Sisqos Music Magic
by Potter/Pikachu
Potter/Pikachu: Well here's my second fic. Aren't you proud of me!
Sirius: You want us to answer this?
Potter/Pikachu: Oh be quiet, before I put you in another dress.
Sirius: shutin up! *zips his lips*
Potter/Pikachu: Thank you! Now Remus start the Disclaiming, chop, chop!
Remus: Will do, Disclaimer: Potter/Pikachu does not own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the books. They belong to the queen of all authors JK Rowling, and the WB and those other non-important people. She also does not own Sisqo all though she's been working really hard on doing so.
Potter/Pikachu: Shut up Remus! He's just kiddin folks!
Remus: Yeah right, the only thing she owns is the clichéd plot of this fic/song fic.
Potter/Pikachu: Thank ya Remus, now on with the fic. Sirius…
Sirius: yeah I know, Ahem…
Sirius: Sisqo's Magic music
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were chillin in the Gryffindor tower. Ron and Harry were down on the common room floor playing another game of wizarding chess, while Hermione sat on the plush couch, reading Hogwarts a History for the 56th time.
Harry: Ha, Checkmate! I've finally done it I've beaten you!
Ron: No way! You must have cheated it's not possible.
Harry: I'm afraid so Ronny boy I beat you fare and square! I can't believe it I actually defeated the champ. *Starts doing a victory dance*
Ron: *looking frantic* Hermione, you're the expert on rules! He had to have cheated somehow…he must have rigged the board… Something!
Hermione: Oh no, don't bring me into this. *Returns to reading her book*
Suddenly, there is a loud booming sound that echoes about the Gryffindor common room.
Ron: What was that?
Harry: Dunno. *Finally stops dancing* Think it'll happen again?
Hermione: let's be quite and see.
The trio is silent for a few minutes.
Hermione: Hmm, guess it was just a—
Another loud boom interrupts Hermione; it keeps going about five more times.
Ron: *screaming over noise* what the hell is going on!
The room starts to shake and then a large black hole appears' in the middle of the room. Harry, Ron, and Hermione get sucked into the hole and start swirling about and then fall into the bottom less pit. The black hole then closes as if it never existed.
The three of them keep falling until they finally land hard on a stone floor. They stood up and looked around the room.
Harry: Where are we?
Hermione: I have no idea, but wherever we are we must be very deep under Hogwarts.
They seemed to be in some sort of dungeon. Although it wasn't like the dreary dungeon that held there potions class, this one was much larger and it didn't have as much apprehension in the air. The room was circular, and there were torches floating along side the walls in midair. The floor was covered with light blue rugs with a large MTV black logo on it with black leather couches on top of them they also bored the logo. In fact a majority of the room was covered with MTV logos.
Ron: *looking at a MTV poster on the wall* Now where have I seen these logos before?
Harry: I think I remember seeing them on muggle T.V. while I was at the Dursleys.
Hermione: But what would a room full of muggle logos be doing at Hogwarts.
?: That's a question we'd all like the answer to miss Granger.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione jumped in surprise at the unknown voice. They turned around and were faced by non other than Albus Dumbledore, along with Remus Lupin, Draco Malfoy, Sirius Black, Neville, Ginny, Fred, George, Minerva Mcgonagall, and Severus Snape.
Harry: Professor! What are you doing here?
Dumbledore: The same reason why we are all here, which is to say no idea.
Hermione: Well how do we get out of here?
Draco: If we knew that, don't you think we would have been out of here by now?
Ron: Why don't you shut up Malfoy!?
Draco: No one was talking to you Weasley.
George: Don't talk to my brother that way you ass wipe.
Draco: Mind your own bees' wax, jerk.
Harry: Could you guys just shut your faces?
Snape: Hold your tongue Potter, or you'll be getting a detention!
Sirius: Hey don't threaten my godson, you slimy git.
Snape: Who are you calling a git, you bastard!
Remus: you should talk about someone being a bastard.
Snape: Mind your own business wolf boy.
Remus: That's it! I'm going to kick your ass right here right now.
Snape: Bring it on…
Dumbledore: Gentlemen!
Mcgonagall, Hermione, and Ginny: Ahem!
Dumbledore: and ladies', arguing never solves anything.
Everyone: *looking down* Sorry.
Dumbledore: Now, we need to figure a way out of here…
?: Perhaps I can be of assistance.
Everyone in the room jumps at the sound of the voice.
Snape: Who said that?
?: Me.
Snape: *looks around the room nervously* and to whom is 'me'?
?: You'll find out…just give me a sec.
A large swirling black hole appears on a wall at the far end of the room. A man with blond corn rolls and a baby blue jean fit with a large platinum dragon on the back of it, and some black sunglasses on his face, tripped out of the portal and just barely landed on his feet.
Neville, Ginny, and Draco had taken cover behind one of the couches, while the rest of them sort of gaped at the strange man.
The man dusted off his clothes with his hand and then smiled broadly at the group of wizards and witches.
?: What's sup' peeps, how yall' doin this evening?
Everyone still looks at him in shock and stay silent for a few minutes. Finally, Sirius breaks the uncomfortable silence.
Sirius: *looking awkward* Um, those are some nice clothes.
?: *looks down at clothes* Thanks man, but this is nothing see I got another one of these
in red.
Sirius: Really! Where'd you get it?
Sisqo: Well it's kind of a funny story really, you see I was up in Mexico right, and these fine ninja ladies dressed in black came out of nowhere and bust me over the head with a raw fish! And then…
Snape: I hope you don't mind my interruption but could we stop talking about Mexican ninjas and tell us who you are and why'd you bring us down here.
Dumbledore: Yes, I think we are all quite interested in knowing your identity.
?: Oh how rude of me, allow me to introduce my self. The name is…
Ginny: SISQO!
Sisqo: That's my name don't wear it out.
Everyone except Ginny, and Sisqo: Who?
