A/N:First fanfic! No pressure *nervous laugh* I love delving into the Doctor's inner struggles (that's not weird, right? Oh well…) Anyways, hope you enjoy! The prologue is basically the end of the Runaway Bride so you can skip that if you'd like.

Disclaimer:I don't own Doctor Who. The BBC does. Some of the dialogue was borrowed from a couple episodes (in the prologue and italicized flashbacks). If I owned DW, I would have been fangirling over David Tennant the whole time & stalking him in his trailer xD There are pieces of dialogue and references from the episodes Runaway Bride, Age of Steel, the Satan Pit and Doomsday.

Prologue

(Dialogue from the end of 'the Runaway Bride')

"So...what will you do with yourself now?" the Doctor asked Donna Noble curiously. After a day like this certainly the woman's perspective of life would definitely change from what it was before the events of today. After all she found out that aliens actually do exist and that there many vast planets and galaxies just waiting to be explored. Not to mention vanishing into thin air while walking down the aisle on her wedding day due to deadly Huon particles, transporting onto a spaceship that looks like a blue Police Public Call box that's bigger on the inside and travels in time and space, encountering killer robot Santas and Christmas trees and an Empress of an alien spider species known as the Racnoss trying to bring back her children and rebuild the Earth, finding out her fiancee was working for said species then falls into a hole leading to the center of the Earth.

"Not getting married for starters," Donna laughed, "And I'm not gonna temp anymore. I dunno...travel...see a bit more of planet Earth...walk in the dust. Just...go out there and do something."

"Well, you could always..."

"What?"

"...come with me," the Doctor finished gently.

Donna smiled lightly, "No."

"Okay," the Doctor nodded quickly, eyes on the ground.

"I can't..."

"No, that's fine," he waved her off, trying his best to conceal his indifference to her decision.

"No, but really...everything we did today...do you live your life like that?"

He hesitated for a second. "Not all the time."

"I think you do. And I couldn't."

"But you've seen it out there," he tried to reason. "It's beautiful."

"And it's terrible," Donna shook her head, "That place was flooding and burning and they were dying and you…" she paused for a second, "Were stood there like...I don't know. A stranger. And then you made it snow." She let out a small laugh, but the Doctor sensed there wasn't much humor in it. "I mean, you scare me to death!"

Silence hung between them for a moment. He can only imagine what he must have looked like from Donna's perspective; standing in horror as this man, this stranger, this alien watched the Empress of the Racnoss, a species going extinct, scream as her children were drowning and the place was burning. And he was the one who made it happen. "Well then," he finally said, trying to swallow past the lump in his throat.

"Tell you what I will do though. Christmas dinner," Donna offered with a small smile and the Doctor's eyes widened, "Oh, come on."

He shook his head, "I don't do that sort of thing."

"You did it last year, you said so. And you might as well because Mum always cooks enough for twenty."

The Doctor tilted his head from side to side about to protest but as he looked back at Donna he decided best not to argue with her. Blowing out his breath he gave up. "Oh, alright then. But you go first, better warn them. And...don't say I'm a Martian." With his hand still on the door frame of the TARDIS, he gave the ship a light pat. "I just have to park her properly, otherwise she might drift off to the Middle Ages. I'll see you in a minute."

He turned to head back inside the ship, a small frown grazing his lips. He couldn't have dinner with this woman. It just wasn't what he did. Only once did he let himself give in to such domestic activities of humans, for one particular pink and yellow human girl. Only her.

Without hesitation he flipped the switch on the console and set the TARDIS in flight. Just as it started to dematerialize, he heard a shout from outside. "Doctor!" It was Donna. She was going back inside her house when he had went back in the TARDIS, but must have caught on to his intentions and came back out.

Stopping the engines the Doctor popped his head out the door, "Blimey, you can shout," he said.

"Am I ever gonna see you again?"

He gave a small smile, "If I'm lucky,"

"Just...promise me one thing. Find someone."

"I don't need anyone," the Doctor stressed. It's probably better that way, he thought to himself.

"Yes, you do. Because sometimes, I think you need someone to stop you."

The Doctor blinked. Was he really that dangerous to be left out on his own? It's not like it was his first time being alone in all nine hundred years of his life. But then the Time War happened and everything changed. Everyone died. Every single one of the Time Lords burned along with Gallifrey as it fell by his own hands. His own people - his friends, his family, his enemies. He committed genocide. And he did it again today to the Racnoss. He was letting them all drown in the surging waters of the Thames and he would have went with them if Donna hadn't snapped him out of his trance. With all these dark images flooding his mind, he finally said, "Yeah," with noticeable emotion.

Pausing for a moment, he lightened his mood, "Thanks then, Donna. And just be…magnificent,"he added with a soft smile.

Donna returned the smile and laughed, "I think I will, yeah." With the smile still on his face he turned to go back into the TARDIS. Just as he shut the door he heard, "Doctor?"

The Doctor opened the door and popped back out with mock exasperation. "Oh, what is it now?"

"That friend of yours...what was her name?"

The Doctor's throat became tight. The same way it had earlier that day when Donna found a certain and familiar top onboard the TARDIS and asked where his friend was. The friend he had lost. No, she wasn't just a friend to him. She was his everything - his shining star that lit up the dark gallows of sadness and pain in his eyes, worth every rhythmic beat of his hearts. His…love. Though she may never know exactly how he felt about her. With a broken voice, he finally told Donna the name of that special person, "Her name was Rose."

And with that, he closed the door for the last time as the TARDIS shot up into the night's sky, leaving Donna Noble on the snowy ground watching with a sad smile before walking back home.