Disclaimer: I don't own iCarly, but I would certainly like to… *hinthintwinkwinknudgenudge* Dan Schneider!

Sam's POV

"I'm Carly."

"And I'm Sam."

"And this is iCarly!" we yelled as I pushed the button on my remote to start the Random Dancing segment of our show.

We had everything going right and we were about to end when Carly got this serious look on her face. "Ladies and Gentlemen of the world. Tonight, here on iCarly, you will hear and witness something that no one else knows, not even Sam over there," she said, pointing in my direction as Freddie swung the camera at me, and then back at Carly. "I would like you to think hard on this, and not be taken back from usual standards of this phrase or word. I would like, especially all you going to Ridgewood to think about the good times we had together, and that when I say this none of that will change."

Freddie and I looked at each other. I really wish I knew what she was talking about, I thought silently. "Okay, here we go," she said.

"As you all know, I had been dating Freddie Benson up until recently, and just for the record, he broke up with me. Yes, I know you won't believe it, mostly you Sam," she said staring at me, "but he did. Which was a good thing, because as much as I love Freddie, and I do love you Freddie, I love you like I love Spencer, like a brother."

The dork's head sagged slightly, but you could see on his face that he knew she was going to say it out loud some day. "I have realized over the past few years that I'm different than everyone. I always had different styles of clothing, different hair styles that I thought were cool, but to please my brother, and to not stand out, I conformed," she said sadly. "I conformed to the popularity of high school. I'm not proud of it, but I'm sure enough of myself now that I'm ready to start standing out, to be myself for once. You see my up here as Carly, the girl from iCarly, the one who doesn't date, gets straight A's and is a goodie-goodie. I know I'm a goodie-goodie, because I love order as much as Sam loves chaos. I get straight A's because I love to learn, and nothing is going to stop me. I don't date because…" she trails, and looks down at her feet. She wrings her hands in front of her and looks back up at the camera. "I don't date because I'm a lesbian." She smiled at the camera and made her way over to the tech cart to shut off our live stream. My jaw dropped. My Cupcake was gay? How was that even possible? She dated the dork for two weeks? Was that it? He turned her gay? I would kiss him, but I don't kiss boys, not since Nadine Tailor in 6th grade. I've hidden my true sexuality from everyone the minute I heard my mother talk about the homosexual agenda. I shook my head.

Carly was consoling Freddie, telling him that he didn't "turn" her gay, that she was born that way. She helped him stand up, and walk towards the door. I followed silently behind them, and when we got to Carly's flat, at the bottom of the stairs, Freddie fainted. Luckily I was there to catch him, but I still had to carry him over to his place, and tell his mother what happened. I knocked on his apartment door with my foot, and waited for Mrs. Benson to get the door. "Freddie? Did you forget your key again Fredward? Am I going to have to... FREDDIE!" she yelled, and fell to her knees. She glared at me. "Devil child! What did you do to my poor Fredward?" she asked, her eyes glaring daggers at my own. "Me? I thought you watched iCarly? Carly did this to him, this time, not me," I said as I dragged him past his mother and into his bedroom.

I plopped his top half on the bed, and put his feet up afterward. I took off his shoes, and went into the bathroom, where I proceeded to fill them with shaving cream (who knew the dork shaved?) and place them behind his door. I left quietly, helping Mrs. Benson up from the floor before I left. "Is it true then? What Carly said?" she asked, her eyes hopeful. I sighed. "Yes, it's true Mrs. Benson. Carly is gay. I just wished she would have told me first," I said sadly, thinking that my friend would have trusted me. But then I remembered that I haven't told her about my being gay, so I guess we're sort of even. I looked at Freddie's Mom. She actually looked sad.

I closed the door behind me and went back into the Shay apartment, where Spencer was pacing back and forth. "Carly? Is it true? Why would she joke about a think like that? No, you wouldn't joke about a thing like that. What about a dare? Were you dared to say that on your show? No, you wouldn't do that either, and ever since the dirt incident when you were 12 you haven't taken a dare in that game," he thought aloud. That's the one thing you could count Spencer in for, speaking his mind, and telling the truth. I'm pretty sure Spencer couldn't tell a lie.

