Summary- Wild Turkeys attack Middle-Earth. What will our heroes do? Rated PG13 for mild Turkey violence and random insanity!

WARNING- Do not, under any circumstances, provoke Wild Turkeys in any way, shape, or form. All stunts done in this fic were done by professionals and we will not be held responsible if you idiotic people and your idiotic friends try to do them as well. And even if you ARE a professional, we strongly suggest that you do NOT rob the nearest Turkey Farm, make off with a million Turkeys, and try to re-enact this fic. You WILL get hurt!!! Thank you!!!

Wild Turkeys provided by...
Uncle Sheldon's Turkey Farm

Due to their high security, you will not be able to rob them of a million Turkeys and try and re-enact this fic. (We've thought of this before hand, so your feeble attempts will go unnoticed. Or we'll notice them and laugh long and hard at your failure)

"The end is near! Run...head for the hills! The end of the world is upon us!"

It was quite enjoyable to see Perigrin Took, aka Pippin, running like hell through the street while screaming like a girl. But it was also bloody annoying, and quite pitiful to see, and hear, a full grown hobbit shrieking about 'the end'. So naturally, people just yelled for him to 'shut his gaping piehole' and went about their daily lives. It was just another 'normal' day in the Shire.

Frodo Baggins was sitting outside his house with his friend Samwise Gamgee aka Sam, and his cousin Merriadoc Brandybuck aka Merry. They were enjoying the sight of two men fighting over a large keg of beer when a screaming Pippin barreled into them, knocking them into a huge dogpile on the ground. Pippin was still screaming his head off.

"Pippin...P...Pip....PERIGIN TOOK WILL YOU SHUT UP!"

"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAh...huh?" Pippin looked at his friends, who were all glaring at him. "Oh...sorry!"

The hobbits all picked themselves up from the ground and dusted themselves off. It was a while before Merry broke the silence.

"What is it now Pippin?"

Pippin's face soon got a horrified look on it. Frodo whacked Merry upside the head.

"Nice going...now he's gonna go all 'the end is near' on us!"

Boy...how right was Frodo.

"THE END IS NEAR...WE WILL ALL DIE!!! THEY'RE COMING TO GET US...AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!"

Sam and Merry grabbed hold of Pippin's arms so that he didn't hurt himself. Frodo looked the hobbit in the eye.

"Pip...P...Pippin be...QUIET YOU NEANDERTHAL!"

Pippin shut up.

"Who's coming to get us Pip?" asked Merry.

Pippin's eyes went wide.

"Th...th...the TURKEYS!"

(2 weeks later, in Gondor)

"Aragorn!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"I said NO, Legolas!"

"CHICKEN!"

"That's it...DIE, ELF!"

An odder sight to be seen, other than Pippin running down a street screaming like hell, was a full grown man (a King in fact) chasing an elf through the hallway of a castle.

The argument that had caused such an action had been this.

Flashback

Aragorn and Legolas had been walking through the courtyard Gondor when they came across the stables. Millions of horses were tied up in there. Legolas had been eyeing them for some time, when an idea came to his mind and a truly evil smile crossed the elf's face.

"I know that smile, Mellon-nin!" said Aragorn. "What are you planning that will get us into trouble today?"

Legolas smirked. Had he been that easy to read? But this was Aragorn. They had been friends for quite some time and usually knew what the other was thinking.

"You know that guard who always gets on your nerves?"

Aragorn thought for a moment. There were a lot of guards who got on his nerves.

"The most recent one."

Aragorn gave a nod...then suddenly paled, knowing what was to come."

"Absolutely not Legolas. I refuse to dye the man's horse an odd assortment of colors!"

Legolas looked disappointed.

"Oh come on. You were never afraid to do it in Rivendell!"

"I was 8 years old, Legolas. And besides...I wasn't king of anything!"

"Aragorn!"

"No!"

"Why not?"

"I said NO, Legolas!"

"CHICKEN!"

"That's it...DIE, ELF!"

Legolas bolted inside, with Aragorn hot on his heels.

End Flashback

And that was when the certain annoying guard decided to walk into the room. When Aragorn had knocked Legolas to the ground and was pummeling him mercilessly with a pillow.

"Whoops...sorry...I'll come back!"

Aragorn leapt off the ground and Legolas sat up, straightening his hair.

"No, that's ok. What did you need?" said Aragorn. His face was slightly red with laughter.

"Um...masters Frodo, Sam, Pippin, and Merry are here to see you sire." said the guard.

Aragorn and Legolas looked at each other and grinned. "Alright, send them in!"

(5 minutes later)

After a happy reunion...which wasn't the happiest thing in the world since Pippin and Merry went directly to the kitchen to load up on food (We should have seen this coming) Aragorn, Legolas, and the Hobbits were all gathered together to talk about Pippin's little 'prophecy'.

"Turkeys?" exclaimed Legolas after the 'odd' explanation, "You came all the way to Gondor to tell us that the world is ending courtesy of Turkeys?!?!"

Pippin nodded.

Aragorn rolled his eyes. "This is pitiful...even for you Pippin!" Legolas had to agree. "And you are the master of Pitiful!"

Pippin sighed. Nobody ever believed him...though he had to admit, the idea of Turkeys ending the world was pretty stupid. But it was true. All of a sudden, Gimli came barging into the room, with Gandalf right behind him. Aragorn, Legolas, and the hobbits all jumped and turned around.

"Don't you people ever knock?"

"Sorry!"

Both Gimli and Gandalf had the same look of utter horror on his face that Pippin had when he ran through the Shire, screaming like a girl.

"What's wrong?"

Gimli and Gandalf looked at each other. Then they both cried at the same time,

"THE TURKEYS ARE ATTACKING!!!"

And that's it for the first chapter. It's completely random...I know!!! And I should probably finish with the other stories I've done first...but I was bored and this just came to my mind. Read and Review...please!!!