Ginny: *Dreamy look in her eyes* He's an American muggle singer; I used to watch him all the time on that T.V. thing that dad got us.
Fred: I knew I recognized him from somewhere. You used to plop down on the floor right in front of it for 24 hours straight. What was that show you used to watch called again? Sisqo's Shakedown right?
George: Yeah at least until mum thought it was bad for our health to be looking at a box with pictures in it all day and chucked it out the window.
Sisqo: Hey, what can I say! I'm popular, even in the wizarding world.
Remus: So wait a minute here, this guys a muggle.
Sisqo: Yeah I guess… What you just call me?
Hermione: *ignoring Sisqo* But muggles aren't supposed to be able to get in here, isn't that right professor? *looks up at Dumbledore*
Sisqo: Excuse me but did she just insult me? *points at Hermione*
Dumbledore: *still ignoring Sisqo* Yes that is true but maybe we should find out by asking our friend here.
Sisqo: All right people can someone tell me what the hell a muggle is because I really don't appreciate being insulted…
Dumbledore: No Sisqo, it means that you're not a magical person, now would you mind telling us how we got here and why?
Sisqo: Oh yeah *slaps himself on the forehead* I almost forgot!
Sisqo pulls out a silver remote control with a whole lot of buttons on it.
Sisqo: This here people, is called Sisqo's Music magic.
Sirius: A what now?
Sisqo: Allow me to explain, this little object here is what transported you all into the room you see here.
Hermione: You mean to tell us you brought us here with a remote control?
Sisqo: No! It's not a remote; it's completely different from a remote.
Snape: how is that?
Sisqo: Well for one thing it brought you guys down here, and it's also the real reason you're down here. Plus its name is different.
Snape: You mean that little piece of plastic transported us down here?
Sisqo: Excuse me! But this mess is anything but plastic. It's solid platinum and it cost me a freaking fortune to make, so don't go assuming shit you don't know Skippy.
Sirius: Yeah Snape, can't you ever just shut your fucking pie hole!
Snape: No one was talking to you jack ass!
Remus: *glaring at Snape* Don't call him a jackass, you jackass.
Snape: I am getting sick and tired of your interruptions wolfy!
Remus: You want to make something of it punk! *starts undoing his necktie* hold me back Sirius, cause all hell is going to break loose!
Remus is about to hurl himself at Snape but Sirius catches by the robes and holds him back. Everyone in the room except for the remaining professors, Harry, Sisqo are either chanting for Remus or Snape to kick ass.
Remus: *trying to break free from Sirius hold* Let me at him let me at him!
Sirius: *still trying to keep a hold on Remus* I think you'd better apologize Snape before he gets out of control!
Harry, getting fed up with all the fighting, jumps in the middle of Remus and Snape.
Harry: All right you guys SHUT THE F**K UP! Every body just hush!
Everyone stares in disbelief at Harry's use of language except for Sisqo, who is down on his knees laughing like crazy.
Sirius: I thought I told you to watch your language.
Harry: Um, heh heh… so Sisqo what else does that remote music magic Sisqo thing do?
Sisqo: *wipes tears from laughing too hard* Allow me to demonstrate. *Presses button that says video*
A large swirling vortex appeared next to him and it turns into a blank square. A large black MTV logo soon appeared smack in the middle of the square.
Sisqo: Now, this is called a music video transporter…
Draco: I thought it was called Sisqo's music magic?
Sisqo: No! That's what the remote is called; this is what comes out of it.
Dumbledore: What's it do?
Sisqo: I'm glad you asked me that question Professor D. This music video transporter can transport you into any music video of my choosing, and have you yes you star in it. And all of you are going to test it out for me! Isn't that great!
Everyone in the room looks a little nervous at this and starts darting their eyes around the room looking around the room for some type of exit.
Draco: Wait a minute; I don't want to do this!
Sisqo: I wasn't exactly asking you, I was telling you.
Sirius: Hold up, why don't you get one of your muggle friends to test this thing out.
Sisqo: *sighs* I did offer it to BET but they said that it was "impossible" that it couldn't be made! *Mutters* and maybe a little dangerous. They all laughed at me, well who's laughing now huh! Ah ahahahahahahahahahahah!
Snape: *mutters to Dumbledore* I think this guy is a little crazy.
Sisqo: I heard that! I'm not crazy I'm just misunderstood.
Sirius: Okay. Um but why test it on us of all people?
Sisqo: Well if I appeared out of a portal in a non magical person's house, they would either think I was a alien and try to shoot me, or they would think I was a crazy black man trying to rob there house. So I assumed that wizards were used to this kind of thing and wouldn't freak out.
Sirius: So let me get this straight, you transported us here because muggles wouldn't try that thing over there out, and you want use to test it against our own will?
Sisqo: Basically, yeah.
There is a long pause in the room.
Sirius: I'm all for it.
Everyone else except for Snape and Draco, agree as well.
Sisqo: Cool! Now let's see whose going first…
Sisqo presses a button on his remote thing that says list. A piece of paper appears in his hand with a small pop and a puff of silver smoke.
Sisqo: *examining the list* Let's see… ah ha! Harry, Sirius, and Minerva are up first. They'll be doing…*looks back down at list* Contagious by the Isely Brothers.
Harry: *steps up to the floating box* Uh, how does this thing work?
Sisqo: All you have to do is jump into the square and you will be immediately transported into the video.
Minerva: Wait, I don't know the words to this song.
Sisqo: Don't worry about it, you'll know the lyrics as soon as you step into the portal, but knowing the melody is a whole different story.
Harry: So we have to actually sing! With our real voices!
Sisqo: Yup, you may automatically know the words but singing them on key completely depends on you, did I mention we were rating your vocals on a scale of 1 to 10?
Harry: What? You mean your scoring us!
Sisqo: That's right skippy, so I hope you didn't get your singing lessons from Macey Gray other wise your going to be completely and utterly humiliated.
Draco: This is going to be sweat. *grins evilly*
Sisqo: I wouldn't get to happy tiny; your turn is coming up pretty soon.
