QLFC ROUND THREE
Write about the Truth leading to a death
Prompts: 5 (word) difference, 9 (sound) screaming, and 13 (object) lamp
Word count: 2,857
Thank you for Erica and Xanda for betaing :)
The sun is setting on the other side of the McGregor residence—a simple house, made of wood and bricks, with a front porch, and three medium sized rooms—leaving the front of the house in the shadows with me. The waiting is agonizing, yet I know that what will follow is only going to be worse. My fingers are intertwined, resting on my lap, and from time to time my grip tightens in a poor attempt to relieve my nervousness. I can feel tension filling every part of me, from my shoulders to my stomach, and the thought about leaving crosses my mind every other minute, making the tension reach my feet. Each time I'm about to take the first step, I remind myself that there is no way for me to escape, because no matter what I'll do, there is a problem I need to face, and that keeps me in place. No matter how badly I want to retreat, how many times my mind screams at me to leave, I am too much of a coward to do so.
Suddenly, I hear footsteps. To my left, I see Dougal making his way towards the house. The sleeves of his shirt are rolled up to his biceps, and his hair is pushed away from his forehead, indicating on the fact that he spent another hot, sweaty day working outside. I can tell by his slow walk and slumped shoulders that he is tired, yet when he looks up and his eyes meet mine, he smiles brightly. It immediately makes me feel guilty that today, unlike most of the days we have spent together this summer, I am not here to rest with him from the hard day he must have had. My thoughts and feelings overwhelm me, and I move my hands to press on the wall behind me, trying to steady myself.
''Love, what are you doing here?'' Dougal asks as he walks up the stairs. ''I didn't know you were coming. Not that it's a bad thing, of course. I'm always glad to see my fiancé.''
His last word—fiancé—makes me feel like I've been cut. A sob begins to build inside of me, and I bite my lower lip and close my eyes, trying to keep it in. Unfortunately, he immediately notices something is wrong. His steps become quicker, and within seconds his hand is on my shoulder, offering comfort.
''Minnie, what's wrong?'' he asks in a voice that is filled with worry.
His concern makes me want to smile for a split second; it always warms my heart to see and hear how much he cares about me. My sadness, however, quickly overcomes that feeling. My eyes open, not meeting his, and a deep frown appears on my face, mirroring what's going on inside me. I should speak, say something—anything—to calm him down, I just don't think my voice will allow me to do so.
Dougal's hands cup my face, leaving me no choice but to look into his soft, hazel eyes. However, looking at his eyes for what I know will be the last time, is too painful, and I lower my head, my gaze moving to his dirty shoes. Throughout the summer, the dirt on his clothes never bothered me, nor did the dirt on his hands that would sometimes leave its traces on my face and body. From the very beginning, Dougal's smile hypnotized me, and soon followed his kind eyes that I found utterly captivating; those are still the main things about him that catch most of my attention.
''Minerva,'' he tries again and takes a step closer to me, pleading. ''Talk to me.''
If only I could, I think bitterly. If I could talk to him about everything—who I am, what I am—we wouldn't have been in this situation at all.
When my hands touch his and pull them away from my cheeks, it feels like my body is moving on its own. I simply want him to put them away, knowing it would make things only a bit easier for me, but he doesn't allow me to let go. Finally, my eyes meet his again, and my breath catches in my throat. Just like he has never seen me this fragile, I have never seen him so desperate. Say something and end his misery, I tell myself, only to be reminded that what I'll tell him will only make him feel worse.
''Dougal,'' I begin slowly. ''I am so sorry. I… I can't marry you.''
The words pierce my heart, and by his expression, I know they have the same affect on him. Silent again, I watch him, waiting in fear of his reaction. Confusion washes over his face, and his grip on my hands loosens a bit, but stays. Merlin knows what is going through Dougal's head right now, and while I can only imagine, I hate my guesses.
The farmer boy shakes his head and says, ''No… No, we… We need to talk about this.''
