This fic follows a response to "Slick As A Seal", wherein a friend decided to make Sango curious about Miroku, after Kagome discussed her previous -ahem- show and tell session. When Sango decides to find out what all the hot and bothered fuss is all about she finds Miroku is a nervous, premature ejaculator... much to her dismay. Kagome of course would never be able to keep such a secret from InuYasha and this is what happens when InuYasha decides to torment the poor monk with what he thinks he knows. Gossips get what they ultimately deserve...lol.
All "InuYasha" characters belong to Rumiko Takahashi and associated copyright holders. No money is being made from this fan fiction. No infringement is intended.
InuYasha was coming towards him and fast…
Miroku always got a sinking feeling in his gut when the hanyou was hot to trot. InuYasha in a rush was never, ever good news. The little voice in his head piped up and reminded the wayward monk that he had nothing to worry about – for once he'd been a good boy and was only guilty of overcharging the latest village for his sutras.
Ambling towards epiphany as always the tall monk braced for the yelling to start.
InuYasha had the strangest look on his face – was the half-demon sick?
"Oi, you slick shit – where ya been?" InuYasha slurred nastily past his fangs with a suppressed snort. InuYasha appeared to be trying to hold something incredibly embarrassing and funny hard inside and was starting to burst at the seams.
Another half-snort escaped and the hanyou herded Miroku off the wooded path to talk.
"InuYasha, you appear to be enjoying yourself far too much – what has happened while I was in the village, pray tell?" Miroku asked with arched brows, bracing the worst as he wedged himself against the nearest tree.
"In the village were ya? Oh I see… so what – were you getting something cleaned out of your robes? Something embarrassingly sticky?" InuYasha baited with a devious smirk, circling for the kill.
The hanyou was up to something alright – he knew it. Better get him to spit it out fast before he wound out and then the yelling really would start, but this time it was going to be Miroku doing the raging… of that, the monk had little doubt.
"What in the seven hells are you talking about, man – spit it out!" Miroku breathed out in a heavy sigh? InuYasha better not be suggesting what he thought he was…
"Oh nothing, just that I heard the truth about your exceptional…snort… prowess…" InuYasha dribbled out between strangled laughs, drawing out the monk's puzzled discomfiture like it was manna from heaven.
"My prowess? InuYasha…" Miroku growled, grabbing his tormentor by the front of his kosode and getting right in his smirking face. "What the fuck are you insinuating here?"
"Let go of me, you liar! You sure talk a big line about your fucking skills and shit but I heard all about your embarrassing seduction by Sango! Tell me, did that minute she held your cock tight in her hand feel like an eternity? Did you cry when you came, you sissy?" InuYasha shot right back with a snarling challenge to his ever-raising voice.
"WHAT?!" Miroku blinked wide-eyed and pale.
"Wait a minute… why haven't you punched me yet?" InuYasha looked back at the genuine befuddlement on his friend's face with his own wide and now-nervous eyes.
Letting go of the suddenly deflated hanyou, the woozy monk leaned hard on his staff with a groan.
"Tell me everything, InuYasha…" he moaned.
~*~
"Fuck me running! You really were in the village…"
"Yeah, I was."
"This is fucked up, that's what this is, Miroku."
"Yeah, I agree, my eloquent friend. I agree."
"Are you… I mean, I would be fucking furious." InuYasha added in a nervous way, looking hard at his claws, trying not to get fucking furious. Looking back up, he noted that the conning holy man had up and vanished like a fart in the wind.
"Where's he going in such a damn hurry?" InuYasha dumbstruck, scratched his balls in sudden thought. Once the last lame horse in his head crossed the finish line, someone rubbed two sticks together and lit a fire under his hybrid ass.
"Fuck! Where's Shippou? Goddamnit!" he swore loudly and took off like a shot, loping after the smell of fast money and loose women that was ever the monk Miroku.
~*~
InuYasha found Sango first… white-faced and shaking with fury. Kirara was sitting on her comrade in arms trying to be empathetic and heavy.
"Fuck me running!" InuYasha swore and kept on running, slamming it hard into fifth gear. Damn the guy was fast! He hoped he didn't miss the oncoming kitsune holocaust.
The sound of fox kit screaming was not a good sign at all… then the sudden silence – even worse. InuYasha had a terribly dull feeling in the pit of his stomach.
"Fuck-a-duck, fuck-a-duck, fuck-a-duck…" the hanyou swore heavily under his heaving breath as he continued to tear ass across the forest.
The sound of Miroku's sudden laughter was not what InuYasha expected as he skidded to a stop in a brushy clearing. There, holding his side and heaving with exertion stood the windblown monk, braying laughter at the bizarre scene before him. A pile of seed-splattered robes lay in a tangle before a wide-eyed, panting and thoroughly naked Miroku. The long bushy red fox tail jutting incongruously from his white shivering ass as it sat in splay-legged shock told both men all they needed to know.
"I'm… I'm so sorry, Miroku – I was just trying to work on my shape-shifting and she just…she just…. tou-touched me and I couldn't stop-p-p-p her!" Shippou wailed out in the monk's slick yet very stolen voice.
"Shippou, when Sango calms down, let's have us a small talk, okay? I see there is much The Master can teach you, my student." Miroku drolly managed once the stitch in his side eased and the laughter trickled out.