I don't own it.
This is based off of the fic "Hurts So Bad" by FictionHobbit. It is a masterpiece-go read it. If you are not going to go read it, then I will summarize a bit. Prior to where my story picks up, Specs and Dutchy "broke up", Specs to Skittery, Dutchy to Bumlets. Immediately before this narrative, they get back together, and Bumlets sees. In case I didn't make it apparent, he is the narrator of this piece.
Oh, yeah. The first sentence is by FictionHobbit.
~*~*~
"I shouldn't be upset. I knew all along I was just a temporary replacement for him…am I crazy? I don't even love
Dutchy!"
The words sound false even as I say them. I know that I love him. I love him so much I feel sick. It doesn't stop me from
noticing, though. It doesn't stop me from noticing the looks that Skittery sent me. And the looks that Specs sent Dutchy.
Oh, yes, I knew that he never really loved me, that I was just a replacement until the two of them worked things out. But
even knowing that, these were the best weeks of my life. And now it's over. He'll never look at me again as more than just
a friend.
I want him to be happy, I do, just not with Specs. With me! I don't suppose he can, though. I was more of a comfort than
a love. He still cried over Specs every night, cried into my arms.
And I know who it is who holds me now, who's shirt I'm crying into. And I can't stand that he is as miserable as I am-
because of me. I don't want to put him through what I'm going through; he's my friend, though nothing more than that. I
look up, and I can see it in his eyes that it hurts him, that I hurt him. And in that second, I know what I will do. I will
pretend.
~*~
I will not put him through the pain I live with. Instead, I let him believe that I love him as much as he loves me.
And late at night, when everyone is asleep, I cry. I cry for the love I never had, for the love I never wanted, and for the
pain that is slowly killing me inside, drop by stark red drop.