He leads me through the short way from where we are standing to the entrance to his house, his hands still holding mine. We stop by the door, and Dougal reaches into his pocket to take out his key. As he turns on the small lamp above the door to make it easier on finding the keyhole in the dark, I realize that I've got an identical key at home. He gave it to me when he proposed, said that since I am going to be his wife, I should feel at home already. That memory is what makes me stay under the lamp, while he unlocks the door and walks inside. Our outstretched hands make him stop, and turn back to look at me.
''I shouldn't.'' I answer the question that is written on his face.
He fully faces me, fear replacing his confusion. ''Of course you should, you're always welcomed here, Minnie,'' he argues.
My voice is quieter and more fragile, when I say, ''Not when I'm here to break your heart.''
''You're not. We just need to talk, figure out whatever it is that is bothering you,'' he insists.
He has always been a good person, which makes my struggle more difficult. Maybe I should have pretended to be more cold hearted—end things between us through a letter, or simply leave him the ring when he isn't home—but considering my feelings for him, I knew that if I was going to go through with breaking up with him, I was going to do it properly, like he deserves.
''I can't. I can't marry you, Doug,'' I say truthfully with tears in my eyes.
As persistent as he has always been, he takes a step forward and asks the most important question, ''Why not?''
Carefully, I release my hand from his hold. His glossy eyes glance down to the space that is left between us, and his jaw clenches. If only he knew I hate this as much as he does.
The words that leave my mouth next are nothing but a rehearsed excuse, and I hate how the truth is followed by a big lie. ''I don't want to,'' I say with a shrug that causes my shoulders to feel ten times heavier. ''We met over the summer, it was fun, but nothing is going to come out of this. Especially not at such a young age.''
By the look on his face, it pains him to hear it as much as it pains me to say it.
''Where is this coming from?'' he asks.
There is a hint of anger in his voice, and I try to encourage myself by thinking it's for the best. It will be better if he hates me, than him feeling all this pain.
''It doesn't matter, you can't change it,'' I say with a small shake of my head. ''I wish I could. I'm sorry, and I hope that someday, you'll find it in your heart to forgive me.''
We stare at each other for a few seconds. Even though nothing is said, simply witnessing Dougal's hurt and confusion is enough to make my tears fall. Then, I hurry to wipe them away, not used to being this fragile around someone who isn't my family. More tears roll down my cheeks at that last thought; he was supposed to be my family, if it wasn't for this difference between who we are. I never paid much attention to the fact that he's a Muggle, until our relationship became serious, and I realized I wouldn't be able to tell him about my magical abilities without getting both of us in trouble.
I realize my engagement ring is still on my finger, and I scowl at myself. After a short struggle, the silver circle is held between my fingers, waiting for Dougal to take it.
Doug seems hesitant about taking the ring back and says, ''It will always be yours, Minerva. I prefer you would keep it; that is if I ever meant something to you.''
No matter how much I want him to believe that I truly changed my mind about our marriage, I am not willing to let him believe that he was nothing to me. It might be better if I do, but I can't hurt him this deeply. With a small nod, I put the ring in one of my shirt's pockets, where I know it won't get lost. Through my half blurry vision, I can see Dougal's head hanging low, his chest falling and rising in an unsteady rhythm. I decide it's my time to go.
''I wish you all the best in the world…'' I tell him, the nickname 'Doug' almost slipping from between my lips. ''I honestly do.''
Hazel eyes meet my green ones, and I have to stop myself from telling him that I love him. He doesn't say anything, yet I take his silence as a sign that our conversation is over. I spend one more moment looking into his eyes, mourning the fact that it might be the last time I will be able to do this. Then, I slowly turn around and walk away from him. The want and need to look at him again, or to say something else, makes my footsteps heavy and slow. All my emotions begin to take over when I am several meters away from the house, causing my lips to tremble, and my face to wear my sadness.
A noise is heard behind me. At first, I pay no attention to it, but when I hear my name being yelled, my heart starts beating much faster than usual.
''Minnie!'' Dougal yells behind me, his quick walk heard on the gravel road that reaches his house. ''Minnie, stop.''
