This one -- Miz Tisdale on the Lam -- is another one that's been piggy-backed. The thing that stood out strongest to me, a quick scene that's otherwise unremarkable, only seemed to work if they'd already gotten together. In retrospect I've seen other ways to do this one, and maybe someday I'll get around to diong them. For now, here's this--
"Excuse me." It's about as nice as he can stand to be to Bo right now, even if he's not at all gentle in shoving his cousin out of the way. Slams the car door on sweet Miss Sue Ann who nearly ran them off the road, and musters a smile and wave for her as she drives off, taking Bo's eyes with her.
Blondeness will be the death of both of them. Bo's always been affected by the color of his own hair, but Luke's affliction is more recent. In the month or so since he went chasing after Bo in pursuit of a silly little baseball cap, he has regretted bothering to notice how much he likes that silly yellow fluff – followed by similar realizations about the little hairs on the rest of his cousin's body – exactly twenty-six times. Except now it's twenty-seven, which is more than the number of years he's even known the man.
They have agreed, despite the things they do in the dark, to keep flirting with women during daylight. A sacrifice that keeps anyone from really pursuing why they've gone camping quite so often lately. But damn it, Bo doesn't have to be so gleeful about it. Luke knows he's not that good an actor; if he's grinning like an idiot, it's because he actually is one, genuinely lusting after the girl. And if he's trying to get in the car with her and leave Luke on the side of the road…
"Get in the car Bo," he warns the minute she's gone. Quiet, so quiet that there can't be an argument. He looks up long enough to see that Bo would like to make one, but it dies on his lips with the knowledge that Luke won't argue back, he'll just get more and more quiet until he's not saying anything at all, just pointing at the place he wants Bo to get to. The man at least has enough sense to keep everything, including his lips, buttoned and get into the passenger side.
Despite the many things he'd rather do, Luke drives them into town. It's where they were going in the first place, and his uncle has long ago ingrained in him the need to do first things first. When he was a kid this kind tactic used to work; Luke'd get distracted enough to forget what second things he'd originally had in mind to do. But today, there's nothing big enough in the whole of Hazzard that could make him forget. Maybe just put it off for awhile.
However, they do stumble onto the kind of thing that will rub it in – darling Sue Ann's car is parked in front of the Post Office when they get there.
"You see what I see?" Bo asks, grinning like Christmas morning.
"Oh yeah," Luke agrees. "That car belongs to the little sweetheart who gave you the brush-off." So just brush off already, boy.
"If at first you don't succeed," Bo informs him and Luke bristles. And lets his cousin fall on his face one more time. For his own good, of course.
Finally a keyhole crack must open in Bo's brain, showing him just the tiniest sliver of the light. Blondie grasps exactly two things: the woman doesn't have any use for pretty farm boys, and, because Rosco has gotten to her first, she's bad news. The things Bo never figures out – well Luke can just add them to the list. Which has got to be longer than Santa's by now.
Today's adventure has finally revealed itself: Miz Tisdale's in trouble. All those things Luke would rather take care of, like (maybe bloodying Bo's nose for him – no, not that) laying it on the line for his grinning-ninny cousin about how flirting with women shouldn't make him quite so happy, will have to wait until they save the postmistress and the day.
Which starts by sending out a decoy in the form of Billy Joe Fong, the most stereotypical Chinese guy that Luke's ever met. But that's probably just survival in Hazzard.
They've got to make it look convincing so Billy Joe gets wrapped up in Miz Tisdale's old-lady shawl, with help from his local Duke boys.
"Don't get fresh, young man," the usually cheerful Billy Joe snaps at Bo.
Which leaves Luke with mixed feelings. He suddenly feels better about Sue Ann; Bo has chased women since puberty, and as Luke himself has been heard to say, it's hard to change the habits of a lifetime. But copping a feel on Billy Joe – Bo has never touched any man but Luke. And it's certainly not time for him to be starting now.
Bo's hands are already up in surrender. I didn't do it, Luke. At least he has the sense to know when he's about to get dragged off to the back alley and taught a lesson, crisis or no crisis.
And, thinking of crises, they need to get Miz Tisdale safely to Jesse, then figure out who's setting her up. Luke's highly motivated to resolve this problem faster than usual, because he's got better ways to spend his afternoon, even if Bo would argue semantics with him on that.
Settling Miz Tisdale down turns out to be easy: foist her off on Jesse. Still, they stay at the farm with her long enough to promise that they'll get to the bottom of things, and for Bo to slip his arm across Luke's shoulders. They've got too many witnesses for Luke to shake him off, but he doesn't exactly relax into it, and Bo's smart enough to get his hands back to his own body darn quick. Smart choice. Luke's not exactly feeling affectionate. In fact, how he is feeling comes out after one more trip to town, one more moment standing in their own living room in front of friends and family. On his way to the phone to call in reinforcements, Luke swats Bo on the ass. I don't like you a lot right now, but this here is mine until I tell you otherwise
Yes, sir, is in how Bo eyeballs him all the way through the phone call.