Draco: *Stops grinning and gulps*
Minerva: *looking doubtful at the portal* I'm not sure if I can sing that well.
Sisqo: I'm sure you don't, and I sure don't care. Now hurry up and get your asses in there, we don't have all day you know.
Sirius: *getting ready to jump into the portal* Shit I already know I can sing, come on Harry this is going to be fun. *jumps into portal*
Harry: *sighs* whatever. *Jumps into portal after Sirius*
Minerva: I just know I'm going to hate this. *groans*
Dumbledore: oh come on now Minerva just give it a shot.
Minerva: Oh fine! *jumps into portal*
Sisqo: All Right! Now everyone take out piece of paper and pencil…um I mean quill, and get ready to grade your friends' here cause this video is about to start.
Some numbers appear on the floating box next to Sisqo.
Sisqo: 3…2…1…action!
A long white stretch limo is pulling up in front of a huge mansion. The scene changes and shows the inside of the limo where a very confused Harry, dressed in a blue old-fashioned tuxedo, is sitting in the limo.
Draco: *Laughing* what kind of out fit is that!?
Sisqo: The kinds you wear in this video now hush your mouth midget.
Harry is still in the limo looking around in confusion and try's to say 'what the hell?' but nothing comes out.
Sisqo: Sorry Harry, but you can't say anything until the music starts.
Harry rolls his eyes and mouths 'whatever.' The music to contagious begins and Harry suddenly starts to sing.
Harry: *in the same voice as Ron Isely accept it's British* It's 2 a.m. just getting in about to check my message, no one has called but my homies and some bill collectors, cellular rings somebody wants to borrow money, I 2-way her she don't hit me back, something is funny so I called her mother's house and asked her had she seen my baby, drove my 6 around looking for that missing lady.
Ginny: Since when did Harry sound like Ron Isely?
Everyone in the room shrugs.
The scene changes to the inside of the mansion where Harry is sitting on a couch in the living room, watching T.V.
Harry: Got back in turned the tv on and caught the news, and put hand on my head
cause I'm so confused, and then I turn the TV down (tv down) cause I thought I heard a squeaky sound (ooohhh) mmm somethings going on upstairs cause I know nobody else lives here. As i get closer to the stairways all i hear, then i hear my baby's voice in my head screaming out…
Everyone in the room makes noises of disgust as the scene changes to Sirius and Mcgonagall, making out in the bedroom.
Remus: I think I'm going to be sick. *Covers his mouth*
George: *covering Ron's eyes* This is something you'll get to see when your older.
Fred: *covering Ginny's eyes* Yeah, this is definitely rated MT17.
Neville: I think I'm scared for life.
Back in the video
Harry: (chorus) you're contagious, touch me baby, give me what you got. Then a man said, sexy lady, drive me crazy drive me wild
I just can't believe this s**t.
I ran downstairs looked in the closet looking for that hoe. said a prayer
cause only God knows what I'm gonna do. what i saw was enough to drive a preacher wild, I'm in the halls contemplating now in my own damn house, who'd ever thought she was with another man, the down low happened to me all over again, and then i turn TV down (tv down yea) cause i heard a squeaky sound
something's going on up there, upstairs cause i know that no one else is here. as i get closer to the stair ways all i hear and then i hear my baby's voice in my ear, screaming….
Sisqo: *looking at the video with interest* the kids not bad, but not as good as me though. He has too much British and not enough soul.
Everyone looks at him like he's crazy.
Sisqo: What?
Still looks at him.
Sisqo: What!? Is it something I said?
Still looking at him.
Sisqo: Aw screw you guys. *Turns back to the video*
Harry: (chorus) you're contagious, touch me baby, give me what you got. Then a man said, sexy lady, drive me crazy, drive me wild.
I just can't believe this s**t.
Harry heads up to the stairs of the mansion and opens up his bedroom door, there he finds a very horrified Sirius and Mcgonagall, trying there best not to make out. Harry try's to say 'what in f***s name are you doing' but instead starts continuing the dialog to the song…
Harry: *looking confused* what the hell is going on
between the sheets in my home
Minerva: *looks up at Harry confused, and then looks down at herself and realizes that she's naked* baby wait, let me explain, before you start to point your cane
Harry: girl I'm bout to have a fit.
Sirius: oh its about to be some shit *looks down at himself and sees that he is in his boxer's. He looks at Harry who just shrugs and mouths 'just keep going,' how did i get into this should have never came home with this bitch
Harry: you low down dirty woman, back to where you come from
Minerva: *narrows her eyes at Sirius' for calling her a bitch* but baby wait…
Harry: but wait my ass, hit the streets your ass is grass
Sirius: now mr. biggs before your done…
Harry: *mouths; Mr. Biggs? Who's that? Sirius shrugs * wait how you my name son?
Minerva: *still pissed at Sirius* honey wait, i was gonna tell you…
Harry: move this cat looks real familiar, hmmm now don't I know you from somewhere a long time ago…
Sirius: *mouths; well duh, of course I know you* no no , i don't think so
Harry: yea yea, i feel i know you, brother very well
Sirius: no no, you mistaken me for somebody else
Minerva: Frank… *mouths, Frank!?*
Harry: shut up, can't you see two men are talking?
Minerva: but...
Harry: thought i told yo ass to get the walking. now i think you better leave this place, *pulls out a long sword from the cane that he was holding.* cause I'm about to catch a case.
Harry: Your contagious, touch me baby, give me what you got. and a man said, sexy lady, drive me crazy, drive me wild. Your contagious, touch me baby…
Harry continues to sing the course until the video fades out. The square stays blank for a few minutes before Harry, Sirius, and Mcgonagall are hurled out of the box.
Sisqo starts applauding really loud, while everyone else sort of stared at them.
Sisqo: Wow! That was great yall, we should…
Sisqo was cut off as Minerva came up to him and grabbed him by his shirt collar.