Knowing that he isn't giving up on me yet gives me a bittersweet feeling; however, instead of focusing on my feelings, I let my logical side take over. Dougal has always been more athletic than me, mainly thanks to his many days of working in his family's farm, which means he might be able to catch up with me soon. Not ready to face him again, my feet quicken their pace, until I'm running. My shoes aren't a good fit for this activity, and to be honest, I don't remember the last time I ran, but I don't let it stop me. The fear that he might be able to make me listen to him clouds my mind.
''Don't do this, please,'' my ex-fiancé tries again.
I don't slow down, hopefully getting further and further away from Dougal. His voice eventually stops screaming for me, yet echoes through my head long after I get home and bury my sobs into my pillow. I now know what heartbreak feels like, and it's one of the worst feelings in the whole world.
The hallways of Hogwarts School for Witchcraft and Wizardry are deserted due to the summer vacation, to my unusual relief. There is a tightness in my chest that grows with every moment that passes. It's like a bubble that keeps growing, and whatever will happen when it explodes, I prefer it happens somewhere private. Today's copy of the Daily Prophet is clutched between my hands, and I hold it tighter than necessary, my mind racing with thoughts about what I read in one of its first pages. Fortunately, I know the way to my chamber like the back of my hand, so my train of thoughts doesn't stop me from getting there as easily as any other time.
When I finally get to my room, I lock the door with a simple movement of my wand, and lay the newspaper open on my desk. I quickly look through the pages that caught my attention earlier, where the last attack of Lord Voldemort—a wizard who is the newest threat to the Wizarding World—and his followers are mentioned. As I reach one of the paragraphs that features a moving photograph, I read it for the second time today. It mentions three names, two of which I'm familiar with. Selfishly, maybe even horribly, the first name gets all of my attention. Dougal.
It has been years since I saw him on that summer day. We didn't stay in touch, but he did send me an invitation to his wedding several years after our break up. I didn't attend it, mostly because seeing him, especially getting married to someone, would have been too much for me. Now, it's her name that is written next to his in the Daily Prophet, followed by the name of their son.
A quick glance at the photograph shows a destroyed inside of a house that I know very well. The last time I've been there was the day I thought I was doing something good by ending my relationship with Dougal. Apparently, my efforts to keep him from harm's way were pointless. The text causes a certain darkness to settle inside of me, and I soon recognize it to be regret. If I wouldn't have left him, I could have protected him, and he'd be alive now.
The world seems to stop as I take in the news and their meaning; he's gone, and I am never going to see him again, or look into the pair of eyes that haunted me every single day. For the first time in years, I cry. I wipe the tears away from my cheeks, which is completely useless, since my tears keep on falling. I scowl at myself over and over again, angry that I didn't protect him. Instead, I let a stupid law separate us, simply because I wanted to protect him. That stupid action eventually had the worst outcome.
Ironically, I never thought I'd need to protect him from death; the actions that the ministry could have made about our secret being revealed to a Muggle were what worried me, and drove me to do what I did. My parents' history could have had a part of it, too, specifically my Mum's fear that my Dad would leave her because of her magic. Either way, I shouldn't have let that happen.
My eyes close as I laugh bitterly, remembering how terrified I was that Dougal would be Obliviated for knowing who I am. The laughter ends quickly, and anger replaces it. I place my head on the palms of my hands, burying my fingers into the tight hairstyle I'm wearing, and press tightly. It physically pains me to know how much wrong I've done to the only man I have ever loved, and I begin to sob. We could have been happy together for at least a few years, living together in his parents' house, sharing a life.
The pain inside of me grows, as I think of how my biggest regret could have been saved, if only I would have not done one thing. That one thing I dreaded to do in the first place. With that pain, comes a fierce anger at myself for being a coward, for choosing to give up, and most of all, for doing all this wrong to Dougal. I'm never going to forgive myself for it.
Miserably, I reach my bed and sit next to it on the floor, my knees pulled to my chest, my face buried in my hands. The same thoughts go through my head, deepening my hurt, cutting into me like knives. My entire body shakes as I mourn my love and hope Dougal will forgive me for what I caused, wherever he is. I might never be forgiven by him, which might be my punishment. All I know is that I deserve it.
From this day on something inside of me changes, making me feel like there is a black hole in my chest that could swallow me whole, if I'd only spend one more second thinking of Dougal McGregor.