Lost and Found

Disclaimer: I do not own anything Supernatural, well except for the Season 1 DVD collection, but I do, so enjoy writing about Sam and Dean. Hope you enjoy!

Chapter 1

A weary, blonde haired, blurry-eyed driver parallel parked his '67 Impala on a potholed, two lane street across from the Lake Front Inn and cut the engine. It almost seemed to whine exhaustedly before going silent having given its all in loyalty to its owner. It was the least it could do after having been resurrected by the dedicated man less than a few months earlier following a horrendous collision with an unforgiving semi.

The heavy-eyed traveler and older sibling had used his skills in deception to get a paper trail on Sam Davison's a.k.a. Winchester's credit card and it had led him straight to here, a dumpy little nothing town in the middle of nowhere. Sam had gone LB-MIA (Little Brother Missing In Action) over a week ago and Dean's appearance showed it. Having had little to no sleep as he frantically drove across the country following what little data he could gather, the scruffy, exhausted, and emotionally distraught hunter looked like he'd been to hell and back again…well, actually …he looked like he'd been to hell and was stuck there.

His pride and joy, the usually slick black car, was dusty and uncared for which was quite uncharacteristic. Its black leather seats were littered with empty coffee cups, wrappers from almost every fast food restaurant that had ever been franchised, and discarded clothes. The normally pristine car had been serving as a bed and breakfast for the past week and was desperately in need of a visit from "housekeeping".

Dean didn't even notice, and if he had, he wouldn't have cared anyway. He was consumed. Only one thing was on his mind, one person…Sam. He had to get his brother back and the paper chase led to the dumpy motel that lay before him. His sibling had to be there. The last charge on the credit card had been from this address and it had been made at 10:41 pm…last night.

He had no idea what had prompted his brother to come to this place in this nothing little town in the middle of nowhere. Maybe a vision or something he had read on the internet at some public library had been used as his compass. Dean's worst fear of course was that his little brother had come here simply because it was about as far away from Dean as the kid could get.

Dean closed his eyes at that thought and wiped his hand across his tired face. He refused to believe that was the case, but his own insecurities from his father's leaving him just over a year ago had left him with self doubt. Even though his father claimed he was doing it for Dean's own good, just as he suspected Sam would say if given the chance, the irrational feelings lingered. The demon's words seemed to find fertile soil in his heart from time to time and this bordered on one of those times. They don't need you, the evil thing had said using his father's face and eyes to inflict additional pain.

It was tempting to give in to those haunting words, to turn his car around and drive away, but in truth, he knew his brother did need him, and now more than ever. His father had made that clear the morning he died and Dean was not about to fade into the background defeated by the demon's haunting words, leaving his brother to a fate that had been set in motion on Sam's sixth month of life.

Dean shifted trying to bring relief to his stiff limbs which had practically locked in the driving position the last hundred miles or so. His legs resisted but his right foot appreciated the fresh blood as it re-circulated back into it. He turned stiffly to look at the Lake Front Inn. Ironically, from his position, there was no lake to be seen. Dean wondered if there ever had been. The place was run down and even that was a kind assessment. The stucco was cracked and falling, the wood around the windows and door frames was in sad need of repair and a fresh coat of paint, and the parking lot looked more like a golf course littered with holes than a place anyone would dare to navigate to park. Sam sure knew how to pick em. Dean wondered if Sam had registered under Jim Rockford and was tempted to check with the hotel owner, but he was pretty sure since his brother didn't want to be found, he wouldn't have used their strategy for finding each other.

Dean sighed and rubbed his hand through his hair. He had spent all his energies to get to this point, to locate his brother and now that he was here... he wasn't sure what he should do. Sam chose to leave and he had the right to, but in Dean's opinion, his little brother had left for all the wrong reasons. He'd left to protect Dean. He'd left thinking that he was no longer able to be an equal in the partnership they had forged the past year. He'd left because he considered himself a "handicap", a liability, and that he would eventually get Dean killed. After their recent hunt, he knew his younger sibling was blaming himself for his big brother's injuries. Sam hadn't actually said so, but Dean knew the way Sam thought and could hear Sam's voice in his head saying those exact words.

