Chapter 1
"Leo!" He scanned the crowded street, looking for the source of the call. Again he heard this name, and this time he caught site of her. She was the only one he had ever let call him Leo, preferring to introduce himself as his surname. "Ella!" he cried out, amazed to see her after so long. They maneuvered through to each other and embraced. Jim Kirk, who had been walking with McCoy, wore an irritated expression as he jogged to catch up with his friend while muttering "What the hell." to himself. "Bones! Bones, what's the deal?" McCoy turned around. "I'm sorry Jim; an old friend whom I haven't seen in a very long time is all. Jim, this is Mariella Connors. Ella, Captain James Kirk." She extended a hand. "I've been a member of Starfleet since I was 18. Medical division. I'm returning from an extended leave. Been practicing medicine here on Earth for a few years. Pleased to make your acquaintance." "Likewise." responded Jim. "Bones, are we still going to get drinks with the rest of the crew or what?" McCoy sighed. "Give them my apologies but I've got some catching up to do. We'll finish our conversation tomorrow, I know you still want to just talk over mission preparations. Sorry Jim."
Kirk nodded a goodbye and walked away. McCoy faced Ella and just took in what it was like to see her again. "Do you want to grab a bite to eat or something?" he asked. "That sounds like a great idea actually. Being back on solid ground after a flight always brings my appetite back. Do you have any place in mind?" McCoy nodded and led Ella down the street to a joint he'd spent some time at when he first joined Starfleet. Good food and a low-key atmosphere, two things he appreciated in the crazed world he'd thrust himself into. Reuniting with his long-lost friend helped take him back for a while, back to what home had been and when things were simpler.
On their way they made small talk, discussing their last few years and reminiscing about the things they used to do growing up. The vacations that Ella had gone on with the McCoy family, the tree house in Leonard's backyard, even the time they'd gotten lost taking a bus into the city. Sharing some laughs, Ella smiled contentedly. "I'm so glad that I found you again Leo, I've missed you something awful lately." "I haven't seen you in so long, it's still hard for me to believe it's actually you. I mean we haven't talked since…" He trailed off, unable to recall the last time they had spoken. "Was it your first mission launch?" She got quiet, her smile and shoulders dropped.. "Ella I... I'm sorry I didn't mean to bring that up…" Composing herself, she responded calmly. "Don't be sorry, not anymore. That was years ago, I've coped. I finally understand your cynicism towards space though." They reached the restaurant and were seated, McCoy not letting her drop the topic so easily.
As they waited and throughout their meal, he managed to extract the entire story from her. Though it was one he knew in terms of the basic facts, he wanted to hear it from her. She retold the story of her first and only mission in space. The first four years had gone as scheduled, exploring deep space and discovering new life; the usual Starfleet gig. She was on the far side of Federation space, near the fringe. During her final year however, they began to run into troubles with rogue ships living in fringe space. One of the encounters had taken a very bad turn, resulting in a full-scale attack. The ship was no match for the attacking vessel, and through the onslaught only a small portion of the crew had made it out alive. Ella had miraculously been one of them, but the loss of her friends and the decimated ship so helpless in space had traumatized her. She spoke of her vivid nightmares that have haunted her since, the fear that had moved in where curiosity and adventure had once been rooted. That was why she had left Starfleet and focused on Earth. Providing help for those in need comforted her, and so she traveled across the continents and dropped off the radar for a time.
When she finished her tale they sat silently, never breaking the gaze they both held. He could see in her eyes the pain that she submerged for so long. "Ella…" he whispered gently. She just stared, motioning as if she were to say something, then held back. "I've been doing better, I promise. I stopped home for a little before coming back here. Leo your parents miss you, they said they hadn't heard from you in ages, haven't seen you in even longer… Not since your divorce, just before you enlisted in Starfleet. What was it that made this your only option? You hated flying so much, I remember you refused to even do the flying simulator at the science museum that time we went!" They chuckled, remembering that day. "I just felt useless I suppose… I needed to revive my life and career… And I can't regret my choices. I feel like I belong here. Still hate flying, being in space. I try to ignore it though, not like I've got much choice. Plus last I'd known you were here somewhere… It wasn't until I'd been here that I learned you'd left. You were my closest friend, despite everything." They finished their meals in silence, McCoy picked up the bill.
