Examination
Class 2-F
Booklet Page 1
Essay Prompt: "Bullying"
I used to think that bullying was kind of an outside-thing…I mean, something that came from that kid everyone hated, the one who was bigger or stronger, set apart from everyone else. Or maybe it would come from upperclassmen that you didn't know too well, or kids from another school. I never thought of it as coming from a friend, or someone you trusted and admired.
I also used to think of it as…violent things. Bullying meant getting pushed against the wall and hustled for your lunch money, or having your head shoved in your locker. Or mean pranks, having dirt left in your shoes or finding out someone's been saying stuff about you behind your back. I didn't have the least idea that bullying could be done with a gentle hand and a reassuring voice…done so you were never sure you could call it what it was. I didn't know about the worst kind of bullying, the inside kind…that makes you doubt yourself and what you're feeling.
But I found out about that kind of bullying; at least I think I did. Even now I guess I'm not sure. And it isn't because he's stronger or older. Those are the weapons I mentioned earlier but those aren't the weapons he uses. And he's not outside…he's close. He's someone I see all the time, someone I'm supposed to go to when I need help, someone I look up to. But there's another side to it, a secret side I guess, and that's the most terrifying thing. No one else sees it, no one else ever will, and that makes me doubt I even see it. And it's not like I can tell anyone. I'd never live it down. So…it's like without one blow struck, or one threatening word, I'm trapped. I might as well be shoved up against a wall, having my lunch money taken.
I don't know when it started. I think it must have begun slowly with small things. Otherwise maybe it wouldn't have worked. But as long as I didn't notice where I was being led, I kept going along, stupidly, without knowing. I heard somewhere that's how you kill a frog. You put him on a stove in tepid water and then you turn it up, turn it up, just a little at a time. I'm that frog right now, except I don't have an excuse for sitting here because I know what's going on. But maybe there's such a thing as getting used to it…or being afraid to stop. I don't know what would happen to our friendship if I stopped…yeah, I'm pathetic but it's still worth that much to me. I guess he uses that.
I remember when I met him, I was terrified. Not of him though, not then. I was in the middle of a bad situation and he came blazing in out of nowhere and made everything go away. He didn't know me then, had never heard of me, even though I'd heard of him. I think he must have sized me up then, though. Then, and later on when I kept messing up everything I did, and everyone kept having to clean up after me... He must have seen all my weaknesses and how to exploit them. I might as well have been wearing a sign.
When I go back tonight, chances are it's going to happen again. There won't be any punches thrown and he won't call me names…no bad names, anyway, although those other names he says quietly are somehow worse I think sometimes. And he'll tell me he doesn't want it to hurt, and he'll keep asking if it does, over and over, and I'll say no. I'll say no because I'm pathetic and I don't want to see him look hurt or worried. And after that, he'll leave again and I'll be safe for a little while, but I'll be alone. Sometimes I even miss him after he leaves and then I hate myself for it.
shit there's no way I can hand this in
Examination
Class 2-F
Booklet Page 2
Essay Prompt: "Bullying"
I used to think that bullying was kind of an outside thing…
Grade: 5/100 INCOMPLETE
I'm very disappointed, Iori. You were given an hour and a half for the essay portion; did you just sleep through it, or something? I see you tore out the first page, even if it wasn't very well written I could have at least given you partial or full credit (depending) if you had shown me your work. Please keep this in mind for the next exam.