Disarm Me (With Your Loneliness)
Summary- It's been almost ten years, and not a day goes by when I don't think about her and everything I put her through. Post Season 8 (aka Season Hell, as I like to refer to it) Angsty at first but then a little bit of Zennie goodness at the end. Based off the song by HIM. I own nothing. I just adore Jackie/Hyde and want them together forever.
Each chapter is a little short. So enjoy.
A promise of heaven pushed us right back to hell
Turning three sevens into three sixes again
It's been ten years since I last saw her, and not a day goes by when I don't think about her or everything I put her through. Not one day. From the moment I wake up in the morning, her beautiful face is there. Forever sketched into my memory. They say time heals all wounds, but I think it's a bunch of bullshit, because as the years went by, the pain got worse, my misery increased; it never got better. I was a bitter, rebellious, and angry teenager, my life was pretty much a living hell during my first eighteen years of life, and naturally, anyone who got close to me was going down with me. She never deserved it though, all she did was love me, and I ruined her. I loved her though, more than I loved anyone in my entire life. I needed her, she needed me. She changed me, and I changed her- for the better. Too bad there was so much pain, too much of it if you asked me. All the lies, loss, self-destruction, zen, and of course there was me cheating on her with that slutty nurse, whose name has been burnt from my memory, thank goodness.
When I told her I loved her for the first time, I meant it, even if she didn't believe it at the time. I never told her I loved her enough, and plus I cheated on her, so naturally, she couldn't believe me... not that I blame her, I hurt her, I was paranoid, I jumped to conclusions, and worse of all, I was insecure. Yes, I Steven Hyde, was insecure. Insecure because I was afraid she would get tired of me and run back into the arms of the idiotic Kelso. What a dumb thought, right? Well, Kelso and Jackie did have a lot of history, even if it was the dumbass cheating on her nearly half the time, but still... I was deathly afraid of not being enough for her, and so I strayed, lost my sense of Zen, became angry and uncontrollable. My abandonment issues had reared it's ugly head and wrecked havoc within me and in my relationship... and I wish I could take it all back, just to hold my doll in my arms again and to kiss her soft lips. I'd give the entire world.
Ten years have rolled back faster than I thought. It's now 1989 and I can't help but think back on 1979 with regret and even a few tears. I was such a dick to Jackie that entire year after we broke up, I went off and married a slutty stripper for god's sake, I was dangerous, and I hurt the only broad I ever loved. I was the reason she fell into Fez's arms. Despite his good-heart, I still think they are completely wrong together for many reasons. First, he's a pervert, and second, well it's not me that's holding her, kissing her, and to be honest, I miss her calling me her "puddin' pop," it was such a sickeningly cute nickname that only she got away with calling me... She was also the only one that got away with calling me Steven... no one ever called me by my first name, except for Mrs. Forman, but no one ever called me Steven the way Jackie did. No one ever put so much tenderness into my name, because I was what my teachers called "socially inept." Jackie was the only one who ever had real faith in me, she pushed me, and I took it for granted, looking back, I wish I could punch the selfish punk I was just to make the pain lessen.
The worst thing about 1979? I just sort floated right through it, not giving a fuck what happened to anyone else, especially Jackie.
And that's what I hate about myself the most.
A/N: I know the song I am basing this off doesn't correlate with the time period, just I was listening to it all morning and since this is my favourite song by HIM, my favourite band, I just thought it described Jackie and Hyde in a nutshell and well here we are with an experimental idea. So Oh well.