SUMMARY: Deep down, I still want you, still need you. Deep down, I know you still want me, still need me. Every part of my being longs for the forbidden fruit that I cannot touch. I'm still in love with you. Jace x Clary - before CoG
The day was just like any other day: another early morning at Luke's house. Just outside the window morning birds called back and forth to each other. Rays from the sun were slowly starting to poke their way through the window's slanted blinds. Calming sounds of familiar New York traffic whispered through the air. It was a fine day indeed.
Clary lay still in her bed, contemplating about the previous days before. It had been two weeks since she had last talked to Jace. Whenever he called, she could never bring herself to answer. She didn't have the bravado to face him again, even if it was only talking to him. Despite how childish it was, Clary couldn't help it. How could she face her own brother when she felt the way she does, even when he told her she was just his sister to him?
It was a lie. It had to be. The way that he acted around her told Clary that he had liked her. He loved her and not just as a sister. That love was something deeper, something forbidden, and something that could never be. The way that he had held her, the way that he had wanted to consume her, break her, was no lie. Jace knew just as well as she did that they still loved each other. So why was he pushing her away?
Since she refused to answer Jace's calls, Isabel had started to call as well. At first, Clary would speak with Isabel, but never told her how she felt or why she wasn't talking with Jace. After being pestered about it, Clary stopped taking any call that wasn't from Simon, even though he called less frequently since their breakup. Clary knew that Isabel was more accepting than what Clary believed of other Shadowhunters, since Isabel's brother, Alec, way homosexual. She should be able to accept more than sibling love, right? The whole concept was still new to Clary; she still didn't know what to make of it.
Vacillatingly, Clary sat up in bed and pulled her sketch pad off of the nightstand. With drawing pencil in hand, Clary went to work on a new piece that had called out to her. Roughly she started to sketch a forest scene with two lone people standing at opposite ends of the woodland. Once content with her sketches, Clary went back to tidy up her work, making the picture look more whole and complete, adding more detail here and there. Only when she was done with her revamping did she actually stop to look at what her conscience had created.
The forest that she had drawn was not in any way familiar. Each tree held little to no leaves, indicating the scene takes place during autumn or early winter. A full moon hung in the starry sky, casting pools of light spilling onto the persons who stood at either side of the paper. One person had long hair, a girl. The other had short hair, a boy. Clary instantly recognized the girl to be herself. An agonizing pain tugged at her heart when she realized that the boy she had drawn was Jace. A forest meant the never ending circle of life. A moon in general, also a never ending cycle, symbolizes immortality and eternity; while a full moon represents maturity. Autumn also represents maturity, as well as wisdom and a form of waning. Winter indicates death. Predominantly, Clary didn't like the possible meaning the illustration showed.
Suppressing a heavy sigh, Clary swung her legs over the side of her bed and heaved herself into a stand. Instead of going to her bag, Clary went to her closet. She now lived at Luke's, no longer just a visitor. There was no other place that she could go to, not even to Simon's and going to the Institute was absolutely out of the question. Clary impassively pulled out a shirt and quickly changed from her pajamas into her new shirt and slipped on some jeans. When she was done dressing herself, Clary headed to the bathroom for her morning rituals.
Once done in the bathroom, Clary trekked out into the kitchen. To her surprise, Luke was nowhere in sight, though his coffee and been brewed. Slightly concerned, but not phased, Clary went about preparing her own breakfast. She ate little; her current mood of dejection gave her a slight appetite. When she was cleaning up, Clary had found a note from Luke. It read:
Clary, Went to the hospital. Be back soon later. Luke
Clary smiled to herself as she read where he was. Luke was almost just as hopelessly in love as she was. Only his obsession was probably healthier. Although hanging around a hospital doesn't sound too healthy.
With nothing really better to do, Clary found her way to the worn out couch. She curled up at an armrest and flipped through the pages of her shōjo manga magazine. This was how the past days went by for her; Clary was either reading or drawing. Her isolation wasn't a good thing, she knew that, but dealing with the lost of Simon as a romantic interest and being rejected by Jace was a lot to handle all at once.
Her reading was interrupted by a small clamor outside the door to the house. Startled, Clary dropped her magazine and let out a small cry of shock. Hastily, she picked up her book and crept towards the door. Clary had grabbed a small knife that Luke had hidden and anticipated to use it if necessary. The door slowly opened, Clary started to raise her arm. Someone was coming in.
"Jace!" she exclaimed when she saw her brother enter.
Upon seeing her and hearing her say his name, Jace stopped in his tracks. Briefly he looked Clary over. It was clear that he wanted his gaze to linger on her a while longer. His fair eyes came to rest at the dagger in her hand. "What are you doing?" he asked accusingly, addressing her like she was an annoyingly stupid child.
Clary flushed and placed the knife on an end table. "You startled me," she said, not meeting his gaze. "I thought someone was breaking in, so I…" Clary trailed off as Jace made his way into the room and inconsiderately brushed passed her. "What are you doing?"
Jace continued walking, pretending to not have heard her. He went to the kitchen, looking for something to eat. Clary asked him again and he shrugged his shoulders. "Just was wondering what happened to my little sister," he said, rather nonchalantly. Warily, Jace examined a slice of cold pizza he had found in the fridge.
"I can take care of myself," Clary said bitterly." If you have nothing better to do, why don't you leave?"
"Can't wait to get rid of your brother?" he asked, looking up from his pizza. "Isn't it a brother's job to look after his own sister? I haven't heard or seen you in weeks. Anyone would be worried, especially a brother, Clarissa." Jace locked eyes with Clary for a while before he went back to eating the pizza.
Clary narrowed her eyes. "Don't call me that, Jonathan." She folded her arms across her chest and started him down.
Finishing the pizza, Jace glared at his sister. After cleaning himself up, he ran a hand through his hair. "Look; I'm sorry, all right? I'm just a bit aggravated."
"That's no reason to be such an ass." She shot back.
"Might I point out to you that you're acting the same?" Jace smirked, but Clary couldn't see it, he had brought his hand down over his face. His was near expressionless when his hand returned to his side. A hint of amusement could be seen in his goldish eyes. Clary floundered a bit before Jace continued. "I came here to get you," he said insouciantly.
"I—What?" asked a rather baffled Clary.
"I came—to get—you," Jace repeated, drawing out the syllables between the words.
Stung senseless, Clary just stared at her brother. Jace sighed exasperatedly. "Come on," he said, grabbing her wrist. Jace pulled her behind him, not showing any signs that he cared that Clary was slightly protesting and stumbling.
"Where are we going?" She demanded, trying to keep up with Jace's fast pace.
"To the Institute," he replied matter-of-factly.
A/N: What do you think? Love it? Hate it? Want more? Please share your thoughts.
This is the first fanfic that I worked on and went past just a page, let alone a couple of paragraphs; I'm rather proud of myself. Anyway, this takes place after City of Ashes and before City of Glass starts. To the best of my knowledge, City of Glass picks up about a week after the ending events in Cit of Ashes. I did not start reading City of Glass until after I had started to write this. Due to certain events that take light in COG, I am uncertain as to whether or not I will continue this particular story…