She Calls me Home.
Disclaimer: No, I own nothing but the events of this story.
A/N: For now this is only a one shot. I needed to get the idea out of my head. But... if you would like to see more done with this I am open to the idea and your comments on what you would like to see happen. So you know, REVIEW! :)
There was a crinkle of paper as she infolded it again. The edges were worn and the creases on the verge of tearing due to the number of times her fingers had folded, unfolded, and ran across the delicate scrawl that lay on the page. She knew there was no need to open it yet again, but just as she had so many times since receiving the letter, she needed to see it. Needed to read the words and the signature at the bottom. Just to ascertain that her mind was not fabricating these words.
A smile played out on her lips once again and she breathed a sigh. Even the feeling of finally making her dreams come true, standing on that stage in new york night after night, had not given her this elation. After reading those words she knew that there was a happiness that could be linked to different things in one's life.
Dark chocolate eyes roamed over the words, finally resting on the last one. A name, simple and elegant, followed by a small heart. The name had danced circles around her mind for days after, and now she found it needed to pass her lips and she let it slip out as lightly as the breeze that was passing over her skin.
"Quinn."
Another smile followed that and she finally found herself able to move. Folding the letter once more she returned it to its permanent home inside her pocket. The fact that the message had been hand written and not sent through a computer or cell phone brought so much more meaning to it. It was worlds more personal to her. She knew she had the blonde's hand writing seared into her memory.
Looking around the park that she had wandered into an hour before, she knew she couldn't let this pass. There was a chance that lay between the lines of that faded page. Though there was nothing to depict that she wanted Rachel back in her life, the fact that Quinn had sent her the letter at all filtered hope into her veins.
What she would give to know what reason had overcome Quinn enough to send her a letter to simply say that she was proud of her for making her dreams come true. That she had been in New York the previous year and had saw her show. That fact alone had been enough to make Rachel squeak in joy and dance around while clutching the paper. Barley half a page of words, she knew it was not a lot and that most people would take it as an old friend, if you could call them that reaching out for the sake of it. It was expected to congratulate people when they achieved whatever it was they were after.
Rachel knew herself and knew that she was playing too much into the idea that her and Quinn were friends, that they had been in high school, but she did not care. She would take what she was offered, however small it may be.
She wanted to read it again. Fighting the urge she inhaled deeply and watched the trees sway in the Fall breeze. She loved this place and would leave it for no other reason then a hope that she had clung to for over 6 years.
It was hard to believe that it had been 6 years past, 6 years since she had left Lima. 6 years since she had seen Quinn Fabray. At first it had seemed so odd that it was Quinn she thought of when the town floated back to her memory,. Quinn that she thought of when she was asked about home. Quinn she thought of when she missed Glee. But now she knew it was because there had always been a longing for there to be more between her and the blonde. They could have been friends but that out reach was slapped away every time she had offered. Quinn was the one thing that she wanted that she was not able to get. The one thing that seemed unattainable.
Her fingers still played over the worn edges of her letter in her pocket. Her mind tracing the words over and over again. Eyes widening her breath caught in her throat. It had been three weeks since the letter had arrived and she had read it countless times in every day that followed and she had not put the links together. Staring her in the face was a message within the words. All she had to do was link it to one single memory from the past.
"If you keep looking for that happy ending then you are never going to get it right."
She could recall that day with Quinn standing at the piano in the auditorium with more ease than she would have thought. She remembered the tears in her eyes as she said she could not get mad at her for helping send her on her way. Well it looks like she had. Taking Finn from her had given her that push that she had needed to get her to where she was today. She supposed that she owed her a thank you for that. Finn would have kept her in Lima for the rest of her life. Just like he was doing with Quinn.
Tears were fighting a winning battle behind her eye lids as she forced them closed and bowed her head. The last words of Quinn's letter had said; "I'm glad one of us stopped looking for that happy ending." It was staring her in the face, mocking her for the past three weeks. Quinn was not happy and for some reason, even though she had masked in in words that only Rachel would be able to put with a memory, had reached out to her.
Why did it take her so long to realize what those last words really meant! If she thought slapping herself would not make her look crazy she would have done it. Standing from the bench a little too abruptly she made a quick exit from the park and headed straight to her apartment. There was something that she needed to do and she was glad there was still enough day to do so.
Once inside her apartment she grabbed what she needed and was back out the door within half an hour. She was determined, and no matter how crazy this idea may seem, even to her. She was going to go through with it. Be damned if she was going to let another 6 years pass before she had any form of contact with the blonde again. Maybe, just maybe she would have the friend in Quinn that she had wanted in high school.
It was only a 10 hour drive to Lima and she knew she could make it there with only the minimal amounts of stops. Spontaneous was definitely not a word that could be used to describe her but here she was, leaving New York because of one small revelation that she hoped she was reading right, and a few sentences written in pretty had writing on a worn out page.
Looking at the clock inside her car she did the math and sighed, if she made it there in even 9 hours that would put her in Lima around midnight. She might have to wait until the next morning to see the girl. She accepted the thought and kept driving. Letting the radio fill the silence in the car as her mind played over almost every memory of the blonde that she had.
