A/N: Congratulations lakritsnr1! This is my birthday present for my sister… Well, at first this was really meant to be payment for a weekend this summer when she acted as my slave… but now it became a birthday present… Guess I'll have to write another one for this summer ^^'
Hope you'll enjoy it ^^
And for those of you who actually have read my other stuff (Mainly the two that's I'm still working on) sorry I haven't updated in a while ^^'
In Remembrance of You
Kakashi watched the large stone in solemn silence as the sun gently warmed his back as if it was trying to comfort him when nothing else could.
Even though he didn't admit it often he still yet hadn't gotten over the deaths of his old teammates, and he probably never would. He reached out a hand and stroked the names one after the other, starting with the most famous one; Namikaze Minato, or as most knew him, the fourth Hokage. A small smile graced his lips as he remember all his teacher had learned him, and to this day he hoped that he was a similar teacher, to honor the memory of the yellow flash if nothing else.
Next came the name of his biggest rival and best friend, Uchiha Obito. Even though his memories had fade slightly he could so clearly see the similarities between himself and Obito and Sasuke and Naruto, or maybe he saw the similarities simply because his memories had faded enough to produce that romantic view of it. No matter what the reason of the similarities he saw they were still there, the sole difference was the fact that Sasuke went missing and Naruto was still alive.
Then he continued on, letting his hand travel over the names of Rin, Asuma, Jiraiya, Tsunade and the other victims of the latest ninja war; Genma, Anko and Ibiki. Even though he wouldn't admit it out loud he was actually glad that the green clad excuse of a person Gai actually lived. It was always comforting to be around the energetic person who never failed at lightening the mood even at times like these.
At last he stopped at the name that hurt the most, the one name that hadn't meant that much to him, until such a short time before the name was added to the stone. Kakashi still remembered those stolen moments as if it was yesterday. No one else had known of their secret, at least not anyone still alive. They hadn't told anybody, but being friends with some of the best jounin as he was meant there were few secrets that were kept secret.
He let his hand slowly drop from the name as the cold started to creep up on him, isolating him from the warmth of the sun inside and out. For several minutes he just stood there and stared at that name, remembering Umino Iruka.
Kakashi couldn't help but to smile at the memory of the man and his almost childish curiosity to see the older man's hidden face. It had started out as nothing special, just Iruka trying to trick Kakashi into accidently showing his face and as a response Kakashi always tricked him back whilst acting as if he didn't notice.
Over time though Kakashi started to get more fond of fooling with Iruka, and when he accidentally found out that the younger male also was gay he couldn't help to make a move. At first he subtly started to flirt with Iruka, to his great dismay however he never got proper responses. Iruka seemed to be too dense to recognize Kakashi's approach.
Then a few days after he heard of Asuma's death Kakashi had a little too much to drink because of his inability to stop when he was feeling down. When Iruka found the man he was a mess and it took several minutes to convince him to go home. As they reached Kakashi's doorstep Iruka asked him for the keys, at that time Kakashi realized exactly who it was who had helped him home, and as Iruka unlocked the door he opened his mouth and spoke.
"I really like you, you know." Kakashi said as Iruka opened the door.
"Yeah, and I like you too Kakashi-san." Iruka answered as he approached Kakashi to help him in through the door. However, instead of letting him Kakashi leaned forward, placing his hand on Iruka's cheek as he planted a soft kiss on the other man's lips trough the mask.
"I don't think you really understood what I meant." Kakashi then said as he took his keys and walked in to his apartment with the sight of a blushing Iruka on his retina.
After that incident Iruka always took notice of Kakashi's flirting, at every small innuendo he sent the younger man's way his face turned red and he had trouble keeping eye-contact. Kakashi didn't even have to flirt, sometimes it was enough to just say something to make the other man blush.
He had hoped that Iruka at some point would start to flirt back, or at least just answer his own flirting with a smile. To his dismay however the chuunin didn't, on top of that he stopped trying to get a glimpse of Kakashi's face; something that discouraged the jounin gravely. Despite that Kakashi decided to confront Iruka, so one day after both of them had helped Kurenai out with Asuma Jr. he followed him all the way to Iruka's door.
"Well, good night then Kakashi-san." Iruka said with a nervous smile as he stopped in front of his home.
"Something's been troubling me Iruka." Kakashi said, he had dropped the honorific a while back as he had started flirting with the other man.
"What Kakashi-san?" Iruka asked, sounding genuinely concerned.
"How come you have stopped trying to catch a glimpse of my face?" Kakashi asked him. Iruka immediately blushed and looked as if he had been caught doing something he wasn't supposed to be doing.
"I was actually starting to find the play intriguing, and then you stopped suddenly." Kakashi said as he leaned forward, making sure that he was close enough to make the other man realize what he really meant.
"Eh-eh-eh." Iruka started stuttering as he tried to figure out what to answer as Kakashi leaned even closer to the nervous man.
"Might it be because of my confession?" Kakashi asked him, the smirk on his face evident in his voice.
"Does it trouble you that I like you in that way?" Kakashi asked him after a while of silence, sounding serious now. At his tone Iruka suddenly started to stutter and looked shocked at Kakashi when he realized that the older man was actually serious.
"You mean you were serious when you said that?" Iruka asked him in a quiet voice after a while.
"Yeah, of course I was." Kakashi answered.
"Oh." was apparently all Iruka managed to get out. For a several seconds Kakashi just stood there in silence before he stood up straight and took a step back from Iruka.
"I can see that my confession did bother you." he said in a grim voice "I'm sorry Iruka-san, good night then." he continued with a slight bow before turning around and starting to walk away from the door step.
"Wait." Iruka suddenly screamed out, halting Kakashi in mid-stride.
"It…. It doesn't bother me… Ka-Kakashi." just hearing his name spoken without the honorific made Kakashi smile as he walked up to Iruka again.
"Does that mean that you might like me as well, Iruka?" he asked him, stressing the name and the fact that he once more dropped the honorific. At his words Iruka looked up at him and nodded, at the sight of the movement Kakashi smiled as he pulled down his mask, revealing his face to Iruka with a kiss.
That was then, now he was standing here in front of the stone looking at his dead lover's name. All he had left was that one inscription and all those happy memories. Even though he wanted to remember Iruka with happiness he couldn't, at least not yet. The feeling that had pierced through him as he had found Iruka's limp and dead body was still too fresh for him to be able to remember the man with a smile.
What hurt the most though was the fact that he hadn't been able to keep him alive. Even though he knew that Iruka was a capable ninja he still felt compelled to protect the other man since he was of a higher rank and stronger than him. And after Kakashi had died during Pein's attack on Konoha he realized how important it was that he kept both Iruka and himself alive, or they would be separated. Still yet Iruka had died when Akatsuki attacked again.
Because of that it didn't matter how much the sun shone down on his back in a comforting manner, he still felt frozen throughout his entire body. It didn't matter how many times Gai tried to challenge him and made a fool out of himself, it almost didn't even matter that at last Naruto had been able to fulfill his promise to Sakura and Sasuke was back, Kakashi still felt hollow.
It seemed as if everything was blooming all around him and Konoha was getting rebuilt after the second attack. Despite the deaths and destructions everybody seemed to be able to keep a happy mood.
Everyone but Kakashi, too many important people in his life had died now. The last straw had been the death of Umino Iruka.