Minerva: *Through gritted teeth* I thought this was a music video, not a sleazy porno flick.
Sisqo: Hey, it's not my fault that this video just happened to be about an affair in a relationship, this particular video is actually one of the least vulgar and I don't care if you're a British lady or not cause if you don't get your hands off of me I am going to bitch slap your ass all the way to China!
Mcgonagall backed up off of Sisqo, and glared at him.
Sisqo: *adjusts his shirt* Okay, now I know what you're all thinking, but believe me that was just one of the more um…disturbing videos, but the rest of them are pretty clean…at least I think. Now can I see the scores please uh, you Ron what did you give them?
Ron: Well, Harry was all right I guess so I give him an 8. Sirius was cool to so I give him an 8 too, and Mcgonagall, um no offence professor but seeing you but naked in a bedroom kind of distracted me from your voice so I give you a 5. *holds up his parchments*
Minerva: Humph.
Sisqo: that's great, now Remus how bout' you next?
Remus: I give Harry a 9 although that adult voice of yours scared me, Minerva I give you a 6 because you didn't put much feeling into the music and your nudity was scary beyond all reason, and Sirius gets a 9 because you sounded great and you're my boy too.
Minerva: You know I didn't have a choice to have clothes on, one minute I'm in my robes, the next thing I know I'm but naked with blacky boy over though. *jerks her thumb at Sirius*
Sirius: Hey, it was no picnic for me either. Believe me you are the last person I would want to have sex with. *shudders*
Sisqo: Yeah, yeah, yeah that's what they all say, anyways lets rap this up shall we everyone raise up your papers…er I mean parchments or I dunno just show me your damn scores!
The left over witches and wizards raised up there um whatever's and showed there scores, most of them read basically the same numbers, 9 for Harry, 9 for Sirius, and a 5, or 6 for Mcgonagall because of her disturbing nudity. Even Snape and Malfoy gave Sirius and Harry a reasonable score although they both gave Mcgonagall a –5.
Mcgonagall: Okay now how am going to get a –5 when it's on a scale of 1to10!?
Sisqo: Well Ms. Minerva apparently you sounded so bad, and your naked body looked so disturbing that you got a something below the original scale!
Mcgonagall: *wining* But that's not fair!
Sisqo: Alls fair in love, war, and the theft of Kentucky fired Chicken.
Harry: Um, what does stealing fried chicken have to do with anything?
Sirius: If you knew how good Kentucky fried Chicken was you'd realize that they are worth stealing!
Snape: Yes that's nice, and again what was the point of the chicken?
Sisqo: I thought we went through this, Kentucky fried Chicken is worth stealing.
Neville: But what does that have to do with fairness?
Remus: *slaps his hand on his forehead* You guys just don't get it. *sighs and turns to Sisqo* So what happens next, are you going to send us back with the bill, continue on with the music magic thing some more…what?
Sisqo: Well…*hits the back of his remote* it looks like the nuclear batteries have gotten a little low, so I think I'm going to send you back now.
Everyone: Yeah who!!!!
Sisqo: *glaring* that's pretty cold yall.
Sirius: Hey just for the record I thought that this wasn't such a bad experience, except for the making out with Mcgonagall part, no offense.
Minerva: Humph!
Harry: I guess it was okay, except for seeing Mcgonagall and Sirius making out, no offense professor.
Minerva: Well plenty taken Mr. Potter. Does my body really look that bad?
Everyone: If your naked, YES!!
Snape: Well if it's any consultation I thought you looked…
Minerva: Don't even say it!!
Dumbledore: That Severus was even more disturbing then what Minerva did to Sirius.
Everyone else: *nodding in agreement*
Snape: Well excuse me, for trying to make her feel better.
Minerva: Please Snape; don't mention the word FEEL around me.
Sisqo: Okay peeps enough of the sex talks everyone get together so I can zap you back where you came from.
The witches and wizards grouped together, getting ready to be sent back to their respectable places.
Sisqo: Before you leave let me tell yall' this, every time you hear a clock strike about 6 times then you bring your asses down here got it?
Draco: And what if we don't want to?
Sisqo: *looking at him like he's stupid* Have you learned nothing from this? I am never asking, I'm telling you to bring your ass down here and if you don't I will zap you down here and make sure you get a Britney Spears video!
Draco: *panicky* Ya know what, I think I'll be quiet now.
Sisqo: Thank you Jesus, Anyways what was I going to say…oh yeah! See yall later! *presses button that says home on it*
And everyone disappears back to where they were in the exact same spots they were in before they were sucked into Sisqo's Music Magic portal thingy.
THE END or is it?
Potter/Pikachu: so how was it peeps?
Sirius: That was um, different. How come I had to play R. Kelly?
Potter/Pikachu: Because I didn't want Harry fu**ing Minerva, he's only 15 and she's what 76! That's just disgusting.
Remus: I thought Sirius and Minerva made a good couple. *snickers into his hands*
Sirius: Remus I am getting really sick of you! First you make me wear a pink dress, now your talking about relationships with that old fart mcgonagall and me!!
Remus: Calm down Sirius I was only joking.
Sirius: You say one more thing, just one more thing and I will personally rip your head off and plant daisies in your neck!!!
Potter/Pikachu: Whoa! Sirius calm down he was just playin.
Sirius: Well excuse me!
Potter/Pikachu: Anyways, this was just a sort of experiment fic. That I forgot to post it's a sort of song fic that I wanted to include Sisqo in.
Remus: So tell us if you want to continue, and that's means you'll have to…
Sirius: Read and Review!!!
Potter/Pikachu: That's right, and now for what you've all been waiting for…
Sirius: Me posing nude for 30 minutes straight.
Remus, Potter/Pikachu: *stares at him funny*
Potter/Pikachu: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.
Sirius: I'd appreciate it if you did.
Remus: and so does the rest of the world.
Potter/Pikachu: This is Potter/Pikachu signing off!!!
by Potter/Pikachu
Potter/Pikachu: Well here's my second fic. Aren't you proud of me!
