Tick Tock: No Second Chances, a gossip girl fanfic

Ok so….I love Gossip Girl and especially Chuck and Blair, I'm usually not into mainstream pairings, but I absolutely adore this one. And the newest episode was just amazing and horrible at the same time so…I was inspired. Therefore this is the product of about 20-30 min. so it's not the best in the world. It's also a lot of musing and slight drabble.

Also I will be starting some Fan Art for the two, any requests or Idea's will be taken with smiles and appreciating, I'm not the best artist, but I'm better than nothing, right?

This may be continued.

Tick Tock: No Second Chances

I Love You.

No matter how hard I tried to stop it, the words kept replaying over in my head, an broken record with nothing but painful lyrics.

Well, that's too bad.

I hate myself, hadn't I been the one to ask her to say those three wondrous words to me in the first place? But I am Chuck Bass, and despite all we do not love. We can not. Lust.

Lust is what I felt for her…that's it.

Then why can't I say her name?

What am I so afraid of?

I shake my head, why worry about this now, I just got done burying my father. Gee Chuck, you really are scum. While gulping down another glass of something I don't even remember ordering, I notice a presence net to me, sliding purposely onto the bar stool.

"Tyler." No hello, the scum doesn't deserve it…but then again, who am I to judge. I inwardly shrug and turn to face him, never looking him directly in the eye.

I can't run the risk of seeing myself, my father, her.

We talk, I'm not quite sure what about, all I know is; now I am sitting, the great secret of Lily Bass- cross that, Lily Van der Woodson.

I have no family

I think of how shocked their faces were, how hurt Eric looked when I stared him down and told him, like a puppy whose broken it's leg…

We're not related

Lily walks calmly down the stares, all the grace and beauty my father supposedly saw in her and I have to wonder, how he could let himself go this far…

Why did I never get a chance to really tell him that I loved him, I loved him as my father and most of all…

I was always proud to be his son.

Tick Tock, time's running out, no second chances.

No Second Chances

And it's my job to make sure she knows how that feels too.

"What is that."

"Oh it's exactly what you think it is." I try hard not to smile in triumph and then I see her face. Really see some one else's expression for once and I realize…

She doesn't look defeated.

She doesn't look scared.

She only looks sad…and pitying.

"Chuck," she sighs and I so my best to stop from throwing something at her I don't need your pity! I don't…need anyone… "Chuck, I really hope you see that the people who love you, they are all you'll have. Your father he…never realized that. I hope you do."

And that was it, nothing else was said as she walked away, leaving to stare outwardly at myself.

I had never seen myself before.

Not when I looked in a mirror.

Not when I saw someone who looked like me, acted like me.

Not even when I looked into the eyes of my father.

But at that moment, I finally saw myself. Broken, wrecked, ruined and loveless. Cowering behind power, position and money.

I…don't want to be like this for the rest of my life…I want to be happy, I want to learn from my fathers mistakes!

I want to admit to her, Blair.

Blair.

Blair.

Blair.

I needed her right now, and I didn't even know until I had shoved her away, not knowing what I could be shoving away with her…

I got up form my static place on the couch, slowly walking to the fireplace, the Great Secret in my hand.

I burned it. Watched the flames rise in an angry and yet delighted passion. Fire was inspirational, burning down all in it's path. Destruction, anger, power, status.

But that was no longer me…I wanted to be something else.

I ran as fast as I could, not bothering to get the limo and taking a cab. Maybe it was to proof to myself I was serious, maybe I couldn't find my driver, I'm not sure I was wasted.

But none of that mattered. It never did….I thought of that first time in the limo…

You were…amazing up there.

You ARE amazing, anywhere!

I remember that she was drunk and I was drunk, yet we both remember everything so clearly, like it happened just minutes ago. There was always something there, something neither of us had wanted to admit, but when she had, I wasn't listening.

I wasn't even there.

Now however I was running, fast as I could I needed her, I needed her.

I reached her doorstep, Dorota stands there, looking at me, I tell her I'm here for Blair, she nods, and tells me to wait in Blair's room.

Who else would I be here for anyway?

I sit on the bed, staring off into space again, hoping my musings don't take and dark shortcuts and trying to stay here, so I can see her at least once before I do anything, before I make any decisions.

"What are you doing here?" If I didn't know her I'd think she was annoyed, but that wasn't it. I'd hurt her and it killed me.

No Second Chances

I said nothing, only turning to look at her.

She was beautiful as ever, dark brown eyes slowing melting into the love she had confessed to me earlier. She must've seen me crying, although I hadn't realized I had been…

I had given her every reason to hate me, despise me.

But she came close to me, so quickly only a second of hesitation and in a moment her body was holding mine. Arms wrapped tight, afraid to let me go.

Although I had always loved sex, in all ways, shapes and forms with any woman; this was pure bliss. Her warmth calmed me, and made me feel like I could breathe again. It was so much better than anything I had ever experienced. I had always loved holding her, but her holding me was amazing.

We fell asleep like that. I could feel her watching me and her breather coming out in slow, dazzling huffs.

She is so beautiful, I thought and turned to watch her once she had dozed. She is too beautiful.

And I am a mess, a horrible sadistic, narcissistic mess who she shouldn't love I cause her nothing but pain. She deserves so much more…

"Blair…" I whisper, softly in her ears "I love you to."

And then I am gone, having written a note apologizing, and telling her not to come after me. I wonder if she will follow my advice?

Half of me wishes she won't.

I am crying, but I'm not as sad as I was because I beat the clock.

I got my second chance.

WAAAAH! The new episode made me cry so much, I'm such a loser but still, I NEEDED to write this before I went to bed. Sorry if it's choppy, I'm tired and trying to practice with my writing. Hope you enjoy!