread, and I stuff it into my mouth in hunger.
After the sirens went off days ago, we ran until we couldn't any longer, making it into the woods and away from the bombing. Finding a small thatch of cover, we slept in sheer exhaustion. Once we'd woken up however, going back was out of the question. With the sirens still piercing and fire visible in the distance, we'd never make it home.
So, we decided to wait it out, huddled together with a scarce amount of food between us. In all honesty, it was a miracle we were still alive.
But as we both lean back against the tree trunk with a sigh, I realise that I can't fool myself any longer. If simply reaching for a piece of bread is becoming painful, I don't have much life left in me. Hopefully though, James will last a bit longer, being stronger and broader.
The thought of dying should scare me more, but just like in the fire, my mind is too blurry and tired to acknowledge the fact.
As if reading my mind, I feel James' hand reach for mine under the coat, and I lean into him even more until my head is rested in the crook of his neck. I briefly wonder how long I would've lasted without his warmth and companionship in the woods. I decided that it would've been barely a couple of hours.
Minutes pass and I find myself drifting off to sleep, until James nudges me weakly. At first I think it's his reminded not to fall asleep, but then I look up to see his eyes alert, guarded.
'Do you hear that?'
I listen intently, and for a moment all I hear is our breathing. That is, until, I hear the distinct sound of footsteps, and gruff voices that signal people are near. I can feel my heart, weak and hammering against my ribcage, and I squeeze James' hand. I open my mouth, ready to alert the people of our presence- because whoever it is, they need help, and they need it now- when something slashes through the thick branches, sending light flooding into their hiding place and causing them both to recoil against it.
'What the-'
Squinting, I watch as four men in white uniforms stare down at us, completely bewildered at the sight of two starving ten year olds in front of them. I'm barely given a chance to register their unpleasant expressions, however, when they suddenly reaching in to haul us up, yanking us apart and carrying us away.
The next hour or so is a blur, but all I know is that with every step the men take, with me and James in their arms, we're getting closer and closer to the smoke, to the chaos that I can clearly hear. The sirens have stopped, but I'm bewildered at the sight of houses burnt down to ashes, people in crowds and howling in grief and confusion as other men in white uniforms march around the area.
I hear James yelp weakly somewhere behind me, and while I can't see him, I know that's he's recognised what I'm gradually beginning to- that this is our home village. The people crying are my neighbours, and suddenly I want to clamp my hands over my ears, blocking the howling and the yelling out of my brain.
'What-' I begin, when we reach the middle of what used to be the town square and I'm dropped completely, landing in a painful heap as I groan. I barely have a chance to get to my feet when the men carrying me and James have already disappeared, heading towards a white van that looks completely out of place in our town.
'The Capitol.' A voice says in my ear, and I feel James pulling me carefully to my feet as he follows my gaze to the van. 'Something's happened, they've-' He doesn't finish, his voice fading as he stares in horror around at the town. Well, what used to be a town. Now, it's been reduced to ashes.
'James-' I start to speak in a shaky voice, tears brimming in my eyes as I suddenly long for the quiet patch of trees we were both in barely an hour ago.
I'm cut off, however, by a piercing yell and bodies rushing towards us.
'Lily!'
Mum! I register her voice just as she collides with me, pulling me into her arms and holding me close as she weeps into my hair. I can hear somebody yelling orders, their commanding voice clashing with the cries of confusion from my neighbours. My hand instinctively reaches out for James', but he's nowhere to be found.
'You there! Where are your family?'
'I- I don't know-'
I pull back from mum and Tuney to see James standing a few feet away from us, completely confused and pale as he stares wildly around at the town. I scan the crowds with him as the man from the Capitol stands impatiently, holding a clipboard in his arms. Finally, James' gaze rests on my mum's, seeking help from her as to where his parents are.
After a moment, I can feel mum shaking violently with unreleased sobs, and suddenly, her lack of answers is enough to tell both me and James what's happened. The houses burnt to the ground...the people grieving everywhere, some shouting out for members of their family that will never appear...
James' face turns impossibly paler, his eyebrows drawing together above his slightly crazed hazel eyes.
'No!'
I reach out for him, my arms yearning to comfort him, when I'm suddenly shoved aside, and I realise Tuney, mum and me are being herded in a certain direction as the capitol men's voices blur into one. I close my eyes and try not to go crazy, imagining myself back at the tree, safe with James and undisturbed by the men now herding them into the white van...
My eyes fly open, and suddenly I'm trying to wriggle myself out of mum's arms as she cries. 'James!' I call out over the crowd, seeking him out as the crowd shoves me further away. 'James!'
'Lily!' He appears beyond the crowd of people, craning his neck and attempting to push past people to get to me.
'Lily-' Tuney grabs my arm in uncertainty, but I shove her away, tears pouring down my face as we're pushed into the van, and a capitol man shoves James so hard that he falls to the floor, breaking eye contact as the van doors creak shut in front of me.
'No!'
James pushed himself up off the dirt, his knees groaning in protest as he stumbled forward. He felt sickened to the stomach, losing everything- including his will to live- in barely under an hour. His parents...his whole family...and now Lily...
'Lily!' He roared after the van, watching in despair as it sped off. It seemed as if the Capitol men had split everyone remaining into groups while him and Lily had been gone, spitting out words such as 'Relocation' and 'Districts'. Whatever it was, it was causing his heart to break.
No-one tried to stop him as he ran after the van this time. He couldn't let her leave...not like this...not Lily.
'Lily!' He yelled again, a tear falling onto his grimy cheek as he slowed slightly, the van already too far away by now. 'Li-'
He came to a stop as something caught his eye on the road, something gold and glinting amidst the dust. His knees and hands shaking, he crouched down to pick it up, his heart sinking impossibly further as he recognised the wooden oval, the apple blossom carved onto its surface. She must have accidently dropped it when being carried by the capitol men.
He gripped onto it tightly, his fist curling until it became almost painful.
After all, this was all he really had to hold on to now.
Okay, to all those that have both read the whole chapter and are actually looking to see what I've written here, thank you so much! I hope I haven't made it too confusing, but I didn't want to put too much detail in it now because a lot of answers will be dealt with in the next few chapters, so I really hope people will be interested in reading :) If you have any questions, feel free to send me a message on tumblr! I'm wild-blessed-freedom :)
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