(COMPLETE CRACK/AU)
Guys, it's OKAY if you get turned on by this pairing, two hot people getting it on = hot fanfiction.
Yes I own Harry Potter and the other characters. I also invented pineapples, speak fluent alien, and eat souls. Not to mention coming home to Grant Gustin in my bed every night.
'Excuse me, are you Ron Weasley?" puffed out a young first year who Ron didn't know the name of, having clearly run through the whole castle searching for Ron.
'Yes?' replied Ron before muttering to Harry that they absolutely were not that miniature when they were that age.
'McGonagall... her office... urgent... Straight away...' The first year puffed.
'Bloody hell! Calm down mate! Here, sit down." The boy nodded, before collapsing on the Common Room sofa.
"I better go, what could she want to see me about this time?'
'Dunno know mate, better go though' replied his best friend Harry.
' It could be about the last essay she set us, I told you that you should've added at least 3 more lines to your conclusion, it was far too short Ronald!' said Hermione indignantly.
'I don't think so, we handed them up ages ago. Shit, better go, see ya soon guys.'
As Ron ran into McGonagall's office he stopped and wish he disobeyed orders just this once! There sitting on the table, was a sight Ron thought he'd ever have to see of. McGonagall was lying across her desk in nothing but her lingerie and for some strange reason Ron was strangely turned on... Is this right? To be aroused by his own 60 year old teacher?
"Uhh, Professor, What're you-"
Ron didn't get to finish what he was saying before McGonagall grabbed him by his suddenly-too-tight Gryffindor tie and yanked his mouth down to her level.
Ron –caught up in his teenage libido- couldn't bring himself to stop, even though he knew how wrong this all was.
Right now, there were no thoughts rushing to his head, but there was something else rushing to his OTHER head.
While they were snogging roughly, with McGonagall slightly stumbling over her own tartan robes in her too-high stilettos, reached over to grab Ron, violently pushing him onto her desk, causing a pile of books to fall in a 'thump!' onto the dark carpet. She rubbed her bosom against Ron, and he could smell the strong stench of firewhiskey.
She jumped onto him and straddled him, rubbing her lower half up on his hardening shaft. "I've been needing you for a while, Mr. Weasley..." she breathed, her voice heavy with lust. Ron gulped and stared up at the much older woman wide-eyed, unable to think straight from his massive erection that he was sure the Professor could feel. She purred seductively, her inner animal coming to the surface. He panted heavily when she ground herself down him, slower and harder than before, momentarily seeing white.
A smug smirk played across McGonagall's lips, which had way too much red lipstick than a woman of her age should be allowed to wear, as she felt the raised bump in the boy's pants.
She began to fondle Ron's package through his pants, rubbing it through the fabric a bit before sliding her wrinkled hand into his boxers. Her fingers lingered in the light cotton fabric, tracing her fingers teasingly up and down his aching shaft. She dragged her long polished fingernails from the tip of his member right down to the base, causing Ron to shudder, the reaction bringing her to rub and squeeze one of his balls.
"Shit!" he hissed, biting his lip as he did so.
"You like that, Weasley?" she smirked, taking his other sac into her hand and rubbing it with her fingers. Ron moaned and thrusted up into her hand, trying to cause more friction between his balls and her wrinkly hand, the ridges in her skin causing a delicious sort of feeling.
"Just lay there, Ronald." McGonagall said, her voice thick with lust as she grabbed the boy's pants and pulled them down. She then used the tip of her finger to wipe the pre-cum that was starting to come out the tip of Ron's length and bring it to her lips as she tasted it. She looked at Ron intently, looking right into his lust addled eyes, thinking it was probably a good idea when she slipped that potion in his drink at dinner.
Ron groaned and started to reciprocate , and began touching McGonagall in every way possibly, his fingers –callused from playing Quidditch- started creating rough patterns down the sides of the sexy bustier she was wearing. With careful hands he unclipped the clasps and ripped the thing off of her. He started teasing her, tugging and twisting, while at the same time layering kisses upon her skin. His lips found her neck and started sucking uncontrollably until a big red and purple mark clouded her skin.
"Skip this Weasley, just give me your all" McGonagall breathed out, her voice unsteady.
Ron positioned himself, and without warning, plunged into her. McGonagall yelled out and took it all. Ron started thrusting in and out with all the strength and power the 16 year old had.
They did it in every possible, magical way, including floating upside down and the Professor transforming into animal form. Ron was pleasantly surprised at the transfiguration teachers stamina and flexibility, in particular her ability to turn herself into a human pretzel. And even after all that, McGonagall hadn't reached her climax yet. Nothing Ron seemed to do was sending her over the edge. So, with out warning, he lowered his head down, and stuck his tongue into his Professors soaking wet pussy. And with that, McGonagall voice reached a high pitch and she shuddered, falling to the ground, apparently blacking out.