Regardless of Sam's reasons for leaving, the truth was...Dean didn't need protecting...what he needed was Sam. He needed Sam and Sam needed him, like it or not and Dean knew it. Going it alone might seem, in his little brother's college boy mind, full of logic and reasoning confused by an oversized heart laced with guilt, to be saving his big brother's life, but in the end, it would be Sam and Dean's undoing. Forgetting the fact that going separate makes them more vulnerable to the demon's ongoing threat, their relationship is all that they have, all that was keeping them going, especially after Dad's death. Without that partnership, both would unravel.

"You're all I have" Dean's words replayed in his mind from the night his Dad had taken the colt to meet with Meg and gone missing "...without you..." Dean swallowed hard as the words...and Dad...no longer applied..."I'm barely holding it together." Dean needed Sam, he was his rock, the one pure steady thing in his life, the one person who knew him and still loved him.

And Sam ... well ... Sam needed him too. Sam needed to understand and be understood and Dean was the only person who seemed to get that. His little brother had always been that way. From the time he began to speak, words spilled out of the little guy's mouth, some days almost too many to listen to, often seemingly unimportant words…yet somehow they sought to communicate, to connect Sam to his brother, his family.

And the questions….half of which Dean had no clue how to answer, often led to meanings only the brothers could share and understand. It was something John never quite got about Sam. John saw questions as indications of disrespect, not as means to gain understanding and deepen relationships and it caused many frustrating arguments between the two which slowly created the rift that remained up until his death.

One particular conversation came to Dean's mind as he stared across the street at the hotel that stood basking in the morning sun as he waited for his brother to appear. He could almost visualize it as if Sam were sitting on the curb outside the motel right in front of him. A seemingly unimportant question had led to a connection only the brothers had shared, one that deepened understanding and comforted hurts, that further cemented the unbreakable bond that they now so heavily rely upon.

Flashback:

John had been busy working on research for an upcoming hunt. Something local had caught his attention and he'd been on the phone with Caleb and Pastor Jim for more than an hour. The conversation was becoming a bit gruesome as John began discussing the details of the mutilations that had occurred the past two weeks.

Glancing over at six year old Sammy, who stood listening…wide eyed, staring at him, John decided his youngest needed to go outside for a moment. He gestured to Dean.

"Take your brother outside, but stay close to the door. Leave it open a crack so I can see you" he whispered as his hand covered the mouthpiece of the cracked hotel telephone.

" Daddy, I wanna stay here with you, Dean and you." Sammy stated sincerely.

"Sorry, Sammy" John answered shaking his head no as he tried to continue listening to Pastor Jim's suggestions.

"Why not? Please can't I stay here with you?" Sam questioned pleadingly.

"Hold on a minute, Jim, " John spat as he put his hand once again over the mouth piece and glared at his youngest. "Yes, Dad!" John corrected his son as he became annoyed.

Sam's face became downcast. "yes, dad" he softly muttered.

"Dean!" John barked, waving his hand and pointing towards the door.

"Yes, sir" the eldest responded and shuffled his little brother out.

John turned back to his conversation before the boys had taken up their residency outside.

It was a hot summer evening and the moon was full and low in the night's sky. Dusk had just yielded to the evening's right to rule. The boys sat on the curb outside their motel hoping to get a glimpse of some fireflies in the field nearby. Every once in a while they would spot one and point off in the distance as they saw its flicker of light... as if laying claim to it. It wasn't long before the field was a sea of flickering lights magically twinkling.

Sam enthusiastically jumped up and began pointing everywhere, delighting in his claim over the entire field. Dean laughed. Sam looked over and beamed, enjoying his brother's approval.

Dean noticed Sam's shoelace was untied and leaned over to fix it. Trying to tie Sam's shoes was like trying to catch a fly in your hand…nearly impossible. Dean knew. He'd tried several times to land a fly without success. It gave him something to do whenever they had to eat at one of the local diners. He'd seen his dad do it once so he knew it was possible and he was determined to be a great hunter one day, fast like his dad. Tying Sam's shoes was good practice for that day!

"Hold still, Sammy." Dean requested.

Sam stilled as his brother tied his shoe…well, except every time he would find another batch of fireflies to claim. Somehow Sam's fingers and mouth were connected to his feet. When one moved, the other did too. Dean just shook his head, but eventually the shoelace got tied and his younger sibling took a seat next to him once again. The two sat in silence for a brief moment enjoying the quiet of the evening and the beauty of the illuminating field. John's voice droned on in the background but neither boy seemed to notice.

"Hey Dean?" six year old Sammy spoke as he squirmed beside his big brother.

"Yeah, Sammy" Dean answered softly as his eyes returned to scan the moonlit field once again.