"Spencer I didn't joke, I wasn't dared, I didn't lie, I was blackmailed, and before you even ask I wasn't abducted my your Jupiter Martians and have my brain probed with a straw," she said, looking into his eyes. He looked at her and sat down. She sat down next to him and took his hand in hers. "Are you happy? Will you be happy?" he asked, searching her face for an answer. She smiled her Carly smile and shook her head. "Yeah Spence, I will. I've known I was different even before Mom died. I actually talked with her about it. She had warned me that if I told people, that they might not react well, but know that I'm older, I knew what she meant. I just hope that people will understand that nothing has changed," she said sadly. God how I loathed family moments, maybe it was because I never had any... ever.

"Well, I'm off. My cat's got to take this pill thing, for the... rabies. See you tomorrow Carls?" I asked, standing up to give her a hug. She got up with me, and wrapped her arms around me, "Sure thing Sam. Usual time?" she asked as she kissed my cheek, per the norm. I kiss her cheek in return. "Yupp, but I might be a little late. My Mom's supposed to be home tonight, so it's gonna be a long one, you know?" She nods her head in agreement. "Night Spence!" I yelled as I closed the door behind me and make my way home.

I let everyone believe that I live in a run down house. I have my father's last name, so I don't have to worry about anyone recognizing me as my mother's daughter.

I pushed open the gate of 1221 Golden Chessnut Road and ran to the front door. Even thought I slept over at Carly's every other night, I still had a curfew. I slipped through the door just as the clock chimed 8 o'clock. "Mom! I'm home!" I yelled about the noise of the clock. I took off my shoes, and placed then in the front closet, then made my way down the longest hallway into the lion's den, my mother's office. "Samantha? Would you come here please?" she asked in a tone that said 'defy me and die' all over it. "Yes mother," I replied as sweetly as possible. At school I might be able to act like myself, but at home? No way in hell is that happening.

I walked through the door of her office to see that she had once again redecorated. The once bright walls were now a dark colour of blue with splashes of golden and the carpet was now a light green colour. "Again mother? Shouldn't you be spending the tax payers money else where?" I tease, hoping and praying that she didn't see tonight's iCarly. "Darling, don't be ridiculous. This is my own money, which I earned through my own hard work. The people here need order, and I am willing to give it."

I swallowed. This was going to be a really long night. "Well... good night Mom, I have a test tomorrow, and I need a good night's sleep before I take it," I said, turning toward the door, 5 steps away from freedom. "One second Samantha," I heard. I turned around and she was clacking away at her computer. "I get straight A's because I love to learn, and nothing is going to stop me. I don't date because... I don't date because I'm a lesbian." I heard, and my face went the colour of a sheet. Now I was in for it.

"Samantha Puckett-Peterson. What did I tell you about picking you friends? I don't want that, that... dyke corrupting you. Homosexuality is evil, and they bring new people into their cults by the second. I have no doubt in my mind that it was that older brother of hers. What was it? Skippy? Skid?" she said, waving her hand haphazardly in the air. "It's Spencer," I said quietly, hoping that I wouldn't get punished for speaking out of turn. "Whatever the name, I knew from the minute I lay eyes on him that he was one of them," she said, her eyes slanting. "They pray on the young and weak, and bring them down with them. You will stop being friends with this dyke this instant, and I refuse to see her anywhere near my children," she said. "All of us?" I asked, surprised. Before Melanie and me, there was our older brother, Michael. He came out to my Mom and Dad shortly after we turned 6. My mother through him out of the house, and when his best friend, Josh, called and asked for Mickey, my Mom lost it and got a restraining order on both of them. Now I can't even phone him to say happy birthday.