Sirius: You want us to answer this?
Potter/Pikachu: Oh be quiet, before I put you in another dress.
Sirius: shutin up! *zips his lips*
Potter/Pikachu: Thank you! Now Remus start the Disclaiming, chop, chop!
Remus: Will do, Disclaimer: Potter/Pikachu does not own Harry Potter or any of the other characters in the books. They belong to the queen of all authors JK Rowling, and the WB and those other non-important people. She also does not own Sisqo all though she's been working really hard on doing so.
Potter/Pikachu: Shut up Remus! He's just kiddin folks!
Remus: Yeah right, the only thing she owns is the clichéd plot of this fic/song fic.
Potter/Pikachu: Thank ya Remus, now on with the fic. Sirius…
Sirius: yeah I know, Ahem…
Sirius: Sisqo's Magic music
Harry, Ron, and Hermione were chillin in the Gryffindor tower. Ron and Harry were down on the common room floor playing another game of wizarding chess, while Hermione sat on the plush couch, reading Hogwarts a History for the 56th time.
Harry: Ha, Checkmate! I've finally done it I've beaten you!
Ron: No way! You must have cheated it's not possible.
Harry: I'm afraid so Ronny boy I beat you fare and square! I can't believe it I actually defeated the champ. *Starts doing a victory dance*
Ron: *looking frantic* Hermione, you're the expert on rules! He had to have cheated somehow…he must have rigged the board… Something!
Hermione: Oh no, don't bring me into this. *Returns to reading her book*
Suddenly, there is a loud booming sound that echoes about the Gryffindor common room.
Ron: What was that?
Harry: Dunno. *Finally stops dancing* Think it'll happen again?
Hermione: let's be quite and see.
The trio is silent for a few minutes.
Hermione: Hmm, guess it was just a—
Another loud boom interrupts Hermione; it keeps going about five more times.
Ron: *screaming over noise* what the hell is going on!
The room starts to shake and then a large black hole appears' in the middle of the room. Harry, Ron, and Hermione get sucked into the hole and start swirling about and then fall into the bottom less pit. The black hole then closes as if it never existed.
The three of them keep falling until they finally land hard on a stone floor. They stood up and looked around the room.
Harry: Where are we?
Hermione: I have no idea, but wherever we are we must be very deep under Hogwarts.
They seemed to be in some sort of dungeon. Although it wasn't like the dreary dungeon that held there potions class, this one was much larger and it didn't have as much apprehension in the air. The room was circular, and there were torches floating along side the walls in midair. The floor was covered with light blue rugs with a large MTV black logo on it with black leather couches on top of them they also bored the logo. In fact a majority of the room was covered with MTV logos.
Ron: *looking at a MTV poster on the wall* Now where have I seen these logos before?
Harry: I think I remember seeing them on muggle T.V. while I was at the Dursleys.
Hermione: But what would a room full of muggle logos be doing at Hogwarts.
?: That's a question we'd all like the answer to miss Granger.
Harry, Ron, and Hermione jumped in surprise at the unknown voice. They turned around and were faced by non other than Albus Dumbledore, along with Remus Lupin, Draco Malfoy, Sirius Black, Neville, Ginny, Fred, George, Minerva Mcgonagall, and Severus Snape.
Harry: Professor! What are you doing here?
Dumbledore: The same reason why we are all here, which is to say no idea.
Hermione: Well how do we get out of here?
Draco: If we knew that, don't you think we would have been out of here by now?
Ron: Why don't you shut up Malfoy!?
Draco: No one was talking to you Weasley.
George: Don't talk to my brother that way you ass wipe.
Draco: Mind your own bees' wax, jerk.
Harry: Could you guys just shut your faces?
Snape: Hold your tongue Potter, or you'll be getting a detention!
Sirius: Hey don't threaten my godson, you slimy git.
Snape: Who are you calling a git, you bastard!
Remus: you should talk about someone being a bastard.
Snape: Mind your own business wolf boy.
Remus: That's it! I'm going to kick your ass right here right now.
Snape: Bring it on…
Dumbledore: Gentlemen!
Mcgonagall, Hermione, and Ginny: Ahem!
Dumbledore: and ladies', arguing never solves anything.
Everyone: *looking down* Sorry.
Dumbledore: Now, we need to figure a way out of here…
?: Perhaps I can be of assistance.
Everyone in the room jumps at the sound of the voice.
Snape: Who said that?
?: Me.
Snape: *looks around the room nervously* and to whom is 'me'?
?: You'll find out…just give me a sec.
A large swirling black hole appears on a wall at the far end of the room. A man with blond corn rolls and a baby blue jean fit with a large platinum dragon on the back of it, and some black sunglasses on his face, tripped out of the portal and just barely landed on his feet.
Neville, Ginny, and Draco had taken cover behind one of the couches, while the rest of them sort of gaped at the strange man.
The man dusted off his clothes with his hand and then smiled broadly at the group of wizards and witches.
?: What's sup' peeps, how yall' doin this evening?
Everyone still looks at him in shock and stay silent for a few minutes. Finally, Sirius breaks the uncomfortable silence.
Sirius: *looking awkward* Um, those are some nice clothes.
?: *looks down at clothes* Thanks man, but this is nothing see I got another one of these
in red.
Sirius: Really! Where'd you get it?
Sisqo: Well it's kind of a funny story really, you see I was up in Mexico right, and these fine ninja ladies dressed in black came out of nowhere and bust me over the head with a raw fish! And then…
Snape: I hope you don't mind my interruption but could we stop talking about Mexican ninjas and tell us who you are and why'd you bring us down here.
Dumbledore: Yes, I think we are all quite interested in knowing your identity.
?: Oh how rude of me, allow me to introduce my self. The name is…
Ginny: SISQO!
Sisqo: That's my name don't wear it out.
Everyone except Ginny, and Sisqo: Who?
