A/N: Update 2014

I have finally grown as a writer to where I don't hunger for concrit as much as I used to. Feel free to review if you'd like, but that's entirely up to you. :)

Training with Kratos

By Baby Kat Snophlake

Lloyd kneeled down, bending over to hide his face under his arms and into the dirt. He had never felt so horrible in his life. It was all his fault that so many things have happened, and now Palmacosta was destroyed. The girl he and his friends rescued had been taken away to another human ranch, and it was because he had butted in where he shouldn't have. He wondered once more why it was anyone thought he should ever be happy again.

"What are you thinking?" Came the deep voice of a traveling mercenary. The one that had volunteered to join them on their journey and help protect the Chosen. He had also decided that Lloyd be subjected to this round of torture that the mercenary had dubbed, "knocking some sense into him." There was no way that Lloyd was actually going to tell Kratos what he was thinking. Kratos would beat the tar out of him again, as if Lloyd could deal with another round of that. He found it better to just plain ignore the man who thought he knew everything.

This had been going on for a few days now. Lloyd wasn't quite sure what Kratos wanted out of him, all he knew was that he was dead tired, starving, and barely able to manage standing up straight. But Kratos insisted on this inhumane treatment, forcing Lloyd to come to the conclusion that he flat out hated the man. At this point, he didn't care who he was, just that he leave and never return to pester him again. Lloyd was told that things would be better when this was over, but he couldn't see how this was so. With each passing moment, Lloyd felt just as bad, if not worse than before. With Kratos there to watch him by night, and keep him awake, and Noishe there by day to deny sleep of any kind just because he hadn't earned it, Lloyd was having a hard time digging himself out of the "serious trouble" stage and doing what he wanted most to get out of it.

"What are you thinking Lloyd?" Kratos interrogated him some more. "Are you giving up on me?" Oh, man, that sounded so good. Giving up? That would be wonderful! "Do you think you can just give up on me? Do you deserve to give up on me?" Lloyd sighed. He didn't want to listen to Kratos talk, but he had little choice. "Think this will all go away if you give up? That I'll suddenly… sprout wings and fly away because Lloyd got tired of dealing with everything, and gave up?"

"Okay! Damn it! I get it!" Lloyd screamed, rising up from the ground slightly. He saw the red-haired mercenary standing a few feet in front of him, with one hand on his hip, and the other resting upon his sword's hilt on the other hip. A mean look of loathing had been planted upon Kratos's face, but those eyes… they seemed soft and pained. Lloyd turned away, hardly believing that the man cared for him in any way. Not after the way he'd been treated.

"What's the matter? Can't face that you've given up? I'd like to see you try to do something about it. You can work hard to get whatever it is you want, whichever direction you'd like to go. But no matter what you choose to do, you can't do anything without working for it. I'll make sure that dying is the hardest thing in hell that you'd end up having to fight for." Lloyd closed his eyes, anger building up inside him. He knew how true that statement was. Kratos had already thwarted many an attempt, and it didn't make it any easier that Noishe, the protozoan was helping him.

"You don't want me to die… but you don't see it fit for me to have anything to eat? What kind of end is it you are hoping to achieve? I'm starving here! Won't you at least give me some food?" Lloyd shouted, glancing up at the mercenary with a pleading look of hatred.

"Do you think you deserve it?" He paused. "Do you think you deserve to be comfortable? With everything that's happened to you, do you think you deserve all the good things you received that made you comfortable? Colette's love? Genis's friendship? Did you deserve any of that?" Kratos's voice escalated with anger with every question, causing Lloyd's eyes to shift to stare at the ground. "Or are you telling me that you deserved everything bad that happened to you? That you deserved to be uncomfortable? Such as this hunger that you feel now?"

Lloyd chewed at his lip in deep thought, feeling the animosity that built up inside the older swordsman with every word. But still, he didn't want to think he deserved to feel hungry, but he certainly didn't do anything to feel that he deserved much of anything good. Wasn't there a middle ground somewhere? Shouldn't there be a place where he could sit that wasn't comfortable, or uncomfortable?

"How can anyone deserve to not feel hungry, and to not feel full?" He wondered aloud.

"What was that?" Kratos asked, trying to sound bitter. "Are you trying to think that someone deserves one or the other without working for it? You won't get anywhere if you don't work for it. I told you that you wouldn't get anything to eat unless you catch it yourself. I haven't seen you out fishing, so no, you don't deserve anything to eat." For some reason that made sense all of a sudden as much as he didn't like it. Lloyd half expected food to just be given to him, but he really hadn't done anything to go out and earn it. So by not doing anything to deserve food, he deserved to starve, he realized.

"But I can still do it, I can catch food, and then I'd deserve it, and I wouldn't feel uncomfortable…." He concluded.

"That fish, that you want to catch," Kratos began in a much more gentle tone, "that wouldn't be salvation would it?" A light bulb went off in Lloyd's head, and he once again raised his eyes hopefully to look at the swordsman. As much as he hated the man, it all of a sudden started to make sense… everything that was being said these past few days… the actions that the swordsman had taken. The intervention that his friends said he "required". Did all of this really have a genuine reason for it?

