Every day, the first thing comes to my mind when I wake up will always be the same: writing letters. Love letter, to be precise.
For who, you ask? Who else there is besides my dear lover. Where is that person, you ask? In all of honesty, I don't even know.
It's a strange thing to say; but I don't even have the slightest idea what my name is. People call me Akashi Seijuurou, and that's also what is written in my ID, so I guess I will just go along with it. All of my memories are lost in an accident, and what accident that is, I don't remember. The only thing I know when I woke up in the hospital that day was my undying love for him.
His name, his face, his smile, his voice… every single thing about him is still deeply imprinted inside my mind. What I don't get is why he isn't here, by my side, so I can hold him tight, protect him from all the harms and love him with all my heart and mind. People tell me that he is now in somewhere far, far away. And so, sending letters to him becomes my routine ever since. Despite my busy schedule or how tired I am, there is not a single day where I don't write letters to him. It is my first priority.
Tetsuya...
Every time I pick up the pen and start writing, there will always be that ridiculous smile on my face. Every time I write, my mind will be flooded with the image of yours. Every time I write, my chest will be fired up with the love of us and suddenly, I feel alive. That's something I can only feel whenever I write.
Because I can't meet you, the only way for me to pour this overwhelming lovesickness and frustrating loneliness into is this small letter. Only a small piece of paper can't possibly hold this immeasurable love of mine. Only a small piece of paper can't possibly tell how restless I am at night. Only a small piece of paper can't possibly describe how much I long to see you, how much I long to hold your hands and feel your warmth around me again.
And it's also a routine of mine to check the mailbox in front of my house every day when I wake up, only to realize it is just as empty as it was yesterday.
Despite how many letters I've sent, there is still none in return.
Why is that? Could it be that you have grown tired of me? Could it be that you have found somebody else who capture your attention more than me?
Still, I never stop writing. Every day, a letter is always faithfully sent. My feeling is simply unchangeable for you. Despite how many times my friends ask me to move on, I still consistently keep on repeating the same thing over and over again.
How can I move on, when my heart is not there with me? How can I move on, when I'm glued there with the unforgettable memories of yours?
Am I too stubborn, am I too clingy?
Tell me, at least. Write to me, a hateful letter or whatever it might be, just write to me. I'm dying here.
Why can't you write something to me, at the very least?
It has become a routine, writing and waiting hopelessly. Even so, never once a thought of giving up crossed my mind. It is tired, it is restless, but I will not give up. I will never give up. Not until you tell me to do so.
And such thing won't happen. Because I believe, you love me as much as I love you. You do, don't you?
I want to see you… I miss you badly…
Seasons come and go, years have passed and yet everything still remains the same. Every day, I write. Every day, I wait. Hopelessly, restlessly, endlessly. And yet, you never reply.
As I stare at the clear blue sky, I can't help but think about your velvet azure eyes. A silent tear fells from the corner of my eyes. This vicious torture is just too much to endure. Is wishing to see you again something too lavish to ask? Is writing something in return to me something too lavish to do?
It hurts every time I open that damn mailbox only to see the same expected answer. It hurts every time I drop the letter inside, knowing that it will never be returned…
I want to see you right now…
Right now…
I miss you so much, so badly…
I want to hold your hands again, I want to see your smile again, I want to hear your voice again…
I want to see you again, right now, right here.
This feeling is unbearable. I crave for your touch, I crave for your voice, I crave for you…
I shake my head and go inside before I break down and cry. A sad smile crosses my face. Crying is something I won't do, not until I'm able to meet you again.
And so, swallowing the sorrow and despair that grows worse and worse as days pass by, I continue on writing to you.
Until when will this love-sickness of mine be cured?
A boy whose hair and eyes resemble the clear morning sky smiles bitterly as he stares at his crimson haired lover's face. Reaching out a hand, the boy tries to touch the other; but instead of touching the redhead, his hand just fells through the air, as if the redhead isn't here.
But no, the redhead is here. He is the one who is no longer there.
With a sad smile, the boy whispers to himself as he hugs the other's figure, despite knowing that the redhead could neither hear nor feel nothing.
"Until when will you get over this, Akashi-kun?"
A/N: My first attempt at writing AkaKuro. And yes, this story is based on the song "A clingy boy sticking for 15 years", but I've decided to change it a bit. Should I make a sequel of this, writing under Kuroko's POV?
Anyway, thank you for reading and please drop me a review if you can so I can know how to improve for my next story! I'm very grateful.