An orc's diary
An anonymous orc writes his personal diary (not exactly modernmedia, I know, but – in relation to education – Mordor's still a bit backward...
some day (dunno date)
lousy day. fkghrue stole my breakfast. had to eat him instead. didn't taste very well. later: rain. hate rain.
day after some day (still dunno date)
slightly better. could eat two other orcs for breakfast; recognized later one was my captain. damn. but: i'm captain now (ate the other possible candidates of my company). two problems now: have a belly ache. and no company (ate them all). dunno what to do.
day after day after some day (might be autumn, but am not sure)
found a human at our border. wanted to ate him, but made myself bring him to mordor (have no company, so i give orders to myself; quite annoying). just stole his rucksack. he had two books with him. one of them was named „101 tricks to get past orcs if you meet them by accident". hasn't worked so well for this human, i suppose. looked into it and couldn't stop laughing. trick 1 was: „because of their constant hunger, orcs are extremely corrupt. carry enough food with you, then they will let you pass." whoever has written this, has not the faintest idea of orcs. ate food of this stinky human (wasn't much, by the way – has he actually read this book?) and wanted to eat him, too. made me end this idea by slamming my head against a tree. forgot to put down my helmet; it's a bit baggy now and i can't take it off now. was grumpy all day.
day after day after...oh, f*** it
tried to get pay rise from meself. didn't work. damn, i'm a stingy employer! was going to hit me, but missed and hit a tree instead. hand is hurting now. hate me. when i'm back in mordor, i'll ask for another superior.
Éowyn's blog
Hello everybody!
This is the blog of Éowyn, White Lady of Rohan, Witchkingslayer, heroine of the Ringwar and former fangirl of King Elessar I.
Apart from my awfully beautiful appearence and my extremely good wits, I am charming, too. My husband's governor of Ithilien, by the way; so be careful with your comments. On the occasion of our wedding anniversary, he bought me a new battleaxe today. I would have liked more to get my own catapult, but he said we aren't able to afford a renovation again. His look was quite severe, so I didn't stand out for it. I gave him a new sword-fighting trainer; a gentle hint that his fitness is slightly expandable. I'm not sure if he really got it, because he sent the guy to the stables to muck them out. Damn. It was difficult enough to get him her, though the order was quite easy. I just said to him: „Come with us and teach my husband some sword-fighting." Easy enough. I would have paid him well, of course. But he kept on maintaining he wasn't a sword-fighting teacher and always tried to knock me unconscious with his hammer and escape.
So I had to knock him unconscious. Quite annoying. I might have hit a few people around, too; but not very hard, honestly. Nearly every one of them was able to stand up again after five minutes. Okay, at least five of them. Or four. No less than three. One of them was a donkey, but in my estimation, it counts for two. After I'd knocked them down a second time (they just didn't stop complaining and I lost my patience after a while – besides, the donkey kept on neighing, although I'd told him he wasn't a horse), we returned home and I dragged the trainer into our bedroom to surprise Faramir. We hid behind the bed and when he entered the room, I leaped up, pulled up the trainer (who hadn't recovered conciousness by then) and called out „Suprise!" He was surprised, he really was.
It took five days until the new bed arrived and we could sleep again in our bedroom. After having cut the old one into pieces while trying to hit the trainer, Faramir agreed he might need a few sword-fighting lessons, but send him to the stables altogether.
A really uneventful day.