Quinn Fabray found herself sitting on the edge of her bed once again, head in her hands, and tears wanting to escape her eyes. She never let them, she knew that she couldn't. This was the life that she had made. The one that she chose and she would live with it. She could not tell, if anyone should ever ask, when it was that she lost herself to this acceptance of existing. That's exactly what she was doing was existing, what she had was not living. To others it might have seemed like her life was great, that her and Finn were happy.
She could never be happy with him.
Her eyes roamed over to his side of the bed, his sleeping form facing away from her as it always did. Something had died in them after graduation. Why they stayed together was something that she questioned so many times that it hurt to think about it anymore. She would never have an answer. His loud snoring pushed her from the room.
15 minutes later she was sitting at her kitchen table with a coffee steaming beside her and a notepad placed in front of her. There was one word on the paper; Rachel. She had written so many letters, each one longer and more in depth than the next, but she never sent them. She never would. There was just too much time and bad that lay between them. Not to count the miles.
She had sent one, nearly 2 month ago now. It was short and stupid, after she had sent it she wished that she had not of. There was nothing to it. Rachel would probably just see it as her sending it out of obligation. The last line was the only thing that held anything personal, but she had convinced herself that the star would not link it with a conversation of the past. She probably would never be able to remember the conversation for that matter.
Looking at the clock she groaned. 12:17pm work was going to kill her if she did not stop keeping these late hours. Sleep was not a comfort that she had these days. If it was not her mind asking her what she was doing in this life, it was Finn's obnoxious snoring.
She nearly jumped straight out of her chair when a knock sounded on her front door. Fright followed by confusion crossed her face as she waked to the door. Who in the hell would that be? She swore if it was Puck standing on the outside of that door to drunk to stand again she would kill him where he stood. The man needed to grow up. Turning the handle and opening the door her breath caught in her throat and her eyes went wide.
Rachel Berry was standing there looking lost.
Neither of them said a word for a few moments, which seemed to be passing in years for them both. Was she really standing there looking into those brown eyes again?
"R-Rachel?"
She hated that her voice shook and showed her lack of control. Why was she there? She could think of no reason as to why she was there. There were no good answers to that question she concluded. She would not allow her mind to hope for something more than what she had. She chose this and she would live with it.
A small smile greeted her questioning tone, however unsure and timid that smile seemed, it helped calm Quinn, if only for the moment.
"I should have called, but I decided out of no where today that I needed to drive here and see you." She took in a breath and started talking before Quinn could say anything. "So, 10 hours and a very obnoxious hour to arrive at your house, here I am."
She couldn't form a word, a thought even. She needed to say something because that smile was fading from her lips and she looked like she may cry. Why was she here?
"I can go and come back in the morning, I mean no one else knows I am here so I can get a hotel."
Words rush back to her and she stumbles over them as they fall from her pink lips. "No! I mean, you don't have to go. If you drove all the way here to see me then you are not going anywhere."
The smile that comes with the words eases Rachel's weary mind. The whole way here she had convinced herself that this was a good idea, showing up in the middle of the night to say that the message was received. Now though, after that door had opened and she saw those hazel eyes meet her again, after so long, her mind was betraying her. Telling her that she should not have come. That Quinn would think she was just as crazy as she had in school. She should leave. But here Quinn was, telling her that she was not going anywhere. Those words gave her more hope than she cared to think about.
"O-okay." She bit down on her lip before speaking again. "I was worried that you would find my being here and the rushed decision to come at all a little crazy."
There was a movement and she had expected the blonde to move out of the way for her to enter the house, but she had not been expecting the smell of the woman to encompass her along with her arms. Her body reacted to the hug before she could. Wrapping her own arms around Quinn. Her face was buried in her neck and all she could smell was something distinctly Quinn Fabray, and she loved it.
"I'm happy you came."
The whispered words sent warm breath dancing across the delicate skin of her Rachel's neck and she wanted nothing more than to stay like that. She smiled when they parted and Quinn gestured for her to come inside.
"I just made coffee if you would like some. But I imagine after that drive you will want to get some sleep."
She smiled as she walked into Quinn's home. She found it funny that she had not thought of it as Finn's along with hers. Looking around she could see why anyone, never mind herself, would think that, The dark wood furniture and deep red fabrics accompanied with splashes of colour in the form of paintings This was definitely all Quinn, She decided she would have to look at these paintings in the light. The only light that was spilling in from what she assumed to the the kitchen, lightly illuminating the room and Quinn's delicate features. 6 years had not done anything bad to her, she looked older yes, but was still as beautiful as Rachel could remember.
The blonde watched her as she surveyed the room and suddenly thought that her meticulous decorating was not enough, Rachel probably had a very nice home, her small one surely must look like a shack in comparison. She was glad to see that there was a smile on her face.
"You have a beautiful home Miss Fabray."
The fact that Rachel had remembered the fact that her and Finn were not married made her smile again, Most people just assumed that they were married and called her Mrs. Hudson, she hated it, There was a reason that she was not married to him and that reason was not going to change. If she had not fallen in love with him yet she was sure that she never would. She was okay with that fact.