I swear I saw steam coming out of her ears. "You will not speak of that faggot in this house hold young lady. You will not speak to him; talk of him, or any of his gay friends. You will stay away from Carly Shay, and you will never ever talk back to me like that. EVER!" she yelled, spit flying from the force. I cowered and nodded my head. I left quietly, fleeing down the hallway to my escape. Being the mayor's daughter, I knew every criminal in this town, and I had at least all of them teach me a trick or too about locks and safety. With a flick of my wrist, I had the door unlocked, and got inside before my Mom got any more wise ideas. I turned on the light and locked all the locks on my door, all ten of them. You can never be too careful. I set my alarm, and finally turned around. It was your typical teenagers room. Black walls, bands posters plastered around the room at different angles. I went over armoire and pushed in the wooded beads to reveal a hidden compartment I had build myself. There I pushed a few buttons and the bookcase slid open. I closed the compartment and walked up the stairs, my feet getting heavier as I went, but then lighter, knowing what was up there for me.

I turned all the lights on, as well as the video cameras; one in every hall way, two in my mother's office, one on the front door, two on the back, and one for each of the spare bedrooms. Four computer screens flared to life, and showed me what was going on in my house, but I ignored them and walked over to what I really wanted. I opened the closet, and grabbed the bag that was in it. I sat down in my red chair, and opened it, to see my beautiful metal, waiting for me as impatiently as I've been waiting for it.

I grab one, and roll up the sleeves of my shirt to see the angry red lines from last week. It's been too long, I thought, as I held the cool metal against my wanting skin. I closed my eyes and slid it delicately across my skin, feeling the heat escape, and loving the clear-headedness that I got from the one cut. I let my right arm relax, and focused on the pain no gathering in my left arm. I opened my eyes to see a line of red blood running horizontally down the flesh of my arm. I sighed. If only everything was this easy, but it isn't. I'm reminded of how my mother told me that Carly was a dyke, and how Mickey is a fag, and I slice again, feeling the tingles spread from my arms to my toes, and then up to my head. Then I think about Spencer, and I slice. Freddie, another, Melanie, another, Carly, another, me, the final slice. I put the razor back in its bed and I relax against the chair. My arm is throbbing, but in a way that is soothing. I blindly make my way to the bathroom, and the bright light hurts my eyes until they adjust. I run my arm under cold water, seeing the water turn from dark red, to a light pink. I stop the water, and dry it my dabbing the marks with a dry towel. I smother them in anti-bacteria cream, and wrap my arm in gauze. I pull back down my sleeve, and try not to wince at the slight pain of the tiniest pressure.

I go and sit down at my computer, and open up the iCarly chat page.

Cam~allthewaybaby14: FINALLY! When do you think Sam'll come out?

What?

Creddietothextreme: I don't buy it, she's obviously hiding her relationship with Freddie

Okay...

SeddiebeatsCreddie93: Maybe now he'll pay attention or Sam, who he TRULY belongs with... stupid Creddie fans

My jaw dropped... what was with these people! They had no right to make rash assumptions like that! Well, maybe, but still, to post it on our chat page? Profanity! I log off the chat page, and turn off the computers. I closed the door to the bathroom, and then again at the top of the stairs, and slowly descended them. When I got to the bottom, I put in my pass code 5372426, and the door slid aside.

I dressed for bed as quickly as possible. I put on one of my Dad's old sweaters, and a pair of running shorts, and jumped into bed. I opened the drawer to grab my remote, which controlled all of my electronics. I used to turn on the radio, turn off the light, make sure the sensor was one, and then to lock the secret sliding door. I put the remote back where it belonged, and tried to get comfy on my bed. It was huge and was a waterbed, at my mother's insistence. I have a bad back, but nothing I say will let my mother let me get a new one. I pull up my black comforter, and sink into my purple and green pillows, trying my best not it re-injure my arm. The last thing I thought of before I fell asleep was Miss Carly Shay, and what she would think about me if she only knew the truth.

Heyy guys, and yes it's still me (: I'm still alive. It's been a while since I got anything new and Cam-ish out. This idea came to be like I was hit with a baseball *rubs head absentmindedly*. I know it's kinda down, but if you've read my work before, it always ends better than it stars. Criticism is welcome, and I totally want your review... they make me happy (:

Even as depressing as this story is, a quick shout out to My Lady, for she knows who she is... she's camping at the moment, but hopefully she's mosquito bite-free :D

Nicky9