Ginny: *Dreamy look in her eyes* He's an American muggle singer; I used to watch him all the time on that T.V. thing that dad got us.
Fred: I knew I recognized him from somewhere. You used to plop down on the floor right in front of it for 24 hours straight. What was that show you used to watch called again? Sisqo's Shakedown right?
George: Yeah at least until mum thought it was bad for our health to be looking at a box with pictures in it all day and chucked it out the window.
Sisqo: Hey, what can I say! I'm popular, even in the wizarding world.
Remus: So wait a minute here, this guys a muggle.
Sisqo: Yeah I guess… What you just call me?
Hermione: *ignoring Sisqo* But muggles aren't supposed to be able to get in here, isn't that right professor? *looks up at Dumbledore*
Sisqo: Excuse me but did she just insult me? *points at Hermione*
Dumbledore: *still ignoring Sisqo* Yes that is true but maybe we should find out by asking our friend here.
Sisqo: All right people can someone tell me what the hell a muggle is because I really don't appreciate being insulted…
Dumbledore: No Sisqo, it means that you're not a magical person, now would you mind telling us how we got here and why?
Sisqo: Oh yeah *slaps himself on the forehead* I almost forgot!
Sisqo pulls out a silver remote control with a whole lot of buttons on it.
Sisqo: This here people, is called Sisqo's Music magic.
Sirius: A what now?
Sisqo: Allow me to explain, this little object here is what transported you all into the room you see here.
Hermione: You mean to tell us you brought us here with a remote control?
Sisqo: No! It's not a remote; it's completely different from a remote.
Snape: how is that?
Sisqo: Well for one thing it brought you guys down here, and it's also the real reason you're down here. Plus its name is different.
Snape: You mean that little piece of plastic transported us down here?
Sisqo: Excuse me! But this mess is anything but plastic. It's solid platinum and it cost me a freaking fortune to make, so don't go assuming shit you don't know Skippy.
Sirius: Yeah Snape, can't you ever just shut your fucking pie hole!
Snape: No one was talking to you jack ass!
Remus: *glaring at Snape* Don't call him a jackass, you jackass.
Snape: I am getting sick and tired of your interruptions wolfy!
Remus: You want to make something of it punk! *starts undoing his necktie* hold me back Sirius, cause all hell is going to break loose!
Remus is about to hurl himself at Snape but Sirius catches by the robes and holds him back. Everyone in the room except for the remaining professors, Harry, Sisqo are either chanting for Remus or Snape to kick ass.
Remus: *trying to break free from Sirius hold* Let me at him let me at him!
Sirius: *still trying to keep a hold on Remus* I think you'd better apologize Snape before he gets out of control!
Harry, getting fed up with all the fighting, jumps in the middle of Remus and Snape.
Harry: All right you guys SHUT THE F**K UP! Every body just hush!
Everyone stares in disbelief at Harry's use of language except for Sisqo, who is down on his knees laughing like crazy.
Sirius: I thought I told you to watch your language.
Harry: Um, heh heh… so Sisqo what else does that remote music magic Sisqo thing do?
Sisqo: *wipes tears from laughing too hard* Allow me to demonstrate. *Presses button that says video*
A large swirling vortex appeared next to him and it turns into a blank square. A large black MTV logo soon appeared smack in the middle of the square.
Sisqo: Now, this is called a music video transporter…
Draco: I thought it was called Sisqo's music magic?
Sisqo: No! That's what the remote is called; this is what comes out of it.
Dumbledore: What's it do?
Sisqo: I'm glad you asked me that question Professor D. This music video transporter can transport you into any music video of my choosing, and have you yes you star in it. And all of you are going to test it out for me! Isn't that great!
Everyone in the room looks a little nervous at this and starts darting their eyes around the room looking around the room for some type of exit.
Draco: Wait a minute; I don't want to do this!
Sisqo: I wasn't exactly asking you, I was telling you.
Sirius: Hold up, why don't you get one of your muggle friends to test this thing out.
Sisqo: *sighs* I did offer it to BET but they said that it was "impossible" that it couldn't be made! *Mutters* and maybe a little dangerous. They all laughed at me, well who's laughing now huh! Ah ahahahahahahahahahahah!
Snape: *mutters to Dumbledore* I think this guy is a little crazy.
Sisqo: I heard that! I'm not crazy I'm just misunderstood.
Sirius: Okay. Um but why test it on us of all people?
Sisqo: Well if I appeared out of a portal in a non magical person's house, they would either think I was a alien and try to shoot me, or they would think I was a crazy black man trying to rob there house. So I assumed that wizards were used to this kind of thing and wouldn't freak out.
Sirius: So let me get this straight, you transported us here because muggles wouldn't try that thing over there out, and you want use to test it against our own will?
Sisqo: Basically, yeah.
There is a long pause in the room.
Sirius: I'm all for it.
Everyone else except for Snape and Draco, agree as well.
Sisqo: Cool! Now let's see whose going first…
Sisqo presses a button on his remote thing that says list. A piece of paper appears in his hand with a small pop and a puff of silver smoke.
Sisqo: *examining the list* Let's see… ah ha! Harry, Sirius, and Minerva are up first. They'll be doing…*looks back down at list* Contagious by the Isely Brothers.
Harry: *steps up to the floating box* Uh, how does this thing work?
Sisqo: All you have to do is jump into the square and you will be immediately transported into the video.
Minerva: Wait, I don't know the words to this song.
Sisqo: Don't worry about it, you'll know the lyrics as soon as you step into the portal, but knowing the melody is a whole different story.
Harry: So we have to actually sing! With our real voices!
Sisqo: Yup, you may automatically know the words but singing them on key completely depends on you, did I mention we were rating your vocals on a scale of 1 to 10?
Harry: What? You mean your scoring us!
Sisqo: That's right skippy, so I hope you didn't get your singing lessons from Macey Gray other wise your going to be completely and utterly humiliated.
Draco: This is going to be sweat. *grins evilly*
Sisqo: I wouldn't get to happy tiny; your turn is coming up pretty soon.