"Salvation? You mean… I can work towards salvation… and get it?" He didn't quite understand this new feeling. It'd been a while since he felt it, but he was sure it was this feeling he once called "hope".

"Would you deserve it, if you worked for it?" Kratos asked simply. Suddenly Lloyd felt lost. If this wasn't what Kratos was trying to tell him, then what was?

"Well… no… I don't know… it seems kind of hard to think that I deserve any kind of salvation…." He whispered softly, remembering all the lives that were changed because of him. Could he repent for everything that he did? Honestly, truly repent for those actions?

"Not even if you worked for it? What, you want to catch a fish without being able to eat it? What was the point of catching it then?"

"Not even… repent…" Lloyd's newfound hope started dying away.

"The sins you've committed before all of a sudden can't be repented. Burdened by the weight of your past, you refuse to even try catching a fish because you won't be able to have it after you've caught it, even if you put all the effort you have into catching it. Does that make sense to you?" Wait, what? Lloyd sighed. This was getting a little too confusing. All he knew was that he wanted to eat, and Kratos was essentially telling him that he couldn't eat, even if he worked for it… wait a minute… that doesn't make sense. Isn't that what Kratos was just asking him? Then I know this answer!

"No! It doesn't! If I put all that work into catching that fish, then damn it, I want it!"

"Why is salvation so much different then?" Lloyd paused to mull over the swordsman's words. It made a lot of sense… if he worked so hard for something… anything then he should be able to have it, no matter what it is. All of a sudden Lloyd wanted nothing more than this… salvation Kratos was talking about. Desperately, he crawled forward, reaching his hand out.

"Then help me! Help me get work for salvation so that I can be at peace!"

"You have to want it badly enough. Working for it is very difficult. I've traveled that path myself." Lloyd's expression softened to the point of almost looking calm. He lowered his hand back to the ground to support his own weight with it again. This wasn't what he was expecting. Had he heard correctly?

"You… you've been in my shoes before?" Kratos smiled, coming closer to sit down next to young teen, and for the first time since he dragged the boy out here, he looked understanding, sane, and… friendly.

"You have no idea," he sighed. "I used to wonder how I managed to live another day. For a long time I felt like I shouldn't have received anything I had gotten. I didn't deserve my wife, and I didn't deserve having a son. Especially when I lost both of them. I didn't think it was fair to have them suddenly ripped away from me like that, but then I got to thinking… I wasn't able to protect them like I should have. I didn't work hard enough to save them. So… I deserved to lose them. I decided then, that should I ever come upon fortune again, I would work my ass off to protect my fortune. That's why I'm glad to have come across you. I will work as hard as I need to change your mind about yourself, because it's important to me that you learn the same lesson that I did. You are still so young, you've hardly lived, and to think that you are so tired… It pains me."

Lloyd was surprised to hear these words come out of the old swordsman's mouth. He thought Kratos had been treating him like dirt because he enjoyed it. The last thing he would've thought of was that the old man actually cared. He wondered why, all of sudden. What did Kratos have to gain from teaching Lloyd such a valuable lesson? After all, he thought that the boy was annoying, constantly getting in the way. What changed? Was it Lloyd's determination to fight even though he had nothing but a pair of wooden swords with shoddy self-taught skills? How could Kratos find that admirable anyway? The unknown reasons plagued at him endlessly until finally he couldn't stop himself, and he had to ask that one question….

"Why?"

"Why?" Kratos repeated. "Well… believe it or not… you hate my guts. You hate how I talk to you, you hate how I treat you, and you hate how I've tried to train you with your sword fighting. But it never occurred to you that I've grown to find comfort in your ideals, that you believe so strongly that everyone deserves to live. And because of that, and other reasons I care not to explain right now… I love you. And I love you enough, like a son, that I would do anything to help you achieve your ideals, and to help you receive the salvation that you so desire, if that is what you so desire." Lloyd managed a small smile.

"Like a son… How can anyone besides Dirk think of me like that?"

"You treat Genis like a brother…. You love him like a brother, I know that much. So… why can't I love you like a son?"

"You can… if you help me work for salvation, you can."

"Let's start small, Lloyd." Kratos suggested, standing up again. "Why don't you go after the fish in the stream?"

"I don't have any poles…"

"That sounds like an excuse…." Kratos sighed, folding up his arms. "How badly do you want salvation?"

"I'll jump in with my bare hands!" Lloyd reaffirmed, rolling up his sleeves. Before he knew it, the determination to live that was lost had returned, and Kratos vowed that he would do everything he could think of to keep that determination alive.

I love all the characters that I write about, but I do seem to favor this one topic. I think it's mostly because of my own feelings and experience, not that many people really care. Still, I'd like to know what you thought of my story, good or bad. And I just like picking on Lloyd because he's fun to pick on. Don't worry though, I'm working on another story where Genis is my main target... hehehe...