"What do you think that firefly there is telling the other one?" the younger boy's voice questioned enthusiastically as he pointed off to the left over by a large tree that stood guarding the tranquility of the grassland.

"What makes you think it's saying anything?" Dean questioned kindly willing to enter his little brother's magical perspective.

"Well, that one blinks twice and that one blinks once, right after"

"Reeeeealy" Dean replied exaggerating his voice playfully. He was amused by Sam's observation.

"Yep, look ! You'll see. S'like they're talking to each other"

Dean glanced over to the field and spotted the two lights his little brother was pointing to. Sure enough, he was right. One blinked twice and the other seemed to answer.

"See em?" Sam questioned, his bright eyes eager to have his brother acknowledge his great discovery.

Dean nodded his head, "Guess I do, little brother"

"Well? What are they saying?" the six year old asked looking up at his big brother who would know all the answers.

"Don't know kiddo. What do you think?"

Sammy paused for a moment and then replied, "I think two blinks is yes and one blink is no"

"Makes sense" Dean acknowledged, "but ...doesn't make much of a conversation" Dean added with a playful smile…"yes? No! Yes! No?" Dean joked as the lights flickered back and forth. He used interesting voices and expressions, one male and one female to add to the effect.

Sammy laughed out loud so hard he fell into his brother. The two boys giggled and tickled for a bit and then went back to the business of firefly watching. Sam, who was never at a loss for words, seemed to grow quiet as he settled close beside his big brother resting his elbows on Dean's right knee.

Dean noticed and engaged his silent sibling. "Whatcha thinkin?"

Sam looked over at his brother and looked back at the fireflies. The joy of the moment earlier was gone from his little face. Sadness seemed to fill his large slowly blinking eyes.

Dean put his arm gently around his little brother's shoulders. "What's up little dude?" he asked softly as he squeezed his brother twice, trying to coax the despairing sibling to reveal the source of his anguish.

"Kind of makes me think of me and Daddy" Sam offered glancing down.

Dean was taken back by Sam's comment. "How so?"

"Yes... no... yes... no" Sam mentioned sadly. "We argue a lot like that" he softly added placing his small hands between his little knees while rocking them back and forth between them.

Dean removed his arm from Sam's small shoulder and nodded his head, acknowledging his brother's observations and the pain that accompanied them. He gently placed his hand on Sam's knee to be sure he had his sibling's full attention.

"Everybody argues with their dads, Sammy" Dean offered to comfort his little brother. "It's just what dads and kids do"

"You and dad are more like those two fireflies" he said as he gestured at the firefly blinking twice in the field. "Yes? Yes. Yes? Yes."

Dean suddenly felt sad. His brother's observation was spot on. For someone so young, he seemed suddenly so old. Sam needed things to go well with his dad and was struggling with the distance that existed between them. The little guy longed to understand and be understood…to "yes" and be "yes-ed" at.

"You know, Sammy" Dean began as he moved shoulder to shoulder next to his little sibling, " I might say 'yes' to dad, but sometimes inside my head, I'm saying 'no'."

The six year old looked up, surprised by his older brother's comment, and then glanced down at the curb between his feet. "My head is always saying no." Sam offered shaking his head sadly and looking up into his big brother's face for understanding. "Just wish my mouth wouldn't always listen."

Dean smiled and gently elbowed his little brother reassuringly, "Give it time, little brother, give it time…" He couldn't help but wonder whether time would truly make a difference, but for Sam's sake, he hoped it would.

….time.…time was something Sam no longer had. The memory faded slowly from Dean's thoughts as he drifted back to the present. Sam had longed to be close to Dad ,like Dean and his father had been. The kid had really needed that all his life. But Dad's dead, there was no more time for the "yes... yes" his little brother had yearned for. Sadness washed over him as he sat in the late afternoon sun as it baked the Impala's interior to an almost unbearable temperature.

Dean knew Sam needed him, now, more than ever, not just for what lay ahead, but to overcome what remained unresolved in the past. Dean was the only person who understood Sam that was left. Jess was gone, the hope of that with Dad was scattered to the wind. Dean was all Sam had left and he knew his little brother would not make it on his own. Not that he was incapable, but it just was not who he was. Going it alone would destroy his little brother's heart. Dean knew that much and sure as hell wasn't about to let his brother walk away no matter what Sam thought he should do, especially if his reason for leaving was to "save" Dean.

To be continued...