Draco: *Stops grinning and gulps*
Minerva: *looking doubtful at the portal* I'm not sure if I can sing that well.
Sisqo: I'm sure you don't, and I sure don't care. Now hurry up and get your asses in there, we don't have all day you know.
Sirius: *getting ready to jump into the portal* Shit I already know I can sing, come on Harry this is going to be fun. *jumps into portal*
Harry: *sighs* whatever. *Jumps into portal after Sirius*
Minerva: I just know I'm going to hate this. *groans*
Dumbledore: oh come on now Minerva just give it a shot.
Minerva: Oh fine! *jumps into portal*
Sisqo: All Right! Now everyone take out piece of paper and pencil…um I mean quill, and get ready to grade your friends' here cause this video is about to start.
Some numbers appear on the floating box next to Sisqo.
Sisqo: 3…2…1…action!
A long white stretch limo is pulling up in front of a huge mansion. The scene changes and shows the inside of the limo where a very confused Harry, dressed in a blue old-fashioned tuxedo, is sitting in the limo.
Draco: *Laughing* what kind of out fit is that!?
Sisqo: The kinds you wear in this video now hush your mouth midget.
Harry is still in the limo looking around in confusion and try's to say 'what the hell?' but nothing comes out.
Sisqo: Sorry Harry, but you can't say anything until the music starts.
Harry rolls his eyes and mouths 'whatever.' The music to contagious begins and Harry suddenly starts to sing.
Harry: *in the same voice as Ron Isely accept it's British* It's 2 a.m. just getting in about to check my message, no one has called but my homies and some bill collectors, cellular rings somebody wants to borrow money, I 2-way her she don't hit me back, something is funny so I called her mother's house and asked her had she seen my baby, drove my 6 around looking for that missing lady.
Ginny: Since when did Harry sound like Ron Isely?
Everyone in the room shrugs.
The scene changes to the inside of the mansion where Harry is sitting on a couch in the living room, watching T.V.
Harry: Got back in turned the tv on and caught the news, and put hand on my head
cause I'm so confused, and then I turn the TV down (tv down) cause I thought I heard a squeaky sound (ooohhh) mmm somethings going on upstairs cause I know nobody else lives here. As i get closer to the stairways all i hear, then i hear my baby's voice in my head screaming out…
Everyone in the room makes noises of disgust as the scene changes to Sirius and Mcgonagall, making out in the bedroom.
Remus: I think I'm going to be sick. *Covers his mouth*
George: *covering Ron's eyes* This is something you'll get to see when your older.
Fred: *covering Ginny's eyes* Yeah, this is definitely rated MT17.
Neville: I think I'm scared for life.
Back in the video
Harry: (chorus) you're contagious, touch me baby, give me what you got. Then a man said, sexy lady, drive me crazy drive me wild
I just can't believe this s**t.
I ran downstairs looked in the closet looking for that hoe. said a prayer
cause only God knows what I'm gonna do. what i saw was enough to drive a preacher wild, I'm in the halls contemplating now in my own damn house, who'd ever thought she was with another man, the down low happened to me all over again, and then i turn TV down (tv down yea) cause i heard a squeaky sound
something's going on up there, upstairs cause i know that no one else is here. as i get closer to the stair ways all i hear and then i hear my baby's voice in my ear, screaming….
Sisqo: *looking at the video with interest* the kids not bad, but not as good as me though. He has too much British and not enough soul.
Everyone looks at him like he's crazy.
Sisqo: What?
Still looks at him.
Sisqo: What!? Is it something I said?
Still looking at him.
Sisqo: Aw screw you guys. *Turns back to the video*
Harry: (chorus) you're contagious, touch me baby, give me what you got. Then a man said, sexy lady, drive me crazy, drive me wild.
I just can't believe this s**t.
Harry heads up to the stairs of the mansion and opens up his bedroom door, there he finds a very horrified Sirius and Mcgonagall, trying there best not to make out. Harry try's to say 'what in f***s name are you doing' but instead starts continuing the dialog to the song…
Harry: *looking confused* what the hell is going on
between the sheets in my home
Minerva: *looks up at Harry confused, and then looks down at herself and realizes that she's naked* baby wait, let me explain, before you start to point your cane
Harry: girl I'm bout to have a fit.
Sirius: oh its about to be some shit *looks down at himself and sees that he is in his boxer's. He looks at Harry who just shrugs and mouths 'just keep going,' how did i get into this should have never came home with this bitch
Harry: you low down dirty woman, back to where you come from
Minerva: *narrows her eyes at Sirius' for calling her a bitch* but baby wait…
Harry: but wait my ass, hit the streets your ass is grass
Sirius: now mr. biggs before your done…
Harry: *mouths; Mr. Biggs? Who's that? Sirius shrugs * wait how you my name son?
Minerva: *still pissed at Sirius* honey wait, i was gonna tell you…
Harry: move this cat looks real familiar, hmmm now don't I know you from somewhere a long time ago…
Sirius: *mouths; well duh, of course I know you* no no , i don't think so
Harry: yea yea, i feel i know you, brother very well
Sirius: no no, you mistaken me for somebody else
Minerva: Frank… *mouths, Frank!?*
Harry: shut up, can't you see two men are talking?
Minerva: but...
Harry: thought i told yo ass to get the walking. now i think you better leave this place, *pulls out a long sword from the cane that he was holding.* cause I'm about to catch a case.
Harry: Your contagious, touch me baby, give me what you got. and a man said, sexy lady, drive me crazy, drive me wild. Your contagious, touch me baby…
Harry continues to sing the course until the video fades out. The square stays blank for a few minutes before Harry, Sirius, and Mcgonagall are hurled out of the box.
Sisqo starts applauding really loud, while everyone else sort of stared at them.
Sisqo: Wow! That was great yall, we should…
Sisqo was cut off as Minerva came up to him and grabbed him by his shirt collar.
