The whole building is filled with ghosts.
The woman in the tower is the worst.
Every six months, Liara forces the ones who survived to go see her. This is the seventeenth time, and it's Kaidan's turn to talk Garrus into going.
"I don't like it either, but we owe her that much." On the screen, Kaidan runs his hand through what's left of his hair. It's more grey than black, but he insists on the same style, even though he looks twenty years older than the man who first started to wear it. "I know it's hardest for you. We all do. You two were -"
"I don't know how many times I have to keep saying this," says Garrus. "The woman in that room is not Shepard."
"The doctors said -"
"The doctors," says Garrus, on a rush of bitterness he hasn't felt in years. "They said she would regain consciousness in a matter of weeks. They said her memory might be damaged. They said, with the right combination of drugs and therapy, she would be herself again." He stares at Kaidan until Kaidan looks away. "Do you remember what happened when she woke up?"
Kaidan shudders.
"Do you?"
"I do!" shouts Kaidan. "We were all there, Garrus. I was the one who had to drag James out of the room, remember?"
Neither of them talk about how Shepard took one look at Garrus and started to scream.
It amazes Garrus their hearts can still be broken, after so much time has passed. In the end, he agrees to go. He always will, because the woman in the tower loved him once, and he can't stop loving her no matter how hard he tries.
Liara stares at her hands like she's trying to keep herself from throwing a punch.
"What do you mean? We've never had a problem before."
The attendant sighs behind her faceplate. "She's been disturbed lately. Her dreams are getting worse. We've had to restrain her more than once in the past week alone."
Kaidan claps James on the back. Javik looks like he's about to be ill.
"You understand, her comfort is our first priority. Most of her dreams revolve around -" The attendant makes a graceful gesture toward Garrus that implies a great deal, without saying anything at all. "We think it would be detrimental to her recovery."
Garrus starts to laugh. He can't help himself. No one looks at him. No one has looked at him since the attendant said he couldn't go in.
Somewhere, far away, a human woman smiles at him, the glint in her eyes a secret meant just for him.
His laughter doesn't fade until the doors to the elevator slide shut and he's left alone in the lobby.
"No way," says Kaidan, and hangs up on Garrus.
Liara's reaction to the news is subdued, but vicious in its own way.
"I'm sure it will be a lovely ceremony, but I have no time, absolutely no time. My congratulations."
Javik and James don't bother to reply to the invitation.
Garrus hears the unspoken accusation: how could he move on? From her?
He wants to tell them it's simply survival.
It's a small wedding in the end. Solana is there, but only because someone needs to stand with Garrus when he takes his vows.
Garrus waits until he's the last one left to go back.
The attendant hides her surprise well when he signs in and she sees his name. No one tries to stop him, and the elevator ride is quick.
The woman in the tower looks like she's no more than forty, even with her head shaved and each bone in her spine visible under the skin. Her freckles are gone. She's bitten her fingertips bloody.
She doesn't look at him. He watches her until she falls asleep, twitching and crying like a small animal, lost and far from cover.
The historians will never say this, but the old author was right. There are always two deaths, the real one and the one people know about.
The woman in the tower would agree, if she could remember how to speak.