Title: Beginnings and Ends
Pairing: None; Gibbs/Ziva if you squint
Rating: PG
Genre: Gen
Cat: Angst
Spoilers: Various - Kill Ari I & II, Hiatus II, Dead Man Walking
Warnings: None.Summary: Sometimes, she needs to remember.
Author's Note: Written as a prize for Cassy for correctly guessing my Hangman puzzle. Here was her prompt: "I want a story about something that Ziva never experienced before. You know, she's not new to many things, but I'd like her to experience something that's new to her and which she has trouble dealing with on her own. (Yes I know, I love vulnerable, human Ziva so much...) It's your choice who helps her dealing with it. Can be gen, het or slash. It's welcome to have a humorous/fluffy _ending_ but I'd like some angst first. And... *devious grin* Please try to include the line "you're my hero" in the non-humorous part." I did my best.
She hates this place. It does not hold good memories, not really. Her first time here was the worst for her. But sometimes, she needs to remember.
She still has a hard time dealing with what she did. Pushing the end of her gun around the doorframe, finding a fatal spot with her scope, shooting. Watching as she descended the stairs, tears in her eyes, the deep red staining the cement around his beautiful face.
Ari. She killed her own brother, sacrificed blood for a promise, the stake of her reputation. Only Gibbs knew. Only he saw her, understood the sacrifice she had made, how much it hurt to do what she had done, no matter what her training happened to be.
So how appropriate that she would come here, to Gibbs' basement, to remember, to grieve and to cry. It was for Ari, yes, but also for other firsts - the first time she truly felt life could be cruel and unfair, when dear Tali was killed; the first time she realized love was fickle, did not care when to happen, with poor Lieutenant Sanders; for all those agonizing and frustrating moments when she felt weak and helpless, when the world felt huge and yet somehow out of her reach.
But then there were those other firsts, the ones that made her smile through her tears. Like the first time she'd gone to a Goth night club, at Abby's insistence, dark lipstick smeared on her lips and a tight, black vinyl bustier molded to her body. Or the first time she played Xbox 360, McGee's gentle touch and patient, laughing voice guiding her through the game. And then there was the first time she hugged without abandon, upon returning to NCIS from Israel, this time for good.
As she remembers everything, a small smile plays across her face, and she sits on that same stool, gazing down at the floor. The image of Ari lying there, lifeless, is still seared onto the backs of her eyelids, albeit a bit blurry from her tears. She wipes the evidence of her emotion away and whispers to the floor.
"You were my hero, Ari."
She appears to be unaware of the person behind her, how he is watching her, but not looking to disrupt her moment. But she knows he's there. She always knows.
She begins to sing, the soft Hebrew bringing a chill to the air. He remains still as the song is sung. When she finishes, she stands and says, "You would have believed him, too."
"I almost did, Ziva," Gibbs says, his rough voice somehow appropriate for the room. "But I believed you more."
The tears are now running freely down Ziva's cheeks. She lets out a sob as she admits, "I miss him. I miss them all."
She turns and is enveloped in Gibbs' arms, crying into his shirt. He shushes her, running over her curls and pressing comforting kisses to her temple. The scene is so familiar, so much like how she made him remember who he was, and it is at times like these when he truly does know, and misses those he's lost.
"I know, Ziva," he says. "I know."
It is at that moment that Ziva works up the courage, the voice, to say to Gibbs what she's felt in her heart for quite some time now, and his lips quirk into a bittersweet, melancholy smile as she speaks.
"You are my hero now."
THE END