Minerva: *Through gritted teeth* I thought this was a music video, not a sleazy porno flick.
Sisqo: Hey, it's not my fault that this video just happened to be about an affair in a relationship, this particular video is actually one of the least vulgar and I don't care if you're a British lady or not cause if you don't get your hands off of me I am going to bitch slap your ass all the way to China!
Mcgonagall backed up off of Sisqo, and glared at him.
Sisqo: *adjusts his shirt* Okay, now I know what you're all thinking, but believe me that was just one of the more um…disturbing videos, but the rest of them are pretty clean…at least I think. Now can I see the scores please uh, you Ron what did you give them?
Ron: Well, Harry was all right I guess so I give him an 8. Sirius was cool to so I give him an 8 too, and Mcgonagall, um no offence professor but seeing you but naked in a bedroom kind of distracted me from your voice so I give you a 5. *holds up his parchments*
Minerva: Humph.
Sisqo: that's great, now Remus how bout' you next?
Remus: I give Harry a 9 although that adult voice of yours scared me, Minerva I give you a 6 because you didn't put much feeling into the music and your nudity was scary beyond all reason, and Sirius gets a 9 because you sounded great and you're my boy too.
Minerva: You know I didn't have a choice to have clothes on, one minute I'm in my robes, the next thing I know I'm but naked with blacky boy over though. *jerks her thumb at Sirius*
Sirius: Hey, it was no picnic for me either. Believe me you are the last person I would want to have sex with. *shudders*
Sisqo: Yeah, yeah, yeah that's what they all say, anyways lets rap this up shall we everyone raise up your papers…er I mean parchments or I dunno just show me your damn scores!
The left over witches and wizards raised up there um whatever's and showed there scores, most of them read basically the same numbers, 9 for Harry, 9 for Sirius, and a 5, or 6 for Mcgonagall because of her disturbing nudity. Even Snape and Malfoy gave Sirius and Harry a reasonable score although they both gave Mcgonagall a –5.
Mcgonagall: Okay now how am going to get a –5 when it's on a scale of 1to10!?
Sisqo: Well Ms. Minerva apparently you sounded so bad, and your naked body looked so disturbing that you got a something below the original scale!
Mcgonagall: *wining* But that's not fair!
Sisqo: Alls fair in love, war, and the theft of Kentucky fired Chicken.
Harry: Um, what does stealing fried chicken have to do with anything?
Sirius: If you knew how good Kentucky fried Chicken was you'd realize that they are worth stealing!
Snape: Yes that's nice, and again what was the point of the chicken?
Sisqo: I thought we went through this, Kentucky fried Chicken is worth stealing.
Neville: But what does that have to do with fairness?
Remus: *slaps his hand on his forehead* You guys just don't get it. *sighs and turns to Sisqo* So what happens next, are you going to send us back with the bill, continue on with the music magic thing some more…what?
Sisqo: Well…*hits the back of his remote* it looks like the nuclear batteries have gotten a little low, so I think I'm going to send you back now.
Everyone: Yeah who!!!!
Sisqo: *glaring* that's pretty cold yall.
Sirius: Hey just for the record I thought that this wasn't such a bad experience, except for the making out with Mcgonagall part, no offense.
Minerva: Humph!
Harry: I guess it was okay, except for seeing Mcgonagall and Sirius making out, no offense professor.
Minerva: Well plenty taken Mr. Potter. Does my body really look that bad?
Everyone: If your naked, YES!!
Snape: Well if it's any consultation I thought you looked…
Minerva: Don't even say it!!
Dumbledore: That Severus was even more disturbing then what Minerva did to Sirius.
Everyone else: *nodding in agreement*
Snape: Well excuse me, for trying to make her feel better.
Minerva: Please Snape; don't mention the word FEEL around me.
Sisqo: Okay peeps enough of the sex talks everyone get together so I can zap you back where you came from.
The witches and wizards grouped together, getting ready to be sent back to their respectable places.
Sisqo: Before you leave let me tell yall' this, every time you hear a clock strike about 6 times then you bring your asses down here got it?
Draco: And what if we don't want to?
Sisqo: *looking at him like he's stupid* Have you learned nothing from this? I am never asking, I'm telling you to bring your ass down here and if you don't I will zap you down here and make sure you get a Britney Spears video!
Draco: *panicky* Ya know what, I think I'll be quiet now.
Sisqo: Thank you Jesus, Anyways what was I going to say…oh yeah! See yall later! *presses button that says home on it*
And everyone disappears back to where they were in the exact same spots they were in before they were sucked into Sisqo's Music Magic portal thingy.
THE END or is it?
Potter/Pikachu: so how was it peeps?
Sirius: That was um, different. How come I had to play R. Kelly?
Potter/Pikachu: Because I didn't want Harry fu**ing Minerva, he's only 15 and she's what 76! That's just disgusting.
Remus: I thought Sirius and Minerva made a good couple. *snickers into his hands*
Sirius: Remus I am getting really sick of you! First you make me wear a pink dress, now your talking about relationships with that old fart mcgonagall and me!!
Remus: Calm down Sirius I was only joking.
Sirius: You say one more thing, just one more thing and I will personally rip your head off and plant daisies in your neck!!!
Potter/Pikachu: Whoa! Sirius calm down he was just playin.
Sirius: Well excuse me!
Potter/Pikachu: Anyways, this was just a sort of experiment fic. That I forgot to post it's a sort of song fic that I wanted to include Sisqo in.
Remus: So tell us if you want to continue, and that's means you'll have to…
Sirius: Read and Review!!!
Potter/Pikachu: That's right, and now for what you've all been waiting for…
Sirius: Me posing nude for 30 minutes straight.
Remus, Potter/Pikachu: *stares at him funny*
Potter/Pikachu: I'm going to pretend that didn't happen.
Sirius: I'd appreciate it if you did.
Remus: and so does the rest of the world.
Potter/Pikachu: This is Potter/Pikachu signing off!!!