As they left he struck up conversation again. "So Ella, where are you staying while you're here, considering you just came back in?" he asked. "Well, tomorrow I'll have to go request a residency somewhere on the Starfleet campus I suppose, but tonight I was planning on just grabbing a hotel room. What's one night, right?" He stared at her like she was crazy. "Nope, you are not allowed. Stay with me tonight, I'll make up the couch for me and you can have a proper bed that hasn't been slept in by who knows how many people. And clean sheets. And I can cook breakfast, won't get that at any hotel." She started laughing, knowing she could hardly turn him down. Plus, why not spend the night with him? It had been a long time since that last happened. "Oh fine, I'll spend this one night at your place. I'm requesting French toast though." He grinned. "As if I could ever forget that it was your favorite. I remember we cooked breakfast together that one time…" McCoy started blushing a little, as did Mariella, as he realized which time specifically that was. He made a loud noise as he cleared his throat before starting again. "Well I at least remember the mess we made when I requested pancakes instead and you tried to make them." "I didn't do that badly, give me some credit!"
The banter continued as they walked to his apartment. When they finally got inside, both were tired, it was getting late and there would be an early morning tomorrow. Coming back to Starfleet Ella would have to pass proficiency exams to make sure her skill was still at Starfleet standards, as well as take any necessary review classes before she could be cleared for active duty again. Leonard had no doubt she would excel, he had known her brilliance back when they were in school together. Though two years younger, it wasn't uncommon for her to go through and learn his material with him. She had a love of books and learning, so much so that at times it was her hobby. It had helped her to pass time and cope with the crazed nature of her home life when McCoy was unavailable for her to spend time with. Though not her only friend, Mariella was not the most outwardly social girl and many of the girls at school were unkind to her. She didn't fit into the norm, so school hadn't always been easy for her. Leo had been the only person she could depend on. So much of her success she attributed to the care she had been given by the McCoy family.
Leo gave Ella the "grand tour" as he called it; a simple apartment, it had a couch and television when you walked in, a small kitchen to the left, the bedroom door straight ahead on the far wall, and the bathroom was down a short hall with a storage closet beyond the kitchen. He made up the couch for him to sleep on while she washed up and changed. Both were fairly tired by then and bid each other goodnight, and tucked in to get some sleep.
Try as she might, Mariella had a difficult time falling asleep that night. Maybe it was being back at Starfleet, but the nightmares began to resurface. Managing only to fall asleep briefly, she awoke suddenly. Checking the clock, it read 2:10. She sat up and stared out the window at the stars, knowing the few hours she'd managed to sleep wouldn't be enough to keep her going in the morning when her day began. She turned her head towards the door, noticing that there was light seeping under the door. McCoy was still awake in the next room, and she went to go figure out why.
Grabbing a robe, Ella went to go check on her friend. Leonard was sitting on t he couch, staring blankly. He looked up as Ella entered the room, trying to quickly rub the tiredness out of his eyes. "Have you gotten any sleep Leo?" She came to sit beside him, gently resting her hand on his knee. His head fell into his hands; he was exhausted, but it was more than that. "I can't sleep, thinking that we'll be going back out there. Last time we were in space… I haven't slept soundly since. At first I was fine; I'd saved him. It was later that there were nightmares. Space had always made me apprehensive, but I watched my friend die. I had his dead body in my medical bay! I… It didn't hit me right away because I didn't let it. I had to act fast. You know what it's like right? As a doctor you submerge emotion in order to never hinder performance. But I kept it submerged longer though, I guess it's just kind of who I am to a degree." "Don't I know it." thought Ella quietly. "You've never been outwardly emotional though. Not that pushing aside all feeling and never addressing it is the answer, but I know why you do it. To face it means to accept that it happened instead of keeping it suspended as if a dream."
McCoy sighed, his sleepless nights catching up to him. "Go back to bed Ella, I'll doze off sooner or later. Your day tomorrow is more important than mine, I just get to tail Jim all day, and he's been a damn peach lately. Trying to figure out what to do about Officer Marcus. He's into her, more than his usual ways with women. It's aggravating, he hardly shuts up about it. She turns him down every chance he gives her, I'm getting sick of it." They both laughed about the situation; the slight distraction from their troubles was comforting. Sitting on the couch together just talking, it was almost like old times.
"Why don't you come stay in your room, with me. Maybe not being alone will help us with our nightmares. When we wake, we'll see each other and be reminded that we aren't as alone as our subconscious makes us feel. That truly is my fear, being left alone in space. I lost everything essentially… I hope that getting back out there can help to eradicate my fears. Until then however, will you stay with me?" Ella grabbed his hand and stood up. He followed, turning off the light as they left the couch.