Some flirting (that would be Miz Tisdale and Jesse, Bo seems to have run out of pretty little things to try to pick up), chasing and sneaking later, they reckon they've got the instigator pinned down to the old mill. They followed that blue car in here, so the guy's got to be somewhere, even if the place seems oddly quiet and deserted when the Duke boys walk in.
Which is why his sixth sense makes him swing around in time to confront two above-average fools with shovels. No problem, they can handle these guys, until—
"Bo! He's got a gun." Stop fighting, don't get your fool self killed before I get a chance to kill you myself.
As usual, they get tied up and gagged, then left behind by bad guys on the move. As usual, they're left side-by-side, with Bo practically in his lap. As usual, they start to wiggle themselves free. Shouldn't take more than a minute.
Except one of the charming strangers comes back and shoves at Bo.
"What're you doing?" He's not sure which of them grunts that through the cloth strung across their mouths.
There's an abrupt slapping sound and Bo's eyes fix on Luke's wider than he's ever seen them. Luke's aware of what caused it, and he's powerless to do anything about it. The asshole just smacked Bo on the backside. Luke's ready to tear him apart, except he's got nothing, not even his own tongue, free enough to do that with.
Big-and-ugly (and in truth Luke doesn't know how ugly he is, what with that ski mask) in the blue jacket waves Bo's wallet in the air, and is gone. The red Luke's been seeing turns to pink. He's still got every intention of killing the guy for touching Bo that way, but at least it wasn't what it seemed to be.
"Gah," he mutters as he gets the gag out of his mouth. They've got to get untied so he can take care of blue-jacket right and proper. "They left us our knives!" he realizes as he's squirming around trying to get his hands free.
Bo giggles from behind his own gag. It's a shame that the next thing he does is pull it off.
Luke's managed to get his knife unsheathed and open. He's working at the ropes across his own wrists in an absolute fury. Ass-smacking blue-jacket is getting further away by the second.
"Give me that," Bo says, sliding his own tied hands into grabbing range. Typical of the fool to interrupt Luke when he's on a mission. "Give me that!" He insists, snatching the blade out of Luke's fingertips.
"Be careful," Luke admonishes.
"I trust me," Bo answers.
Nothing to do but sit there and watch Bo saw at the ropes looped around his wrists and think on the nature of Bo trusting himself.
"You trust you?"
"Of course, I do, Luke. And if you had any sense, you'd trust me, too." Well, as far as knives go, Luke trusts Bo to try not to get them hurt. When it comes to the Sue Ann's of the world… "Luke," Bo says, panting as he saws. "I ain't let no one – I mean no one – touch me since that first time." Camping and hiding out from Rosco. Playing a modified game of baseball in which, eventually, they both scored. "And I ain't got no plans to. I trust me. You should, too." What a touching speech, delivered when Luke has no hands free to strangle him with. "You ever think about sharpening this?" Huh? Oh, the knife.
"Give it to me," Luke commands, because Bo has finally freed Luke's hands. Conveniently after saying all those lines about trust.
But they can come back to that. Luke's got a date to mash Mr. Blue-jacket's face into the dirt. Which is why it takes him no time at all to cut through the rest of the ropes that bind them. And why the torn-apart General is only a momentary distraction. Luke's never reassembled a car so fast.
Bo drives as they take off in pursuit of the mail-frauders, which is probably wise. Luke can't swear he's seeing right, with the pink edge that his vision still has. They get lucky and run into the punks, who are apparently on their way back to the mill. Bo chases after them but it's Emma Tisdale cruising by on her motorcycle that takes them out of commission.
"I trust me," Bo reminds him as they pull up alongside the disabled car, and Bo blocks Luke's path to the blue-jacketed one. Seems like he's going to have to settle for beating the tar out of the other guy, except both men are already too stunned and jostled to really fight. So the boys have to wait for Boss and Rosco to come and fumble their through an arrest.
Then there's the charade of a happy ending. Cheerful family, back home again and in their living room. All together in one place, and Luke still has better things to be doing. Like maybe trusting Bo.
"Me and Bo's," he starts. Can't say they're going camping, they just got back from their last trip a few days ago.
Everyone's looking to him for the end of that sentence, even that idiot blonde cousin of his. Luke raises his eyebrows at him.
"Uh, oh, right." Excellent, Bo's acting skills have always been top-notch. "Me and Luke's gotta go back to the mill. There's still some parts to the General in them leaves there."
Well, that was fairly impressive.
"Could take us awhile," Luke warns his uncle. "Don't hold dinner for us." He tugs at Bo's elbow – move now.
"Now, boys!" Jesse's shouting behind them, but they're gone.