Ron had heard of people passing out after a particularly strong orgasm, so he let her be, feeling pretty smug. Who knew he could do that, aye?
One minute passed, then 2 minutes, and then after 4 minutes Ron checked McGonagall pulse.
…Nothing there.
"FUCK!" Ron shouted, struggling to find his wand in the piles of clothes that were ripped off in haste. He pulled aside a sneaker and grabbed his wand from where it had been thrown.
"RENNERVATE!" He shouted, as he pointed his other wand at McGonagall's limp body.
"SHIT FUCK! It's not working!"
The door unlocked suddenly and in that instant Ron was scrambling for his clothes, yelling out 'accio' for every piece of clothing.
"I knew it! Well we all knew she could transform into a cat but who would have thought that old McGonagall's a cougar!" said Harry as he walked in smirking.
Hermione stood in the doorway shell-shocked, her wide eyes moving from the naked Ron to the Transfiguration Professor lying on the floor. Ron was sitting there as red as his hair, but Harry didn't appear to care that he was still naked, and had gone across the room to check on McGonagall's limp form.
"…Uh, mate, what exactly happened here? Shes not moving…" asked Harry "but don't go into detail, my ears are a bit too delicate for that."
"Wait! How do you know something went on?"
Harry looked at Ron, and said "…well for starters; you're not wearing any clothing. That's generally a dead-set giveaway that something's gone down.
Then Harry winked and tapped his pocket where he usually kept the Marauders map.
"Not to mention that the map helped. It doesn't show the details, but I was able to put the pieces together" and he winked again.
"Boys? I don't think she's with us anymore..." said Hermione softly.
"WHAT?" Ron shouted.
"Wow, were you THAT good Ron?" said Harry with a smirk on his face, which was quickly wiped off his face by a look from Hermione.
"Shit. Shit. SHIT! I killed her!" said Ron in a panicky voice.
"What a way to go though...I mean, If I had to choose between going this way, or having You-No-Poo end me, I'd pick this one in an easy second!" said Harry.
"With McGonagall? Really Harry?" snickered Hermione, momentarily forgetting her beloved teacher on the floor.
"GUYS! SERIOUSLY. OUR HEAD OF HOUSE AND TRANSFIGURATION PROFESSOR IS LYING APPARENTLY DEAD ON THE FLOOR, AND YOU GUYS ARE EXCHANGING BANTER? WHAT THE FUCK?" roared Ron.
"Shit…yeah, I forgot. Well, I guess we better do whatever we do when anything bad happens to us and go straight to Dumbledore"
"I don't think that there will be any need for that Mr Potter" said the voice of Albus Dumbledore, coming up behind the trio.
"Now, what do we have here?" The Headmaster said, as he paced around where the three teenagers were standing and where McGonagall was lying lifeless on the floor.
"Okay, honestly headmaster, I can see where you might go with this, but in my defense, it was the professor who initiated it with ME!" said Ron.
"Damn" Dumbledore said " I guess I owe Snape 25 galleons and have to walk into the Great Hall in nothing but a sombrero now"
"Wait...what?"
"Well, you see children, Professor Snape, Professor McGonagall and I made a little bet to see as to which of us three had the most allure, or to put it bluntly, raw sexual magnetism. I immediately thought I was a shoo in, I mean, you know what they say about beards right!" He winked. "The longer they are, the longer the p-"
"OKAY PROFFESSOR THAT'S ENOUGH" interrupted Hermione.
"Oh, hem, sorry. As I was saying, McGonagall would have won, if it were not for her getting, ah, a bit…carried away…
You are of course to blame for this Ron. You with that sexy ginger hair, in fact, you were on all of our 'To-Do' lists"
"Um, thank you sir?" Ron said.
"Not a problem my dear boy" replied Dumbledore with a wink.
"Sir, not that this isn't weird enough already, but what exactly are we going to do with McGonagall?" asked Hermione.
"Well, it is all very sad, but really, she got herself into this, I definitely warned her that she just doesn't have as much stamina as she used too, but noooo she didn't WANT to listen!
I supposed we'll just do whatever it is we do when we want to cover up someones death."
"What's that sir?" asked Harry.
"BLAME HAGRID! WOOOOO!" and Dumbledore ran out of the room with his hands thrown above his head as he began to pull off his robes.
"…What." said Ron, blinking in confusion.
"I dunno man, I just say we get out of here, I mean, its Hogwarts, everything will sort itself out in the end, even if it takes years." replied Harry.
"Yeah, why not, chess Harry?" said Ron.
"…I knew we were best friends for a good reason." supposed Harry, as he followed Ron out the room.
Hermione gave one last look at McGonagall, still there on the floor, poked her one last time, shrugged and walked out behind Harry.