"is he home?"
She nodded her reply. Why did she have to ask that, It ruined her thoughts remembering that he was sleeping in the room down the hall. She knew that she could not allow herself the hope to think that Rachel was here for her, in any form other than a friend. That begged the question though, why was she here at such a late hour?
"So, how about that coffee?"
She said as she turned and walked to the kitchen Rachel not far behind her. She was pouring coffee at the counter and moments later she placed the steaming liquid in front of the star as she sat down across from where Quinn's coffee sat. She took a sip and her eyes widened slightly, it was perfect.
"how did you remember how I liked it?"
Quinn only smiled "I have a good memory, Rach."
Rachel's mind then went immediately to the letter and she thought that she should bring it up. She liked how Quinn was smiling right now though and assumed that smile would leave her face at the mention f it.
"Are you going to tell me why you decided to make a ten hour drive to my house?"
"I was going to wait to bring it up, but it was your letter."
Her eyes softened as she watched the look on Quinn's face turned to momentary panic, She knew then that there was a message in those words, Lets just hope that she had read it right. She watched as the blonde searched for an answer to give her that would not be the real one. She hated the regret she knew Quinn felt for sending that letter. Reaching out she placed her hand in Quinn's. Who pulled back slowly and stood from the table. This was not a talk that she wanted to have, Couldn't they just pretend that it had not been sent, that she didn't read those words she had written while tears streamed down her face.
"Quinn?"
"What?"
She pushed away from the table and approached Quinn who had her back pinned to the cupboard and her arms folded over her chest. Her eyes wouldn't meet Rachel's. This was not how she wanted to do it, she wanted to talk like friends and maybe get something that they had been deprived of in high school. She wanted to slowly bring this into the open. Seeing Quinn now though she knew this would not be something to wait on. This would either break or make any chance of a new friendship that she wanted. That was the reason that she had drove back to Lima after all.
Her eyes were down cast, maybe she had finally realized that her emotions played themselves vividly in those hazel eyes. When Rachel reached out to take her hand this time she didn't pull her hand away. Only smiled sadly as she looked up.
"You're not happy."
At her words she could see the tears forming in the blonds eyes, she knew that she would never let them fall, that was something Quinn had always held back from doing. Weakness was not something she needed anyone to know she had. It was all about the steely facade. Even now Rachel wondered why she felt the need to seem so strong.
"For two people that have not talked for 6 years, you seem sure of that fact. How can you know if I am happy or not?"
She knew that it was a jab at the fact that her and Rachel had never really known each other. Though she was ready to dispute that and say that she herself knew Quinn more than anyone else back in school. Finn included. Rachel was the only one that witnessed when she was broken, when she was sad, when she needed one of them to reach out to her, and knew some of the conversations that they had shared were a few of the most real that the blonde had let show to any one else. She was the one that watched on and saw the leaps in Quinn's character, she witnessed her grow where most others had saw nothing.
"I knew you then, and I know you now. I know for you to reach out to me was something more than what it may seem to anyone else had the read the words in that letter. She paused and made she their eyes were on one another. "You're not the only one with the good memory Quinn."
"Well seeing how your life turned out, as I said, you couldn't have been mad at me for helping send you on your way."
There were tears in her eyes now and she let them fall eliciting a hug from the shorter girl. Her arms wrapped around Rachel on their own accord and she was too tired to fight it. She buried her face in Rachel's neck and cried.
She was prepared to hold her for as long as she needed to cry and was surprised she had not been pushed away when she encircled her in the embrace.
"You can still change you life, you are not tied to him or this town. You-" Her words were cut off by the sound of Finn Hudson's voice.
"I think you should leave, why would you come here and make my girlfriend cry? And then tell her that she can leave me."
They pulled apart quickly and Quinn whipped at her tears, keeping her eyes on the floor. Rachel stood still though, she would not leave with Quinn like this.
"Are you suggesting that she can't leave you?"
"Why is she even here Quinn?"
His tone was harsh and nothing like Rachel had remembered, what had happened to him. Was he always like this, mean with her? When Quinn still wouldn't look up she knew that there was something wrong with them. Was she scared?
"I came to see her. I was in town visiting and saw the light on. I knocked on a whim."
He seemed to accept that and nodded keeping his eyes on Quinn in a obsessive manner. She didn't like this.
"As I said Rachel, you need to leave. I will talk to you about this tomorrow." he said pointedly. "And Quinn you're coming to bed."
Not sure of what to do she placed her hand on Quinn's arm which caused the blonde to look up at her.
"Quinn, are you going to be okay."
"mm, yup. Just go home Rachel. You really didn't need to come. Really."
The last word was so final that she didn't question it and walked out of the house. Got in her car and headed for her dad's house. She would leave in the morning. All hope of friendship may have possibly just been thrown away because she couldn't hold back and wait to bring up the serious conversation.
A/N: So I know that this was an abrupt end but that was as far as the idea went in my mind. I am sure there are many more ways I can think of to follow up on this, but that is if you all want me to? Let me know, make suggestions if you would like. Review! And as always I hope you enjoyed reading.